RYAN REYNOLDS IS EXHAUSTING

Hollywood – The Studio Exec can reveal an open letter signed by dozens of Hollywood’s top movie stars will be published in various trade publications stating that Ryan Reynolds is exhausting. The letter is seen as an attempt by friends and loved ones of the Canadian movie star to just ‘give it a rest every now and then’. Not only does the letter state Ryan Reynolds is exhausting to be around but his constant meta commentary and breaking of fourth walls that aren’t there in real life is growing very thin.

Ryan Reynolds Is Exhausting

The Studio Exec can reveal extracts of the heart-breaking letter; “Dear Ryan, Please know that what we say in this letter comes from a place of love and support. We don’t mean to undermine you or make you feel bad. We all want you to be happy. But you will not find happiness with constant narration of your life to an audience that simply isn’t there.”

Dick Jokes

“You are more than tiny dick jokes, large dick jokes and knowing glances to a camera that isn’t there. Please remember that Ryan Reynolds is not a part to play. He is a man, a talented and funny man that can exist and thrive outside of staged Instagram spats with Hugh Jackman.”

You’re Not Deadpool

“The continual meta-commentary was kinda fun for a while in Deadpool and most of Deadpool 2. But it’s not a blueprint for real life. Ordering food in a restaurant takes hours with all of your cheeky asides over your shoulder. Don’t make us rethink the merits of what they did with your character in Wolverine: X-Men Origins.”

You’re Hurting Others

“Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson appears to be going down the same road, having seen your schtick and thought, ‘Kerching!’ It’s only a matter of time before he starts breaking more and more fourth walls and flexing his eyebrows at us. Please Ryan, don’t let this happen.”

Red Notice, The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard and Free Guy are separate films… apparently.

SEAN PENN TO STAR IN AUF WIEDERSEHEN PET MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Oscar winner Sean Penn to star in Auf Wiedersehen Pet movie.

Cult British 80s TV show Auf Wiedersehen Pet is getting a Hollywood makeover via actor director Sean Penn. Penn has been working on the project for fifteen years. He talked EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about his work on the dream project:

I was working with Clint Eastwood on Mystic River and between takes I’d go into my trailer and watch stuff on tape and he came in and saw I was watching old episodes of Auf Wiedersehen Pet and was like ‘Wow! You like Auf Wiedersehen Pet too?’ And we really bonded. I mean, we’re quite different people but here was a language we could both respond to.

 

auf wiedersehen pet

 

The show follows a group of building workers who travel to then West Germany to work on a construction site. We asked Sean how he would change the setup.

I’m keeping it exactly as it is. Clint actually already had a script written and he wanted to play Bomber with Benicio del Toro as Barry. He thought I should play Oz. Now, that to me was like a dream come true. Jimmy Nail played Oz in the original series. He was the guy who really changed me. I went from being a guy who does movies into a serious movie actor. But in the end we all had other commitments so it was put off and now Clint thinks he’s too old to play Bomber. So we’ve got Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Michael Cera is playing Kevin, Ryan Gosling is on for Wayne. Quentin Tarantino is coming in to play Dennis, the leader of the group.

Tarantino likes the show too?

He’s actually written a book about it. It’s amazing. We all loved having him around when we were rehearsing because he knew the lore. I’m just lucky he didn’t take it away from me. But he is keen on doing his Geordie accent.

Is it as good as his Australian one?

Man, that’s a high bar. I’m not sure. Maybe. He disappears into the character. It’s so much fun watching him work and directing him of course.

Auf Wiedersehen Pet is coming soon.

5 REASONS BAYWATCH WIPED OUT AT THE BOX OFFICE

HOLLYWOOD – Dwayne the Rock Johnson and Zac Efron movie, Baywatch has turned out to be one of the biggest flops of the year.

Even mouth to mouth can’t save this turkey can’t save the gasping mess that is Baywatch. So what are the FIVE reasons that Baywatch failed to connect to audiences. We sent the Studio Exec FACT SQUAD to the beach to find out:

1 It was shit.

2 It was shit.

3 It was shit.

4 It was shit.

5 It was shit.

 

For more FACTS click HERE.

FIRST LOOK: DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON IN BAYWATCH: THE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – As San Andreas hits the screens, the Studio Exec can proudly release this EXCLUSIVE first look at Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson in the new reboot Baywatch: the Movie.

Very little is known about the movie except that Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson plays CJ Parker, a young lifeguard who patrols the beaches of Los Angeles with a little red board on a string attached to the ankle.

‘The Rock’ Johnson spoke exclusively to the Studio Exec:

The thing is I’ve wanted to expand my range as an actor for quite a bit. I’m always this very masculine action guy, you know the Rock! Well, CJ gives me the opportunity to explore another side of my nature, a softer more sensitive side which I hope will also show audiences that there’s more to the Rock than testosterone. And I look great in red.

Justin Malen is on board to rewrite the ‘script’ and We’re the Millers team Jeremy Garelick and Peter Tolan are rumored to be directing.

Johnson (the Rock) continued:

I’ve had to do a lot of preparation,especially yoga and Pilates. But it’s going to be worth it when you see the film. Baywatch is going to be funny and self-aware and edgy, but it is also going to be sexy and kinky and sexy and occasionally brutally violent. Imagine 21 Jump Street but on a beach. No, I’m serious… imagine that! Are you imagining it? Okay? Now take Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill away. Right? Now add me. But with long blond hair. There you go. Now you see it.

It is understood that the David Hasselhoff role of Mitch Buchanon hasn’t been cast yet but both Ann Hathaway and Kirsten Dunst have expressed an interest.

Baywatch will be released in 2015.

(Image courtesy of @perspectivator)

DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON AND KEVIN HART SIGN ON FOR PREDATOR

HOLLYWOOD – Predator remake to star Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and Kevin Hart.

Kevin Hart and Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson are to star in a remake of the 80s action classic Predator.

The official synopsis reads:

Dwight (Hart) and Toby (Johnson) are on holiday with their wives in Peru when they find a treasure map. As they search for the treasure however they get lost in the jungle.  Their troubles have only just started as they realize an alien is hunting them.

Director Shane Black spoke for the first time about his vision of the film:

It’s going to be a lot lighter. After The Nice Guys, I realized that this approach could work with anything. Action and adventure mixes with comedy and gross out humor. Kevin and Dwayne work well together. They bring a magic which frankly Carl Weathers and Arnold Schwarzenegger never had.

The Predator Vacation will be released in 2018.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

MARK ZUCKERBERG AND PRISCILLA CHAN PLEDGE $3 BILLION TO STOP KEVIN HART MAKING FILMS

HOLLYWOOD – Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan today pledged a whopping $3 billion in a campaign to stop Kevin Hart making films.

Following the announcement that they were going to pledge 99% of their Facebook shares to charitable causes, Priscilla Chan and Mark Zuckerberg yesterday made good on their promise by pledging $3 billion to fund a campaign to stop Kevin Hart from making films. Making the announcement in San Francisco Wednesday, Dr Chan said the work to stop Kevin Hart making films was ‘an achievable goal, if not in our lifetime, certainly in the lifetime of our children.’ She went on to explain:

Kevin Hart is one of many comedians who has parlayed a reputation in the clubs into a successful movie career. But the films of all these guys are rotten. Just terrible. Kevin Hart is one of the worst examples. So we’re going to target him specifically and with the funds of the Chan Zuckerberg Foundation see if we can’t eliminate, reduce or at least manage all Kevin hart movies.

Responding to critics who said there were worse problems in the world, Dr. Chan replied:

Oh really?

Kevin Hart himself issued no statement, busy making Journey with Lara Croft to Jumanji Kong with Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson.

 

FIRST IMAGE OF JOURNEY WITH LARA CROFT TO JUMANJI KONG

HOLLYWOOD – The first image has been released from Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s new film, the multi-movie mash-up: Journey With Lara Croft to Jumanji Kong.

The photograph shows the cast in costume posing in the jungle on Skull Island.  Dwayne Johnson plays Dr. Smolder Bravestone and Kevin Hart his dumbass sidekick Moose Finbar. Karen Gillan is seen in the role of Lara Croft and Jack Black reprises his role as Carl Denham. Jack Black spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

You could look at the picture and say what happened to Jack Black? I mean, the guy used to star in movies and now he’s playing third fiddle to a wrestler and Kevin Hart, but that isn’t the way I look at it. I see it as the opportunity to pay tribute to three or four great movie franchises. Jumanji, Lara Croft, Journey to the Whatever and King Kong. Oh, and Central Intelligence as well I suppose. I have to say that last one or Kevin gets pissed and tells everyone not to give me food.

Journey with Lara Croft to Jumanji Kong will be released in 2017.

VIN DIESEL AND THE ROCK FIGHT

HOLLYWOOD – The Studio Exec have EXCLUSIVELY received a picture which looks as if it shows Vin Diesel and Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson actually fighting.

The Studio Exec has obtained an image that appears to show Fast and Furious co-stars Vin Diesel and Dwayne the Rock Johnson in a physical fight. Although the picture is in close up and it is difficult to tell what is going on, it is obvious that the conflict between Vin Diesel and Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson has escalated from an Instagram spat, to a full blown manly sweaty wrestling match, which The Rock has to be the favorite to win given his record. A photographic expert Kline Billious told the Studio Exec:

It’s obvious that they’re fighting. And it looks like Vin is getting his ass kicked. The Rock has him in a head lock. We can see that they have their shirts on but I think the expression of intensity in their faces, makes it highly likely that they’re both naked from the waist down. If you’ve ever seen the famous scene in Women in Love, with Alan Bates and Oliver Reed you’ll know what I’m talking about.

It is likely that the fight took place on the set of their new film with some crew members claiming that the director also ordered the cameras to roll. An anonymous gaffer told us:

‘Waste not, want not’ is a good motto and as soon as the boys went at it, we got the cameras set up. After all, we weren’t sure if either of them would be acting together again so this might be their last scene.

Although no winner has been announced, it is widely believed that The Rock bit off one of Vin Diesel’s ears and is keeping it in a jar.

Fast 8 will be released in 2017.

DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON TO PLAY JAMIE VARDY IN LEICESTER MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – It’s the role every actor has been going for – soccer legend Jamie Vardy, star of the Leicester Soccer Club – is to be played by BayWatch star Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson.

Following their recent success in the English soccer cup Premier League, Leicester Soccer club are to have a film made of their extraordinary season. Justin Linn is to direct and Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson is to star as Jamie Vardy with Al Pacino playing Claudio Ranieri.

Speaking from Venice Beach, Dwayne Johnson spoke about his new role:

I’m thriller. Really excited. I love kick soccer and have been a huge fan Leicester kick soccer club ever since I was a child. To see them come from the bottom of the league last year and go on this run to win the title was truly marvellous. And to think I’ll be playing quarterback Jamie Vardy… It’s why we’re in the business, man.

Al Pacino has been shadowing Claudio Ranieri throughout the year as he began to prepare for the role. He spoke also with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY over the telephone.

Yes! I love it. This man, the passion. Italian. I mean… Yes! The passion, the theater of dreams, the King Power stadium. POWER. King! The words are poetry! The number of touchdowns that Leicester scored amazing. Claudio is so relaxed, such a gem of a man. He even let me manage the team a couple of times. Once against Liverpool. I’m afraid we lost that one, but no one knew it was me on the touchline. Hoooooo. And indeed Harrrr.

Champion: The Jamie Vardy Story will be released in 2018.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

DWAYNE JOHNSON FIRED AFTER SAN ANDREAS

HOLLYWOOD – Dwayne Johnson (also known as The Rock) has been fired from his position as emergency rescuer and helicopter pilot, following his actions during the recent San Andreas earthquake, lightly fictionalized in the movie San Andreas.

A letter from the Los Angeles Emergency Rescue Team has come into the possession of the Studio Exec notifying Dwayne Johnson (or The Rock) of the termination of his employment. Here it is in full:

Dear Mr. Johnson,

It pains me to have to write this letter, but given your actions last Thursday I believe I have no other option but to do so and to herewith terminate your employment with the Los Angeles Emergency Rescue Team, effective immediately. Although I believe our reasons are obvious for the sake of clarity I will spell them out. First of all, can I tell you how much we have esteemed your work in the past. You have roughly four hundred certified rescues, according to a TV reporter Ms. Exposito, and only the other day you rescued a girl from her trapped car as it dangled halfway down a ravine, at great personal risk and, I might add, great risk to the five people in or around the helicopter, but that’s by the by. You did your job and you did it well. It is no exaggeration to say that you are considered something of a hero around these parts and all your team look up to you. And this is why it astounds me that when first the Hoover Dam burst, causing a massive loss of life and then a giant earthquake hit Los Angeles, you chose to take what can only be described as ‘a family day’. Thousands if not tens of thousands of people, if not million were in a state of immediate distress and danger and required the services of our whole team, but you – a key member – stole a helicopter and went to rescue your estranged wife from the top of a skyscraper in downtown LA. You were upset, it was on your way, we understand.

But then on hearing that your daughter was trapped in a car in San Francisco, you decided that the resources at your disposal would be spent on a trip up north to rescue her, even though you had a GODDAMN radio and a network of professional rescuers, who you knew from years of working side by side, who would ahve been more than happy to go and get your daughter and leave you to attend to your duties closer to home. I don’t want to suggest that you saw an opportunity to get back in the good books with the missus, but it can’t have been a million miles from your thinking. All the time that seismologist from Cal Tech, Dr. Discovery Channel, is giving valuable information via some nonsensical hacking situation which didn’t seem that necessary, but I digress. It bothers me. But anyway…

Heading to San Francisco with a bird’s eye view of the devastation you don’t have any second thoughts, nor do you contact your own crew who have now been grounded waiting two hours for you to turn up. Which is also rude, actually. When technical malfunctions force you to land the helicopter you don’t land in the fields but aim for a crowded shopping mall car park. It’s almost as if you want to hurt people, which – I don’t have to remind you – is actually the opposite of your job description. So you make your way to San Francisco and there’s another big earthquake and a tsunami which you avoid by aiming for in a motor boat. If you refer to page 132 of your Emergency Handbook, in the chapter entitled Tsunamis and How to Survive Them it says nothing about aiming directly for them. And I’ve read the footnotes.

The city flooded, thousands perhaps even millions dead or dying, do you finally decide to use your professional skills to help other people? No, you and your newly amorous wife tool around at full speed looking for your daughter, regardless of the injured people bobbing in the water. Why are you driving so fast? You don’t know where she is. You could go past her or even be looking in the wrong direction while they bang on the glass behind you, making you look like a complete dolt!

Okay, so you saved your daughter and that’s especially important because you already failed to rescue your other daughter and having two of your daughters drown and you are rescuer… well, it’s kind of embarrassing. So that’s good. And we’re happy. But what about all the other people you could have saved and you didn’t. Other than the daughter, you saved one black girl on a bike. Jesus Christ, Dr. Discovery Channel’s dead Asian pal did just as good and he can’t even swim. So Dwayne, I’m sorry but you’re going to have to consider this the end with us. It is a pity that it should end like this but this kind of dereliction of duty at such a moment in California’s history cannot go unnoticed and unpunished.

I wish you all the luck in the world in what ever else you wish to do and I am glad that your busty daughter survived.

Yours Sincerely,

Glenn (Manager)

FIRST POSTER FOR BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – The first poster for Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson’s remake of Big Trouble in Little China hit the internet today along with an official statement from the star.

The remake of John Carpenter’s 1986 cult classic Big Trouble in Little China is set to star Dwayne Johnson as hard boiled truck driver Jack Burton, who gets caught up with supernatural goings on in the eponymous Chinatown. The original starred Kurt Russell and Kim Cattrall and was a bit of a flop for Carpenter, who was seeking to cash in on the Romancing the Stone and Indiana Jones action fare of the day. The new version will be written by X-Men: First Class scribes Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz and the approach according to Dwayne Johnson’s statement looks to be reverential:

All too often a remake of this kind of property is too keen to reinvent what doesn’t need reinventing and in the process we lose what was genuinely good about the original. So in this version, I am going to be digitally inserted into the original on top of Kurt Russell’s image and will simply take his place. We’ve hired Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz to update some of the dialogue but as much as we can we’ll leave alone. We want to see Gracie and fight Lo Pan (James Wong). The only casting change is perhaps to get Emma Stone to play Miao Yin.

How fans will react to this is yet to be seen, but Swiss cinema expert Xavier Poulis believes that Dwayne Johnson might have gone one remake too far.

Johnson is a likable personality and he obviously attracts audiences, as the success of San Andreas has proven. But he is finding himself attached to too many sequels and remakes. We’ve already seen him in the Furious films, the Voyage films, and there’s a Baywatch film coming up. And yet there is still no word as to when we will see Southland Tales 2, the film everyone is waiting for.

Dwayne Johnson’s Big Trouble in Little China will be released in 2017.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON TO STAR IN ZARDOZ REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is to star in, as well as write and direct a new remake of the 1974 science fiction film Zardoz.

Widely considered one of the strangest films ever made, Zardoz originally starred Sean Connery and was directed by John Boorman. It tells the story of a giant flying head that spews guns and tells the Slayers to kill and not have babies. Dwayne Johnson spoke exclusively to Studio Exec about the project:

When I was first approached to act properly in movies I always had the dream of some day doing something as wonderful as Zardoz. It’s a film I’ve greatly admired for years. Films these days are simply unambitious and way too normal, including my own, with perhaps the exception of Southland Tales, but Zardoz is just a treasury of nutsy drug induced flim-flam.

How do you feel about directing?

It’ll be easy. I’m going to take a lot of LSD.

Can you tell us about your role?

I’m playing Zed and I want to keep it very close to the original concept, especially the costumes. The body hair will be a challenge. Connery was one of the most hirsute actors of the seventies, and, as we all know, the seventies were the hay day of hairiness.

What other hairy actors do you admire?

Peter Sellers. Burt Reynolds.

Other than body hair how else will you approach the film?

I will update the special effects obviously. They are the weak point of the original film. And I shall also make Zardoz more kid friendly. I think Zardoz has a lot to say to young people. So I’ll try to keep the nudity down to an absolute minimum. The studio will probably insist on changing the name somehow, but I’ll fight them on it.

Journey 4: From the Earth to Zardoz will be released in 2016.

DWAYNE JOHNSON TO STAR IN TIM HOWARD BIOPIC

HOLLYWOOD – Following his heroic performance between the posts for Team USA at the World Cup, Tim Howard is to become a subject for a new film starring Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, entitled: Goalkeeper.

The new film – directed by Wolfgang Petersen – will chart the rise of the bearded ball stopper from the lowly North Jersey Imperials to the middling English football club Everton. ‘It’s kind of a rags to riches Cinderella story,’ said Johnson who admitted to being unfamiliar with the rules of ‘kick soccer’ before accepting the role.

It’s fascinating really. Here is a guy whose position in the team is to stop people scoring goals, even though the whole idea of the soccer football is to score goals. So paradoxically he’s doing the opposite of what he is supposed to do! I mean, talk about complex.

Petersen – famous in his native Germany for his World War 2 film about a famous striker Das Boot – expressed pleasure at returning to the genre which had brought him early success.

This is the film which will make soccer a number one sport for the Americans. I always do this. When I made The Perfect Storm everyone said, ‘No one will like it. Americans don’t get weather.’ After I made it, there were more storms and hurricanes than ever before in America. All because of my little film. 

The Goalkeeper will be released in 2016.

RETROPOLIS: THE FALL GUY

Long before The Sopranos and Breaking Bad, a golden era of TV built a city of quality drama and comedy, a RETROPOLIS.

 
From 1981 to 1986, Glen A. Larson pioneered a brilliant TV drama that only superficially resembled the Burt Reynolds movie Hooper: The Fall Guy. Lee Majors played Colt Seavers, the unknown stuntman ‘who made Eastwood looks so fine.’He was joined by his dumb ass cousin Howie (Douglas Barr) and a girl stuntwoman Jody Banks (Heather Thomas) as he supplemented his meagre stuntman income as a bounty hunter tracking down fugitives and trapping them via stunts. Larson was a stickler for gritty realism and insisted that all the stunts looked as dangerous as possible regardless of the cost in human life. Every episode involved a large number of fatalities, until the death toll began to worry the studios. 
 
As his fame increased, Lee Majors became an enthusiastic supporter of the show and together Larson and Majors quieted the studios fears, insisting the criticisms were simply Union troublemakers. By the final season, Larson was insisting on a ‘death quota’ so that even if the episode had been made and all the stunts completed safely without loss of life, a number of extras were taken into the back lot of the studio and summarily killed.
 
A proposed remake starring Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and directed by Martin Campbell is still stuck in development, but both star and director have promised to kill as many stuntmen as is absolutely necessary.