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Movie News

DORA THE EXPLORER LIVE ACTION FILM TO FEATURE THE WALL

HOLLYWOOD – Michael Bay’s live action version of Dora the Explorer will be very political.

Michael Bay spoke about his new live action version of the Nickelodeon TV show Dora the Explorer today.

The Transformers and Pearl Harbor director told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that he wants a Dora that is suited to Trump’s America. He said:

When Dora first came out the world was a different place. Most of us watched it with a sense of innocence. Little did we know that Dora actually comes from a world of rapists and criminals. Since Donald Trump’s election, I’ve decided to rewrite the script and now we’re going Dora going to the American border and discovering the wall. Will she be able to go over it? Will her backpack help her in some way? I can’t tell you yet, but I’ve got a feeling no.

Surely this is politicizing children’s television.

Well, the left wing did it first with Sesame Street. All that bullshit about the people in your neighborhood and having to speak Spanish. All we’re going to do is try to balance things up a little.

But at least Dora will give a positive role model for Mexican girls. 

Yes. I’m sure Emma will do a great job.

Emma?

Emma Stone. She’s playing Dora.

Dora the Explorer comes out in 2019.

 

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Movie News

JJ ABRAMS TO REMAKE JAPAN

HOLLYWOOD – JJ Abrams is to remake Japan, the country.

Star Trek, Force Awakens and Lost director JJ Abrams announced his project to remake the country of Japan.

It is going to be phenomenal. We’re going to take the whole country and repopulate it with Emma Stone, Scarlett Johansson and Channing Tatum.

The news came soon after the announcement of Abrams’ other project: a live action remake of Anime Your Name. With concerns about white washing Asian characters still very much alive the Studio Exec asked Abrams how he would address concerns:

Oh yeah. We’ve thought about that. You see Japan as it exists today is full of Asian people because of where it is. But we’re going to remake it just off the coast of San Francisco and so that problem just goes away. The story of Japan is just so universal. We don’t need to worry about this or that cultural norm because isn’t everything really about white people anyway?

Japan will be available in the Pacific Ocean from January.

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Movie News

EMMA STONE TO REPLACE ED SKREIN FOR HELLBOY

HOLLYWOOD – Emma Stone will replace Ed Skrein in the Hellboy reboot.

Major Ben Daiamio will no longer be played by Ed Skrein. The actor withdrew from the film following a whitewashing backlash against his casting as an Asian-American character. The actor selflessly took the decision that he would not play the part so as to stop the trend of obscuring ethnically specific roles. Producers today announced that he would be replaced by Emma Stone. A spokesperson for the studio stated:

We fully respect Ed’s decision and indeed applaud it. But the movie needs to be made and the audience is waiting. So it is with great pleasure that we can announce that Academy Award winner Emma Stone will be taking over the role of Benjamina Daiamio. As Emma is like a fourth Hawaian or something, there should be no backlash. We think.

Emma Stone starred in Cameron Crowe’s Aloha a few years back causing some controversy. It is possible that her appearance in Hellboy might lead to even more.

Hellboy will be released in 2018.

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Movie News

PHIL COLLINS ADMITS TO VOICING EMMA WATSON IN BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

HOLLYWOOD – Veteran rocker and Genesis front man Phil Collins today confessed that he was the voice behind Emma Watson’s Belle in the new live action Beauty and the Beast.

British rocker Phil Collins admits to being the voice behind Emma Watson in Disney’s new Beauty and the Beast. He spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I’m thoroughly ashamed of myself. But the divorce lawyers took a real bite and I need the moolah. First they came sniffing around the time of La La Land. Just a little bit of vocals, Phil, they said. Three days tops. So I said yes.

This was for Ryan Gosling’s role?phil collins

No, Emma Stone. She’s a beautiful lady and she’s got a pair of pegs on her. But Lord her singing voice was like someone bunging a cat locked in a fridge down a spiral staircase. Lorks!

So you dubbed Emma Stone in La La Land?

Yes.

She won an Oscar for that role.

Did she? I don’t keep up with the showbiz. It depresses me frankly.

Then you got the Beauty and the Beast gig?

Yeah. They liked what I’d done so they must have thought, Phil’s the go-to guy to voice Emmas.  It was a bit harder, but I managed. Hermione had given it her best shot bless her. But her best shot sounded roughly the equivalent of someone killing a bucket of baby seals with a claw-headed hammer.

Not good.

Someone called 911. And it was someone in the studio who knew what was happening.

So you came in.

Yeah. And I gargled with pineapple juice and away I went.

Pineapple juice?

Yeah. It makes me sound less like a dustbin man and more like a young scrap of a lass.

What’s your next project?

Emily Blunt. Oh and I’m doing a charity record for the victims of drone attacks.

What’s it called?

I can Feel it Coming in the Air Tonight (Oh Lord).

Beauty and the Beast is in cinemas.

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Reviews

LA LA LAND – REVIEW

VENICE – Damien Chazell’s follow up to Whiplash is like the interesting B-Side to all the Hollywood musicals you know and love.

La La Land stars Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling as a pair of starry eyed dreamers who must negotiate a path to success and fame while stay true to themselves and, as romance develops, each other. It’s about… wait a minute. The way I saw it at the festival I knew nothing about it and that added to it. The surprise and the joy are great. So I’m not going to give you the story or any of that crap. All I’m going to do is point you in the direction. It’s funny and smart and moving. Chazelle knows how to put music and images together and this makes the usual off the rack Broadway adaptation look like just that. It has the wow of a Stanley Donen film but the emotional complexity and wit of middle period Woody Allen. Romance is alive and well and living at the movies.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

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Movie News

MERYL STREEP TO PLAY RACHEL DOLEZAL

BERLIN – Head of the Jury at the Berlin Film Festival, Meryl Streep has sought to clarify her comment about diversity – ‘We are all Africans’ – EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec saying that she has been preparing for her role as Rachel Dolezal in a new film.

‘We are all Africans,’ says Meryl Streep, responding to accusations that the Berlin Film Festival lacks diversity and features an all white judges panel. The response was immediate and aggressive as many wondered if the Oscar winning actress had been dropped on the head. As it turns out, Streep was simply channelling a role that she was preparing to play in a new film Different: The Rachel Dolezal Story, where she has taken over from Emma Stone.

This is so embarrassing Exec. Sometimes I go so far into a character it becomes very difficult to work out where I end and the character begins. I remember I’d wake up the middle of the night sometimes shouting ‘The dingoes ate my baby!’ and it would take hours before I got back to normal. As for Berlin I have been preparing the role in the new film of Rachel Dolezal’s life. Of course I’ve read the script and I’ve researched the part intensively and I guess something just kind of seeped in.

So you don’t believe we are all Africans?

Of course we all are Africans originally, but to ignore what happened in the fifty thousand years since is a little stupid to say the least. We could just as easily say we are all star dust or we were all single celled organisms at one point. It’s true but not necessarily helpful when thinking about racism in the twenty-first century.

Different: The Rachel Dolezal Story will be released in 2017.

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Movie News

EMMA STONE TO PLAY RACHEL DOLEZAL

HOLLYWOOD – Emma Stone will play Rachel Dolezal in Ridley Scott’s next film White is the New Black, sources confirmed.

The Rachel Dolezal story broke only this week, but the potential for a cinematic treatment was obvious to one and all with the Wayan brothers, C. Thomas Howell and Dustin Hoffman all bidding for the rights. In the end however it was Ridley Scott’s Scott Free Productions which landed the deal and immediately thoughts turned to casting. Ridley Scott called up the Studio Exec bungalow earlier today to speak about it:

Emma is such a versatile actor. In Aloha she effortlessly becomes Asian/Hawaiian. In Woody Allen’s Magic in the Moonlight and Irrational Man, she single-handedly saves the films. So I thought about her the instant we got the go ahead on the Dolezal Story.  My only worry was, will the audience believe her as a white woman?

What attracts you to the project?

To me we’re living in a postmodern world in which self-identification has become almost a free for all. On the one hand, certain identities are arbitrary so why not? But on the other wanting to be something and being something are two different things and shouldn’t be confused. This is going to be a very interesting film about identity and politics, self-deception and family.

So you’re treating it seriously?

Hell no. It’s going to be laugh out loud funny. I haven’t done a comedy practically ever so this is my big chance. We’re going to have her get into a series of hilarious situations.

Such as?

Such as she goes to a ‘house party’ and has to do a rap! She has to overcome an allergy to chicken. And she has no natural sense of rhythm.

But wait aren’t those all outdated stereotypes?

And there’s an amazing scene when the cops come to break up a pool party!

White is the New Black will be released in 2016.

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Movie News

EMMA STONE CAST IN LIVE ACTION MULAN

HOLLYWOOD – Following her quarter Hawaiian quarter Chinese role in Cameron Crowe’s Aloha, Emma Stone continues her fight for racially diverse roles for white actresses, starring in a live action remake of Disney classic Mulan.

Emma Stone (Birdman and Irrational Man) will take on the role of Hua Mulan the legendary female warrior from China’s early history.

She spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

When I was in Aloha, Cameron Crowe wrote me a really interesting character in Captain Allison Ng. As a girl who is about as white as you can be, I rarely get the opportunity to play outside of my ethnic category, but Cameron cast me as a girl who was quarter Chinese, quarter Hawaiian and half Swedish. It was a real challenge and I think I pulled it off. So this made me hungry to stretch myself and appear in something where I would be completely another ethnicity.

And so Mulan?

Yes, exactly. Here I’m not just playing a character who is entirely Chinese, Hua Mulan is also a Chinese hero, an iconic figure which is sure to make some people sit up and pay attention.

It is going to be controversial.

I know but I’ve always wanted to challenge fixed notions of race. Many people don’t know this but when I originally auditioned for The Help, I actually went in and read for Aibeleen, the character that Viola Davis ended up playing. Everyone though was just trying to make myself stand out, but I seriously wanted that role. After all black actresses get all the parts these days.

Mulan will be released in 2018.

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Movie News

FIRST POSTER FOR BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – The first poster for Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson’s remake of Big Trouble in Little China hit the internet today along with an official statement from the star.

The remake of John Carpenter’s 1986 cult classic Big Trouble in Little China is set to star Dwayne Johnson as hard boiled truck driver Jack Burton, who gets caught up with supernatural goings on in the eponymous Chinatown. The original starred Kurt Russell and Kim Cattrall and was a bit of a flop for Carpenter, who was seeking to cash in on the Romancing the Stone and Indiana Jones action fare of the day. The new version will be written by X-Men: First Class scribes Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz and the approach according to Dwayne Johnson’s statement looks to be reverential:

All too often a remake of this kind of property is too keen to reinvent what doesn’t need reinventing and in the process we lose what was genuinely good about the original. So in this version, I am going to be digitally inserted into the original on top of Kurt Russell’s image and will simply take his place. We’ve hired Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz to update some of the dialogue but as much as we can we’ll leave alone. We want to see Gracie and fight Lo Pan (James Wong). The only casting change is perhaps to get Emma Stone to play Miao Yin.

How fans will react to this is yet to be seen, but Swiss cinema expert Xavier Poulis believes that Dwayne Johnson might have gone one remake too far.

Johnson is a likable personality and he obviously attracts audiences, as the success of San Andreas has proven. But he is finding himself attached to too many sequels and remakes. We’ve already seen him in the Furious films, the Voyage films, and there’s a Baywatch film coming up. And yet there is still no word as to when we will see Southland Tales 2, the film everyone is waiting for.

Dwayne Johnson’s Big Trouble in Little China will be released in 2017.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

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Five Facts

5 THINGS WE LEARNED FROM THE GOLDEN GLOBES

HOLLYWOOD – The Studio Exec sent in the world famous FACT squad to find out exactly what the Golden Globes taught us about everything.

1. George Clooney went and got married when no one was looking. The world’s most famous bachelor tied the knot with some civil rights lawyer or other sometime in the last year, probably during some kind of secret ceremony.

2. Bill Cosby is easier to joke about than Woody Allen, because everyone is pretty sure he did it. Whereas last year’s Cecil B. DeMille recipient Woody Allen was sniped at via social media by Mia Farrow et al, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler had a couple of rapey jokes which even Ricky Gervais wouldn’t have got away with.

3. Pompeii might not be such a run in for the best picture nomination as previously predicted.

4. Jeremy Renner is in line for Andrew Dice Clay’s crown as stand up comedian of risque material, with his ‘Look at the Golden Globes on you’ hilarious rib-tickler which he slotted in Jennifer Lopez’s direction, who – it turns out – has breasts. You see it’s funny because it’s true. Hmmmm. That one should have stayed in the Joke Locker.

5. Hollywood can take a joke. Except for Emma Stone, who seemed to be quite pissed at being referred to as a Big Eyes painting. And Wes Anderson who rolled his eyes at a riff on his whimsy. And Oprah Winfrey who didn’t seem to get the irony of Tina Fey. And Jeremy Renner can’t tell a joke, who isn’t, to be fair, funny.

For more Movie FACTS CLICK HERE!  

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Reviews

BIRDMAN: REVIEW

NEW YORK – Michael Keaton goes meta in Alejandro Inarritu’s best film to date, Birdman.

Batman is trying to make a play on Broadway as a way of getting away from the superhero alter ego – Birdman – who haunts him to this day. Unfortunately he hires the Incredible Hulk, a complete asshole of an actor who is likely to steal the show, or steal Batman’s daughter played by Spider-man’s girlfriend.

Alejandro Inarritu films most of the action in one flowing continuous take (obviously there’s some smokes and mirrors here but the illusion is brilliantly maintained and never looks like a mere gimmick). The writing is top calibre as well, with some corrosively bitchy zingers. Despite the post-modernity and contemporary references this is when it comess down to it a backstage comedy, like Noises Off, or more recently Shakespeare in Love. The Show Must Go On drives the narrative forward even at the risk of the sanity of its protagonist. And there is a biting angry satire, that seeks to demolish just about everything in its path – superhero movies, twitter and youtube celebrity, rehab, journalists, actors, even this very act of criticism itself. The acting is superb, with some career best performances from Edward Norton, Lindsay Duncan, Emma Stone, Zach Galifianakis as well as a toweringly twitchy tormented Michael Keaton.

This is clever, self-conscious, deliriously entertaining cinema at its best.

Birdman will be out presently.

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Movie News

RIDLEY SCOTT’S ROOTS CAST CONFIRMED

HOLLYWOOD – Ridley Scott’s motion picture remake of seminal TV series Roots is firming up with Orlando Bloom and Brad Pitt joining an all star cast that already includes Emma Stone, Christian Bale and Robert Pattinson.

Based on Alex Haley’s novel, the mini-series was a landmark in television history when it first aired on ABC in 1977. Scott said he was delighted at the opportunity to make what he describes as a re-imagining of the family saga which stretches from colonial times through the civil war to the present day. Orlando Bloom has confirmed he will be playing Kunta Kinte, the African who is captured, sold into slavery and brought to America. Emma Stone plays Kizzy, his daughter and Christian Bale will play Mingo, an older slave who teaches George (Robert Pattinson) about cock-fighting.

The sadistic slave owner will be played by Samuel L. Jackson.

Ridley Scott spoke EXCLUSIVELY to Studio Exec about his new project:

Many people have said why now? Why make this film now? And with that cast? Well, the answer is simple. Following the election of President Obama the time has come to revisit slavery and issues of race and reassess them. So that’s what we’re going to do and we’re going to do it without the old racist ideas that black actors should play the black roles and white actors should be forbidden from playing roles of characters who were in reality actually black. This is very liberating and everyone says I’m brilliant to have even thought it up.

Although the film will for the most part stay close to the source material, Scott has promised to bring it up to date and has already cast Brad Pitt as President Barack Obama.

Roots will be released in 2015.

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Movie News

ARE YOU AMANDA SEYFRIED OR EMMA STONE?

HOLLYWOOD – Okay America, we get it. Emma Stone and Amanda Seyfried are both highly talented and wonderfully great actresses and one of them was in … I want to say Dear John?

But how do you know who is who? Easy, click over for your FREE ‘Am I Emma Stone or Amanda Seyfried?’ flow chart. You can wow your friends and set fire to warehouses for insurance purposes without a care in the world. 

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Movie News

GANGSTER SQUAD LARGELY FORGOTTEN

HOLLYWOOD – It came as some relief today that the AMA declared that those unfortunate enough to have watched Gangster Squad when it was released earlier this year have – for the most part- already forgotten it.

‘The symptoms of slack mouthed drooling and bleary eyed alienation have for the most part passed,’ remarked Dr. Shuman in a 400 page report. ‘It’s almost like it never existed.’
No one was more relieved than cast member Ryan Gosling, who candidly admitted to having slept through his own performance. 

I thought the gig was up. I was blander than one of the entrees in my macrobiotic restaurant Gosling’s Guzzler Hole. But fortunately not that many people went to see it and those who did have now filled that brain space with some other inanity.

Co-star Josh Brolin also declared himself ‘happy and exhausted from the trauma’ of Reuben Fleischer’s soporific grind. He apologized to all his fan and promised not to do it again. Sean Penn was a lone voice, declaring he thought ‘it wasn’t that bad’, confirming many people’s opinion of him as an out and out fruit cake who always takes the opposite view in order to be controversial.  
We asked Dr. Shuman if there was any danger that the publication of his report ‘The Blessed Forgetfulness that Followed Gangster Squad‘ might revive memories, to which he replied:

Shit! You know, we never thought of that.  

Gangster Squad 2 will be available on pay per view.