WELLINGTON -Peter Jackson came out today with the shock revelation that The Desolation of Smaug – his second film in the unnecessary The Hobbit trilogy – will not feature any actual Hobbits.
‘You know,’ said the Frighteners director. ‘We’re all kind of bored of the little bastards.’
Jackson revealed shortly after releasing the first teaser trailer for the middle film that he has decided to go ahead with dwarves and elves instead.
What happens is Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman) gets hit on the head at the very beginning of the second movie. He’s out of it and Gandalf and the dwarves go on the next third of the adventure and meet a bunch of people that’ll remind you of a time when you gave a shit about Middle Earth and all this bunkum.
The film will feature the return of Orlando Bloom as Legolas. Jackson admits that the prospect was daunting at first:
We’d managed to kind of forget about Bloomy and I don’t know what he’s been doing but he hadn’t made a film for some time and everyone was very happy about that. In the end though we thought let’s just rehash some more shit and see if the teeny-boppers still remember who he is. So there it is. It isn’t like I have any artistic credibility left to lose, is it?
The Desolation of Smaug threatens to be out around December, this year.