TOP 5 SOCCER FILMS

BRAZIL – In honor of the World Cup Studio Exec has taken time out of his busy schedule to use his top 5 Soccer Films. 

1. Escape to Victory – It has Pele, Michael Caine and Sylvester Stallone as a goal keeper. Directed by John Huston and co-starring Max Von Sydow it’s actually better than soccer itself and proves decisively that Soccer won the war and not tennis as the French insist.

2. Kes – Not really about football but there’s a great football match in the middle with a superlative Brian Glover. See also Gregory’s Girl

3. Zidane – A documentary about everyone’s favorite headbutter of Italians.

4. Bend it Like Beckham – On the one hand it was a popular light comedy about a young British girl’s ambition to play football despite her traditional Indian family’s protests. On the other, it introduced us to the talents of Kiera Knightley.  

5. The Damned United – Michael Sheen plays Brian Clough, a football manager of something called Leeds United Football Club (a fictional team?) who seems hell bent on pissing everybody off, to hilarious results. 

For more lists of things with the number 5 in the title Click Here.  

REMAKE WATCH: VICTORY

LONDON – Francis Ford Coppola‘s long awaited Escape to Victory reboot will replace soccer with golf.

The original John Huston original from 1981 featured a Michael Caine and Sylvester Stallone who team up with a cast of similar non-actors, in the form of professional footballers: Ozzie Ardelese and Pelé and who have to plan an escape (via soccer) to victory, or possibly instant recapture and firing squad. Max Von Sydow, an actual actor, played the sympathetic Nazi commandant.

For Coppola, the gestation of his remake actually began in 1968, before the original was even thought of. ‘I always wanted to remake a film called Escape to Victory,’ the bearded vintner squirmed. ‘But until 1981, no such film existed.’

‘A disgrace to the noble art of adultery’


Defending his tampering with the original story – which was ludicrous enough already – Coppola took out a gun and started firing at the journalists. Once disarmed, he argued more cogently and legally, ‘Golf if a traditional Prussian game and it will give the POWs more scope to escape. I have a hilarious scene where one of the Nazis kills himself in a bunker, a sand bunker (or sand trap). Okay maybe it isn’t that funny.’

Tom Hardy will play the Michael Caine role, Michael Caine will play the Sylvester Stallone role and Tiger Woods will play the Pelé role. All the ‘actors’ will be shaving their body hair in preparation for filming due to begin in 2015.