ANDREW GARFIELD NOT NECESSARY

HOLLYWOOD – It has been revealed that Andrew Garfield is ‘not necessary’.

Andrew Garfield starred in a number of big films including The Amazing Spider-Man, Hacksaw Ridge and Silence. However, scientists revealed today that he isn’t necessary. Dr. Wilhelm Scheme told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Following a series of tests, we showed audiences versions of Garfield’s big films with him in and then other version in which we digitally removed him – Spaceying as it is now called – and we found audience didn’t notice the difference.

Does this mean he’s a bad actor?

No, not at all. You see we ran the same tests with Eddie Redmayne for instance and audiences actually preferred the versions without him. In Andrew’s case they are supremely indifferent to his presence and or absence.

Does this confirm rumors that Garfield is actually the result of a CIA experiment to produce a stealth agent?

I can’t possibly comment. But yes.

Andrew Garfield stars in Burning, Burning Cyborg in 2018.

FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM – REVIEW

REVIEW – Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is a Harry Potter-themed Pokemon Go for people too lazy to play Pokemon Go.

Following a sex change operation and a bout of Motor Neuron Disease, Eddie Redmayne is back. This time he’s off to New York with a suitcase of magical creatures which he accidentally lets loose. After bumping into a baker. With the help of a magical police woman Porpentina Goldstein (Katherine Waterston) and her telepathic sister, he and Kolawski (Dan Fogler) the baker hunt down the magical creatures while a anti-magic zealot and Colin Farrell vaguely threaten. Jon Voigt turns up and no one looks happy.

There’s something exhausting these days about going to see a film, assured there are four more of these assholes to come. It’s not only do I like this one, but can be bothered watching the others? Short answer: no. Never has magic been more dull, magicians so annoying and a quest, so literally like a walk in the park. JK Rowling can take more blame than usual ass the screenwriter and producer. Also Redmayne is one of the most over-rated actors currently working. His smirking, gurning and blinking oddball is a charisma-free hole where an actor ought to be. Fogler is okay but is asked to do the same thing time and time again. And poor Colin Farrell is shunted aside in a final twist that reveals he was another actor who you’d apparently much prefer to see. At least before he started beating up his wife.

The franchise machine churns on and the sequels are probably already shooting. But this overlong, tedious, unfunny monster hunt fills me with dread. Dread and a wish to die.

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EDDIE REDMAYNE STOPS SMIRKING

HOLLYWOOD – Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them star Eddie Reedmayne has stopped smirking.

The movie world was in shock today following the news that Oscar winner Eddie Redmayne had stopped smirking. Redmayne watched Danny Bols told the Studio Exec:

It’s the weirdest thing. If we all know Eddie for one thing it’s his enormous emotional range. From smirking and looking sad in The Danish Girl to smirking and looking clever in The Theory of Everything. Hopefully, he’ll make eye contact with someone one day as well.

Many believe that the smirking was a result of some sort of thing. But other people said this couldn’t be true.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is in cinemas.

FIRST IMAGE OF JOHNNY DEPP IN THE INVISIBLE MAN

HOLLYWOOD – Johnny Depp is playing the Invisible Man for a Universal reboot of the classic tale of horror and the Studio Exec has an EXCLUSIVE picture of the star in the new role.

Adding to a long list of iconic roles – Edward Scissorhands, Jack Sparrow, the kid who gets eaten by his bed in Nightmare on Elm Street – Johnny Depp is now to appear in a reboot of the Universal classic and H.G. Wells adaptation The Invisible Man. The original saw, or didn’t see, Claude Rains in the role in a classic 1933 version directed by James Whale and since then such giants as Kevin Bacon and Chevy Chase have taken on the role.

However, this version is going to be a return to the original text and is part of a move on the part of Universal to reboot its rich back catalog of horror classics with Angelina Jolie set to star in Bride of Frankenstein, Tom Cruise in a Mummy remake and Eddie Redmayne to roar into life as The Wolfman.

Johnny Depp spoke briefly with The Studio Exec about his new role:

You know I’ve always been an actor who likes to disappear into his roles, well in this instance I’ll be doing that LITERALLY. HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Oh I’ve done myself an injury.

However, the casting has been criticized by some groups claiming that the role should have gone to a genuinely invisible actor.

The Invisible Man will be released in 2017.

THE DANISH GIRL – REVIEW

THE DANISH GIRL – REVIEW: Oscar winner Eddie Redmayne plays Oscar -worthy role in timely Oscar-friendly transgender period drama The Danish Girl.

Einar Wegener (Redmayne) is a moderately successful Oscar winning landscape painter obsessively painting the same childhood vista: a bog, a line of trees, the mountains beyond, which represent the Oscar he might win. His wife Gerda (Alicia Vikander doing a fine impression of Oscar-winner Kate Winslett) is a modern type who paints portraits and smokes cigarettes in her cigarette holder. Einar likes to dress up as a lady and the two go to a ball with Einar pretending to be Gerda’s country cousin Lili. He bats his eyelids and simpers and goes all a-fluster when Ben Whishaw tries to snog him. And so Einmar begins his pioneering journey from male to female avoiding the oppressive bigotry of the time, the wicked machinations of pseudo psychiatry and finding some allies along the way, not least of all his initially suspicious but ultimately supportive and loving wife.  Oscar Winner Tom Hooper makes everything look like a painting you might see on the top of a box of chocolates and the costumes and make up are dribbled over and should easily secure Oscar nominations, vital as they are to the narrative.

So what’s wrong with it? First of all Eddie Redmayne isn’t actually that good. The performance like the film is all one tone – a luscious weepiness that bravely smiles through the tears. And his Lili presents not as a woman, the woman he is convinced that he has always been, but rather as a bad transvestite’s version of a woman – forever teetering on the verge of tears, shy glances, sulky pouts and fluttering eyelashes.Although the film is undoubtedly to be welcomed as timely etc., the fact of the matter is that the visibility and to a large degree public acceptance of transgender identity has possibly overtaken the movie, making its hand-holding as it plays through the issues a little bit patronizing. Having said that, it will do well at the Oscars.

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LEONARDO DICAPRIO TO PLAY EDDIE REDMAYNE

HOLLYWOOD – News came in today that Leonardo diCaprio is to play Eddie Redmayne in a new biopic of the “Danish Girl” and “Theory of Everything” actor’s life.

It is believed that in a desperate bid to win an Oscar Leonardo DiCaprio is to play fellow actor Eddie Redmayne in a new biopic called simply “Eddie”. The new film that has been written by Mr. DiCaprio will concentrate specifically on Redmayne’s preparation for the role of Stephen Hawking, the astrophysicist who became world famous following the publication of his best-selling book A Brief History of Time.

A source close to the production told the Studio Exec:

Leo is really hot keen on this property. Though like all actors he has occasionally added a line here or there, this is the first film he has actually written from beginning to end. The script is great. He uses the preparation of the role of Stephen Hawking as a framing device and then goes back through Eddie’s upbringing and early career. We see the actor becoming the Oscar worthy legend that he is today. The making of Jupiter Ascending also will be featured as light relief.

Eddie Redmayne first shot to fame with his portrayal of Marilyn Monroe in “My Week with Marilyn” and has also starred in “Les Miserables”, during which he tried to sing. Although his Oscar win came a year after Leonardo DiCaprio failed to win for “The Wolf of Wall Street”, DiCaprio has changed the timeline in the script so that the two go head to head. The Aviator (as he prefers to be known) telephoned the Studio Exec late last night to explain his thinking:

You see what it is is this. I want an Oscar. Goddamn it, I want one. I know, I know it’s only a trinket, but it’s a trinket I don’t have and I want. Redmayne got one by playing Stephen Hawking. So I figure if I play Redmayne playing Stephen Hawking, so in other words doing twice the acting, then legally the Academy have to give me the Oscar. And even if they don’t the final scene of this film is going to be me receiving an Oscar. I’m also going to play me sitting in the audience grimacing. It’s a bit meta but I like the idea.

Eddie will be released in December.

EDDIE REDMAYNE TO STAR IN HARRY POTTER PREQUEL

HOLLYWOOD – Eddie Redmayne is to play Albus Dumbledore in the Harry Potter prequel Dumbledore Begins.

Warner Bros made the announcement late Monday and said the film will be released in 3D and Imax on November 18, 2016.  J.K. Rowling will write the screenplay and Potter regular David Yates will direct. The official synopsis reads:

Albus Dumbledore is a young teacher, full of ambition and hope. But his ideals are tested when he is sent to a remote boarding school where problem children have been sent. Here he finds himself up against a repressed and restrictive regime as well as damaged children who really don’t know what they want. However, Albus is not to be daunted and by getting the students to stand on their desks, refer to him ‘Captain, my Captain!’ and watch an old VHS of Dead Poet’s Society, while he agrees loudly in the background, he is able to transform their lives as well as coaching the local Quidditch team to take them all the way through to the Regionals! Dumbledore Begins is an uplifting drama that fully explores the meaning of learning and growing in a world of magic and fear.

Dumbledore Begins will be released in 2016.

FIRST LOOK AT EDDIE REDMAYNE IN CHASTAIN

HOLLYWOOD – The first image has emerged of Oscar Winner Eddie Redmayne in the lead role of his new film Chastain, a biopic based on the life of legendary Hollywood actress Jessica Chastain.

In the picture, Eddie Redmayne has quite clearly transformed himself into the very verisimilitude of the Tree of Life and Lawless actress. We spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the actor about what inspired him to take on the role:

Jessica Chastain is for all of us in the acting profession the absolute pinnacle.  It used to be Steve Guttenberg, but he hasn’t done much recently so now it’s Jessica Chastain. What people don’t know is that Jessica Chastain has been in over four hundred and sixty seven films. Don’t check that on IMDb because she often goes uncredited just blending into a crowd scenes or fetching a duellist a glass of ice water. There’s even an early appearance Jessica makes in Crimson Tide where she plays a part of the submarine. That is the commitment to the craft that I have been inspired by.

The film written by Peter Morgan and directed by Clint Eastwood follows the actress from her humble beginnings as a drama student to Hollywood and her career as the only actress to have appeared in all the films released in one calendar year, a feat she achieved in 2012.  Redmayne continues:

Of course, I’m a man and so it is a stretch for me to try and encompass Jessica both the artist and the human being. I have to get up very early and go into make up. I’m in there for at least twelve minutes. Every day. And the transformation is complete. Clint asked me if I was sure I could commit, but I just wanted him to agree to me before he saw Jupiter Ascending.

Chastain will be released in 2016.

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM THE 2015 OSCARS

HOLLYWOOD – So the Dolby Theater has been hosed down and returned to its daytime occupation as headquarters to the International Illuminati, but what did we learn from the 2015 Oscars?

We sent the Studio Exec FACT squad into the after parties and green room to see what we could see.

1. Filling in for the Beastmaster, Neil Patrick Harris is truly a talented entertainer. A funny comedian – although some of his joke writers need firing – , a wonderful song and dance man and a disturbingly good magician. How else but by magic could he have managed to make me laugh at Jack Black?

2. Patricia Arquette is one cool lady. Not only is her body of work impressive, but her acceptance speech spoke of something real. Along with Reese Witherspoon and her #AskHerMore stance, it’s good to see the sisters doing it for themselves. And while we’re at it good on Melanie Griffith for not mouthing platitudes about her daughter Dakota Johnson’s success in Fifty Shades of Grey. Surely tone deaf red carpet reporters can understand she might not to watch her daughter’s BDSM scenes? Perhaps not.

3. Terrence Howard might find himself replaced by Don Cheadle next year.

4. Following Julianne Moore and Eddie Redmayne’s Oscar victories Hollywood bookshops are going to have to stock up on diagnostic manuals as stars starting looking for the next big disease.

5. Boyhood and Birdman both deserved recognition, as did Selma, Snowpiercer, Get On Up , The f*cking LEGO Movie and a whole bunch of others. We’ve become a list crazed culture and so the Oscars have become if anything more important. Sure it’s meaningless; sure it shouldn’t matter. But meaninglessness is hardly a disqualifying factor in our twitterverse culture. Long may it reign.

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5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH

HOLLYWOOD – He’s Alan Turing in The Imitation Game and Smaug in The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug, but who is Benedict Cumberbatch really?

We sent the Studio Exec FACT squad to England to collect the Benedict Cumber-FACTS.

1. Although exotic to American ears, in England, from whence Benedict Cumberbatch hails, the name Benedict Cumberbatch is the second most common name in the British Isles, beaten only by Engelbert Humperdink, ironically enough the stage name of Benedict Cumberbatch’s father.

2. Benedict Cumberbatch’s appearance in Star Trek Into Darkness was marked by tragedy. The reveal that he was in fact Khan was such a surprise for audiences that five hundred and seventeen people died of the subsequent heart attacks during screenings. The surprise was so strong that after the first five days J.J. Abrams decided to publicize ‘the best kept secret in Hollywood’ to avoid further deaths.

3. Robert Downey Jr. and Eddie Redmayne were both named in copyright cases brought against them by Benedict Cumberbatch claiming they had copied his work. Redmayne appeared as Stephen Hawking in the Theory of Everything, which Cumberbatch’s legal team claimed was a direct copy of Cumberbatch’s work in the BBC drama Hawking. Likewise Downey Jr. was accused of copying Cumberbatch’s work as Sherlock Holmes. Both cases were thrown out and Judge Norfolk reprimanded Cumberbatch for being ‘frivolous, though dreamy’.

4. In all of Cumberbatch’s film roles, the actor refuses to wear socks. The one exception to this was his turn in The Hobbit: the Desolation of Smaug in which if one looks carefully you can see that the gold hoarding dragon is wearing a pair of silk tartan socks.

5. Benedict Cumberbatch recently got married to the beautiful Sophie Hunter, an actor and theater director. Many hope this will bring to an end his tenure as the leader of the Hollywood based English actors’ club, the Jolly Bastards. The infamous group has been responsible for a whole series of crimes including swan sacrifice and old lady taunting. However, it was recently reported by den mother Emilia Clarke, that Sophie Hunter will also be joining the club and the horrors will continue.

For more Movie FACTS CLICK HERE!

FLUFFER’S GUIDE TO WINNING AN OSCAR

When you’ve won as many prizes and honours as I have you find that barely a day goes by without a young up and coming actor asking your advice on how to bag an Academy Award, aka Oscar!

You have to admire their ambition: why settle for one of those Golden Globes they give away with every packet of breakfast cereal when you could have a lovely shiny Oscar? Dear Zac Efron looked on eBay for me and he reckons mine’s worth at least $500 so they’re well worth having.

And the way to win one is to play part that’s based on someone from real life. It’s worked for everyone from George Arliss in Disraeli back in ’23, to Danny Day-Lewis playing young  Ronnie Reagan I think it was in Lincoln. And there’s no reason why lightning can’t strike again. When Benedict Cumberbatch, or ‘Eggs’ as I call him, told me he’d got the part in The Imitation Game I said to him ‘Benny, just a thought, why don’t you base it on that clever Al Turing who invented the pocket calculator?’ You could see the relief in his eyes!

It was the same sort of thing when little Eddie Redmayne, or ‘Eggs’ as I call him as well, told me he’d be playing Professor Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything. I suggested he base it on that international man of mystery Austin Powers, and as soon as I saw him with the glasses and funny teeth I said to myself ‘by Jove, he’s got it!’

I don’t expect any thanks. When they win their awards there’s really no need to mention me at all, I’d do the same for any young actor in their position, and I seek no glory for their success. But if they could bung me a few quid just to tide me over while I wait for my cheque from A Million Ways To Die In The West. I wouldn’t say no.

I wasn’t the only person to die in that one!

For more of Sir Edwin FLUFFER, be a peach and Click Here.

THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING: REVIEW

THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING: REVIEW –  James Marsh’s biopic takes a sappy dumb look at the life of an extraordinary genius.

What is it about Hollywood that just doesn’t get intelligence? It’s never quite so stupid as when it’s trying to be clever. Take this Oscar baiting, biographical picture of the astro-physicist Stephen Hawking, played by Eddie Redmayne. As with A Beautiful Mind, a scientific genius is understood only through his affliction (in this case motor neuron disease) and the self-sacrificing power of the love of a good woman, Jane played with toothsome determination by Felicity Jones.

They meet at Cambridge University – he a boffin with his spectacles ever askew, her an English rose of seemingly delicate bloom – and their love develops through wooden dialogue which has ‘scientist speak’ like ‘Love? How does that enter into my calculations?’ followed by fireworks and a crane shot. When disaster strikes and Stephen is diagnosed with an incurable degenerative disease and a life expectancy of just two years, Jane shows her mettle and the power of her love etc etc.

When Hawking’s Brief History of Time became a massive best-seller, it was fashionable to note that most people bought it but never read it and the film-makers appeared to have followed suit. Ron Howard got Russell Crowe to write on windows in a vain attempt to make mathematics visually interesting. Here, Hawking has a series of Eureka! moments via some visual cue. The boffins go to a Penrose lecture to hear a black hole described in a way that would bore a kindergarten with its simplicity. ‘Not even light escapes!’ – ‘Fascinating.’

Ultimately the film isn’t really about Hawking at all. It’s about Jane, based on her book and going along with many of the recent behind-every-great-man-is-a-great woman series of films: see The Girl with the Pearl Earring, The Invisible Woman and Hitchcock (actually don’t for the last one; it’s sh*t). This is to be applauded, but the film maker changes the narrative to make it more conventional and so her contribution actually less interesting. Where are the blazing rows which peppered the book?  What about the fact that the diagnosis came BEFORE the first date?

The performances are all to be praised and Eddie Redmayne in particular manages to make his Stephen Hawking a genuine character that goes beyond the contortions of his disease. Felicity Jones carries the burden of a screenplay that seems tilted forever towards making us pity and admire her, but she still manages to imbue Jane with dignity and occasional flashes of steel. There is a fascinating story here and this is not an awful film. It’s just if you are going to make a film about one of the biggest and most original minds of this last century, you’ve got to be a bit smart and a little bit less conventional.

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WARNER BROS DENY MAKING JUPITER ASCENDING

HOLLYWOOD – Having pushed the release date of the new Wachowski Siblings feature Jupiter Ascending seven months from July to February, 2015, Warner Bros announced today that it had never heard of the Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum Science Fiction action film.

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