NARNIA – Fans of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe were racked by multiple geekgasms today, when it was announced that James McAvoy would be returning to the pan pipes for Narnia spin off Mr. Tumnus Takes a Packet of Tea.
Many believed they had seen the last of the half naked, tea making and pipe playing fawn, but apparently world-wide demand could not be nay-sayed. On speaking to the Studio Exec earlier today, the Scottish actor who recently excelled in Filth seemed less than whole-heartedly enthusiastic.
Two words. Fer-uck. Have’ney seen enough of that irritating wee shite?
So you’re not looking forward to …
Am i not looking forward to frezing me wee nipples off? Nay I’m not. And for what? A children’s film! I cannae do it, not again.
So why are you doing it?
They pay well and they’ve said I can rewrite the script.
I’m gonna insist in my contract. Page one. Scene One. Mr. Tumnus knits a f*cking jumper. And he’s gonna be edgier too. He’s gonna snort cocaine and hang with some dirty beavers.
You mean the Mr. and Mrs. Beaver, voiced by the wonderful talent Dawn French and Ray Winstone?
No. I mean beavers. And I’m changing the title.