La Pierre opens mouth

DALLAS – Today the National Rifle Association vice president Wayne La Pierre called for an immediate implementation of what he referred to as the Expendables 2 solution in response to the tragedy in Newtown last week: ‘A Chuck Norris in each school,’ he said.

‘Imagine if you will a world in which psychopaths roam the streets looking for easy targets,’ he said. ‘The bank is guarded, and the politicians. Even sports events. But schools are famous for never having Chuck Norris anywhere near them. We could put Chuck in one school, Arnie in another. I can’t do mornings, but sheet, I’d help out on the odd afternoon with my pair of gattling guns.’
Chuck Norris has already agreed to do Monday, Wednesday and Friday, but not Tuesday and Thursday because he has Zumba.
La Pierre said, ‘Look at Fort Hood. If only there’d been armed guards protecting the… oh wait that’s not a good example. Let me … erm . ..Look at Columbine. Okay there was an armed guard at Columbine now I remember it. Well, back to Newtown. If the teachers… wait where did he get the gun from? Oh his mom? and she was…a teacher? Well, my point is: when is Chuck Norris not the answer? On that we can all agree.’