SOLO A STAR WARS STORY – REVIEW

SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY: REVIEW – The new Star Wars movie hits theatres.

The new Star Wars movie – Solo: A Star Wars Story – is in theaters, starring Emilia Clarke, Alden Ehrenreich, Woody Harrelson and Danny Glover and we ask: is it any good?

Nope.

 

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FELICITY JONES IS THE NEW DEN MOTHER OF THE JOLLY BASTARDS

HOLLYWOOD – Rogue One star Felicity Jones is the new den mother for ex-pat English drinking club The Jolly Bastards.

Felicity Jones takes over from Emilia Clarke as the new den mother of The Jolly Bastards. The Monster Calls and Rogue One star had this to say:

The Jolly Bastards are legendary. I’ve always been a bit starry-eyed, but to actually belong to the group is a dream come true. Emilia did a wonderful job and will be a tough act to follow. As tradition dictates, I killed a swan and used its head as a weapon as we fought on a greased pole with Emilia. It was a tough fight.

Begun in the 1930s as a slapping club for Cary Grant and David Niven, the Jolly Bastards has achieved notoriety for allegations of Swan murder and even human sacrifice. The LAPD for many years tried to bring charges, but were always confounded by the ‘delightful accents’ of the suspects. Emilia Clarke’s mothership of the group has seen an unprecedented shift in the diversity of the Bastards. Once seen as a bastion for male misbehavior the Bastards now features a number of feisty young English women, such as Emily Blunt and Keira Knightley. They can smash up restaurants, inflate cats and ignite policemen as good as Charles Dance.

For more on the Jolly Bastards be so good as to CLICK HERE.

HUGH LAURIE OWNS A HOUSE

HOLLYWOOD – In a remarkable coincidence the star of medical drama House, Hughe Laurie, it was revealed today, owns a house.

Hugh Laurie told stunned reporters that he had owned several houses throughout his career, but the latest one was a beautiful farmhouse in the Cotswolds, England. Although a well known face in England for over a decade, Hugh Laurie only became famous in the US for his portrayal of cantankerous medical genius Dr. Gregory House in the television series House.

Laurie watcher Jace Windu told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Of course you can be disappointed that Hugh owns a house, but personally I just think it’s so Hugh. I mean this man is so talented. He can act in drama and he is a wonderful comedian and to add to that he is a truly special musician. So he owns a house? So what? Is that linguistic determinism? Is it hypocrisy? I don’t know. Should he rent? All I know is that he has given pleasure to millions of people and so if he wants to own a house why in the hell not?

However, the New York Times criticized Laurie for his property holdings.

Noted opinionista Paul Krugman writes in this morning’s newspaper:

Hugh Laurie is a man of many talents to be sure. But for him to have a house having become famous in this country for portraying someone called House sets a dangerous precedent. Next we’ll learn that the Dukes of Hazzard are actually aristocrats, or that Bryan Cranston has Broken Bad, or that Peter Dinklage and Emilia Clarke actually play musical chairs during breaks in filming. Laurie, for the sake of his fellow actors, should rent, preferably an apartment.

House: The Motion Picture will be released in 2017.

JAMES CAMERON’S SHIRT DOESN’T LIKE TERMINATOR GENISYS

HOLLYWOOD – Director of Avatar, Titanic and the first two Terminator films, James Cameron has come out swinging in support for the latest film in the Terminator franchise, but his shirt mutely contradicted him throughout his comments.

Even as James Cameron said that he considered Terminator Genisys – starring Emilia Clarke and Jason Clarke – as the third film in the series – dismissing Terminator Rise of the Machines and Terminator Salvation – his shirt seemed to be colorfully  saying ‘I liked Terminator Rise of the Machines’. Cameron spoke about how  he loved watching Terminator Genisys as a fan and how pleased he was with how respectful the film was to its predecessors, the paisley (?) shirt suggested a suppressed love of Christian Bale’s John Connor.

Science fiction aficionados were quick to hit the comment boards and pick apart the subtext of Cameron’s shirt.

Swiss Sci-fi buff Xavier Poulis wrote on the Freejack fan site Jaegger:

I think it’s obviously a throwback to the sixties and the Golden Age of Science Fiction shirts. It’s psychedelic exuberance suggests nothing less than the Stargate section of 2001 a Space Odyssey. Although Cameron was letting off spoilers, left right and center, his shirt seemed to subtly undermine almost everything he said. Hinting that fans of the first movies will again be wearing that fixed fake smile that Schwarzenegger flashes in the trailer as they watch the new film unfold before their unbelieving eyes.

It is believed that Paramount have given James Cameron’s shirt a three picture development deal and that its first project will be a remake of The Deep.

Terminator Genisys is directed by Alan Taylor, written by Laeta Kalogridis and Patrick Lussier and will be released on July 1, 2015.

DAENERYS TARGARYEN TIMELINE

HOLLYWOOD – Wanting to catch up with Game of Thrones but can’t be bothered watching the show?

Here at the Studio Exec we are providing a complete timeline to all the characters you need to know to enjoy Season Five. In our first guide here’s Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons played by Emilia Clarke.

Season One

Daenerys is in Essos, gets some dragons.

Season Two

Daenrys is still in Essos, still has dragons.

Season Three

Daenerys, Essos, dragons.

Season Four

Daenerys is in Essos (not Westeros) with dragons.

Season Five

The season opens with Daenerys in Essos with dragons.

For more Game of Thrones CLICK HERE.

GAME OF THRONES GUIDE FOR NOVICES

WESTEROS – So everyone has been talking about Game of Thrones and now Season 5 is on and you’ve not watched, or read the 23,467 pages of the George RR Martin novels Songs of Fire and Ice.

Especially for you the Studio Exec FACT squad has prepared a quick catch up guide so you won’t look like a complete fool as you watch the new Season of Game of Thrones with your ‘friends’.

1.  When watching the character called the Imp (Peter Dinklage) DO say ‘He’s my favorite’; DON’T say ‘Elijah Wood’s aged.’

2. If there is a scene of sexiness DON’T say ‘I didn’t know this was porn’; DO say ‘What a refreshing take on Tolkienesque fantasy tropes!’

3. If you really like a character and storyline DON’T say ‘wow this is an interesting storyline and fascinating character’; DO say ‘They’re going to die horribly’.

4. When watching an apparently unrelated story taking place somewhere hot involving someone called Daenerys Targaryen, DON’T say ‘This bit is dull’; DO say ‘What a lovely pair of dragons!’

5. When confused by the mass of characters, the number of strange almost normal names, the weird places, the way everything seems to be happening but nothing ever actually happens, the apparent arbitrariness of the plot and the endless, endless wandering about, DON’T say ‘This is bullshit’; DO say ‘what a wonderfully complex almost Tolstoyan reinvention of the fantasy genre’.

For more FACTS click HERE.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT GAME OF THRONES (SEASON 5)

WESTEROS – We all think we know The Game of Thrones (Season 5) but other than the fact that Winter is always Coming, what do we really know?

The Studio Exec FACT squad graphically murdered several lead characters in unexpected ways to find out some more of the lore.

1. The Game of Thrones show is now entirely divorced from George RR Martin novels following the discovery that Martin had no idea where the story was going and had actually placed his characters in a holding pattern – endlessly circling each other – for two books while he tried to figure out what to do next. Every episode of the new season is entirely improvised. Peter Dinklage told us that ‘it is really exciting, but dangerous. You can feel the fear among the cast. Except for Emilia Clarke who’s always too drunk to care.’

2. Since reinventing action cinema with Pompeii, Kit Harrington, who plays Jon Snow, now refuses to take any direction whatsoever and has forced everyone to greet him with the line: ‘Jon Snow knows everything’.

3. Despite the idea that Season Four was going to have a peaceful ending, violence has continued to be a part of the show’s fantasy cocktail, but real life violence on the set has caused a number of deaths. The main culprits are reportedly Emilia Clarke’s dragons which have grown so large and unruly that HBO are going through tens of interns every season. An inside source told the exec: ‘Those who aren’t incinerated are eaten, and the remains are thrown to the dogs.’

4. Although sex has always been a sure fire element of the show’s popularity, Game of Thrones producers have a very strict method of keeping the sex under control using charts which specify how many penises, breasts, buttocks and front fannies can be shown in each episode, with dimensions and heft specified.

5. Sean Bean will return for the finale of Season Five and kill everyone. This wasn’t in the original storyline, but Bean had been nursing his resentment for four seasons and so producers – at a loss how to conclude the season – called him back and allowed him free reign.

For more FACTS click HERE.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH

HOLLYWOOD – He’s Alan Turing in The Imitation Game and Smaug in The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug, but who is Benedict Cumberbatch really?

We sent the Studio Exec FACT squad to England to collect the Benedict Cumber-FACTS.

1. Although exotic to American ears, in England, from whence Benedict Cumberbatch hails, the name Benedict Cumberbatch is the second most common name in the British Isles, beaten only by Engelbert Humperdink, ironically enough the stage name of Benedict Cumberbatch’s father.

2. Benedict Cumberbatch’s appearance in Star Trek Into Darkness was marked by tragedy. The reveal that he was in fact Khan was such a surprise for audiences that five hundred and seventeen people died of the subsequent heart attacks during screenings. The surprise was so strong that after the first five days J.J. Abrams decided to publicize ‘the best kept secret in Hollywood’ to avoid further deaths.

3. Robert Downey Jr. and Eddie Redmayne were both named in copyright cases brought against them by Benedict Cumberbatch claiming they had copied his work. Redmayne appeared as Stephen Hawking in the Theory of Everything, which Cumberbatch’s legal team claimed was a direct copy of Cumberbatch’s work in the BBC drama Hawking. Likewise Downey Jr. was accused of copying Cumberbatch’s work as Sherlock Holmes. Both cases were thrown out and Judge Norfolk reprimanded Cumberbatch for being ‘frivolous, though dreamy’.

4. In all of Cumberbatch’s film roles, the actor refuses to wear socks. The one exception to this was his turn in The Hobbit: the Desolation of Smaug in which if one looks carefully you can see that the gold hoarding dragon is wearing a pair of silk tartan socks.

5. Benedict Cumberbatch recently got married to the beautiful Sophie Hunter, an actor and theater director. Many hope this will bring to an end his tenure as the leader of the Hollywood based English actors’ club, the Jolly Bastards. The infamous group has been responsible for a whole series of crimes including swan sacrifice and old lady taunting. However, it was recently reported by den mother Emilia Clarke, that Sophie Hunter will also be joining the club and the horrors will continue.

For more Movie FACTS CLICK HERE!

GAME OF THRONES: SEASON 4: EPISODE 6

Every week we are going to have an episode review of Game of Thrones Season Four which will include SPOILERS for seasons One through to the last episode screened of Season Four. 

WESTEROS – I’ve been occasionally harsh on Game of Thrones this season, but it’s tough love and I was pleased to see the series regain some of its impetus in ‘The Laws of Gods and Men‘.

This was due in large part to Peter Dinklage’s Tyrion Lannister briefly regaining center stage and facing off with his father (an imperiously brilliant Charles Dance).

The show opens with the failed rescue of Theon Greyjoy/Reek, which has to be one of the most Monty Python moments of the show’s history – ‘Attack! Attack!’, ‘release the hounds’, ‘Run away! Run away!’ I do like Iwan Rheon as the lightly voiced nutcase Ramsay Snow, but I find myself waiting for this bit to end rather than following it with any real interest.

Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) is proving a fairly hopeless Queen. Her decision to compensate a goatherd three times the value of the goats her dragon immolated can only lead to widespread goat burning surely. And the noble who pleads to bury his father revealed her moral and practical naivety. She didn’t think the Masters had families? She doesn’t believe those families might lie? But everyone looks smug and happy with her education, until she finds out how many supplicants she has – over two hundred! Oh no. But wait a minute. Aren’t you the Queen? Just tell them to f*ck off. Or you know, come back tomorrow.

But then the scene was set for the trial and what has to be the best dramatic set piece thus far of the season. This is what elevates the HBO show above most other fare, characters that we care about coming head to head. Some of the strongest actors in the whole show were given their moment to pile on Tyrion, betraying him with a Tyrion’s Greatest Hits. He was always a smart mouth and now it looks like getting him killed. With studied economy, Dinklage was allowed only to play reactions. It was well directed by Alik Sakharov, who gave the characters space and time to do their thing. And the timing was excellent, as Tyrion’s increasing humiliation built, the possibility of a release, the final straw, the most painful rekjection and then his beautifully played rage. Magnificent. Keep it up.

For more on Game of Thrones Click HERE.   

GAME OF THRONES: SEASON 4: EPISODE 1

Every week we are going to have an episode review of Game of Thrones Season Four which will include SPOILERS for seasons one through to the last episode screened of Season Four. 

WESTEROS – Charles Dance makes two new swords.

Jaime Banister gets a new hand.
A new character called Prince Ozric Tentacles is introduced, who is a sexy sinister psychopath. 
Joffrey is a toss bucket. 

Danearys Targattiun wanders about with a bigger army, bigger dragons, more boyfriends who secretly fancy her and at some point someone says ‘Let’s do this (cause you’re a girl)’ and she says ‘no, let’s do the opposite (cause I’m a surprising girl and now I’ve secretly won your grudging admiration. Am I right? Thought so.)’
Despite being a member of the victorious most ruthless family and a high member of the King’s government, everyone is still treating Tyrion ‘the Imp’ Banister like shit but he will no doubt outwit everyone, and shows that he cares for Sansa and proves the age old adage fall in love and become genuinely boring.
Jon Snow was boring before he fell in love. 
Thank the Gods for the Hound and Arya Stark liking chicken.

For all our Game of Thrones news CLICK HERE.

EMILIA CLARKE WINS BEST EYEBROWS TWO YEARS RUNNING

HOLLYWOOD – British actress Emilia Clarke was named Best Eyebrows 2013 for the second year running by influential Eyebrow magazine Eyebrows Monthly.

To win, the Game of Thrones star beat off tough competition from Jack Black, the Lorax and Lily Collins. The modest actress said:

I’m just honored to be in the company of some great eyebrows. I owe everything I have to my eyebrows and I remember reading Eyebrow Monthly as a child and dreaming that one day I too would grace its pages. It’s almost too good to be true.

Eyebrows of the year champion 2011 Colin Farrell awarded Ms. Clarke the prize in a quiet Hollywood ceremony at the Beverly Hills Wiltshire. 

Game of Thrones Season Four is due to be broadcast on HBO in April, 2014.

EMILIA CLARKE BECOMES LODGE MOTHER OF THE JOLLY BASTARDS

HOLLYWOOD – You’ll know her as Daenerys Targarayen on HBO’s Game of Thrones, but British born actress Emilia Clarke today was enrolled as the Lodge Mother of the Ex-Pat British Actors Club, The Jolly Bastards.

At a ceremony at exclusive Santa Monica restaurant Chinois on Main, Jolly Bastards President Benedict Cumberbatch said that everyone was ‘frightfully thrilled at the news’:

Emilia has a pair of stunning eyebrows and we’re all going to have a lot of fun getting up to high jinks and japes over here in our favorite former colony, America-landia. And so say all of us!

The Jolly Bastards was originally formed in the 1960s by Cary Grant and David Niven, but through the years has become the gang of choice for former UK thespians living in La-La Land. Ms. Clarke was introduced to the group by fellow Game of Thrones star and long time Jolly Bastard Charles Dance. Other members include Tom Hiddleston and Alan Rickman.

The group has caused some controversy in the past as it has allegedly (actually self-confessedly) been involved in a number of crimes including Swan murder, but which the LAPD have declined to investigate because the perpetrators ‘have such charming accents.’

The mayhem is likely to only increase with the glorious Ms. Clarke now counted alongside Carey Mulligan and Judi Dench in the female wing of the group.

For more on the Jolly Bastards be so good as to CLICK HERE.

FIRST PEEK: GAME OF THRONES SEASON 4

WESTEROS – Season 4 of Game of Thrones – based on George JRR Martin’s Song of Fire and Ice series – is due to be broadcast in 2014, but the Studio Exec managed to get a sneak peek at the new season EXCLUSIVELY and has to report a radical departure from the tone of the first three seasons as well as the books.

Show runner David Benioff ushering us into the HBO screening room muttered testily:

We all got real bored of the traipsing about from hither to yon, borken occasionally by some bloody violence or gratuitous sexual tickle and slappery. Plus I’ve read the books so I knew that we were in for more of the same. Traipse, traipse, slash, slash, slap-tickle. We thought let’s have some fun.

Although what we saw was an assemble cut without music, special effects and with some scenes missing, it was immediately apparent that the show had changed direction. Here are some notes we took:

  • Peter Dinklage‘s wonderful Tyrion Lannister is killed off very early in the first episode. There was no discernible reason for this, but Benioff mentioned that the star was making demands and had become power crazy. He’s killed in a tennis accident. 
  • Every time Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke) appears on screen with her dragons to try and raise an army, all her clothes fall off and there’s a Benny Hill like chase, during one such chase they all have to jump sharks. 
  • The White Walkers from the North of the Wall kill and eat Jon Snow (Kit Harington) and then die of being boringness. 
  • Sean Bean comes back as Ned Stark, but is killed in every episode as a tribute to Kenny from South Park
Game of Thrones Season 4 will be broadcast in 2014.

GAME OF THRONES SEASON 3: NOT ENOUGH SEX

 HOLLYWOOD – As Season 3 of HBO’s fantasy epic Game of Thrones reaches its midpoint, the network have been inundated with emails and tweets demanding more sex and less dragons.

‘I was one of the first to criticize show makers for their flagrant use of  sexposition in the earlier two seasons,’ said TV critic David Shankles. ‘But good God, without the sex it’s just Tolkien with cheekbones.’

Indeed this site has also been guilty of suggesting Game of Thrones tone down the nookie (READ THIS WORK OF GENIUS HERE), only to be left with the impression that the exposition with Emilia Clarke clothed is ultimately just exposition, and far too much of it. Shankles continues:

Add to this the fact that – in a wrong-headed fit of enthusiasm – I read all the books, I can now tell you [SPOILER ALERT] the story goes nowhere, slow. 

HBO executives have ordered re-shoots to counter the criticism and some voices from within the network are suggesting the dragons could have tits. Netflix spokesperson Jonathan Gollum (no relation) said that the move ‘smacked of desperation’.

They can feel us breathing down their necks as we thrust towards them from behind, again and again and again and AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN!!!! Oh, I’m spent.

What do you think? Is it complete Dungeons and Dragons? Or Conan they pull it off?