MAYWEATHER PACQUAIO FIGHT WAS LAST WEEK APPARENTLY

LAS VEGAS – Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquaio already fought Studio Exec learned earlier today.

According to my assistants in the Studio Exec bungalow, the fight took place on the second of May and was televised on Pay per View. Tickets had been bought but the date had not been checked and I was very busy with work and when I wasn’t working I was drinking and when I wasn’t drinking, I was in what is technically called by scientists a ‘stupor’. Apparently, Justin Bieber was in one corner and Jimmy Kimmell was in another, but precise details are hazy and I’m still piecing the sequence of events together carefully.

The news hit just as I was getting into the car with my Go Manny t-shirt on and my usual hunting rifles, 5 casks of beer and 7 crates of grapefruit juice, in other words, everything a fight fan needs to enjoy the ancient art. My reaction I’m ashamed to say was poor, but fortunately I was reminded that due to the strange behavior of time, I was now due to catch my flight to Cannes anyway. So off I set.

I don’t even know who won the fight, but I hope it was Manny. Floyd Mayweather strikes me as an a-hole.

JAMIE FOXX’S NATIONAL ANTHEM PERFORMANCE ‘CAN CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGE’

NEVADA – The American Medical Association today released a strongly worded press release condemning the practice of Jamie Foxx singing the national anthem before major boxing matches, citing a ‘real danger that it could cause neurological damage’.

Referring to the rendition of the National Anthem given by Django Unchained actor Jamie Foxx, the AMA spokesperson told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We have two men here – Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao – who are about to start pounding each other’s faces in with their fists. The brain is already going to be traumatized as it sloshes around those bone hard skulls. But to then add to that a weird soulful Star Spangled Banner…? It just needs to be flat out Star Spangled banned. It is cruel and unusual and I fear for the brain health not only of the fighters but also the audience.

Jake Gyllenhaal was rushed to hospital after the fight, when he collapsed after complaining of dizziness and an inability to stop laughing. Who actually won the fight is still a mystery, the answer to which is probably beyond the scope and capacity of human understanding.