FRANCIS COPPOLA REANIMATES BRANDO

EXCLUSIVE – Francis Coppola reanimates Brando for Megalopolis. Yesterday the film world was stunned with the announcement that Coppola is stumping up his own vineyard-earned dough to make his passion project, Megalopolis. What many do not know is that the director has reanimated the corpse of Marlon Brando to join the already, star studded cast. The Exec caught up with Coppola in San Francisco to discuss the revelations.

 

Francis, is it true that you are finally making Megalopolis?

Fucking A, that’s right bubba. I’m finally getting this bird off the ground. I got the script, I got the cast and I got the frickin’ money baby. Let’s light this fucking candle!

 

We understand you have a stellar cast lined up?

You betcha. We got Oscar Isaac, Forest Whitaker, Cate Blanchett, Jon Voight, Jessica Lange and my old buddy, James End-Of-Fucking-Tweet Caan.

 


Wow, that really is an all-star cast.

Yeah it’s ok, I guess, but it’s missing something. Know what I mean?

 

I really don’t. What could that list be missing?

Assholes. Someone who’s gonna cost millions of dollars a week to hire. An actor who’ll hold up production because they refuse to read the fucking script and I’ll have to read it to them. Someone that could out-asshole Val Kilmer. I’m talking Marlon Grando-Brando.

 

I guess, if that’s what you want. It’s a pity he’s dead.

Is he though?

 

Huh?

What if I told you that a certain someone had perfected that technology to reanimate a corpse? And a certain someone has gone and reanimated another certain difficult movie star’s corpse. He’s going to have a major supporting role in Megalopolis as an under-lit, overweight shadowy psychopath who grumbles and mumbles incoherent bullshit. It’s the good old days all over again.

 

Are you saying that you, Francis Coppola Reanimates Brando for Megalopolis?

Look, today’s movie stars are so shit scared of offending anyone or doing anything that could get them cancelled. We need some fucking cojones on this shoot. Smashed mirrors, bloodied fists, drug addled musings and some downright fucking bad behavior. We need headlines. That’s what gets people into theatres these days. Gone are the days of just shooting a great movie when you’re up against fucking Marvel. Look at the shit Marty still gets for saying the truth! We need Brando to fuck a ton of shit up. Look, relax. Have a glass of my wine. You can hardly taste the anti-freeze.

 

Yeah ok then. Salute!

 

Megalopolis Starts Shooting Next Year.

MICKEY ROURKE TALKS RUMBLE FISH PREQUEL

HOLLYWOOD – Mickey Rourke revived hopes last night that the long gestating sequel to his 1983 hit movie Rumble Fish would finally see the light of day.

The Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man star Mickey Rourke has recently been in talks with Francis Ford Coppola who is reeling from the horror of making a Val Kilmer movie.

“I’ll do anything, you know, whatever. After all, I can’t sink any lower,” Coppola said.

Rourke has been wanting to revisit the Motor Cycle Boy for years, but any idea of a follow up was hampered by the fact that Motor Boy died at the end of Rumble Fish (Oh, spoiler alert I suppose). “I like the character so we thought about him having a missing twin or being like a ghost, but then I called Francis and I said, ‘Hey! what if he’s like younger and it’s the prequel?’ I heard Francis grunt and I took that as a ‘yes.'”

The new prequel Rumble Fishes will tell the story of what Motor Cycle Boy did in California, before Rusty James fought Biff Wilcox.

You’ll have to play a significantly younger man.

Yes.

So how will you… I mean you look quite different.

I don’t know what you mean. I’m an actor. I’ll act younger. Was I a wrestler? No, but I acted like a wrestler. Was I a private eye in Angel Heart? No, but I acted like a private eye. For Barfly, was I a complete fuck up who wasted his talent? Well OK, for that one it was a little different.

Rumble Fishes is due to start filming in December.

FIRST LOOK AT BILLY ZANE AS BRANDO IN MAKING APOCALYPSE

HOLLYWOOD – First photographs of Billy Zane as Marlon Brando in Todd Haynes’ new movie ‘Making Apocalypse’ released.

Billy Zane stars as Marlon Brando in new movie Making Apocalypse. The film tells the story of the filming of Francis Ford Coppola’s Vietnam epic Apocalypse Now. Director Todd Haynes spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We focus on the arrival of Marlon Brando. Coppola had shot much of the film but he needed Brando for the third act. He’d only managed to secure the actor for a number of days and at huge expense. When he arrived Brando was out of shape and didn’t know his lines, so Coppola sat with him and read him Heart of Darkness the Joseph Conrad novel that the film was based on.

How did Billy approach the role?

In many ways, Billy Zane is our Brando. If you look at his work in Titanic or Dead Calm, basically any of the films when he’s in a boat and he is superb. Take him onto dry land and I agree he struggles.

Right.

Here the challenge was obviously enormous. But Billy wanted to respect Brando and so he decided to follow in Brando’s footsteps.

He employed the method?

He ate a lot, refused to learn his lines and charged us an arm and a leg.

The film also stars Seth Rogen as Francis Ford Coppola and James Franco as Dennis Hopper. Although Charlie Sheen was originally cast to play the role of Martin Sheen, the role has since gone to British actor Michael Sheen.

Making Apocalypse will be released in 2020.

NETFLIX TO MAKE MAKING OF HBO’S MAKING OF THE GODFATHER MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Netflix is to produce a movie that charts the behind the scenes drama of the HBO movie about the making of The Godfather: Francis & the Godfather.

In a brilliant postmodern move, Netflix studios is developing a film about the making of a HBO film about the making of The Godfather. The HBO film, Francis & the Godfather, chronicles the making of Francis Ford Coppola’s adaptation of Mario Puzo’s bestselling novel. The Netflix movie HBO, Francis & The Godfather will follow the way Andrew Farotte’s black list script was brought to the screen in collaboration with the filmmakers of the original Godfather movie.

A source close to the production had this to say:

We’re really excited. The Godfather stands as milestone in cinema history. One of the best films ever made. And the drama of how it was made is almost as interesting. When we heard HBO were making a film about the making of it, we couldn’t help but think, what about a film about the making of a film about the making of The Godfather? What could be more interesting than that?

Showtime has announced plans to make a film about the behind the scenes drama of the making of the Netflix film about the making of the HBO film about the making of The Godfather.

Netflix, HBO, Francis and The Godfather will be released in 2018.

FIVE FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT ALDEN EHRENREICH

HOLLYWOOD – Five Facts you never knew about the new Han Solo Alden Ehrenreich.

Everybody knows Alden Ehrenreich from… is going to be the new Han Solo, but what do we really know about him. We sent the Studio Exec FACT group to collect a bounty on his head from Jabba the FACT.

One. Alden Ehrenreich invented the typewriter.

Two. Although he brushes his teeth, Alden Ehrenreich refuses to floss, calling it ‘a con.’ The American Dental Association condemned the actor’s controversial flossing comments, saying he had gone ‘full-Carrey’.

Three. The young Ehrenreich has already impressed a series of hard-hitters in Hollywood, working for the Coen Brothers, as well as Woody Allen, Steven Spielberg and someone called Francis Ford Coppola.

Four. When Alden auditioned for the role of the young Han Solo  for directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller, he won their respect by turning up to the studio dressed in Lego.

Five. For his role in Hail Caesar, Alden learned Latin. Wrongly.

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

HIDDEN GEMS: 3. THE GODFATHER

Hidden Gems is brings to light little known filmic gems and rarities that have somehow managed to slip through the collective cinematic consciousness. This week The Godfather. You’re welcome.

There have been some great films made about the Mafia. Analyze That, Oscar, Billy Bathgate. It’s impossible to measure the profound effect those classics have had on the genre but way back in the early 70s, a small time director called Francis Ford Coppola was living on stale bread dipped in week old pasta sauce and attempting to make the ultimate mobster movie.
As it turned out,  he accidentally ended up making the most expensive wedding video of all time but you can understand his decision to push the gangster stuff into the background. Brando turned up on set mumbling with his cheeks full of cotton wool after slicing his gums when he put a whole pie in his mouth and forgot to take it off the plate. Then they couldn’t get Redford or Nicholson to play the lead role of Michael so at the last minute Francis grabbed a random hippy called Al Pacino off the street, strategically shaved him and pushed the poor guy in front of a camera.
It’s difficult to find a review of the film online but after days of searching I found one reference in the Maryland Chronicle that describes Pacino’s performance as being like “A girl getting fingered for the first time in the back of her boyfriend’s Buick”. In hindsight that was a little unfair on Al but that one review knocked his confidence and he faded into obscurity. Rumour has it he’s now running a car rental business in the Bahamas.
Anyway, it’s well shot and the soundtrack is catchy enough. It would probably have worked better as a TV movie rather than a full-length feature and it’s a shame Coppola never got to make a sequel. If you’d like to buy a copy it’s only available on VHS but there’s a Facebook Campaign to get it released on DVD. The page only has 13 likes though so you might be waiting a while.

For more Hidden Gems CLICK HERE.

SCORSESE LAND OPENS NEXT MONTH

NEW YORK – In New Jersey the finishing touches are being put on Scorsese Land, the new theme park inspired by and dedicated to the imagination and work of motor mouth film director, Martin Scorsese.

Park administrator Russel Stamper said today:

Marty is recognized by many to be perhaps the most influential American film director still alive and working today [although Coppola is a late challenger with Twixt] and the park seeks to celebrate his legacy and stand as a testament to the enduring pleasure his films have given over the years.


Attractions include

  • a tour of Shutter Island Gasp as you predict the ending about seven minutes in!
  • the Cape Fear Water ride protect your family from the tattooed lunatic played by former actor Robert de Niro; 
  • watch your crazy reflection just go plain crazy in the ‘Are you Talking to Me?’ Hall of Mirrors; 
  • the Go Home and Get your F*cking Shine Box Ride in which you and your friends will be beaten to a bloody pulp and then locked in a car trunk and taken out to the sticks to be stabbed to death by one of Ma’s steak knifes; 
  • relax in the Age of Innocence rest area for seniors 
  • and the whole family can enjoy a steak (bloody) at one of the five Raging Bull Steak Houses located in the park.    
If you visit the park this weekend and quote this website with the declaration: ‘I read Studio Exec and I saw Kundun‘ you will be granted free admission.

NICOLAS CAGE: ‘IS THIS THE REAL LIFE, OR JUST FANTASY?’

HOLLYWOOD Nicolas Cage revealed today he isn’t sure when he is taking part in a professional film production or having a genuine roller coaster adventure, with high octane action and high stakes.

Speaking exclusively to the Studio Exec, Cage expressed his genuine concern at not knowing the distinction.

Hey Nic, so what is this? Some kind of well earned breakdown?

Are we rolling?

No Nic, we’re just chatting.

Are you sure? Well, I’ll pull a crazy face just in case…hnnnn (pulls classic meme face)
image

When did this first become a problem for you?

National Treasure 2, or as I was calling it; ‘Thursday’. You see, I was just going along with the intrigue, suspense and derivative action plot when I realized that, hey, this is like that other time I had a quest for some kind of American historical treasure thing, which at the time I thought was just a mildly interesting Monday. David Lynch called me one evening during that adventure and asked me whether I thought I was wasting my time on this movie…and it clicked! ‘I’m in a movie this time!’ David used to film me as I slept as a child and would whisper truths to me. This is how I knew it was the truth this time.

What about the film crew? Didn’t that alert you to the inherent artifice of the scenario?

How would it? Francis Ford Coppola, or as I call him Pappy Faffoppola, filmed my entire childhood and would narrate my meals and chores and such, so I thought these ‘crews’ we’re just my silent companions on one of my many jolly japes.

Nic, I think you should talk to someone, professionally.

Isn’t that what this is? You’re Lorraine Bracco aren’t you?

Ah, shit.

Nicholas Cage is currently starring in Outcast, which he tells me is definitely not a movie because Hayden Chistensen was with him when it all happened.

TOY STORY 4 WILL BE LIVE ACTION

HOLLYWOOD – John Lasseter announced yesterday that Toy Story 4, the unwanted sequel to the perfect Toy Story trilogy will be Pixar’s first live action film.

Lasseter spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We are very excited in doing new things at Pixar. A few years ago we wouldn’t have even contemplated doing sequels, with the exception of Toy Story, now it seems like we do nothing but. Anyhoo, in the spirit of wanting to do stuff we’ve never done before I thought: what if we did a live action film?

Will it be the same cast?

Yeah, I mean no. Not really. The idea is that Woody and Buzz are really old now. So I thought we could have Clint Eastwood play Woody and George Clooney could play Buzz Lightyear. After all, he’s got the suit from Gravity already and his voice is exactly the same as Tim Allen’s and let’s face it Tim’s not so easy on the eye. I mean Home Improvement? He could do with some face improvement! Ha ha ha ha. No, that’s not really funny.

What do you say about the reaction many people have had?

That they think Toy Story 4 is a great idea?

Uhm. No. That they think you’re tinkering with perfection.

Oh. Yeah. Well, that’s why I’m doing it.

Come again?

I have been studying the Navajo culture. And they have an idea that really struck me. The idea is that if something is perfect it takes part of your soul. So you have to make sure that anything you create isn’t perfect. There has to be inbuilt imperfection. Well, Toy Story and Toy Story 2 and 3 are kind of perfect. And the funny thing is, I feel like my soul has been going. I don’t understand. Ever since I started working for Disney. It’s like it’s being chipped away from inside. So I’m going to make the trilogy an imperfect quadrology.

That’s crazy.

Is it? Francis Ford Coppola’s soul shrank and shrank. Then he made Godfather Part III and boom! You should see the size of his soul now. It’s boggling.

Toy Story 4 will be released in 2017.

HARRISON FORD’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY: PART 1

HOLLYWOOD – Han Solo, Indiana Jones and Force Ten From Navarone star Harrison Ford has written his autobiography A Humble Carpenter: Like Jesus and the Studio Exec is proud to publish EXCLUSIVE extracts.

From Chapter One.
I’ll never forget the first day my dad gave me a hammer. It was a proper tool, not some toy.
While he was working, I would sit in his workshop surrounded by the smell of sawdust, wood chip and glue and I’d hammer nails into a block of wood.
Years later I would be hammering a nail into a door frame as I renovated Francis Ford Coppola’s office in San Francisco when the big man would say to me, ‘Hey would you like a part in my new movie, Apocalypse Now?’
I looked at him for five seconds, then I said, ‘Can I finish this first?’
Of course Apocalypse Now was an incredible film to be involved in.
I still wasn’t thinking of myself as an actor. Money from my carpentry was putting the clothes on my children’s backs and I was loathe to start pursuing a dream I had tried and failed to achieve once already. Harvey Keitel was supposed to be the star but something went wrong and Marty Sheen was brought in to replace him. Then Marty had a heart attack. Then there was a typhoon and the stage for the Playboy bunnies sequence was swept away.
Suddenly Coppola grabbed me.
‘You’re a great actor,’ he said. ‘But now I need a carpenter.’
I looked at him for five seconds, then I said, ‘I’ll get my tools.’
From Chapter Two.
As good as it was to get some acting work with Francis, Apocalypse Now was not going to get the phone ringing. My role was small and I was basically an exposition vehicle. Still, Francis is a loyal friend and when I got back to San Francisco he promised he would help me find work.
There was a young director he knew from film school who was going to make a very exciting film about the birth of rock and roll in small town America.
I thought that this might be the chance I needed and I was very excited when George – that was his name – phoned and said he wanted to see me. I went out to his house the next day and he showed me into a room. There were piles of books on the floor.
‘You see these,’ he said. ‘I don’t know what to do with them. I keep tripping up on them, there in the way.’
I pointed to an alcove. ‘I could put some shelves up there.’
‘Shelves?’ he said, suspiciously.
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘Book shelves.’
He thought for a moment and then began to nod excitedly, ‘Yeah book shelves! That sounds terrific.’
I was so happy to have got the job, I drove straight home and told my wife. ‘But what about the movie?’ she said.
Women! Always thinking of something else.

Harrison Ford’s A Humble Carpenter, Like Jesus is available from all good book stores.

ALL NICOLAS CAGE FILMS ARE FAKE NICOLAS CAGE FILMS

HOLLYWOOD – Following the discovery that two ‘fake’ Nicolas Cage films had been sold at Cannes earlier this year, it has been revealed that in fact all Nicolas Cage films are fake Nicolas Cage films. 

Swiss film historian and cheese expert Xavier Poulis explained:

There was a real Nic Cage. Nephew to Francis Ford Coppola, a talented guy. He can be spotted briefly in Rumble Fish. But soon after filming wrapped on that film, when he was out alone in the boonies walking his small basset hound, he was abducted by aliens. Ever since that time, the ‘Nic Cage’ we know, the one we’ve seen has actually been an alien impostor.

Poulis argues that the fact is common knowledge in the film community.

You can see it from the eccentricity of his performances. This is obviously a being which grew from a pod in some probably methane rich other world. And he’s trying desperately to learn what it means to be human and how to behave. At first, his alien superiors were all for pulling him out and retreating, but baffling though it was, Cage actually became popular. And even though directors know that he has four sex organs where most men have one, they hire him to give a special frisson to their films. David Lynch is the only director who believes Nic Cage to be human. So there you go. 

Nicolas Cage will be returning to his home planet in 2015.

MILIUS: REVIEW












I remember when John Milius wrestled a giant squid, strangled an alligator to death with his bare hands, wrote the entire screenplay to Magnum Force and single handedly invaded Cuba, all before breakfast. 

Everyone in Hollywood has a Milius story to tell that involves guns, girls and fights with mythical beasties. In fact, Steven Spielberg has a saying that the only living organisms that will survive a nuclear holocaust are cockroaches and John Milius. Of course, Spielberg himself would survive – he’d be in a luxury underground bunker with rest of the world’s elite, but the point he is making is that Milius is one tough bastard and it’s a point well made.

The new documentary Milius, dual-directed by long time Kevin Smith henchmen Joey Figueroa(Doctor Strange lookalike) and Zack Knutsford (Walter White lookalike), is competently produced and showered with interviews from Milius’ friends, fans and collaborators. Francis Ford Coppola comes across as a man who is pissed off that the documentary isn’t about him, Scorsese jabbers on about something very rapidly, and Harrison Ford‘searring is exceptionally sparkly. Practically everyone in Hollywood turns up to pay homage but many have nothing to say; they’re just there.

As a reminder to the world that Milius exists the documentary is essential viewing and the only major flaw is the lack of conversations with the man himself, which due to a recent stroke never took place, but the final scenes prove that Spielberg was right all along. Milius is indeed one tough bastard and miraculously, his best work might be still to come.  

Milius will be released at selected UK cinemas on November 1st 2013.

COPPOLA ANNOUNCES APOCALYPSE NOW PREQUEL IN THE WORKS

HOLLYWOOD – Following on from the critical and commercial success of Twixt, Tetro and Youth Without Youth, Francis Ford Coppola has turned his attention to his long gestated Apocalypse Now prequel, provisionally entitled Apocalypse ASAP.

‘We have a script, that I’m very pleased with,’ said Coppola, speaking from his vineyard and olive oil export/import business headquarters. ‘The one thing that has been holing us up has been to find a star of the caliber of Marlon Brando to play the young Kurtz. But when I saw Shia LaBeouf in Lawless I knew I had my man.’

The official studio synopsis reads:

We meet Col. Kurtz as a boy organizing orchard raids with the other children and playing in fields of gardenias. This idyll will change when the Vietnam War breaks out and – now a man and career soldier – Kurtz gets in trouble with his the brass after organising a blues/rock concert when they wanted a rock/blues concert. He becomes a Green Beret – he was ‘the oldest to hump it round that course’ – and then heads of into the jungle for larks.

Coppola has already stated that he wants Apocalypse ASAP to be lighter in tone to Apocalypse Now. ‘For instance, in Apocalypse Now, The Doors gave us this brooding disturbing soundtrack. For Apocalypse ASAP, I’ve asked One Direction to come up with something jaunty and fun,’ said Coppola.

However, Shia LaBeouf has yet to confirm his participation. In a statement issued via his agent, Mr. LaBeouf commented:

I would be very excited to work with the legendary director of The Godfather and Apocalypse Now, but less excited to work with the director of Dracula and The Godfather Part Three and I really don’t want to work with the director of Twixt and Jack.  

Coppola seemed unperturbed by the setback.

‘I have an ace up my sleeve,’ he said pulling at his beard with both hands. ‘And his name is Hayden Christensen. Cheap my friend. Very cheap.’

Apocalypse ASAP starts filming sometime in 2014.

WHERE ARE THEY NOW? 1. BILLY ZANE












NEW YORK –  Billy Zane has decided to begin his hot dog vending career here on the sidewalks of New York today. The Studio Exec sent intrepid reporter Hank Eisenstein to speak to the Phantom himself.



So, Billy, what made you turn your back on acting?

Well, I’ve always loved hot dogs and my acting career is in the toilet.

What makes you say that?

I think I made the actual decision to quit acting and begin vending at the premiere for Titanic 3D. That was my biggest gig and it came out in 1997. My next job is Scorpion King 3! Shit. I didn’t even know there were 2 of them already.

What have you decided to call your business?

Zaney’s is what I’ve gone for as it’s both a pun on my name and I kind of see myself as a zany guy. Do you get it?

Yes.

Well that’s the sort of comedy gold you get from Zaney’s every day, you know? Zingers like that.

What’s on the menu at Zaney’s?

Well, hot dogs obviously, ha ha just kidding, but seriously, hot dogs and soft drinks are on my menu. My special is a Titanic. I basically get a traditional hot dog, snap it in half, and have one side facing up, looking like the sinking ship. It comes served in a beaker of iced water.

Any others?

I also have the Zoolander special, which is where I write Billy Zane is a cool dude with the mustard, that’s seems like a popular choice. I played myself in that movie.

Is this the end of Billy Zane, the actor?

Possibly, I don’t want to fully rule out acting, you know, if Martin Scorsese or Francis Ford Coppola beg me to be in their films then I won’t turn them down straight away. Coppola worked with Val Kilmer not long back so it may not be curtains for me yet.

Thanks for your time Billy and good luck.

No, thank you!