HOLLYWOOD – The script for the new episode of Star Wars: The Force Awakens leaked onto the internet today and we are publishing an EXCLUSIVE extract.
INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON – DAY
Chewbacca and Han Solo enter the Millennium Falcon.
HAN SOLO
Chewie, we’re home!
CHEWBACCA
MWAARHHH!
HAN SOLO
I’ll put the kettle on. Have we got biscuits?
INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON KITCHENETTE – DAY
Han Solo hunts for biscuits. They’re in the bottom cupboard.
HAN SOLO
It’s so good that we’re done with the adventures and all that. No Death Star to blow up. No Empire to defeat. I’ve got a good feeling about this.
Chewbacca puts his slippers on.
CHEWBACCA
MWARRRAAAHOOOHH.
HAN SOLO
You can say that again buddy.
INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON LOUNGE – DAY
Chewbacca and Han Solo recline on La-Z-Boys sipping cocoa and nibbling on ginger snaps.
HAN SOLO
I mean adventures, shooting storm troopers, getting frozen in carbon, captured by Ewoks. How are your English lessons coming on?
CHEWBACCA
Splendid.
HAN SOLO
You should speak English more.
CHEWBACCA
And forget my Wookie heritage? No thank you.
HAN SOLO
Fair Point.
A hologram of Princess Leia appears on the table.
PRINCESS LEIA
Help me Han Solo. You’re my only hope.
HAN SOLO
Oh hey Leia.
PRINCESS LEIA
Can you pick up the kids? I know I’d said I’d go but …
HAN SOLO
Must I do everything myself? Why can’t their Uncle Luke go?
PRINCESS LEIA
And you know how Luke has the Force, his father had it, his mother had it, his sister (that’s me) has it… Anyway, loads of us have it.
HAN SOLO
Okay!?
PRINCESS LEIA
Well, you know how the Force sometimes goes to sleep?
HAN SOLO
First I’ve heard about it.
PRINCESS LEIA
Well, the force is asleep basically so I can’t pick the kids up, neither can Luke, Dad can’t because he’s … well… dead.
HAN SOLO
Okay, so I’ll go and pick them up because I don’t have the Force.
PRINCESS LEIA
Right.
HAN SOLO
And this is like all this week?
PRINCESS LEIA
Until the Force awakens, yep. A week tops.
Princess Leia hangs up.
HAN SOLO
Okay Chewie, looks like we’re doing the school run.
CHEWBACCA
MWAAARRRRAAHHAHH!
HAN SOLO
You’re right. It does suck balls.
THE END