RYAN REYNOLDS IS EXHAUSTING

Hollywood – The Studio Exec can reveal an open letter signed by dozens of Hollywood’s top movie stars will be published in various trade publications stating that Ryan Reynolds is exhausting. The letter is seen as an attempt by friends and loved ones of the Canadian movie star to just ‘give it a rest every now and then’. Not only does the letter state Ryan Reynolds is exhausting to be around but his constant meta commentary and breaking of fourth walls that aren’t there in real life is growing very thin.

Ryan Reynolds Is Exhausting

The Studio Exec can reveal extracts of the heart-breaking letter; “Dear Ryan, Please know that what we say in this letter comes from a place of love and support. We don’t mean to undermine you or make you feel bad. We all want you to be happy. But you will not find happiness with constant narration of your life to an audience that simply isn’t there.”

Dick Jokes

“You are more than tiny dick jokes, large dick jokes and knowing glances to a camera that isn’t there. Please remember that Ryan Reynolds is not a part to play. He is a man, a talented and funny man that can exist and thrive outside of staged Instagram spats with Hugh Jackman.”

You’re Not Deadpool

“The continual meta-commentary was kinda fun for a while in Deadpool and most of Deadpool 2. But it’s not a blueprint for real life. Ordering food in a restaurant takes hours with all of your cheeky asides over your shoulder. Don’t make us rethink the merits of what they did with your character in Wolverine: X-Men Origins.”

You’re Hurting Others

“Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson appears to be going down the same road, having seen your schtick and thought, ‘Kerching!’ It’s only a matter of time before he starts breaking more and more fourth walls and flexing his eyebrows at us. Please Ryan, don’t let this happen.”

Red Notice, The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard and Free Guy are separate films… apparently.

AMAZON TO MAKE KRULL TV SHOW

HOLLYWOOD – Amazon signs on to make a TV show based on 80s fantasy movie Krull.

Following on from the news of a Lord of the Rings TV show, Amazon have announced that it will also start shooting a TV remake of Krull. The 1983 British fantasy film is a cult classic that has long demanded a remake. Initially, Edgar Wright looked set to remake the film but as with Ant-Man and the musical of 10 Rillington Place, the project came to nothing. A statement from Jeff Bezos’ company stated:

We at Amazon are very proud to be involved in bringing Krull back to life. We can assure fans that the Glaive is safe in our hands.

The show looks set to be a multi-season epic, aimed at snatching the Game of Thrones audience. A $210 deal won Amazon the rights. And already rumors are rife about possible casting, with Liam Neeson and Robbie Coltrane already signed on to reprise their original roles. Voices have also mentioned Ryan Reynolds and Rosario Dawson as possible A-listers in line for respectively Colwyn and Lyssa with Dwayne the Rock Johnson in the mix as Cyclops.

For those who don’t know, Krull takes place in a time neither past nor future on the planet Krull. A young prince Colwyn is to marry Princess Lyssa from an opposing clan. The marriage will bring peace but a monstrous villain called simply the Beast kidnaps her. He has a flying mountain fortress. Colwyn must seize the Glaive – a kind of impractical throwing star – and gather a band of unlikely warriors to do battle. And rescue Princess Lyssa.

Krull will shoot in 2018.

5 REASONS BAYWATCH WIPED OUT AT THE BOX OFFICE

HOLLYWOOD – Dwayne the Rock Johnson and Zac Efron movie, Baywatch has turned out to be one of the biggest flops of the year.

Even mouth to mouth can’t save this turkey can’t save the gasping mess that is Baywatch. So what are the FIVE reasons that Baywatch failed to connect to audiences. We sent the Studio Exec FACT SQUAD to the beach to find out:

1 It was shit.

2 It was shit.

3 It was shit.

4 It was shit.

5 It was shit.

 

For more FACTS click HERE.

FIRST LOOK: DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON IN BAYWATCH: THE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – As San Andreas hits the screens, the Studio Exec can proudly release this EXCLUSIVE first look at Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson in the new reboot Baywatch: the Movie.

Very little is known about the movie except that Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson plays CJ Parker, a young lifeguard who patrols the beaches of Los Angeles with a little red board on a string attached to the ankle.

‘The Rock’ Johnson spoke exclusively to the Studio Exec:

The thing is I’ve wanted to expand my range as an actor for quite a bit. I’m always this very masculine action guy, you know the Rock! Well, CJ gives me the opportunity to explore another side of my nature, a softer more sensitive side which I hope will also show audiences that there’s more to the Rock than testosterone. And I look great in red.

Justin Malen is on board to rewrite the ‘script’ and We’re the Millers team Jeremy Garelick and Peter Tolan are rumored to be directing.

Johnson (the Rock) continued:

I’ve had to do a lot of preparation,especially yoga and Pilates. But it’s going to be worth it when you see the film. Baywatch is going to be funny and self-aware and edgy, but it is also going to be sexy and kinky and sexy and occasionally brutally violent. Imagine 21 Jump Street but on a beach. No, I’m serious… imagine that! Are you imagining it? Okay? Now take Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill away. Right? Now add me. But with long blond hair. There you go. Now you see it.

It is understood that the David Hasselhoff role of Mitch Buchanon hasn’t been cast yet but both Ann Hathaway and Kirsten Dunst have expressed an interest.

Baywatch will be released in 2015.

(Image courtesy of @perspectivator)

DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON AND KEVIN HART SIGN ON FOR PREDATOR

HOLLYWOOD – Predator remake to star Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and Kevin Hart.

Kevin Hart and Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson are to star in a remake of the 80s action classic Predator.

The official synopsis reads:

Dwight (Hart) and Toby (Johnson) are on holiday with their wives in Peru when they find a treasure map. As they search for the treasure however they get lost in the jungle.  Their troubles have only just started as they realize an alien is hunting them.

Director Shane Black spoke for the first time about his vision of the film:

It’s going to be a lot lighter. After The Nice Guys, I realized that this approach could work with anything. Action and adventure mixes with comedy and gross out humor. Kevin and Dwayne work well together. They bring a magic which frankly Carl Weathers and Arnold Schwarzenegger never had.

The Predator Vacation will be released in 2018.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

5 FACTS WE KNOW ABOUT BLADE RUNNER 2049

HOLLYWOOD – The Studio Exec sends in the FACT squad to run the Voight-Kampff test on the new Blade Runner 2049.

Denis Villeneuve’s follow up to Ridley Scott’s sci-fi classic Blade Runner 2049 has been shrouded in mystery but the Studio Exec FACT squad has been on the job – though one of them got fried running through an electric field. So here are the 5 FACTS they uncovered.

One. The whole of Blade Runner 2049 takes place at eleven minutes to nine PM.

Two. Following his success in LaLa Land, Ryan Gosling will sing the theme song ‘Tears in Rain’ over the opening titles as well as the song ‘Is this to test whether I’m a Replicant (or a lesbian)?’ also known as Blade Runner Love Theme.

Three. The cast for Blade Runner 2049 includes Harrison Ford from the original, as well as Jared Leto, David Letterman, Jack Black, Will Ferrell, Ellen DeGeneres, Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson and Melissa McCarthy.

Four. Although not directing the film, Ridley Scott has been part of the creative team though scriptwriter Hampton Fancher has said that his contribution consisted solely of demanding ‘a shit load of unicorns.’ This demand has been fully satisfied. Hampton told the Exec: ‘You’ve never seen this many unicorns on film at the same time.’

Five. Whereas in the original there was an ambiguity as to which character was a replicant, in the new film the Canadian director Denis Villeneuve has insisted that there will be a more radical ambiguity. ‘We will suggest that not only are ALL the characters replicants, but also the audience and the filmmakers. Everybody and everything is artificial. Philip K. Dick, I feel would have approved.’

For more FACTs CLICK HERE.

MARK ZUCKERBERG AND PRISCILLA CHAN PLEDGE $3 BILLION TO STOP KEVIN HART MAKING FILMS

HOLLYWOOD – Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan today pledged a whopping $3 billion in a campaign to stop Kevin Hart making films.

Following the announcement that they were going to pledge 99% of their Facebook shares to charitable causes, Priscilla Chan and Mark Zuckerberg yesterday made good on their promise by pledging $3 billion to fund a campaign to stop Kevin Hart from making films. Making the announcement in San Francisco Wednesday, Dr Chan said the work to stop Kevin Hart making films was ‘an achievable goal, if not in our lifetime, certainly in the lifetime of our children.’ She went on to explain:

Kevin Hart is one of many comedians who has parlayed a reputation in the clubs into a successful movie career. But the films of all these guys are rotten. Just terrible. Kevin Hart is one of the worst examples. So we’re going to target him specifically and with the funds of the Chan Zuckerberg Foundation see if we can’t eliminate, reduce or at least manage all Kevin hart movies.

Responding to critics who said there were worse problems in the world, Dr. Chan replied:

Oh really?

Kevin Hart himself issued no statement, busy making Journey with Lara Croft to Jumanji Kong with Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson.

 

FIRST IMAGE OF JOURNEY WITH LARA CROFT TO JUMANJI KONG

HOLLYWOOD – The first image has been released from Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s new film, the multi-movie mash-up: Journey With Lara Croft to Jumanji Kong.

The photograph shows the cast in costume posing in the jungle on Skull Island.  Dwayne Johnson plays Dr. Smolder Bravestone and Kevin Hart his dumbass sidekick Moose Finbar. Karen Gillan is seen in the role of Lara Croft and Jack Black reprises his role as Carl Denham. Jack Black spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

You could look at the picture and say what happened to Jack Black? I mean, the guy used to star in movies and now he’s playing third fiddle to a wrestler and Kevin Hart, but that isn’t the way I look at it. I see it as the opportunity to pay tribute to three or four great movie franchises. Jumanji, Lara Croft, Journey to the Whatever and King Kong. Oh, and Central Intelligence as well I suppose. I have to say that last one or Kevin gets pissed and tells everyone not to give me food.

Journey with Lara Croft to Jumanji Kong will be released in 2017.

DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON TO PLAY JAMIE VARDY IN LEICESTER MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – It’s the role every actor has been going for – soccer legend Jamie Vardy, star of the Leicester Soccer Club – is to be played by BayWatch star Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson.

Following their recent success in the English soccer cup Premier League, Leicester Soccer club are to have a film made of their extraordinary season. Justin Linn is to direct and Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson is to star as Jamie Vardy with Al Pacino playing Claudio Ranieri.

Speaking from Venice Beach, Dwayne Johnson spoke about his new role:

I’m thriller. Really excited. I love kick soccer and have been a huge fan Leicester kick soccer club ever since I was a child. To see them come from the bottom of the league last year and go on this run to win the title was truly marvellous. And to think I’ll be playing quarterback Jamie Vardy… It’s why we’re in the business, man.

Al Pacino has been shadowing Claudio Ranieri throughout the year as he began to prepare for the role. He spoke also with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY over the telephone.

Yes! I love it. This man, the passion. Italian. I mean… Yes! The passion, the theater of dreams, the King Power stadium. POWER. King! The words are poetry! The number of touchdowns that Leicester scored amazing. Claudio is so relaxed, such a gem of a man. He even let me manage the team a couple of times. Once against Liverpool. I’m afraid we lost that one, but no one knew it was me on the touchline. Hoooooo. And indeed Harrrr.

Champion: The Jamie Vardy Story will be released in 2018.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

DWAYNE JOHNSON FIRED AFTER SAN ANDREAS

HOLLYWOOD – Dwayne Johnson (also known as The Rock) has been fired from his position as emergency rescuer and helicopter pilot, following his actions during the recent San Andreas earthquake, lightly fictionalized in the movie San Andreas.

A letter from the Los Angeles Emergency Rescue Team has come into the possession of the Studio Exec notifying Dwayne Johnson (or The Rock) of the termination of his employment. Here it is in full:

Dear Mr. Johnson,

It pains me to have to write this letter, but given your actions last Thursday I believe I have no other option but to do so and to herewith terminate your employment with the Los Angeles Emergency Rescue Team, effective immediately. Although I believe our reasons are obvious for the sake of clarity I will spell them out. First of all, can I tell you how much we have esteemed your work in the past. You have roughly four hundred certified rescues, according to a TV reporter Ms. Exposito, and only the other day you rescued a girl from her trapped car as it dangled halfway down a ravine, at great personal risk and, I might add, great risk to the five people in or around the helicopter, but that’s by the by. You did your job and you did it well. It is no exaggeration to say that you are considered something of a hero around these parts and all your team look up to you. And this is why it astounds me that when first the Hoover Dam burst, causing a massive loss of life and then a giant earthquake hit Los Angeles, you chose to take what can only be described as ‘a family day’. Thousands if not tens of thousands of people, if not million were in a state of immediate distress and danger and required the services of our whole team, but you – a key member – stole a helicopter and went to rescue your estranged wife from the top of a skyscraper in downtown LA. You were upset, it was on your way, we understand.

But then on hearing that your daughter was trapped in a car in San Francisco, you decided that the resources at your disposal would be spent on a trip up north to rescue her, even though you had a GODDAMN radio and a network of professional rescuers, who you knew from years of working side by side, who would ahve been more than happy to go and get your daughter and leave you to attend to your duties closer to home. I don’t want to suggest that you saw an opportunity to get back in the good books with the missus, but it can’t have been a million miles from your thinking. All the time that seismologist from Cal Tech, Dr. Discovery Channel, is giving valuable information via some nonsensical hacking situation which didn’t seem that necessary, but I digress. It bothers me. But anyway…

Heading to San Francisco with a bird’s eye view of the devastation you don’t have any second thoughts, nor do you contact your own crew who have now been grounded waiting two hours for you to turn up. Which is also rude, actually. When technical malfunctions force you to land the helicopter you don’t land in the fields but aim for a crowded shopping mall car park. It’s almost as if you want to hurt people, which – I don’t have to remind you – is actually the opposite of your job description. So you make your way to San Francisco and there’s another big earthquake and a tsunami which you avoid by aiming for in a motor boat. If you refer to page 132 of your Emergency Handbook, in the chapter entitled Tsunamis and How to Survive Them it says nothing about aiming directly for them. And I’ve read the footnotes.

The city flooded, thousands perhaps even millions dead or dying, do you finally decide to use your professional skills to help other people? No, you and your newly amorous wife tool around at full speed looking for your daughter, regardless of the injured people bobbing in the water. Why are you driving so fast? You don’t know where she is. You could go past her or even be looking in the wrong direction while they bang on the glass behind you, making you look like a complete dolt!

Okay, so you saved your daughter and that’s especially important because you already failed to rescue your other daughter and having two of your daughters drown and you are rescuer… well, it’s kind of embarrassing. So that’s good. And we’re happy. But what about all the other people you could have saved and you didn’t. Other than the daughter, you saved one black girl on a bike. Jesus Christ, Dr. Discovery Channel’s dead Asian pal did just as good and he can’t even swim. So Dwayne, I’m sorry but you’re going to have to consider this the end with us. It is a pity that it should end like this but this kind of dereliction of duty at such a moment in California’s history cannot go unnoticed and unpunished.

I wish you all the luck in the world in what ever else you wish to do and I am glad that your busty daughter survived.

Yours Sincerely,

Glenn (Manager)

FIRST POSTER FOR BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – The first poster for Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson’s remake of Big Trouble in Little China hit the internet today along with an official statement from the star.

The remake of John Carpenter’s 1986 cult classic Big Trouble in Little China is set to star Dwayne Johnson as hard boiled truck driver Jack Burton, who gets caught up with supernatural goings on in the eponymous Chinatown. The original starred Kurt Russell and Kim Cattrall and was a bit of a flop for Carpenter, who was seeking to cash in on the Romancing the Stone and Indiana Jones action fare of the day. The new version will be written by X-Men: First Class scribes Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz and the approach according to Dwayne Johnson’s statement looks to be reverential:

All too often a remake of this kind of property is too keen to reinvent what doesn’t need reinventing and in the process we lose what was genuinely good about the original. So in this version, I am going to be digitally inserted into the original on top of Kurt Russell’s image and will simply take his place. We’ve hired Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz to update some of the dialogue but as much as we can we’ll leave alone. We want to see Gracie and fight Lo Pan (James Wong). The only casting change is perhaps to get Emma Stone to play Miao Yin.

How fans will react to this is yet to be seen, but Swiss cinema expert Xavier Poulis believes that Dwayne Johnson might have gone one remake too far.

Johnson is a likable personality and he obviously attracts audiences, as the success of San Andreas has proven. But he is finding himself attached to too many sequels and remakes. We’ve already seen him in the Furious films, the Voyage films, and there’s a Baywatch film coming up. And yet there is still no word as to when we will see Southland Tales 2, the film everyone is waiting for.

Dwayne Johnson’s Big Trouble in Little China will be released in 2017.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON TO STAR IN ZARDOZ REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is to star in, as well as write and direct a new remake of the 1974 science fiction film Zardoz.

Widely considered one of the strangest films ever made, Zardoz originally starred Sean Connery and was directed by John Boorman. It tells the story of a giant flying head that spews guns and tells the Slayers to kill and not have babies. Dwayne Johnson spoke exclusively to Studio Exec about the project:

When I was first approached to act properly in movies I always had the dream of some day doing something as wonderful as Zardoz. It’s a film I’ve greatly admired for years. Films these days are simply unambitious and way too normal, including my own, with perhaps the exception of Southland Tales, but Zardoz is just a treasury of nutsy drug induced flim-flam.

How do you feel about directing?

It’ll be easy. I’m going to take a lot of LSD.

Can you tell us about your role?

I’m playing Zed and I want to keep it very close to the original concept, especially the costumes. The body hair will be a challenge. Connery was one of the most hirsute actors of the seventies, and, as we all know, the seventies were the hay day of hairiness.

What other hairy actors do you admire?

Peter Sellers. Burt Reynolds.

Other than body hair how else will you approach the film?

I will update the special effects obviously. They are the weak point of the original film. And I shall also make Zardoz more kid friendly. I think Zardoz has a lot to say to young people. So I’ll try to keep the nudity down to an absolute minimum. The studio will probably insist on changing the name somehow, but I’ll fight them on it.

Journey 4: From the Earth to Zardoz will be released in 2016.

G.I. JOE AND TYLER PERRY WIN THE WEEKEND



GI Joe: Retaliation won the Easter weekend Box Office, though Tyler Perry’s Temptation also did good business despite the fact that Tyler Perry is almost universally considered a tool. Meanwhile, The Host was a disappointing debut showing that the young-adult genre is shizzle.
Top quote Ray Subbers at Box Office Mojo: 

The Top 12 earned an estimated $140.8 million, which is nearly identical to the same weekend last year. The G.I. Joe sequel grossed an estimated $41.2 million this weekend, which ranks as the second-highest Easter debut ever behind 2010’s Clash of the Titans ($61.2 million). Including Thursday, the movie has earned $51.7 million; that’s a bit below G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra‘s $54.7 million three-day start in August 2009. For its three major stars, this is also a potent opening: it ranks third-highest for Channing Tatum, second-highest for The Rock, and it’s remarkably the top debut ever for a Bruce Willis movie.

Studio Exec will from now on be committed to reporting only the FACTS of Hollywood news with particular attention paid to Box Office receipts.

GI JOE FANS ANGRY AT ‘TOO HUMAN’ FILM

HOLLYWOOD – The release of the latest installment in the GI Joe franchise looks set to be a commercial and critical success but some fans are criticizing the film for being too human.

Jason Partnersnip, author of A Book of Joe, writes in his review of the film:

GI Joe: Retaliation is a travesty. Instead of plastic dolls with expressionless faces and no way of conveying emotion, we get ‘actors’ like Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, Channing Tatum and Bruce Willis quite obviously moving their faces in attempts to somehow convey emotion, in direct contradiction of the spirit of the toys. 

Director Jon M. Chu responded angrily to the criticism:

We specifically tried to choose actors that I could rely upon to give me a sense of impassive stupidity and block-headed numbness and I think we achieved that.  It’s unfair for Jason (who by the way I’ve had run ins with before) to pick on our film when he knows that we are trying our best – as lovers of plastic toys – to stay true to the spirit of the product. If you come to our movie, you’ll see lots of parts where we’ve even managed to CGI the humans out of the film altogether. And still he’s not happy.

GI Joe: Retaliation is on general release.