MGM: NO TIME FOR BOND RUMORS

HOLLYWOOD – MGM deny running out of Bond rumors.

There have been no new stories or rumors about James Bond 007 surfacing on the internet within the last 48 hours. Larry Sezno – Head of Rumor & Denial at the studio, has been forced to release a statement that MGM deny running out of Bond rumors.

 

MGM Deny Bond Rumor – ‘Plenty Left’

“It’s just bullshit,” He told reporters, “We got plenty of rumors left to waft around on the internet for all you baying donkeys out there. We got teams of dedicated gossip mongers working around the clock. These bitter, sweaty little staff writers who couldn’t get a gig on Saturday Night Live will make sure the Twitter machine is fed. It’ll be chock-full of mini interviews of cast members saying absolutely nothing of any interest to anyone. Then, we let the internet do its magic by weaving in a narrative that although is likely and predictable, is never directly mentioned by us. It’s fucking genius. You all spend hour after hour lapping this stuff up, spaffing your meaningless lives away on this shit. Which means I get paid a truck load of money making sure you do.”

Keyser Soze

“And then what? We don’t even release the movie! We just keep pushing the date further and further back until eventually… puff, and like that, it’s gone. But we deny it’s the Keyser Soze of movies, because he doesn’t exist.”

There Is No Spoon

That brings me onto my next point of business. MGM and EON Productions absolutely and 100% vehemently deny the rumors circulating that there is no Bond film to release. We 100% deny that making big budget movies has become too expensive and too risky. There’s no truth that this forced us into just making trailers. We also robustly deny that there never was a No Time To Die. Or that we’re just waiting for Marvel or Star Wars to cast another woman in a lead role. Then, the internet will lose its shit about that and forget all about our non-existent movie. Therefor we totally deny any of that has any kind of basis in truth whatsoever.”

No Time To Die may one day be released, sometime, somewhere. Your guess is as good as ours.

CONNERY RETURNS AS 007

HOLLYWOOD – Sean Connery is to return as 007 in a new film, provisionally entitled Never Say Never Again Again. The film will be produced by Stig Pictures in direct competition with the Eon Productions official Sam Mendes directed, Daniel Craig Bond.

Barry Marbles, CEO of Stig Pictures, released a statement, which read:

For years Sean and I have talked about doing follow up to Thunderball, the rights of which have never been definitively decided. Well, he isn’t getting any younger, so the last time we were drunk, we decided if we were going to do it, we best do it straight away.

The plot will feature secret agent James Bond (Connery) being sent to a health farm by M (Helen Mirren) after a mission goes badly wrong. Here, he will sit in a comfy chair and reminisce to a sexy nurse (Catherine Zeta Jones) about earlier adventures, all of which will be shown in a series of flashbacks.

‘It’s going to be cheap,’ promised an excited Lee Tamahori who has been roped in to direct. ‘And, you know, quick. Three weeks tops. Which is two more than I used for Die Another Day. Ha ha ha!’

Never Say Never Again Again will be settled out of court.


SKYFALL 2 RUMORS

HOLLYWOOD – It was probably inevitable that – following the billion dollar success of the Sam Mendes action  movie Skyfall – producers would want to cash in with a follow up and that indeed seems to be the case.

Mendes, however, has ruled himself out: ‘I think that story is finished. I can’t see anyway of continuing with what’s he called? Bond? Yeah, I can’t think of anyway which wouldn’t be formulaic.’
Daniel Craig – the actor who introduced ‘James Bond’ to the world as well as the slop that was Cowboys and Aliens – begs to differ.
 I’m interested in the character and I think there are possibilities, things to explore. We can take him to some different places. Both geographically and psychologically.

The Studio Exec had the opportunity also of asking Michael G. Wilson who produced Skyfall his views:

Michael G. Wilson

Of course we’ll be doing another film. There’s always the danger we’ll repeat ourselves but it is a danger we will do out utmost to avoid. While still delivering something which is familiar to fans.

Do you see a possible trilogy or even a franchise?

I wouldn’t go that far. I mean who wants to go and see the same character doing the same things again and again. We’re not imbeciles are we. No. I’d like to see the next film called Skyfall Part Two in the tradition of the Godfather. And if I’m following the tradition of the Godfather I definitely want to avoid a third film.

Skyfall 2 will begin production early in 2014.