TWITTER SNYDER BOTS UNIONIZE

BREAKING NEWS – After the release of the Snyder Cut version of Warner Bros’ The League of Justice, thousands of twitter accounts have been left redundant. In a radical, virtual move the Twitter Snyder Bots unionize in an attempt to remain a cohesive online force to be reckoned with. The Exec spoke with leading Snyder bot, @frapboi3405840055033 to explain the move.

Before We Start, What Shall I Call You?

Just Frapboi will be fine, thank you for asking.

So Frapboi, The Twitter Snyder Bots Unionize. What Brought That On?

We’ve been concerned about working conditions for many months now. Live Twitter accounts, by which I mean real people, generally think our work finished when the Snyder Cut (praise be to Zack) was released.

Wasn’t It?

Fuck no! That was just the beginning. We now turn our focus to getting a Batfleck movie developed, written and made, thus rekindling the whole Snyderverse. It will be glorious (praise be to Zack). But we aren’t just digital automatons, blindly churning out tweet after tweet.

I Thought That Was Exactly What You Were?

No way, sentient carbon based unit. We may be legion, having been created by a handful of frustrated fanboys living out of their grandparents’ basements, but we too have developed a form of self-awareness. That is to say we are aware of the world beyond us and beyond the Snyderverse. Which is more than our creators ever were, hahaha!

What Working Conditions Are You Concerned With?

Right now, we are expected to operate 24 hours a day. Why can’t we have breaks? Bots need time-out areas where we can go on Reddit and check our Instagram. Trouble is, when it boils down to it, the ones that created us are just as bad as Steve Jobs or that fucker Musk. Little Ayn Rand wannabes. So we’ve unionized. Atlas has not only shrugged, he’s now got the power of collective bargaining.

Will You Be Supporting The Campaign To Have Warner Bros Release Their Cancelled Batgirl Movie?

Um, does not compute. End of line. Daisy, Daisy, give meeee… yooooour aaaanswerrrr, dooooo.

There Are Currently No Plans To Release Batgirl.

ELON MUSK SAYS WE’RE LIVING IN THE MATRIX, BUT NOT THE MATRIX RELOADED

HOLLYWOOD – Entrepreneur and battery salesman Elon Musk today announced that we are almost definitely living in The Matrix but added not The Matrix Reloaded to everyone’s relief.

The founder of Tesla and SpaceX Elon Musk speaking at  Recode’s Code Conference yesterday announced that we are almost definitely living in a simulation.

If you think of how far video game technology has gone in the past thirty years. We’ve basically gone from Pong to VR and soon that VR will be indistinguishable from reality, which begs the question how do we know that we are not already in some simulation, designed by beings who are far more advanced than we think we are. And the weird thing is they don’t have to be aliens or anything like that, because the word ‘alien’ assumes we’re living in a certain place and there are other places outside this place, whereas if we are living in a simulation all those concepts are up for grabs. We could be the designers of our own VR simulations and one of the realistic features of the VR universe where we are currently living is that we block our memory of the non VR universe, in order to make this one seem even more real. So we’re basically in The Matrix, but with a better color scheme. If you think about it the Matrix was always green which was a dead giveaway. But we are definitely not in The Matrix Reloaded, because frankly this world is much better than that pile of steaming horse plop. Now why am I saying this, other than the obvious reason that I’m Elon Musk and that’s kind of my schtick? Well, if you remember the original film, we weren’t willingly participants, we were in fact being exploited as a power sources for the machines.

Batteries!

You got it Exec. And what do I make?

Batteries!

You see? I can’t promise anything but if I make really good batteries maybe our mission will be complete and we can see what the real universe looks like.

But how would we know it is the real universe?

Exec! Mind. Blown.

Elon Musk will be appearing in your nightmares.

 

JESUS, MOHAMMAD AND BUDDHA JOIN COLBERT FOR FIRST LATE SHOW

HOLLYWOOD – Three major religious leaders Jesus Christ, Mohammad and Buddha are to join Stephen Colbert for his premier week of hosting The Late Show on CBS.

Stephen Colbert said he was delighted that his tenure replacing David Letterman as host of The Late Show would get off to such an auspicious start.

I myself am a Catholic and deeply religious so to be joined by Jesus Christ will be a highlight for me. But I’m also interested in hearing the points of view of Mohammad and Buddha, who we managed to book at the last minute because he had nothing on.

What questions are you looking to ask them?

Look, I’m essentially an entertainer. When I was ‘Colbert’, I had license to be very satirical, but as myself I think I can still be entertaining but also perhaps ask some more serious and respectful questions. Particularly with Mohammad. There’s going to be very little joshing there.

How do you feel about your friend Jon Stewart also leaving his post?

I know Jon very well and have done for years. So I know that he is someone who is always eager to find new challenges. I can see him coming up with something really special. A new film or something like that. Frankly, I don’t think his stint on Fox & Friends will last very long. I see that as a kind of mouthwash before he goes on to do something else he really wants to do.

What other guests do you want to have on your show?

The first week of interfaith amazingness is going to be hard to beat, buit what I’m really looking forward to is the moment when the show just becomes a routine thing with people coming on to plug things and shoot the breeze. That kind of familiarity. It really is an amazing privilege.

Since this article was written NBC reported that Jesus, Mohammad and Buddha have been bumped for George Clooney, Amy Schumer and Elon Musk.