KYLE CHANDLER TO PLAY ALEC BALDWIN

HOLLYWOOD – Kyle Chandler to play Alec Baldwin in new biopic of the Donald Trump impersonator.

LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON — Episode 911– Pictured: Alec Baldwin — (Photo by: Lloyd Bishop/NBC)

Baldwin follows the life of the actor for a few drama filled weeks in 2013. Chandler spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I’ve always loved Alec. He’s an actor’s actor and so the chance of playing him is a dream.

The biopic won’t be a conventional from cradle to middle age chronological story but will focus on  the weeks that saw Baldwin leave Twitter for the first time. The Chilean director of Tony Manero and Jackie said:

It is the confluence of celebrity and social media that I find truly fascinating. Many will remember the millennium as the one in which Alec Baldwin became President.

Baldwin is due out in 2019.

KYLE CHANDLER SAYS NO TO FRIENDS REUNION

NEW YORK – Actor Kyle Chandler today gave an unambiguous no to the idea of a Friends reunion, making it now highly unlikely.

‘I’ll be there for you’ sang the famous theme tune to the hit 90s sitcom Friends, but star Kyle Chandler today announced that he would not be joining a reunion of those Friends any time soon. Chandler, who has been racking up an impressive CV with roles in The Wolf of Wall Street, Carol and the TV show Bloodline, was speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec at the Studio Exec New York penthouse offices/Denny’s in Manhattan.

Are you going to take part in the Friends reunion?

Friends? Are they having a reunion? Wow. But no, I don’t think I’d be involved. I mean, no one has even said anything. I haven’t heard anything from my agent so, I guess no would be the answer. What a strange question though!

But it won’t be the same without you. 

I’m flattered you should think so but I was never in Friends. I did do a lot of TV in the 90s, but alas never friends. I wish. You know those guys got paid pretty coin.

So this torpedoes the Friends reunion. How will Joey and Doug get along without Chandler?

Oh, wait. I think you’re confused. Chandler Bing was the character. My name’s Kyle Chandler. But ha! No relation.

The rest of the cast reacted with dismay, especially Matthew Perry who said that Chandler’s refusal was a ‘deal breaker’ and Courtney Cox openly wept on learning the news.

‘What am I going to do now?’ she said.

Kyle Chandler will not be seen in Friends in 2016.

TRUE DETECTIVE 2: ‘CHURCH IN RUINS’ REVIEW

TRUE DETECTIVE 2: EPISODE 6: ‘CHURCH IN RUINS’ REVIEW – You know the old Chekhov, ‘If a character practices stabbing a man in five vital points in act one by two someone is going to have to bleed out.’

I think it must be from his essay ‘On Predictability’. The episode begins with something of a cliffhanger. Vince Vaughn and Ray Velcro sit down to have coffee – will Ray have sugar and milk? of course not, he likes his black. How do you say black in French? Noir! Coincidence? I don’t think so – and discuss Ray’s vengeance killing of the wrong guy off of Frank’s tip. Such is the faux (French for fake) drama of this whole set up, that they even end up leaving as friends but without anything that had Ray hammering on the door being actually resolved. I’m coming to the conclusion that Ray’s a bit dim. Nic Pizzolatto really missed a trick when he had Ray go and visit the actual rapist in jail. I would have given him a pass for the whole season if the rapist had been a fat carrot top with a penchant for sulkiness and sitcoms of the 90s. At least Ray is beginning to get the fact that his son is a bit of an amorphous blob who has zero interest in model airplanes. They sit and watch the quietest episode of Friends I’ve ever seen – I mean it was silent – and Friends proves to be the last straw, sending Ray off on a coke and whisky binge. I don’t want to be too judgmental, but Ray looks like he really doesn’t know how to do drugs or alcohol. He even destroys his room!

Meanwhile, Ani (Rachel McAdams) and her sister have knife practice conversation while setting up for the Eyes Wide Shut party.  Ani is so avid about going despite the fact that it is unclear what can be gleaned from such a dangerous move – and in fact Taylor Kitsch’s Paul does the best police work by simply breaking in – that you have to wonder if Ani just wants to take part in an orgy. Again we knock up against the cold fact that what David Lynch could show as the dangerous dark underbelly in the 80s is now simply the belly. This wild orgy involves lesbianism (horrors!), drug taking, voyeurism and sex. In other words, it’s a Tuesday.

Frank (Vince Vaughn) is still stumbling around from trap to trap, looking menacing and sorrowful in equal measure, but his machinations are seriously undermined by the revelation that Ray is his best friend. Vince Vaughn’s staccato delivery of lines. is becoming similar. to the way. William Shatner used to speak. as Captain Kirk.

So Paul has some contracts, Frank has some Mexicans, Ray has some broken furniture and Ani has stabbed someone because of a poorly developed backstory.

STAR WARS 7 WILL FEATURE ORIGINAL FRIENDS CAST

LONDON – The first photograph of the new Star Wars: Episode 7 cast had several surprises in store, but perhaps no surprise greater than the inclusion of the entire cast from Friends: Matt LeBlanc, Jennifer Aniston, Matthew Perry, Courtney Cox, David Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow.

The cast alongside writer Lawrence Kasdan and director J.J. Abrams met for the first time in an IKEA warehouse outside London. Abrams said:

When I was growing up Star Wars was my inspiration, my pole star if you like. But in the 90s when I came of age so to speak, then it was Friends and the doings at the Central Perk that really informed me culturally. So we got talking with Kathleen [Kennedy] and I said why don’t we combine the two? Star Wars – the original films not the prequels – always had that vibe anyway. That ‘I’ll be there for you’ feeling if you like.

The photograph features from J.J. Abrams and working clockwise: Matthew Perry, Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, Peter Mayhew, Matt LeBlanc, Lisa Kudrow, Ben Kingsley, Max Von Sydow, Anthony Daniels, Mark Hamill, Gollum, Llewyn Davis, John Boyega, David Schwimmer and Lawrence Kasdan. R2-D2 can also be seen in a restraining box.

For more Star Wars 7 News Click Here.

JENNIFER ANISTON KNOWLEDGE AT AN ALL TIME LOW

NEW YORK – The annual Jennifer Aniston survey conducted by the National Board of Education has revealed a shocking drop in knowledge about the actress who once was as famous as cappuccino.

24% of respondents were unable to identify her from a photograph and an astounding 17% didn’t even recognize her name.

More alarming news came with the more detailed questions. Although 83% agreed with the statement: ‘she was famous for dating someone’, 63% could not identify her former boyfriend and 31% misidentified him as Colin Farrell.

Morock Bringley – of the National Institute of Aniston Studies – said that ‘the results were upsetting but not surprising given the state of Aniston education.’

The problem is it differs wildly from state to state, with some states holding mandatory Aniston testing already in the third grade and others not having any formal Aniston course on the syllabus. Jesus Christ, some kids don’t even know what Friends was! 

Proposals to counteract the drop in Aniston knowledge include the state-wide banning of Horrible Bosses, a more intensive programme of Friends re-runs and a basic course of Aniston studies to be obligatory in all high schools. Some critics however have countered that this is a natural result of the passage of time and we should all just ‘let it go’.

Feel free to comment below and contribute to the raging Aniston debate.

POLL RESULTS ON NEW FRIENDS FILM ‘INCONCLUSIVE’

Poll results

We asked:

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE NEW ‘FRIENDS’ FILM?

Our resident pollster Jiminey Croquet has been studying the results and his conclusion is pretty clear: ‘No one gives a shit about the Friends film. Many people even think you’re perhaps making this shit up.’
Several people didn’t even know who Matthew Perry was, but this could have been because he had been named un-famous earlier last week.

GOP BACKS OBAMA OVER ‘FRIENDS’ FILM


WASHINGTON – The Republican party – in an unusual turn of events – have backed President Obama on the eve of his inauguration, offering its full support. The move follows President Obama’s comments concerning the new Friends movie adaptation, in which he stated: ‘I don’t know why they’re making it. The original series was good and I think they should leave well alone. Look what happened with Sex and the City.’
Both John Boehner and Mitch McConnell offered full support for any legislation that would block the film makers from proceeding. Boehner commented:

This is one of those rare occasion when the President will have full bipartisan support. After the trivial disagreements about the fiscal cliff and gun control, here is an issue that puts everything in perspective. Friends was and is an American institution and so it’s only right that we confront this problem not as Democrats or Republicans, but as Americans. 

However, the reaction from the White House suggest that talk of a grand alliance might be premature. 

President Obama was just making a remark and has no intention of framing legislation. 

For news on the Friends film CLICK HERE.
For news on Sex and the City 3 CLICK HERE

FRIENDS MOVIE TO BEGIN FILMING THIS MONTH

NEW YORK – The long awaited motion picture of the popular nineties sit-com Friends looks like it is going to finally become a reality.

Tentatively titled Friends: Why Not? – the film will see the reuniting of Chandler, Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, Monica and David Schwimmer in their New York apartments and their beloved Central Perk coffee shop. David Simon of The Wire was brought in to do rewrites of the script.

‘It’s going to be a lot darker,’ he said. ‘The characters are all failures as they pass through middle age. And that’s funny because the actors’ own lives mirror that.’

What changes did you make?

I don’t think I wanted to make any because it has such a winning formula and who’s gonna mess with that, right? But the original cast have changed and so we have to write material which deals with the look of wretched disappointment etched into their faces. So do we have drug addiction? Yes, we do. 

Anal sex?

A bit.

The news comes as a relief to Matthew Perry who only last week was officially announced as being ‘no longer famous’ (for that story CLICK HERE). But other cast members have also expressed relief at being given another chance to be noticed as something other than a bit role in a gross out comedy. Jennifer Aniston said, ‘We’re all really excited about this opportunity. It’s going to be like old times. Next thing I’ll be going out with Brad Pitt again.’ She burst out laughing, which slowly became sobbing.

Friends: Why Not? will be released in 2016.

MATTHEW PERRY: NO LONGER FAMOUS

NEW YORK – It was announced today that Matthew Perry, the star of the hit nineties sit-com Friends was no longer to be considered famous.

Mr. Perry, who came to prominence as the ‘witty’ friend Chandler of the hit comedy, had found transition to the big screen difficult. His first film was the moderately successful comedy The Whole Nine Yards, followed by a sequel. Since then Chandler (as he insists on being known) has appeared in the ill-fated Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and bits parts in other series.
A relaxed Mr. Perry said that the official announcement had come as a shock. ‘I didn’t know they actually flat out declared those things,’ he said, laughing away the tears. But he is not at all downhearted.

‘There are definite advantages,’ he said. ‘No one stops you in the street and the price of cocaine goes down dramatically. I’m joking, of course.’