IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE: TRUMP EDITION RELEASED

REVIEW – It’s a Wonderful Life re-released in a new edition, digitally altered to take into account Donald Trump’s victory.

Released seventy years ago, It’s a Wonderful is a delightful life affirming comedy directed by Frank Capra. However, it has been digitally edited to more accurately reflect the USA under the impending presidency of Donald Trump.

The Frank Capra comedy tells the story of Mr. Potter (Lionel Barrymore), a kindly avuncular capitalist. Libtard George Bailey (James Stewart) attacks Mr. Potter’s smart business practices unfairly. When Low Energy George – a loser – screws up his own business, embezzling funds some people say, he decides to commit suicide. Which he does. Very sad.

Finally, Mr. Potter kicks out the garlic eaters, and renames Bedford Falls Potterville as Mr. Potter wins biggley, taking over the old Savings and Loan. He knocks down all the low cost housing and makes a golf course. Here, Mr. Potter’s Russian friend Vladimir Rasputin helps him a great deal.

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SIR EDWIN FLUFFER RECALLS INGRID BERGMAN

HOLLYWOOD- Sir Edwin Fluffer once again delves into his personal memoirs – soon to be published as ‘Not THAT Kind of Fluffer!!!’ – to recall the actress they called the ‘Swedish Tractor’: Ingrid Bergman.

Of all the beautiful women I’ve stared at while they weren’t looking, Ingrid Bergman was the most beautiful of all. No-one else has ever lit up the screen quite like her, but to be perfectly honest with you, her table manners were never anything short of appalling. I once saw her eating peas with a knife, and we used to dread it when they served soup in the canteen as the noise was truly disgusting. Gregory Peck would bring in ear plugs. Things came to a head when shooting one of those Alfred Hitchcock films that she was always in, and the studio was forced to feed her from a trough next to the bins. Then seeing her make short work of a couple of turnips gave me an idea…

With Bing Crosby’s help I herded her into my car and we headed off for the woods. As soon as I opened the door Ingrid caught the scent and was off! It was all Bing and I could do to keep up with her, but then she stopped, snuffled around beneath a tree, and uprooted the biggest truffle you ever did see!

It was enormous!

Lou Costello had just opened a new restaurant and we sold it to him for a pretty penny with the promise that he’d take as many as we could find. We were onto a winner and no mistake!

Sadly Bing and I lost all the cash when Ingrid sued us over the film rights to the story, but there were no hard feelings and she ended up with Academy Awards coming out of her ears. We tried to make some of the money back by milking Frank Capra, but that’s another story…

HIDDEN GEMS: 15. IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE

Hidden Gems brings to light little known film gems which have somehow slipped through the collective cinematic consciousness. This week It’s a Wonderful Life. You’re welcome.

Possibly the least known Christmas film ever made, Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life stars minor character actor James Stewart in a dark tale of financial fraud, sexual repression, oedipal drama, psychosis and schizophrenia. From the viewpoint of a chuckling angel (Henry Travers) we see unfold the life of George Bailey (Stewart), a small town guy who dreams of nothing but escape from the stultifying boredom of Bedford Falls. From boyhood, he dreams of getting out, but he is subjected to physical abuse by the local chemist and psychological warfare from his seemingly gentle but violently racist father. When he is almost killed by local pranksters, he foolishly falls for the manipulative wiles of wannabe librarian Mary (Donna Reed) and her demands for the Moon. To spite his son, the sadistic racist father dies on purpose, leaving George trapped in the town as the only one capable of looking after the family’s piffling Building and Loan company. Kind old geezer Mr. Potter tries to free George via the beauties of capitalism but George prefers to build houses for immigrants to assuage his white guilt. When a number of things go wrong one Christmas Eve, George decides to kill himself and that’s when Clarence the angel arrives to show George what a stupid asshole he’s been. How life would be so much better without him, and how Bedford Falls would have been the sexier and more exciting Potter’s Ville. The whole point being if he hadn’t existed, the World would have come to Bedford Falls. It was George all along who was keeping Bedford Falls in its somnambulant state of paralysis and repression. Even Mary would have got her lifelong wish to be a librarian. Idiot that he is though, George Bailey chooses not to kill himself and the hell that is his life continues.

Happy Christmas everyone!

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5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE

HOLLYWOOD – Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life is one of the most popular Christmas films ever made, telling the story of how much difference one man’s life – George Bailey (James Stewart) – can make to a small town, Bedford Falls.

But very few people know the truth about It’s a Wonderful Life. Today, Studio Exec can exclusively reveal the 5 facts that nobody knows about one of the most popular Xmas films ever made.

1 . In the original cut of the film, Bedford Falls looked like it does after George Bailey (James Stewart) wishes he’d never been born – with noisy juke joints and neon lights – and then changed to the more sedate boring Bedford Falls after Clarence makes like he’d never existed, but the director – Frank Capra – said that ‘it made no sense’ whatsoever and insisted that it be swapped. 

 2. Donna Reed hated James Stewart so much she would bring a thin bladed flick knife on set and during their scenes together would stab him repeatedly about the upper thigh and torso out of shot. Stewart was such a gentleman about it, he made as if nothing was happening and limped away bleeding.

3. In the scene in which the pharmacist Mr. Gower hits Young George – played by Robert J. Anderson – on the ear, the elder actor hit the boy too hard and a few minutes after the scene Anderson collapsed and was taken to hospital where he died. Fortunately, it was his last scene and the heart-warming classic continued shooting. 

 4. Frank Capra is Italian for Frank Goat.

 5. ‘Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings’ became a code phrase in the times of the Vietnam war which was used to order US aircraft to launch napalm attacks on innocent Vietnamese children. 

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FLUFFER’S XMAS TOP TEN: PART 2

‘The size of a healthy penis’

As the holiday season approaches actor, raconteur and functioning alcoholic Sir Edwin Fluffer pours himself a large cognac, and introduces us to his Top Ten Christmas movies.



4. It’s A Wonderful Life

When Frank Capra rang to offer me a role in this Christmas classic I jumped at the chance. Unfortunately I landed awkwardly on top of Lionel Barrymore. Luckily I wasn’t seriously hurt, but poor old Lionel ended up having to film all of his scenes from a wheelchair. It was a simple accident and could’ve happened to anyone after a few large brandies, but I’m afraid that darling Lionel did rather hold it against me. I won’t go as far as to say that he had me fired from the picture, but he certainly wrote a long letter to Frank pointing out my many failings both as an actor and a human being. 

In all fairness some of the points he raised were hard to disagree with and as I read on I soon found myself nodding in agreement.
Jimmy Stewart took it a step further by asking the rest of the cast and crew to sign a petition requesting that my services be no longer required and I mistakenly signed it thinking it was a birthday card for Donna Reed! We did laugh about that!
Even to this day I still can’t think about this film without getting a tear in my eye.


5. Love Actually
I’ve not actually seen this film myself, but the lady who comes in to do my cleaning assures me that it’s very good. The box says it has an all-star cast so there’s every chance that I could be in it.  If there’s a smartly dressed gentleman with an eye for the ladies making witty remarks while pretending not to notice the bunch of mistletoe sticking out of his trousers then that’s probably me.  People including my lawyer say I’m far too old for that kind of behavior, but try telling that to dear old Ollie Reed or darling Dickie Harris. 
Of course Peter O’Toole’s given up on all that sort of thing now, and have you seen the state of him? He looks dreadful! 
Wait! I have seen this one! 
Has it got Charlton Heston doing the chariot racing? 
That’s on every Christmas, and very good it is too.