BRYAN CRANSTON TO STAR IN GAME OF THRONES

NEW YORK – After weeks of secret negotiation, HBO have announced that Breaking Bad star Bryan Cranston will make an appearance in Game of Thrones.

“We’ve been chasing Bryan for a while,” said a HBO spokesperson:

He’s a very hard man to pin down. One week he’s in the Amazon teaching indigenous tribes Shakespeare and the next, he’s on an archaeological expedition searching for the lost city of Atlantis. He gets around but we finally caught up with him and sealed the deal.

Cranston will appear in season seven as Sacro Bleur, a wandering mercenary hired to assassinate Jon Snow.

“Sacro doesn’t feature in the original books but I was very keen to write a role for Bryan,” said George R.R. Martin:

He’s a man of mysterious origins adept at swordsmanship and a real charmer. Bryan complained that he never gets to do any sex scenes so I’ve written one in which he makes love to a White Walker. I say love, it’s more brutal, unbridled lust.

Asked if he had any plans to work with any other former members of the Breaking Bad cast, Martin nodded:

I’m seriously considering getting Dean Norris, the guy who played Hank, to play a Dornish mineral salesman.

Bryan Cranston will appear in season six of Game of Thrones.

FINAL GAME OF THRONES TO BE LEGO EPISODE

HOLLYWOOD – The final episode of Game of Thrones is to be a Lego episode.

‘Everything is Hordor! Everything is Hordor when you’re part of a team!’

HBO’s epic fantasy series Game of Thrones is to conclude its 6th season with a Lego episode, it was revealed today. Showrunners Philip Lord and Chris Miller said that they had been saving up a special crossover conclusion that will have fans laughing and shrieking with horror in equal measure:

As we began to bring our surviving characters closer and closer together it became obvious that the main confrontation would take place in the penultimate episode with the Battle of the Bastards. In the Winds of Winter, we wanted to lighten the mood a little and we thought why not a Lego episode? From a budgetary point of view it was a lot cheaper and the actors didn’t have to get up so early in the morning to be on location so it was a really fun shoot.

But surely the adult nature of the show makes a Lego episode inappropriate?

I don’t know. After all you have Spongebob in talks for True Detective Season 3 and with Pixar making such clever children’s films, that demarcation between kids and adults is really coming down.

So the violence…?

And the anal sex, yep, we’re doing it all. A little Lego penis will be seen at some point for the first time in television history. And some of the gore… I think because it’s Lego we can actually go further than we would otherwise be able to. I felt quite sick after the test screening.

And the story?

I’m not giving away spoilers man. But I will say that there be dragons and Yellow Walkers.

Yellow walkers? You mean White Walkers?

Nope.

Game of Thrones Season 6 concludes tonight.

GAME OF THRONES NEWS: JON SNOW DEAD AGAIN

HOLLYWOOD – Game of Thrones continues with the news that Jon Snow is once more dead, but don’t worry chances are he’ll be back again next week.

Everyone was upset when Jon Snow died. But it wasn’t unexpected. Following Ned Stark’s execution, the Red Wedding and then that guy getting his head crushed, it wasn’t as if the loss of a major character was out of the ordinary. However, Jon Snow was handsome and innocent, famously ‘knowing nothing’ so his death provoked both upset and consternation. But it was with definite mixed feelings that fans greeted the news that Jon Snow had once more returned to life last week. Some believed this meant the show had gone too far, others suspected a fan service that was too craven,and even more feared that the showrunners had revived him only to kill him again at a later date.

Well, it turns out the latter were correct as in the next episode of Game of Thrones Jon Snow is once more killed. The manner of his death caused some eyebrows to be raised. Lumbering about in a Frankenstein like manner, Snow takes a header off the Wall in the final scene of episode three of season six. Although there was obvious shock value, the scene concludes with a shade of black comedy as Melisandre sighs and orders the Watch to go and retrieve the body muttering ‘Here we go again!’

Game of Thrones Season 6 is showing on HBO.

JESUS CHRIST RUMOURED FOR GAME OF THRONES

HOLLYWOOD – Jesus Christ’s rumoured cameo in Game of Thrones season six has been the talk of social media but is there any weight to this speculation?

The Studio Exec managed to grab a coffee with the Messiah to chat about the hot gossip:

 

A pleasure to meet you, Jesus. How are you?

I’m great. Keeping busy. We’ve met before, though.

 

Have we?

At the Vogue party in 2003. You remember. Cate Blanchett drank too much Prosecco and vomited over Winona Ryder.

 

Ah yes. We did karaoke together. I’ll have to be honest, I thought you was Jared Leto.

That’s cool. I get that a lot.

 

So Game of Thrones season six. True or not true?

Well, they asked me and I was open to it but unfortunately, I couldn’t fit it into my schedule.

 

I see. So you’re currently working on another project?

Mmm. It’s complicated. You see I’m kind of under contract and it’s impossible to get out of.

 

How come?

It’s a really old contract, like, two thousand years old. Basically I’ve got to be ready for the Second Coming so if judgement day happens, I have to drop everything and save the world. So say I was in the middle of shooting a scene and suddenly…Bang!..it’s the apocalypse, they’d have to replace me. It happened once before. I’d been cast as Goose in Top Gun but then I had to make an appearance on a piece of toast in Brazil. The studio sued me and since then, It’s been hard to get steady work.

 

Wow. You must have missed out on a lot of roles.

Tell me about it. I was the Wachowski’s number one pick for the role of Neo in the Matrix but that fell through when they heard about my contract. So many missed opportunities. The one that still grates is The Passion of Christ. I gave a great audition, went the full method but the lawyers stepped in at the last minute and said no.

 

Lordy. What did you think of The Passion of Christ?

It had its moments. To be honest when I read the original script it was more of a comedy but they made some changes and went in another direction that I didn’t care for.

 

What is your favourite depiction of you on screen?

Oh, Life of Brian. Without a doubt. It’s practically a documentary.

 

Fascinating. So what next?

I’ve written a screenplay called Titanic II: Revenge of the Iceberg. I wrote it as a bit of a joke but I sold it to Michael Bay last month for $6,000,000.

 

Do you have any actors in mind?

A few. I had dinner with Daniel Day-Lewis last night and we chatted about the script. He said he was definitely interested in the main role but he’d need a year or so to prepare. We did want to start shooting in a few months but I respect Daniel’s process. After all, if you’re going to play an iceberg, you have to do it right.

 

Titanic II: Revenge of the Iceberg is due in 2018

FIRST LOOK AT JON SNOW IN GAME OF THRONES

WESTEROS – HBO has released the first picture of Jon Snow in the new season of Game of Thrones.

Season 6 of Game of Thrones is due for April next year but already the first picture of Jon Snow has leaked EXCLUSIVELY onto the Studio Exec. Actor Kit Harrington also popped down the Studio Exec Keep to discuss his new role and explain what is going on after the shocking conclusion of the last season, which seemed to show Jon Snow being [SPOILER] killed to death.

So Kit what the frick is going on?

Initially everyone who has read the novels knows what happens to Jon Snow and so the producers and writers wanted to carry on the story. They have changed some things but they don’t want to go to far away from George RR Martin’s vision. But the reactions of the fans was unbelievable and I think they began to get cold feet.

So is it fair to say that you are back among the living?

Well, there was the idea that I could be recruited into the army of the White Walkers, but I don’t think that would really work and it wasn’t what my fans wanted to see so they decided that what would happen is they would do… well you know when you break a phone.

You reset to factory settings.

Exactly. What we would do is make part of the show leading up to the climax part of a dream and then I would be in the shower and I would be alive.

That’s amazing. So how far back can we expect to go? Just part of that episode?

That was the original idea but then we got really ambitious because you know, think of the possibilities. And so David Benioff was like there were firecrackers going off behind his eyes. And I said, ‘we’re just going back one episode right?’ And so guess what he said? It was so clever.

You know nothing Jon Snow. 

He said, ‘You…’ oh yeah that’s what he said. So he wanted to go further back basically.

So the season was a whole dream?

I can’t say much. But what I can say is that Sean Bean will be back.

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IAN MCSHANE’S GAME OF THRONES ROLE REVEALED.

NEW YORK – After weeks of secret negotiation, HBO have announced that Deadwood star Ian McShane will make an appearance in Game of Thrones.

“We’ve been chasing Ian for a while,” said a HBO spokesperson:

He’s a very hard man to pin down. One week he’s liberating Russian circus bears and the next, he’s on an archaeological expedition searching for the Ark of the Covenant. He gets around but we finally caught up with him and sealed the deal.

McShane will appear in season six as Luvjoy , a wandering antiques dealer who specializes in dragon glass.

“Luvjoy doesn’t feature in the original books but I was very keen to write a role for Ian,” said George R.R. Martin:

He’s a man of mysterious origins adept at swordsmanship and a real charmer. Ian complained that he never gets to do any sex scenes so I’ve written one in which he makes love to a White Walker. I say love, it’s more brutal, unbridled lust.

Asked if he had any plans to work with any other former members of the Deadwood cast, Martin nodded:

It’s funny you should say that, we’re currently talking to Jeffery Jones about playing Luvjoys sidekick, Tinkker

GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6 IS DUE NEXT YEAR