RIDLEY SCOTT TO DIRECT BARACK OBAMA BIOPIC

HOLLYWOOD – Ridley Scott has announced that his next film will be a biopic on the life of President Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States of America.

Despite having a full slate with the Prometheus sequel on the cards, Ridley Scott has confirmed that he will be also lensing a new biopic of the first Afro-American President Barack Obama. Scott came into the Studio Exec office to talk EXCLUSIVELY about his project.

I was under a lot of criticism for Exodus: Gods and Kings for the casting and I really resented the fact that there were accusations of white washing and therefore what could only be racism on my part. I wanted a way of expressing myself that would make it clear that I am far from being a racist. So what better than a biopic of our first black president?

And who will play Obama?

Matt Damon.

But he’s…

A wonderful actor I know.

But he’s not black.

He’s not gay either and you should have seen him banging Liberace in Behind the Candelabra.

The President will be released in 2017.

CHRISTIAN BALE BUILDS SECRET MOUSE ARMY

HOLLYWOOD – You know him as the star of such movies as The Big Short, The Knight of Cups and Exodus: Gods and Kings, but Christian Bale has also spent the last five years building up a secret mouse army, it was revealed today.

Christian Bale, star of Rescue Dawn, The Dark Knight and American Psycho, popped in to the Studio Exec bungalow to explain revelations that broke about his 15,000 strong mouse army mustered in a secret location somewhere in Colorado.

I’ve always been fascinated by rodents in general and the possible military application an organised horde of cheese nibblers could have. Imagine if you will the desert in Syria. The terrorists are just breaking for lunch and in the distance they hear this thundering. The ground begins to tremble. But it isn’t in the distance, it’s actually really close and over the dunes arrive 15,000 mice, led by me in a chariot. I would be in my famous Berserker mode, probably quite thin for this one. And we’d just cut them to pieces.

But surely…

I thought of that. I tie tiny little razor blades to the ankles of the mice and so when they just run straight through the ISIS people it’s just blood spurt and arterial spray everywhere. The squeaking of the mice will be deafening along with the screams of dying Jihadists.

Where did you even come up with such a scheme?

Werner Herzog.

Oh that makes sense.

We are already in talks with the US military about our deployment and I would remind them that they said no boots on the ground. They didn’t say anything about tiny mice feet.

The Big Short is on general release. Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

RIDLEY SCOTT REPLIES TO THE MARTIAN CASTING CONTROVERSY

HOLLYWOOD – Ridley Scott replies to accusations of white washing in his casting of The Martian.

Another Ridley Scott – film another casting controversy. First Exodus: Gods and Kings, then his projected Roots remake and now this time his latest film, The Martian is the film under fire, though the cast includes gender diversity and racial diversity, many have argued that the film is still not diverse enough, with one of its main characters not being from the place that their name would suggest.

Ridley Scott popped into the Studio Exec Bungalow to discuss the matter and offer a rebuttal:

The film is called The Martian and it has as its lead character Mark Watney. Matt Damon, one of the best actor’s of his generation, plays the role perfectly and what’s more his name is a surefire way of getting people into the cinema. He is a star. And this film with the budget it has, not huge but still this is a big film, I can’t make that money back if I cast so and so from Mars, who no one has ever heard of.

But some are saying with so few films being made about Mars it seems a pity not to have an actual Martian in the role of The Martian.

I know and I appreciate that, but ultimately this is a business and the number of real Martian actors who can open a film are very few. There’s Will Smith and that’s it.

What about Taylor Kitsch?

Oh come on. Be serious.

The Martian is currently on release.

RIDLEY SCOTT WILL NOT DIRECT LEVITICUS

HOLLYWOOD – Despite the massive critical and commercial success of Exodus: Gods and Kings, Ridley Scott will be taking a back seat on the sequel, tentatively titled Leviticus.

In the running to direct are Denis Villeneuve or Joe Cornish or possibly Darren Aronofsky. A spokesperson for Scott’s production company shed some light on the development of the project:

Christian Bale is on board and we have a script. The film begins with Moses (Christian Bale) having rescued his people from the Pharoah and taken them towards the promised land. As anyone who knows the Bible will tell you Israel was a lot further from Egypt than it is today so they spent years getting there. In that time the people need guidance and so Moses sits down and writes out a series of very complicated laws governing rituals and diet and what not.

Why did Ridley decide to forego directing?

As you can tell from even the must cursory of readings of Leviticus, it isn’t a very cinematic book. It doesn’t ahve any of the set pieces that Exodus has – the plagues, the parting of the Red Sea – but when we got the rights we also had the sequel rights and no one had read the book. We’ve been working on a script for some time, but there is a hell of a lot about cubits and seafood. So we think perhaps a younger director might be able to bring something to the mix.

Leviticus: Rules and Regulations will be released in 2017.

BEN MENDELSOHN IS UNTRUSTWORTHY

HOLLYWOOD – Australian actor Ben Mendelsohn admitted today that he is fundamentally untrustworthy and likely to cause harm and/or discomfort to anyone around him if it would promote his own self-interest.

Ben Mendelsohn first came to prominence in the brilliant Australian crime  film Animal Kingdom where he played the elder brother in a family of criminals, an untrustworthy psychopath who is willing to sacrifice anyone to his own survival. Hollywood soon beckoned and Mendelsohn found himself mixing with some of the biggest stars in the industry. Starring alongside Brad Pitt in Killing Them Softly, Mendelsohn was the shady armed robber who was most likely to blab and spill the beans. In The Dark Knight Rises, Mendelsohn played the first of many shady businessmen. In Exodus: Gods and Kings, he plays a corrupt Egyptian bureaucrat, exploiting slaves and robbing from the pharaoh and in Black Sea, he is the least  trustworthy crew member of a submarine salvage crew whose dangerous mission to find millions of dollars worth of Nazi gold will be rendered even more dangerous, perhaps ridiculously so, by the untrustworthiness of one of the crew.

Xavier Poulis, Swiss cinema expert and Mendelsohn expert, spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about the actor:

Most the time you would see an actor like this getting typecast and it’s simply because of the lack of imagination of casting directors who see one element of his performance and want that. But in Ben’s case his untrustworthiness in life is legendary. He’ll steal the sandwich in your hand that you’re eating. I once interviewed him at the Locarno Film Festival and he stole my shoes and persuaded me that Ryan Gosling would grant me an exclusive interview if I met him at a popular cafe in the square wearing only cycling shorts.

Ben Mendelsohn will betray you later this year.

OSCARS CEREMONY TO BE DIRECTED BY RIDLEY SCOTT

HOLLYWOOD – Ridley Scott is to direct the Oscars ceremony on the 22nd of February, featuring an exclusively white cast.

A spokesperson for the academy said:

We decided to take the ceremony in a new direction this year. Political correctness went mad the last few shows. We had Lincoln freeing the slaves, Django shooting the slave owners and 12 Years a Slave, being all about slaves as well. For twelve years. But now we have a black president and all that racism has been effectively dealt with so it’s time to get back to rich white people, mainly men.

So you called Ridley?

Absolutely. We thought that we couldn’t just pretend Selma didn’t exist although we tried our best. He came up with the idea of replacing the black cast with Joel Edgerton and Aaron Paul.

Fantastic!

Isn’t it? And although people are complaining about diversity, I’d say to them that the show is going to be diverse anyway. Look at Boyhood. White little boy, white big boy, white teenager, white young fella. What could be more diverse? Oh, and American Sniper, white guy shoots brown guys. What could be more topical!? Birdman, white guy worries about being too rich and successful. The Imitation Game, white guy wins the war. The Theory of Everything, white guy solves all the problems in the universe, especially Black Holes (that’s not racist is it?)

I don’t know.

Oh and my favorite. Whiplash. Two guys get incredibly pissy about perfecting jazz. And they’re basically white! That’s the twist.

For more Oscars news click HERE.

GERMANY BANS INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

HOLLYWOOD – News came in last night that Germany have banned Quentin Tarantino’s 2009 war film Inglourious Basterds citing ‘numerous historical inaccuracies’.

The move is only the latest following a spree of banning across the world including the banning of The Interview in North Korea because of offensiveness, Exodus: Gods and Kings in Egypt and Morocco because of historical and political inaccuracies and the censoring of Pompeii in Italy ‘because it’s crap.’

A spokesperson for the German Federal Ministry for Education, Arts and Culture explained the Verboten decision to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Tarantino’s film is inaccurate on many different grounds. From the career of famed film director Leni Riefenstahl to the way Jews were rounded up in German occupied France. However, the climax of the film [SPOILER ALERT] is particularly wide of the mark. The director of Hostel at no point during the course of the Second World War assassinated Hitler and Goebbels. He hadn’t even been born when Hitler died.

But there’s artistic license, surely? Tarantino isn’t suggesting that the director of Hostel really killed Hitler so much as he wanted to.

No. That’s not good enough. It didn’t happen. It is plainly wrong. And false. And not true.

But why now? The film was released in 2009.

Yes, well we didn’t think you could ban films for being inaccurate, but then Egypt did it and we thought okay, why not? Herr Tarantino’s film has been particularly irksome to us for some time and confusing. Look at Downfall. Now there’s a film about Hitler. Except of course that Bruno Ganz who plays Hitler is Swiss, which is to be precise inaccurate.

Quentin Tarantino was unavailable to comment at the time of publication, but the Hateful 8 will be out soon.

WERNER HERZOG’S NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

In which our Austrian contributor Werner Herzog sees out the old year and rings in the new.

The waxy corpse of 2014 is already a clammy cold thing, its stillness the most ghastly attribute. The deceased was many things – confusing, aggravating and bloody with murder – but it was also thrillingly active and to see her lying there now, all laid out, surrounded by yesterday’s bottles of booze and little bowls full of Bombay mix and stale humus is more than I can bare. So I turn my gaze steadfastly to the future and regard with a steely Bavarian glare the prospect of 2015 and what delights and horrors might await, a promise that sounds like a threat.

But how am I to approach this year? How can I avoid repeating my mistakes, or if I am to repeat them, is there anyway Nicolas Cage might be persuaded once more to appear in it?

My first resolution is to watch less films. Aside from my own films, which I perforce must watch in order to edit and to make decisions on the soundtrack etc, I watch a total of three films a year. In 2015 this will be cut to one. I am very much looking forward to Star Wars: The Force Awakens and so I imagine that will be the film I see in 2015.

My second resolution is to try in someway, anyway I can, to destroy Ridley Scott. Although I’ve never seen his films, I can tell from the posters that he is more than a suitable nemesis for me, representing the polar opposite to my ethos and methodology. Exodus: Gods and Kings will probably be his undoing and it was I who advised him to do it. I told him at a restaurant in the South of France, ‘Do a Bible film, Ridley. It’s what the kids are “into”.’ He rejected my script for Leviticus, deciding in his infinite wisdom to say that the foundation of three world religions, the Old Testament book Exodus can only be rewritten by the man who brought us Tom Cruise as a Samurai.

My third and final resolution is to enter the cooking competition Masterchef. I do not wish to win, nor progress. I do want to be judged and judged harshly. Preferably by Gordon Ramsey. I will squirm beneath his tongue lashing.

All that remains is to wish you all the best of luck in this New Year. As Prince so presciently wrote, ‘we are going to party like it’s 1999!’

For more wisdom from Werner Herzog, Click Here.

THE HOBBIT IS BANNED FROM MIDDLE EARTH

MIDDLE EARTH – The Peter Jackson trilogy of The Hobbit will not be screened in Middle Earth following a ban on the movies by King Aragorn, the ruler of the mythical land.

A spokesperson from Minas Tirith said:

The racism and inaccuracies of Mr. Jackson’s film make it entirely unsuitable for viewing here. I mean not only is it very offensive, but frankly audiences here would just laugh it out of the room.

What kind of inaccuracies do you object to?

To begin with, the ethnicity is all cockeyed. Elves are black in reality and Orcs are white, all Orcs, not just one made up one. The Hobbits themselves are portrayed as tiny people, little people. Well, all the Hobbits I know are six footers at least. Jackson also shows a certain bigotry in his portrayal of Smaug, The record shows that Smaug actually was a very generous dragon who died of old age and was grieved by everyone here in Middle Earth.

The ban comes after Ridley Scott’s Exodus: Gods and Kings received a similar ban from Egypt who told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that he was in complete solidarity with Peter Jackson:

This is an attack on the freedom of artists to use their imagination.

Jackson himself released the following statement:

Although I have taken some artistic liberties with the ethnicity of the characters and have changed some facts in order to inject some narrative peril, The Hobbit movies represent a deeper truth. The authorities of Middle Earth have obviously ignored that fact that money.

For more on The Hobbit and Peter Jackson CLICK HERE.

SNEAK PEEK AT RIDLEY SCOTT’S SHAFT

HOLLYWOOD – It’s not due out until late 2015 but the Studio Exec have been granted an EXCLUSIVE first look at Ridley Scott’s Shaft, starring Jason Statham.

Statham takes on the role of the iconic role of the seventies detective first made famous by Richard Rowntree in the 1971 cult classic. In 2000 Samuel L. Jackson’s remake was met with a mixed response. This time however, Ridley Scott, whose Exodus: Gods and Kings is in cinemas at the moment, believes he is on to a winning formula:

The problem with Shaft in the past is he was always black. If I’m take make a big budget  film, financing it off Irish tax credits and coupons that I clip from magazines, then I can’t go to the studio and say we’ve got Will (who he?) Smith or Denzel What’s-his-name? They’d laugh in my face. We didn’t even have that conversation. Actually since Prometheus we’ve been having a lot less conversation anyway.

Can you tell us something about the plot?

Thank god! Yes. I’d be more than happy to and at last get away from this ridiculous conversation about race. Okay. Where to start? Shaft is a private detective working in New York where he discovers a slavery ring alive and well in the Twenty First Century. The slave owner, known by the mysterious name Mr. Big, and his cohorts drug white girls and sell them as slaves to Arabs and Africans and the like.

That sounds racist.

What do you mean? Okay, so Jason is playing the main guy but there are lots of black actors in the cast.

Like who?

Well, Jamie Foxx is playing Mr. Big. And I’m hoping to get Danny Glover to play this really vicious psychopath who tries to kill Shaft’s twelve year old daughter.

Shaft will be released December 25, 2015.

CHRISTIAN BALE: ‘MOSES WAS A DOUCHE’

HOLLYWOOD – Ridley Scott’s new movie Exodus: Gods and Kings is almost ready to be seen (released December 12th), but star Christian Bale has already had some choice words to say about his character, the Biblical law-giver and Red Sea travel agent Moses.

The Terminator: Salvation star spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Moses was a complete douche bag. I mean one minute he was like ‘Hey, I’m Egyptian, best friends with the Pharaoh, chariots and shit’ and then next minute he says ‘I’m a Jew, let my people go’ – the pharaoh’s like, ‘who’s gonna finish the pyramid? You can’t just leave it like that’. So  Moses is like plague, plague, plague. And basically killing a shit load of people. I mean, what a complete asshole.

But he’s an important religious leader.

Yeah, right.  He’s on acid or something. He sees a burning bush and talks to God? That’s not religion. That’s just crazy. I mean I approached this film like American Psycho, but in Bible times. Oh, and he couldn’t count.

Wait. What?

Well, the ten commandments. There aren’t ten. There are eight tops.

Religious groups were quick to criticize Bale’s interpretation.

Berkshire Wrightly in his blog The God Squad wrote:

Yes. Moses did kill a lot of people. Yes, he did kill them on the basis of race and religion. Yes, he did impose a bunch of really moralistic rules on people claiming that they came from some higher power. In other words he was a perfect religious leader.

Exodus: Gods and Kings  will be released on 12 December, 2014.

EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS PHOTO NOVEL

HOLLYWOOD – The Biblical Epic Exodus: Gods and Kings by Ridley Scott has released the first look trailer, poster as well as a 67 page photo-novel of the film.

Although photo-novels were briefly popular in 1986, nary a one has been seen for just shy of two decades. However, Scott along with actors Christian Bale, Aaron Paul and Joel Edgerton have recreated the film via a series of still pictures with comic strip style speech and thought bubbles.  

Ridley Scott rushed in to the Studio Exec office in order to explain:

I love photo novels. Always have and always will. When Joel Edgerton revealed that he too was a fan, well, I thought why not use that and create publicity material. At first the marketing people said it would be a disaster, but I told them I was sick of them second guessing me. When I made Kingdom of Heaven everyone said I was mad to cast Orlando Bloom in the lead, but… Well, okay bad example. But I’m usually right.

Exodus: Gods and Kings will be released later this year. Exodus: God and Kings: The Photo-Novel is already available from all good book shops and Amazon.

RIDLEY SCOTT’S EXODUS SLAMMED BY BOB MARLEY’S FAMILY

 HOLLYWOOD – An early screening of Ridley Scott‘s new film Exodus: Gods and Kings has created a strongly negative reaction from the late Bob Marley’s family.

Continue reading “RIDLEY SCOTT’S EXODUS SLAMMED BY BOB MARLEY’S FAMILY”