DANNY BOYLE DEVELOPING THE RUNNING DEAD FOR HBO

HOLLYWOOD – The Zombie Apocalypse is almost upon us but this time in a television war of Zombie dramas, with HBO going head to head with the AMC show The Walking Dead, an producing a Danny Boyle created rival entitled The Running Dead

A HBO exec spoke to Studio Exec on strict conditions of anonymity:

This show is not just a great big f*ck you to AMC [said Michael Lumbardo], it’s also going to be an exciting piece of boundary pushing television. But it is going to be a big f*ck you to AMC as well.

Danny Boyle said he was delighted at the opportunity to go back into the zombie world he’d created with 28 Days Later.

Me and Alex [Garland] made a breakthrough by making the zombies… well, less zombie-ish. The Walking Dead is okay, but the zombies are slow and people have to trip up or find themselves in an enclosed space. I’ve been talking to two sponsors – Nike and Red Bull – and we’re going to use that product placement as inspiration.   

Mr. Boyle was cagey about the details and nothing seems to have been decided in terms of casting though Ewan MacGregor has been rumored for the lead role. However Boyle reacted with a guffaw at the idea of re-teaming with the Shallow Grave and Trainspotting star.

‘We could cast Ewan’s post-me career as one of the undead,’ he chortled cruelly but truly. 

The Running Dead is due to air in the Fall of 2018. 

TRAINSPOTTING 2 WILL FEATURE ACTUAL TRAINSPOTTING

HOLLYWOOD – Danny Boyle spills the beans on Trainspotting 2 to the Studio Exec, EXCLUSIVELY.

The excitement for the sequel of the Nineties hit movie Trainspotting, provisionally entitled Trainspotting 2, is palpable. But what can we expect? Well, director Danny Boyle popped into the Studio Exec Crack House to jaw about addiction, his new movie and literalism.

Tell us about the new film Trainspotting 2. What will be different? 

We’ve been talking about the sequel ever since we made the first film, but Trainspotting was ultimately about a very depressing subject, heroin addiction, so I very much felt that I didn’t want to go back and do another film about the same subject, unless I could do something new. Fortunately, Irvine Welsh was thinking along the same lines and he wrote a script which reflected changes in the lives of the characters, but also to some extent, changes in our own outlooks.

What do you mean?

Well, Renton, Begsby, Spud and Sick Boy were all in a certain stage of their lives at the end of the first film. Renton was on his way out of it, but we didn’t have a real feeling that he would escape. However in the new version all the main characters have grown and matured. None of them do heroin anymore, and they have replaced their addiction with a fascination in locomotives.

They’ve become trainspotters? 

Exactly. I laughed out loud when I read the script. I just thought perfect. Whereas in the first film trainspotting was the metaphor for a pointless time wasting pass time, in the second film they actually literally spend much of the film standing on platforms in Edingburgh and Crewe and spot trains.

Wow. But isn’t that a little difficult to make visually interesting.

Are you kidding? Trains come into stations, they go out of stations. Renton’s biro isn’t working. Sick Boy does his Sean Connery impersonation when he spots the Flying Scotsman. Spud shits himself when  he sees The Mallard. It’s amazing.

Trainspotting 2: Trainspotting will be released in 2016.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN’S FORCE AWAKENS ROLE REVEALED

HOLLYWOOD – Star Wars: The Force Awakens news is coming thick and fast, but perhaps the most surprising this week is the revelation that Hayden Christensen has a role in the new films.

The news came when a series of stills were released by J.J. Abrams to Entertainment Weekly, several of which clearly shows Hayden Christensen apparently acting in scenes.

hayden christensen

Veteran Star Wars watcher BanthaBotherer#22 spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

The presence of Hayden Christensen comes as a real shock. With George Lucas out of the picture, the sense was Kathleen Kennedy and J.J. Abrams wanted to put as much distance between themselves and the prequels as possible. From a plot point of view it doesn’t make sense, as we know that the new film takes e decades after the events of Return of the Jedi. Hayden Christensen’s character Anakin Skywalker is at this point long dead. So the only reasonable explanation is that this is Anakin Skywalker’s son. There is a reason that can’t make sense, but I don’t remember it now.

J.J. Abrams has offered a response to the many questions.

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Mr. Hayden Christensen will not appear in The Force Awakens. He was not officially cast and there is no character for him to play. I cannot possibly say if he sneaked onto the set in costume. But if someone were to do something like that then we obviously have the technology to digitally remove him. In fact of the 116 CGI shots that we have in the movie, 103 of them are removing Hayden Christensen and Ewan MacGregor.

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The Force Awakens will be released in two weeks time.

 

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

THE FABULOUS FILMOGRAPHY OF EWAN MCGREGOR






2013 – August: Osage County

August: I wish I was dead

2013 – Jack the Giant Slayer

Jack the Giant Turd

2012 – The Impossible

The Improbable

2011 – Haywire

Horse shit

2011 – Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

2011 – Perfect Sense

Perfect bollocks

2010 – Beginners

Absolute B…

2010  – Jackboots on Whitehall

Tosh

2010 – Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang

Toss

2010  – The Ghost

A spectre at the feast

2009 – Amelia

Lost at sea

2009 – The Men Who Stare at Goats

The actor who can’t do accents

2009 – Angels & Demons

Rhubarb & Cobblers

2009 – I Love You Phillip Morris

Man love

2008- Deception

Mouldy

2008 – Incendiary

Damp

2007 – Cassandra’s Dream

Oh mery, mercy me

2006 – Miss Potter

Moustache

2006 – Scenes of a Sexual Nature

Crap fringe

2006 – Alex Rider: Stormbreaker

Crap

2005- I Stay

I don’t know

2005 – The Island

Chopped liver

2005 – Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

Guinness Cold

2005 – Robots

Clunky

2003 – Big Fish

Flabby

2003 – Young Adam

Old hat

2003 – Down with Love

Wandering accent

2002 – Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones

Wandering acting

2001 -Black Hawk Down

They call him the wanderer…yeah…the wanderer.

2001- Moulin Rouge

Squawk

2000 – Nora

Batty

1999 – Eye of the Beholder

Christ Knows

1999 – Rogue Trader

Rogue accent

1999 – Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace

Limp Sabre 

1998 – Little Voice

Wet

1998 – Velvet Goldmine

Stupid Film

1997 – A Life Less Ordinary

Stupid Haircut

1997 – The Serpent’s Kiss

Probably Shit

1997 – Nightwatch

Probably Shitter

1996 – Brassed Off

Rusty Trombone

1996 – Emma

Sideburns

1996 – The Pillow Book

Cock

1996 – Trainspotting

Smack

1995 – Blue Juice

Cheese

1994 -Shallow Grave

Ham

AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY: REVIEW

AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY: REVIEW – The title August: Osage County – adapted from his own stage play by Tracy Letts – comes from what happens when you don’t have a title so you move the first sentence of your pitch up to the title page.

His first draft was called EXT. OKLAHOMA. DAY but everyone thought it was going to be a musical. 

It stars Meryl Actress as a woman with mouth cancer – the choice of cancer is ‘symbolic’ – who is dealing with the death of her husband, her pill addiction and the brief return of her scattered family. Playwright Sam Shepherd has a brief moment (talk about Harold Bloom’s ‘anxiety of influence’). Julia Roberts, Juiliette Lewis and Julianne Nicholson play her grown daughters. Woozy Meryl is on class form spewing her bitterness and vitriol at all present, until Barbara (Roberts) fresh from a separation with Ewan McGregor (and unaccountably unhappy about it) starts to match her blow for blow. Nothing is ‘melo-‘ here, this is high drama and some of the twists of the plot are just too soapy.

The need for us to recognise everyone’s motivation also becomes a little bit schematic with most characters getting a least one speech to put their actions in proper perspective and elicit unsuspected sympathy. But the performances are top notch, lifting their characters away from Letts’ flirting with cliché. Aside from the star turns, Margo Martindale is great as Meryl’s sister and Chris Cooper – one of my favourite character actors – is the only entirely sympathetic character in the whole piece. And Benedict Cumberbatch sings! (which, by the way, should have been on the poster). 

Director John Wells puts in some nice landscape shots and keeps the action moving so that it doesn’t look too much like a play and largely succeeds, the busyness of the plot aside. 

****

TOM HIDDLESTON ‘NOT GUILTY’ OF SWAN MURDER

LONDON – ‘The nightmare is over,’ said a beaming Tom Hiddleston, on the steps of a London courthouse. The case which began two weeks ago saw the Avengers star accused of having murdered a swan in Hyde Park a month ago.

The prosecution case seemed unassailable. A number of eye witnesses testified to having seen Mr. Hiddleston kill the swan, although there was some confusion as to how he killed the swan. Some said that he killed the swan by kicking its head off; some said he killed the swan by biting its head off and some said he killed the swan by throttling it with his bare hands, but one fact was absolutely certain, they had all seen Tom Hiddleston kill a swan. Plus there was the police report and forensics on the body of one male swan (decapitated).


The consequences could have been very grim, as in England swans are legally the property of the monarch and, as a crime against the Queen, Hiddleston if had been found guilty would have faced a further charge of treason, carrying the possibility of the ultimate sanction. However, Hiddleston  listened to the prosecution’s case unmoved, before insisting on conducting his own defence. When called to present his case he put on a special hat and held a staff of some kind at which point everything he said seemed to be utterly reasonable and true. He argued there was no swan, he did not even think swans existed and he had not killed it. His eyes burnt with a fierce malevolent intensity.

Court artist’s impression

The jury immediately pronounced him innocent and the judge – from a kneeling position – expressed his deep regret at his supreme overlord being in any way inconvenienced. The prosecution – who were now weeping and gibbering – also begged for mercy. Once Mr. Hiddleston had left the court room to greet the press on the steps of the court, everyone inside felt as if they had just awoken from a deep restful sleep and had only a vague memory of what happened. Father Ewan MacGregor – President of the Swan Protection League – condemned the judgement as being ‘obviously the result of mind manipulation’. However, Hiddleston’s friend and charter member of the Hollywood gang the Jolly Bastards, Benedict Cumberbatch said that it was time people allowed that swans were dirty vermin and their murder completely justified.

For more on this story, CLICK HERE and CLICK HERE.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT NAOMI WATTS

HOLLYWOOD – How many myths? How many lies? How much mumbo jumbo has surrounded the most enigmatic of Norwegians, Naomi Watts?

Well no longer! Studio Exec – armed with the baloney busting Bazooka of brilliance – puts paid to piffle with FACT.

  1. Naomi Watts’ father Jeff Watts invented electricity. 
  2. In preparation for the filming of Tsunami drama The Impossible Watts and her co-star Fr. Ewan MacGregor learnt to speak fluent Spanish, had their hair dyed and even applied for Spanish citizenship so as to reproduce the experiences of the real life Belòn family with the appropriate verisimilitude. ‘It would be a disgusting insult to Maria Belòn and her family to just Anglicize the characters in order to make the film more commercially successful,’ said Ms. Watts. However, the studio dubbed the film into English and changed the family into an English family, at which point Ms. Watts forgot Spanish instantly.
  3. As well as being a versatile actress, Naomi Watts is also an expert linguist. Her mastery of accents is such that people rarely guess she is Norwegian. She adopts a light Australian accent during interviews which provoked criticism from the Norwegian Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg, who took to referring to Naomi Watts as Naomi Whats?, which is considered hilarious in Norway and was instrumental to his winning of the election.
  4. Her early film roles included a supporting role in Tank Girl and Norwegian soap opera Home and Away. Naomi Watts also appeared in King Kong, although at the last minute the roles were changed and Andy Serkis played the large eponymous monkey. 
  5. During the filming of David Lynch’s masterly Mulholland Drive, Ms. Watts prepared for her part by eating nothing but squirrel in the mistaken belief it would help her attune to Mr. Lynch’s precise brand of weirdness.  She used the same technique when starring in the American language version of Funny Games, during which she only ate Michael Haneke’s favourite type of Pot Noodle. 
For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

BREAKFAST WITH ASSHOLES: 17. DANNY BOYLE

Danny Boyle – director of such an eclectic range of films as Trainspotting, Slumdog Millionaire, 127 Hours, Sunshine, 28 Days Later and A Life Less Ordinary – is chopping bananas, kiwis, apples, crushing cranberries and dropping them all into a blender. ‘I’m making you one of my famous smoothies,’ he says, scratching himself with a free hand. ‘You have one of these and you can run a mile, chum!’

Once it’s done I taste it and say it’s very nice. Danny runs around the kitchen, punching the air in a victory dance. ‘I’m simply the best,’ he sings at the top of his little lungs.

So Danny what’s all this about Trainspotting 2?

I’m done thinking up new shit. I’m all out of ideas. Think about it. I’ve worked in every genre: science fiction with Sunshine, horror with 28 Days Later, straight drama, Bollywood. I’ve even worked in the shit Cameron Diaz film genre with A Life Less Ordinary. Well, that’s it I can’t do it any more. From now on, I’m just making sequels. Do you want some more?

Yes please. So what do you have planned?

After Trainspotting 2, I’m going to do Sunshine 2, Slumdog Billionaire and 254 Hours. Then I’m going to direct the Olympics 2.

But the Olympics will be in …

Yeah, whatever. I haven’t thought that far ahead. There you go. I put a little of my secret stuff in there. What people don’t understand about the Olympics is I really wanted the Queen to be in it, I mean the actual Queen, but they just gave me some hammy old stand in, not even my second choice Helen Mirren. 

No, that was the actual Queen. 

 Bloody Nora. I made a pass at her. 

What are your plans for Trainspotting?

Ewan MacGregor has given me a lot of input, but he’s a catholic priest now (for more on that story CLICK HERE) so he’s asking we clean it up a lot and cast younger male leads. Other than that I have pressure from Irvine Welsh that he be given a larger acting role. And the Americans want the characters to go to the States. Some have suggested that our heroes accidentally buy a zoo, rather than use heroin. As long as we’re true to the spirit of the original, I’ll do anything.

Abruptly, I need to get to the bathroom and when I emerge Danny is gone and I have lost two stone.

For all the Breakfasts CLICK HERE.

TOM HANKS CALLED TO THE VATICAN URGENTLY

ROME – The Vatican sent out a distress signal last night on the eve of the Papal conclave that is set to choose the next pope and Tom Hanks – Hollywood screen legend, professional nice man and Forrest Hump rapper – responded immediately by packing three suitcases, booking a ticket on line, getting a taxi to the airport, getting on a plane and flying to Rome where the Vatican – a separate country (?) – is embedded like a sticky-outy belly button.

The cardinals had feared that the various scandals featuring a dossier, sexually abusive bishops, pedophile priests and general corruption would destroy the Holy See, but now with the imminent arrival of the Hankster calm has been restored.

Fr. Ewan

Father Ewan MacGregor – an old friend of Tom Hanks, once an ‘actor’ and now a catholic priest – said that he thought the arrival of Hanks would be a ‘tonic’.

What Tom brings to the table is a lightness of touch and an ability to draw the attention of the world press away from some of the less pleasant aspects of our most holy Roman church. 

Fr. Cheech Marin

Some die hard conservatives within the church however have criticized the Hanks intervention, citing the disastrous Cheech and Chong conclave in the mid-seventies. ‘They were originally there on a purely consultative basis,’ said Mel Gibson’s dad. ‘But the next thing you know white smoke is covering St Peter’s Square and the Pope wasn’t even dead yet.’

Some have speculated that Hanks’ role by go beyond dealing out good cheer and he might in fact be offered the Papacy himself, despite being married and American.

JOSH BROLIN ARRESTED FOR ORGANISING BOOZE UP IN BREWERY

HOLLYWOOD – Character actor and former American President Josh Brolin has been arrested on New Year’s Day following a tip off that there were rowdy noises coming from Darlington Beer Factory.

Mr. Brolin told the officers that they were great guys and he ‘really loved them, no, really with all my heart’.

The news will come as no shock to fans of Mr. Brolin who have loved him in films such as No Country for Old Men and W. Only last year he was arrested after his pet bear Enoch ‘defecated in a forestry area’ according to the citation. Before that he caused controversy by revealing that Pope Benedict the13th was secretly a practicant of the Catholic faith, an extreme Christian sect hell bent on convincing the world that Ewan MacGregor is worthwhile.