JOSH TRANK SIGNS ON TO DIRECT GREEN LANTERN 2

HOLLYWOOD – Following the remarkable success of Fox’s Fantastic Four, talented wunderkind Josh Trank has been signed on to direct Green Lantern 2.

The 2011 DC Comic film Green Lantern starred Ryan Reynolds and was directed by Martin Campbell, receiving universal critical acclaim and becoming a box office smash. Talk of a sequel began immediately, but partly because of Ryan Reynolds having scheduling issues and partly due to script issues the sequel seemed to be in an endless delay.

A Warner Bros insider spoke to Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

The problem with the Green Lantern was that the original was so good everyone was intimidated. Martin wasn’t interested in coming back. As far as he was concerned, he’d hit a home run so why try again and risk only spoiling his record. Ryan has gone on to Deadpool off the back of his iconic success in the film. But when we all watched the new Fantastic Four we realized that at last here was a director who could do justice to this amazing character.

But surely everyone is saying that Fantastic Four is a disaster?

A disaster. It’s the Fantastic Four for crying out loud. Okay, we all have doubts about this kind of move. When we first saw Chronicle, we thought this guy is out there. Totally not a fit for Green Lantern. But when we saw Fantastic Four it was like someone turned on the lights. Yes. This is it. This is the Green Lantern 2 director.

Ryan Reynolds is unconfirmed as yet in the title role but rumors are that he will be on board.

Green Lantern 2 will be released in 2020.

FBI FORCE FOX TO CHANGE TITLE OF FANTASTIC FOUR

HOLLYWOOD – Fox studios have been forced to change the title of the new Josh Trank movie The Fantastic Four to simply The Four.

The Fantastic Four has been released to universally disappointing reviews and the unprecedented legal case was brought by the FBI following a deluge of complaints from theater patrons. It stars Miles Teller as Mr. Fantastic, who will be renamed in the new version Mr. M’eh, Kate Mara as Susan Storm, renamed Susan Drizzle and Michael B. Jordan as the Human Torch, who will simply be known as the Torch and Jamie Bell as the Thingy.

Special Agent Jim Bauer told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Usually the FBI would never get involved in a dispute over the title of a movie but Jesus Christ, I don’t know if it was Fox or if it was Josh Trank, but someone needs to be warned that this film is in no shape or form Fantastic and certainly not four fantastics. From now on people going to see it will not be misled and hopefully everything will be okay from now on.

Although unusual, the actions of the FBI are not completely without precedent. When in 2012 the Tom Hardy, Chris Pine and Reese Witherspoon comedy This Means Hilarious War was released, the Federal Bureau of Investigation was forced to intervene and remove a word to make it more appropriate.

When asked for comment, Josh Trank simply said: ‘F*cking Fox, [mumble mumble] Fox!’

The Four is currently in theaters. 

FANTASTIC FOUR WILL BE NC-17

HOLLYWOOD – Following the announcement that Ryan Reynold’s Deadpool will be R rated, the news came that the Fantastic Four reboot will be NC-17 in what is being viewed as ‘a rating war.’

We all know that comic movies aren’t just for kids and with films such as The Dark Knight Rises and Kick Ass pushing the boundaries and striving for adult audiences, it seems that the new trend is to get darker, more violent and less kid friendly. Earlier this week Ryan Reynolds announced that the long-awaited Deadpool would be an R  rather than the much feared, tame, bloodless and fully clothed PG-13. The New Josh Trank remake of The Fantastic Four has gone one more, forcing the MPAA to award it an NC-17 certificate for what it calls ‘constant cunnilingus’.

Starring Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Jamie Bell and Kate Mara, the new Fantastic Four is an origin story of four young scientist who become a Marvel superhero team following being hit by an awful version of the same film in 2005 and again in 2007. In an attempt to stoke some interest, the team decided early on to put in as much violence and sex as they could. An insider told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

At first we were nervous about the certificate we might get. this is after all a tent pole style film, but after a certain point in filming we just decided to go for it. We actually started to add blood and gore where none was. And once we knew that Deadpool had already got the R rated we knew we’d really need to get pull out the stops and one thing we know that the MPAA can’t stand is the oral pleasuring of females. So the new film is ram packed with endless scenes of said act. I mean it’s wall to wall. Utterly unnecessary.

The Fantastic Four will be released briefly.