WARNER BROS BOARD MEET TO DISCUSS THE FLASH

Another day, another Ezra Miller story dominates the Hollywood news sites. Finally, the Warner Bros board meet to discuss the fate of their ailing DC tentpole movie, The Flash. The Studio Exec has the inside scoop on what went on behind the closed boardroom doors.

Warner Bros Board Meet To Discuss The Flash

At a secret location in Griffith Park, suspiciously close to Los Angeles Zoo, the Warner Bros Board meet to discuss the fate of The Flash. The finest bananas money could buy were shipped in especially. And with some of the world’s most prominent designers of tyre swings and tricycles on retainer at the Hollywood studio, rumors of an emergency board meeting were rife in Tinsel town.

Warner Bros Quit Monkeying Around

Some of the studio’s most powerful Simians were there. CEO and King Of The Swingers, King Louie chaired the meeting. CFO and disturbingly blonde Dr. Zaius from the original Planet Of The Apes talked at length about risk aversion, tax write-offs and strategies for reducing net losses. His strategies didn’t appear that popular amongst the majority of the board, who threw their shit at him.

Right Turn Clyde

Clyde from Every Which Way But Loose proposed a motion to blow raspberries and give everyone the finger while eating Ma’s Oreo cookies. And King Kong wanted the whole operation moved to The Empire State Building in Manhattan for some reason.

My God, It’s Full Of Assholes

At one point, the board nearly came to a decision as to what the hell they’re going to do with The Flash and particularly the Ezra Miller situation. Unfortunately, before a vote could be taken, King Louie stole a banana from 2001: A Space Odyssey’s Moonwatcher. The Stanley Kubrick missing link sci-fi star beat the shit out of the beloved Jungle Book Orangutan with a bone. The board then agreed to reconvene at another time, once they’ve all finished picking and grubs from each other’s backs.

The Flash Is Still Set To Be Released in 2023

5 THINGS WRONG WITH THE JUSTICE LEAGUE

HOLLYWOOD – The Justice League hit theaters and was immediately hailed as a masterpiece of its genre.

The New York Times called it ‘The Casablanca of Superhero movies’ and Variety said ‘Eat your heart out Christopher Nolan.’

But – as rebellious as ever – The Studio Exec is not fully convinced.

So here are our five minor problems with Zach Snyder/ Joss Whedon’s new movie:

1. It’s shit.

2. Everyone looks tired and depressed. First, Ben Affleck looks like they CGIed Ryan Reynolds head onto Dave Bautista’s body. Second, Amy Adams looks like she’s performing under duress. As if someone is just off camera with a cattle prod, blocking the exit. She looks so bored and they used a crayon to color in her hair. Then Diane Lane is too obviously happy just to get work. Finally, Gal Gadot looks confused that she can be in such a bad film after having been in such a good one. Weirdly, Henry Cavill shines.

3. The film is as visually interesting as an infomercial. As much as I hated Batman V Superman and Man of Steel, those films had a certain visual pomposity that was compelling. Here, not only is the CGI like mid-90s Star Trek, but every shot, hero entrance, etc etc looks like a rush job for a poorly funded advertising agency. Take the iconic moment towards the end where Clark Kent becomes Superman. It looked like a TV advert featuring Superman. Nothing momentous happens.

In rushing to be the Avengers, they threw out the epic with the dourness.

4. Which leads us to: the humor wasn’t funny. It’s like sitting at a wedding reception with that guy who is really funny and then someone else tries to go toe to toe with them, but they don’t have the material. Unfunny humor isn’t just not funny, it is deeply depressing. They label every joke ‘JOKE’. The Flash (Ezra Miller) is annoying. Really annoying. It is like they took Zach Snyder’s sense of humor and mixed it with Joss Whedon’s visual flair. And that line is funnier than anything in the movie.

5. The Avengers. Anything DC does feels like catch up. And that’s a pity. Aquaman sounds like Thor, Superman like Captain America, Batman like Tony Stark, Flash like Peter Parker. The getting the team together to beat a CGI thing with the blue light from the sky and the cubes… whatever. Do we really want anymore universes? What was a neat idea ten years ago is beginning to look lazy bloated franchise think. Isn’t it time to finally give up?

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