MARY POPPINS RETURNS WILL BE A HARD ‘R’

Mary Poppins sequel – Mary Poppins Returns – starring Emily Blunt, will be a hard ‘R’, according to sources inside the studio.

Following the release of the trailer for the new Disney film Mary Poppins Returns, it came as a surprise when rumors began to float around that the film would receive a hard R rating, usually reserved for extreme violence or explicit sex. A source close to the production told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Well, there is a lot of fucking.

But this is Mary Poppins Returns? It’s a Disney film. You know? For kids?

I know but Rob Marshall wanted to take it in a totally different direction. Yes, we have the kids and Mary Poppins and London. But we also have poverty, social commentary. Lin Manuel Miranda wanted his chimney sweeps to be tough and sexy and blimey is all I can say: blimey. 

There are still songs though, aren’t there?

Oh yes, but they’re all updated. Sexy MF by Prince makes an appearance as well Rihanna’s Bitch Better Have My Money. These are mixed in with the classics like Get up my Chim-Chiminee and Supercalifragiolisticxxxbialidocious. Though the lyrics are a bit different.

Mary Poppins Returns will be out in December.

PHIL COLLINS ADMITS TO VOICING EMMA WATSON IN BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

HOLLYWOOD – Veteran rocker and Genesis front man Phil Collins today confessed that he was the voice behind Emma Watson’s Belle in the new live action Beauty and the Beast.

British rocker Phil Collins admits to being the voice behind Emma Watson in Disney’s new Beauty and the Beast. He spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I’m thoroughly ashamed of myself. But the divorce lawyers took a real bite and I need the moolah. First they came sniffing around the time of La La Land. Just a little bit of vocals, Phil, they said. Three days tops. So I said yes.

This was for Ryan Gosling’s role?phil collins

No, Emma Stone. She’s a beautiful lady and she’s got a pair of pegs on her. But Lord her singing voice was like someone bunging a cat locked in a fridge down a spiral staircase. Lorks!

So you dubbed Emma Stone in La La Land?

Yes.

She won an Oscar for that role.

Did she? I don’t keep up with the showbiz. It depresses me frankly.

Then you got the Beauty and the Beast gig?

Yeah. They liked what I’d done so they must have thought, Phil’s the go-to guy to voice Emmas.  It was a bit harder, but I managed. Hermione had given it her best shot bless her. But her best shot sounded roughly the equivalent of someone killing a bucket of baby seals with a claw-headed hammer.

Not good.

Someone called 911. And it was someone in the studio who knew what was happening.

So you came in.

Yeah. And I gargled with pineapple juice and away I went.

Pineapple juice?

Yeah. It makes me sound less like a dustbin man and more like a young scrap of a lass.

What’s your next project?

Emily Blunt. Oh and I’m doing a charity record for the victims of drone attacks.

What’s it called?

I can Feel it Coming in the Air Tonight (Oh Lord).

Beauty and the Beast is in cinemas.

FELICITY JONES IS THE NEW DEN MOTHER OF THE JOLLY BASTARDS

HOLLYWOOD – Rogue One star Felicity Jones is the new den mother for ex-pat English drinking club The Jolly Bastards.

Felicity Jones takes over from Emilia Clarke as the new den mother of The Jolly Bastards. The Monster Calls and Rogue One star had this to say:

The Jolly Bastards are legendary. I’ve always been a bit starry-eyed, but to actually belong to the group is a dream come true. Emilia did a wonderful job and will be a tough act to follow. As tradition dictates, I killed a swan and used its head as a weapon as we fought on a greased pole with Emilia. It was a tough fight.

Begun in the 1930s as a slapping club for Cary Grant and David Niven, the Jolly Bastards has achieved notoriety for allegations of Swan murder and even human sacrifice. The LAPD for many years tried to bring charges, but were always confounded by the ‘delightful accents’ of the suspects. Emilia Clarke’s mothership of the group has seen an unprecedented shift in the diversity of the Bastards. Once seen as a bastion for male misbehavior the Bastards now features a number of feisty young English women, such as Emily Blunt and Keira Knightley. They can smash up restaurants, inflate cats and ignite policemen as good as Charles Dance.

For more on the Jolly Bastards be so good as to CLICK HERE.

TOM FORD TO DIRECT LIVE ACTION VERSION OF THE RESCUERS

HOLLYWOOD- Tom Ford’s third film will be a live-action remake of Disney’s The Rescuers.

Following his successful debut A Single Man and his more recent Nocturnal Animals, fashion designer turned cineaste Tom Ford is to take the helm of a live-action adaptation of Disney favorite The Rescuers. Very little is known about the new version of the children’s classic. Rumor has it that Emily Blunt and Colin Firth are in talks to appear in the roles of Bianca and Bernie, the two mice who go on a mission to rescue a little girl being held captive in a swamp.tom-ford-photo

Tom Ford spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec about his new film:

The difficult thing will be designing the costumes for the actors so that they look like mice. It is going to be very very difficult. I keep telling Disney, you know how we should do this? As a cartoon. But they same to be determined to do it live-action and I don’t know why.

There’s already a cartoon version.

There is? That I did not know. 

Released in 1977.

Huh! How did they get the actors to look like mice?

Well, because it was a cartoon.

Well, you see there you go. Didn’t I just say?

The Rescuers will be released in 2018.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT EMILY BLUNT

HOLLYWOOD – The Studio Exec FACT squad today got the train so that they could give you the low down on the Girl on the Train: Emily Blunt.

So here are 5 Emily Blunt FACTS:

One. Although she’s in a film called The Girl on the Train, she has never in fact been on a train in her life because she is too rich and in England, rich people are not allowed on trains.

Two. Emily is a keen smoker of what our Jamaican friends’ call the Herb. So much so that in her native England, her surname has become synonymous with a reefer cigarette. So someone might say ‘pass me that “Blunt”, please. I want to get “high”‘.

Three. When making the Science Fiction film, Emily was criticized by her co-star Tom Cruise for repeatedly messing up scenes so they had to do them again and again. ‘It was crazy,’ says Tom. ‘She would keep changing the lines. In the end we rewrote the script so we could use all the footage.’ Emily Blunt wasn’t in Cowboys and Aliens. That was Olivia Wilde.

Four. Emily Blunt’s favorite food is cauliflower, which she eats from a bucket.

Five. Denis Villeneuve cast Emily in Sicario because Emily herself hired a sicario and threatened to have him killed if he didn’t. ‘I’ve heard of the method,’ Denis told the Exec. ‘But this is ridiculous.’

For more FACTs CLICK HERE.

MARY POPPINS RETURNS: PEOPLE STILL SHOCKED THAT DISNEY MAKE SEQUELS

HOLLYWOOD – In news that totally blindsided the internet yesterday it was announced that beloved Disney classic Mary Poppins would have a sequel, provisionally entitled Mary Poppins Returns.

It came out of a blue sky, a missile with an umbrella and a big bag full of an unbelievable amount of consternation. Mary Poppins Returns is actually going to happen and people lost their shit! Across Social Media the keening sound that Arab women make when mourning could be heard echoing across old London town. ‘It’s unbelievable,’ one irate blogger wrote.

How can Disney do this? Everyone knows that Mary Poppins is a unique story beloved of generations. Why ruin everything with an unnecessary, money grabbing sequel?

The shock was felt all the more keenly because Disney have never done such a thing in the past. Of course, there has been Aladdin 2: Jafar’s Revenge, Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride, The Rescuers Down Under, The Lion King 1 and a half, The Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea, Bambi 2, Tarzan and Jane, Pocahontas 2: Journey to the New World,  The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2, Cinderella 2 and 3, 101 Dalmatians 2: Patch’s London Adventure, The Fox and the Hound 2, Kronk’s New Groove and so on. And that’s not to mention the Pixar sequels and Star Wars: the Force Awakens and so on and so forth. And it can’t be done well obviously as was proven by the recent live action remake of The Jungle Book which was critically lambasted oops sorry lauded. Of course, what really hurts is that this is taking a property from the writer PL Travers (played by Emma Thompson) that was unique and special and one of a kind. Along with the other seven books that she wrote in the series!

Emily Blunt will play Mary Poppins.

Mary Poppins Returns will be released in December, 2018.

 

MARY POPPINS V NANNY MCPHEE GREEN LIT

HOLLYWOOD – Emma Thompson and Emily Blunt are both onboard for the new Disney mash up McPhee V Poppins.

The new super Nanny mash up is on with Emma Thompson and Emily Blunt going head to head in a childcare smack down McPhee V Poppins, which pits the two care providers against each other to save Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe.

Director Zach Snyder spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Basically Nanny McPhee and Mary Poppins exist in the same P.L. Travers universe and so it was only a matter of time before we got the two together. I thought of the idea when I was talking to Kevin Smith and we were on acid and watching Mary Poppins and a Nanny McPhee marathon, including the sequel that no one actually watched.

So what’s the story?

Well, essentially, Mary Poppins leaves the children – Dan and Emma – and Nanny McPhee turns up and tries to dance with penguins and chimney sweeps and the like. Basically stealing Mary Poppins ideas and Mary Poppins as you can imagine is none too pleased. But they have to join forces to defeat Elijah Wood.

Elijah Wood?

Shut up.

McPhee V Poppins will be released in 2017.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

SICARIO – REVIEW

SICARIO – REVIEW: Denis Villeneuve’s cross border thriller is a dark, complex investigation into the front line of the drug war.

Emily Blunt plays Kate Macer, a Police officer who graduates from kicking in doors to join a special task force led by Josh Brolin’s amoral agent Matt. Matt is unconventional and so is his squad. The flipflop wearing dudester is obviously into rule breaking, with some kind of blessing from on high and we’re prepared for a classic Hollywood narrative as the young straight laced rookie learns to bend the rules to get results, getting a little crooked on the way. But like many things with Sicario, expectations are raised only to be subverted. Lines are crossed as well as borders as the team motor into a Mexico town to collect a potential witness, a  thundering convoy into a hellish Mexican town is executed with brutal excitement, an almost documentary immersion into the world.  A fog of compromise and doubt pervades the movie, which each character tries to cut through in their own way. The half-light of the Mexico-US border is caught by Roger Deakins amazing cinematography that imbues proceedings with a the kind of badlands noir that No Country for Old Men hinted at.

Another member of the squad is the apparently stateless  Alejandro, played by a magnificent Benico Del Toro. No one is sure where he comes from or what his relationship is to the cartels, or what his legal role is. And he glowers with the kind of dark history of a dead man walking, an instrument of darkness who Matt employs but never truly controls. Former TV actor Taylor Sheridan has crafted a screenplay that provides the sort of grim fare that made the Seventies brilliant and Emily Blunt does her best to maintain her calm even as the film veers away from her and into much darker territory. By the end we don’t really know where we are and for the first time, I was genuinely looking forward to the Blade Runner sequel.

For more Reviews, CLICK HERE.

EDGE OF TOMORROW GETS NEW TITLE

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise’s clever science fiction action movie Edge of Tomorrow has been renamed according to Warner Bros sources and is now galled Guardians of the Galaxy.

The news of the name was not officially announced but leaked after packaging for the home entertainment release of the film showed the original title relegated to an obscure bottom corner and the new title emblazoned in flaming letters five feet high. Everyone (including The Studio Exec) knew that the title Edge of Tomorrow was hopelessly bland and generic. The original Manga on which the film was based was entitled the much darker and wittier All You Need is Kill. Even the title Film would have been less crap. But someone at Warner Bros, or as part of the ‘creative’ team, thought better.

Now belatedly and following the film’s disappointing box office wiser councils have prevailed and the new title – Guardians of the Galaxy – is both aesthetically more pleasing and will, hopefully, increase sales.

A source from within the studio had this to say:

We really love this title Guardians of the galaxy because it fits so well the plot. Tom in the film is really a Guardian, and Emily too, therefore plural, and the Galaxy is what is at stake. Well, maybe just the Earth, but still you get the idea.

Guardians of the Galaxy: Edge of Tomorrow is available to buy now.

EDGE OF TOMORROW 2: SCRIPT LEAK

HOLLYWOOD – Edge of Tomorrow 2 is one of the most eagerly awaited sequels of recent history and here the Studio Exec can EXCLUSIVELY reveal the leaked shooting script.


INT. BEDROOM – DAY
TOM CRUISE wakes up suddenly. Sonny and Cher play ‘I Got You Babe’ on the radio.

INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Tom Cruise eats breakfast.

EXT. STREET – DAY
Cruise walks across the street. BILL MURRAY calls to him from across the way.

MURRAY

I don’t believe it. Tom, Tom Cruise? Remember me?

CRUISE

I… uh…

MURRAY

Murray, Bill Murray! Hey I need to talk to you.

CRUISE

I can’t I’m gonna be late for my…

MURRAY

Train. I know. Okay catch you later.

Cruise steps off the kerb and into a puddle.

INT. TRAIN – DAY

Cruise is reading the newspaper. JAKE GYLLENHAAL sits opposite him.

JAKE

Did they send you?

CRUISE

Did who send me?

JAKE

There’s a bomb. On the train.

CRUISE

What?

PASSENGER

Is that Ryan Reynolds?

Explosion RIPS through the train carriage.

INT. BEDROOM – DAY
TOM CRUISE wakes up suddenly. Sonny and Cher play ‘I Got You Babe’ on the radio.

FIN


  

EDGE OF TOMORROW SEQUEL GETS TITLE

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise Science Fiction thriller Edge of Tomorrow is not quite out yet, but already the sequel is being developed and a title has been confirmed: The Thin Bit Before the Day After Next.

Everyone’s favorite Thetan said that he was delighted to revisit the character:

The whole idea of the film is that we repeat the same mission over and over, so the idea of doing a sequel is actually thematically built into the very narrative structure of the film. If you know what I mean.

Will Emily Blunt be returning? 

Oh God no. She’s awful.

Is this the beginning of a new franchise?

Absolutely. We have more ideas that we’re kicking it around. And we even have titles, but as yet no scripts. I mean what we’ll probably do is just photocopy the first script and then pencil in things like ‘More Explosions’ and ‘Bigger and Better’ over the action sequences.

The Thin Bit Before the Day After Next will be released in 2016, The Middle of Next Week in 2017 and Tuesday in 2018.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT EMILY BLUNT

 
How many facts must a fact walk down,
Before you can call it a fact?
1. Emily Blunt is Cockney rhyming slang for ‘Overrated Actress’.

Example: “That Natalie Portman is a right Emily Blunt

 

2. Emily starred opposite Jack Black in the film Gulliver’s Travels. A film that was officially declared a war crime by the UN in 2012.

 

3. She is often compared to her Salmon Fishing in the Yemen co-star Ewan McGregor who also makes you want to gouge your own eyes out with a red hot poker every time he appears on screen.

 

4. Emily was Joss Whedon’s first choice to the play Black Widow in The Avengers .“I was strung out on Hillbilly heroin for a while and made some weird casting decisions,” said Whedon at last year’s Comic-Con.

 

5. Blunt has obsessive compulsive disorder. She obsessively and compulsively stars in crappy films.