SETH MACFARLANE ADDRESSES UN ON BOOBS

NEW YORK – Following a rousing feminist speech last month by Emma Watson on the role of women in society, Seth MacFarlane also received an opportunity to address the UN and chose to use his role as Good Will Ambassador to launch an impassioned plea to joke about and ogle women’s breasts.

The writer and director of Ted and Family Guy told a packed session of the General Assembly:

Yeah, I’m into feminism and all that. Sure! Equal rights? That’s cool. I’m a liberal guy. Especially, if by liberal, you mean someone who likes to get stoned often and look at women’s breasts. Ha ha! No but really. I’d like to test those Bechdels. Ha! I mean are you with me, fellas? I know my man Ban-ki Moon is! You see comedy has come a long way since the good old days where you can joke about your mother-in-law. Everyone’s a feminist! Take Beyonce. I mean please, take Beyonce, ah ha, yeah.

[SILENCE]

Erm. It’s like when I did that song at the Oscars about wanting to see the tits of all of those actresses, even Jodie Foster’s in The Accused and that was during a – ahem – rape scene.

[Loud protests from the Scandinavian countries]

But I got away with it, because I’m being IRONIC! Like when I’m mildly racist in Ted. Irony. That’s the only way to beat ISIS. That’s what beat Hitler. And that’s what brings the world peace and feeds the hungry. Well, you’ve been a great General Assembly. Try the veal.

[DROWNED OUT BY BOOS]

In response to the angry protests by many member states, Ban-ki Moon apologized for inviting Mr. MacFarlane to address the assembly, saying that ‘We all got stoned last night and thought it would be a totally crazy idea. I now see that was wrong.’

Ted 2: the Rwanda Years will be released in 2015.

INTERNET GOES INTO MOURNING FOR A CARTOON DOG

HOLLYWOOD – ‘Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, prevent the dog from barking with a nice juicy bone,’ wrote W.H. Auden in his classic poem of mourning, but when the ‘Life of Brian’ episode of Family Guy aired on Sunday night, there was no need to prevent the dog from barking for t’was he, the dog, who had died!

Brian Griffin (voiced by show creator Seth MacFarlane) was preparing to play in the street with Stewie when he was hit by a car in the street and died from his injuries [Spoiler]. Within seconds the sound of wailing and mourning and the ululations of Arabic fans of the show could be heard up and down the streets of America. Within seconds a petition had been launched on Change.Org and was being supported by record numbers of signatories. One such, Jimmy Pole said:

Look, we’re not stupid. We all know there are terrible things happening in the world. We know that Brian was a series of still pictures flickering to create the illusion, voiced by that smarmy asshole who did the Oscars. We know that. But at the same time I am devastated by his death in a way that was more profound than anything I’ve ever felt. Even the deaths of both my parents and my 3 year old sister in a car accident last week pales into insignificance. After all they rarely had ‘zingers’ like Brian had.

Although Seth MacFarlane was unavailable for comment, a source close to the show that a ‘Bobby Ewing’ wasn’t out of the question.

After all, we don’t give a shit. Important thing is we got loads of publicity for a show that has kinda run out of gas humor-wise.

Family Guy is broadcast on Fox, the comedy network that also produces such hilarious classics as The O’Reilly Factor.  

TED 2: SETH MACFARLANE PROMISES RACISM

BOSTON – Seth MacFarlane announced today that Ted 2: Ted’s Kampf would be even more racist than his Fox show Dads

“Racism is the new rock and roll,” MacFarlane told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY this morning: 

I broke down barriers with Family Guy, single-handedly destroying political correctness with my cartoon toilet humor outrageousness. Then when I did the Oscars, cultural elitism was kept at bay when I sang a song about seeing women’s tits that even included the rape scene in The Accused. Ha ha ha ha! In Dads, we’ve been laughing at the orientals, or whatever name you’re supposed to call them now. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! So in Ted 2 we’re going balls out. Balls out!? Get it? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

What can we expect to see?

Everyone is going to get it: Jews, black people, orientals again, of all types. Errrrrr. Mexicans. Arabs. Ted puts them all in special camps when he becomes President by accidentally assassinating the black guy by basketball. Mark Wahlberg read the script and said “Really Seth? Are concentration camps funny?” I told him, I can make you funny, Marky, I can make anything funny.

Is there a limit to what you would joke about?

White guys from Boston have a hard enough time without people picking on them, but no, other than that, probably not.  

 Ted 2: Ted’s Kampf is out Passover, 2015.