HOLLYWOOD – Fast and Furious star Vin Diesel is to appear next as Kojak in a new feature film and today the Studio Exec got an EXCLUSIVE look at the first poster.

Vin Diesel has long wanted to take on the role of Theo Kojak, the lollipop sucking cop with the mystical ability to find parking spaces wherever he goes in New York.

Vin popped by the Studio Exec bungalow to discuss his new role:

Many actors would love to be James Bond, or Indiana Jones,  but for bald actors the choices are limited. Elmer Fudd was a great role but now I’m willing to stretch myself a little and the peak of bald guy roles has to be either The King and I or Kojak. I can’t sing so… who loves ya baby?

My wife.

No that’s my catchphrase. Who Loves ya baby?

Ah okay. Well yes absolutely.

Telly Savalas was for me an idol who encapsulated what it means to be a folically challenged leading man. Yul Brynner was far too exotic. I mean fantastic but I could never do that. Telly was the man. He was basically like me. Growing up that was who I watched on TV.

Philip Gawthrone, who cut his teeth writing episodes of BBC soap opera Eastenders, has been signed to write the screenplay.

Kojak: Who Loves Ya Baby will be released in 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.


 LONDON – David Fincher‘s relentless pursuit of good ideas, no matter where it takes him, continues with the announcement that his production company has bought the rights to British soap opera EastEnders which he will convert into a 13 part HBO series with a big name cast.

Following on from the success of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and House of Cards, Fincher has been channel surfing when not sending his winged monkeys to Scandinavia with their large sticky nets. Although originally in a bidding war with ABC for Coronation Street, Fincher finally succeeded in securing the rights to EastEnders and promised a top quality adult themed drama with top end star power and high production values.

‘It’ll be like Desperate Housewives,’ said Mr. Panic Room. ‘But the house wives will be British, have bad teeth and be really desperate. Like Desperately Sad Housewives. Hey you know Chico, write that down.’

Jude Law has already been cast as Dirty Den, and says he’s delighted and has perfected his German accent especially. Julianne Moore is in talks to play Angie and Tom Hiddleston will play carrot top Ian.

Five things to know about the BBC’s EastEnders.

  1. It’s set in London but not in the West End of London, nor the North, nor the South, but the East End.
  2. Traditionally EastEnders is thoroughly miserable, except at Christmas when it is traditionally extra super fucking miserable with at least one major cast member killing themselves. David Fincher praised the soap opera’s ‘unflinching stare into the abyss of British life’. 
  3. The theme music has been named by the Metropolitan Police as a major cause of Urban Crime. 
  4. Cast members have been known to run away to the army in order to avoid being in future episodes. One famous ‘actor’, Ross Kemp, even tried to get himself killed in Afghanistan.
  5. The new David Fincher series will be relocated to Hawaii. The East End of Hawaii.