HP LOVECRAFT REVIEWS: THE MEYEROWITZ STORIES (NEW AND SELECTED)

REVIEW – THE MEYEROWITZ STORIES (NEW AND SELECTED) sees the return of Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller to comedy after a long hiatus.

Noah Baumbach’s new film The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected) features a stellar cast in perhaps the director’s most accomplished film since The Squid and the Whale.  Veterans Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman are joined by Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller. Our occasional guest reviewer HP Lovecraft casts his eldritch eye over the new comedy of a dysfunctional family coming together to resolve their issues in a subtle and nuanced comedy.

HP Lovecraft writes:

There were too many Jews.

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ELI ROTH A LOCK FOR NANNY MCPHEE 3

TORONTO – Renowned horror director and eyebrow model Eli Roth let slip that his next film would be the long awaited Nanny McPhee 3.

The 43 year old Hostel director Eli Roth ended months of speculation in a private EXCLUSIVE conversation with the Studio Exec in which he confirmed he would be responsible for bringing to a close the McPhee trilogy:

Ever since I started making movies I’ve wanted to contribute to the Nanny McPhee universe. I mean, who wouldn’t? We met with Emma and though she didn’t seem to know who I was (thank God!), she was really nice and we drank tea and ate cucumber sandwiches. I shit you not, it was classy.

It’s something of a departure for you. 

Is it? Maybe. I’ve always wanted to make a children’s film. If you look at my movies, a certain childlike quality…

You mean they’re infantile.

Yes! But more than that. The common thread I think, is that we’re both, Emma and I, interested in the ugliness of life. And as much as I admire the first two films, I will be bringing something new. Dare I say ‘Rothian’ to the mix.

Nanny McPhee and the Sadistic Green and Red Cellar is due for release in 2018. 

EMMA THOMPSON: ‘THE ENGLISH SHOULD DROWN IN SEA OF SH*T’

HOLLYWOOD – Oscar winning actress and tireless charity campaigner Emma Thompson today released another scathing attack on her mother country, England.

Emma Thompson last week provoked ire in her own country by calling England a sad little rainy island full of cake. But now she has reportedly doubled down, having heard the outcry that her previous comments caused. She allegedly told the Studio Exec:

The English are a bunch of sad bum faces who should all drown in a sea of their own sh*t that spouts out of their bum faces on the top of their sad bum heads.

But surely…

Sad bum heads with dirty great sad stupid faces that were only put on this earth to be slammed by the big fat swinging buttocks of stupid bum faces.

And cake?

Don’t get me started on their cake. They eat all this cake but it’s cake that’s made of shit and it goes in as shit and then it comes out of the bum faces as double shit.

This is not the first time that the celebrated actress has been in trouble for her outspoken opinions. When making Remains of the Day with Anthony Hopkins, Thompson called the Welsh actor ‘a Welsh bum face’. After Sense and Sensibility, she referred to Kate Winslett as ‘that bum face woman.’ And she more recently described Tom Hanks during the making of Saving Mr. Banks as ‘buttock face’.

Alone in Berlin will be released in 2016.

MARY POPPINS V NANNY MCPHEE GREEN LIT

HOLLYWOOD – Emma Thompson and Emily Blunt are both onboard for the new Disney mash up McPhee V Poppins.

The new super Nanny mash up is on with Emma Thompson and Emily Blunt going head to head in a childcare smack down McPhee V Poppins, which pits the two care providers against each other to save Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe.

Director Zach Snyder spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Basically Nanny McPhee and Mary Poppins exist in the same P.L. Travers universe and so it was only a matter of time before we got the two together. I thought of the idea when I was talking to Kevin Smith and we were on acid and watching Mary Poppins and a Nanny McPhee marathon, including the sequel that no one actually watched.

So what’s the story?

Well, essentially, Mary Poppins leaves the children – Dan and Emma – and Nanny McPhee turns up and tries to dance with penguins and chimney sweeps and the like. Basically stealing Mary Poppins ideas and Mary Poppins as you can imagine is none too pleased. But they have to join forces to defeat Elijah Wood.

Elijah Wood?

Shut up.

McPhee V Poppins will be released in 2017.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

EMMA THOMPSON ADMITS: I DON’T HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM

LONDON – Star of stage and screen, Nanny McPhee and PL Travers, Emma Thompson admitted today that she didn’t have a drinking problem.

‘I’ve not had a drinking problem for several years,’ said Emma. ‘I’ve been pretending all this time because I thought it was a bit of a giggle.’

Rumors that the Sense and Sensibility star might not have a drinking problem started at the Golden Globes. Mark Strong said:

She went on stage and looked woozy, utterly plastered actually, but when she came back she sat down with me and we talked and she seemed perfectly lucid. She had a couple of glasses of wine, but nothing excessive. It was then that I first realized she must be putting it on.

Stephen Fry the host of the BAFTAs was similarly unimpressed by Ms. Thompson’s imbibing. 

As someone who has himself had to deal with addiction problems I’m a pretty good judge of other peoples’ inebriation or otherwise. And I have to say off stage she was stone cold sober, the little pekinese. 

Thompson told the Studio Exec that she wouldn’t be going to a clinic to dry out and she was not a member of AA. She said she wasn’t ashamed, nor was she grateful for all the support she hadn’t received from friends and relatives alike. 

Men, Women & Children will be released in 2014.

SAVING MR. BANKS: REVIEWS

Saving Mr. Banks



Disney goes Meta. Forrest Gump wants to make a movie called Mary Poppins but the author of the novel, Nanny McPhee, is reluctant to cede control because she is too busy thinking back to when Colin Farrell dressed up as Johnny Depp from Finding Neverland but in Australia.
Emma Thompson is wonderful as a female version of Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets, the kind of ornery curmudgeon who we love watching being horrifically rude to everyone safe in the knowledge that it’s all because of something’s rotten in the state of childhood and by the final reel she will have redeemed herself with fat wet tears. A disabled child is mentioned but thankfully not wheeled on. Tom Hanks’ impersonation of Disney isn’t bad, though I can’t help but remember Hanks the comedian. 

Disney (the company) have done a clever thing here, taking on its critics, allowing them enough room to say all the rude things they can about Disney – which (Walt) Disney listens to with frankly implausible patience – and then ultimately getting them to succumb to the magic once Walt has got his way on absolutely everything: Mary Poppins is a musical, there’s animation, he has a mustache and there is the color red. Of course we all succumb. You will, I did, even Mrs Travers, because a spoon full of sugar helps the sugar go down.