PADDINGTON BEAR HORROR REBOOT GREENLIT

HOLLYWOOD – Following on from the Winnie The Pooh: Blood And Honey horror reimagining, a Paddington Bear horror reboot has been announced. The gore-fest will be directed by Eli Roth and begins shooting later this summer. The Exec caught up with eternal frat boy horror aficionado, Roth as he finalized pre-production on the Paddington Bear horror reboot.

Eli, What Attracted You To A Paddington Bear Horror Reboot?

Hey bros. You know me, when it comes to bucking horror trends, I’m Phi Beta Kappa. I was never on board the torture porn trend with Hostel. Nor was I on board the remake gravy train with Death Wish. And I will never be on the videogame movie band wagon with Borderlands. When I heard there was an opportunity to make a beloved children’s bear character into a horror icon, I leaped at the chance. Here was another opportunity to prove what an original creative force I am.

Can You Tell Us Anything About The Plot?

Only a little. It’s going to be a home invasion story. Where a Peruvian immigrant bear stalks and terrorizes the Brown family. Think The Purge crossed with Straw Dogs, but he’s not a dog. He’s a bear and he’s not made of straw. I never got why they called it Straw Dogs. What kind of stupid title is that? It should’ve been called Shootsie or The Graduate II: Braddock’s Revenge. That would have been way cooler, bro.

Can You Tell Us Any Cast News?

I shouldn’t really, but you seem like a cool dude, man. We got Robert Englund playing Henry Brown and Sybil Danning as Mary Brown.

And Who Is Playing Paddington?

We got Andy Serkis in a mo-cap suit providing the movements, but we aint using him for the voice. We have Rob Zombie providing the voice. He brings a real guttural heft to the character that has never been explored before. Plus he sounds like he’d tear you a new assshole.

Paddington Bear: Flesh Shredder Starts Filming Shortly

MATT DAMON: ‘WE DON’T TALK ENOUGH ABOUT MEN WHO ARE NOT MATT DAMON’

HOLLYWOOD – Matt Damon pleaded today for people to talk about men who are not Matt Damon.

In an interview with The Business Insider, Matt Damon made an impassioned plea for the conversation to include people ‘who are not Matt Damon’.

He said:

I think we’ve reached a watershed moment. I don’t really know what that means. Is it really a building which holds water? How does that work? What if someone opens the window? Wait, back to what I was saying. The point is with the #MeToo movement and all that, a lot of the conversation has been about Matt Damon. Women quite rightly have condemned Matt Damon for his cloth-eared interventions. But I think Matt Damon exists on a spectrum. There’s the Matt Damon that gives these stupid interviews. And then on the other end of the spectrum there’s the Matt Damon who appeared in Hereafter and We Bought a Zoo. You can’t compare We Bought a Zoo to rape. Can you?

But going back to women, what…

Dustin Hoffman isn’t Matt Damon and neither is Louis CK, who I love. I mean not the tugging-himself-off-in-front-of-women Louis, unless he’s doing it really, and I mean really ironically. Harvey Weinstein isn’t Damon and Ben Affleck isn’t… well actually he kind of is.

But Rose McGowan yesterday…

Why is the media so obsessed with Matt Damon? That’s what I want to know.  It’s like they want to thrust him into the middle of the conversation. Again and again.

Matt Damon will next be appearing in We Bought Another Zoo.

JOHN OLIVER PUNCHES DUSTIN HOFFMAN IN THE FACE

NEW YORK – John Oliver and Dustin Hoffman got into a massive fight in New York last night.

John Oliver, the Host of Last Week Tonight, was hosting a panel to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the 1997 film Wag the Dog, when suddenly he launched an all out assault on The Graduate actor Dustin Hoffman. The discussion had turned to claims of harassment with British TV host unimpressed by Hoffman’s justifications. Before anyone knew what was happening, Oliver launched himself across the room and tackled Hoffman, knocking the 80 year old actor to the ground.

Hoffman however came up fast and bit off a piece of Oliver’s ear, spitting the blow stained gristle into the audience, which was now baying like frenzied beasts. Robert De Niro then punched Barry Levinson in the face for no reason whatsoever. The two were soon at it like a pair of old heavy weights, not that dissimilar from De Niro’s 2013 comedy Grudge Match. Members of the audience began to join in. Seats rained down onto the stage. As the veteran Tootsie star and Oliver continued to pound lumps out of each other.

In the midst of the violence, the bigger issues seemed to have forgotten, which is: has it really been 20 years since Wag the Dog?

John Oliver will be presenting the Oscars.

 

HP LOVECRAFT REVIEWS: THE MEYEROWITZ STORIES (NEW AND SELECTED)

REVIEW – THE MEYEROWITZ STORIES (NEW AND SELECTED) sees the return of Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller to comedy after a long hiatus.

Noah Baumbach’s new film The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected) features a stellar cast in perhaps the director’s most accomplished film since The Squid and the Whale.  Veterans Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman are joined by Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller. Our occasional guest reviewer HP Lovecraft casts his eldritch eye over the new comedy of a dysfunctional family coming together to resolve their issues in a subtle and nuanced comedy.

HP Lovecraft writes:

There were too many Jews.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

THE AMAZING RAIN MAN GREEN LIT

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman are back together in a reboot of popular superhero movie Rain Man.

Marvel superhero Rain Man returns in fresh reboot of the series: The Amazing Rain Man. Dustin Hoffman will return in the role which made him famous almost thirty years after the original was released. He spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec:

Me and Tom got to talking. We loved making Rain Man. We loved those characters and I said, ‘why don’t we?’ He said okay.

The new film will catch the Babbitt brothers back together again and fighting crime in New York City.

What people didn’t understand about he original was that it was a superhero movie. Sure Charlie is autistic. That’s a given. But what they don’t get is that he’s also a superhero. We had a whole third act where he takes down a race of aliens coming from a blue light in the sky but at the time we didn’t have the money and Barry Levinson said we’d do it in the sequel.

So what are you going to do in the sequel?

There are these aliens and they come from these blue light above the city and they spill all these matches on the floor. And I count how many there are.

The Amazing Rain Man will be released in 2018.

HIDDEN GEMS: 19. THE GRADUATE

Hidden Gems brings to light little known film gems which have somehow slipped through the collective cinematic consciousness. This week The Graduate. You’re welcome.

The oldest student in the world falls for the youngest MILF. Then falls for her daughter. Nope, this is not a porno, but an amazing comedy from the 1960s starring Dustin Hoffman, Anne Bancroft and Katherine Ross. Hoffman plays Benjamin, a student who has his whole life ahead of him and yet no apparent wish to set off. The grotesqueries of middle class America – ‘Plastics!’ – and his own family don’t help. Until he meets and begins an affair with Mrs Robinson. Mike Nichols’ coming of age sex comedy is full of awkwardness and embarrassment as Benjamin finds himself in the midst of an affair and at the same time falling for his lover’s daughter, Elaine Robinson. This is a world on the cusp of change. Age against youth, the 60s sideswiping the 50s. Perhaps, it was too daring for the time. Simon and Garfunkel provide a stunning soundtrack of folk pop. The duo were never heard of again. After a career of disappointments, Hoffman would finally catch a break and receive long-overdue fame for Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium.

For more Hidden Gems CLICK HERE.

EMMA STONE TO PLAY RACHEL DOLEZAL

HOLLYWOOD – Emma Stone will play Rachel Dolezal in Ridley Scott’s next film White is the New Black, sources confirmed.

The Rachel Dolezal story broke only this week, but the potential for a cinematic treatment was obvious to one and all with the Wayan brothers, C. Thomas Howell and Dustin Hoffman all bidding for the rights. In the end however it was Ridley Scott’s Scott Free Productions which landed the deal and immediately thoughts turned to casting. Ridley Scott called up the Studio Exec bungalow earlier today to speak about it:

Emma is such a versatile actor. In Aloha she effortlessly becomes Asian/Hawaiian. In Woody Allen’s Magic in the Moonlight and Irrational Man, she single-handedly saves the films. So I thought about her the instant we got the go ahead on the Dolezal Story.  My only worry was, will the audience believe her as a white woman?

What attracts you to the project?

To me we’re living in a postmodern world in which self-identification has become almost a free for all. On the one hand, certain identities are arbitrary so why not? But on the other wanting to be something and being something are two different things and shouldn’t be confused. This is going to be a very interesting film about identity and politics, self-deception and family.

So you’re treating it seriously?

Hell no. It’s going to be laugh out loud funny. I haven’t done a comedy practically ever so this is my big chance. We’re going to have her get into a series of hilarious situations.

Such as?

Such as she goes to a ‘house party’ and has to do a rap! She has to overcome an allergy to chicken. And she has no natural sense of rhythm.

But wait aren’t those all outdated stereotypes?

And there’s an amazing scene when the cops come to break up a pool party!

White is the New Black will be released in 2016.

FLUFFER’S 2014: PART 5

HOLLYWOOD – Sir Edwin Fluffer returns with his final installment of his 2014 yearbook.

Nov 1st I don’t know how he did it, but Kirk’s managed to get Mike Nichols to direct Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? To be honest I think he mentioned my name and called in a favor: Mike still owes me one after I let him use one of my legs on the poster for The Graduate. The look on Dustin Hoffman’s face still haunts me.

Nov 7th Just seen my dear old pal Michael Caine in Interstellar. I think that he agreed with me, the story really lacked something. From the opening scene you could tell exactly what was going to happen. I passed on the script when they said I couldn’t wear a pair of funny ears like Mr Spock in Star Trek, but that sort of thing always goes down so well in sci-fi.

Nov 19th Mike Nichols has died. I still remember when he fired me from The Birdcage for being too over the top! In the end he got darling Robin Williams to play it instead, and although I always enjoyed the subtlety he brought to the part it was a wasted opportunity really. I offered him the use of my giant chicken costume, but he was determined to manage without it.

Dec 1st Debbie Reynolds called. Apparently it says on the Internet that Kirk Douglas is dead! Apparently he was Spartacus and I never even knew. You would’ve thought he’d have mentioned it.

Dec 4th Got on the wrong bus and missed the photo call for this new Bond film I’m doing. I’ll be playing W, the Head of Health and Safety at MI7. Young Danny Craig’s got the lead again and Sammy Mendes is directing. They’ve dropped Dame Judi from this one: apparently they asked her to tone down the language on set and she didn’t take it very well.

Dec 17th Kirk Douglas phoned! It turns out he’s not dead after all! He just nodded off in front of Big Bang Theory and some idiot published his obituary by mistake. He had some bad news though: we’ve both been dropped from the Baby Jane remake. Apparently they’re going to shoot it with a couple of chaps called The Minions instead. It’s a shame really. After two Academy Awards, three knighthoods and counting I thought it would be a nice final curtain, but I may as well carry on for a bit longer. And let’s be honest, I need the money. The script for Police Academy: Next Generation arrived this morning, I’ll have a flick through that later…

For more of Sir Edwin FLUFFER, be a peach and Click Here.

DAVID MAMET DEVELOPING FLAPPY BIRD THE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Esteemed playwright and film director, David Mamet is in the process of developing a script based on Vietnamese programmer Dong Nguyen‘s game Flappy Bird

The Glengarry Glen Ross writer said:

I’m fascinated by the difficult to quote W.B. Yeats. Dong’s game is ludicrously difficult and totally unrewarding, with its jerky graphics and poor game play. Well, that for me is a perfect metaphor for life: difficult,. unrewarding, ugly and short. It’ll be my first children’s film.

Mamet has managed to line up some of the finest of American acting talent to appear in the film, including Dustin Hoffman and Al Pacino. Mr. Pacino spoke to the Studio Exec earlier today:

I’m not entirely sure what David wants me to play or do, but I trust him completely. He’s a serious artist, so in his hands I know something beautiful will happen. I’ll just ask him – do you want ‘whoo-har’ or do you quiet and then ‘whoo-har’?

Hoffman also spoke to us on the phone but who can understand a word he says?

Flappy Birds will be released July 2015. 

FLUFFER AND THE FOURTH ESTATE


Many of the better actors I’ve worked with over the years have what one can only describe as a love/hate relationship with journalists, but not me: I love them! Not the ones who say nasty things of course, they’re a bunch of untalented, lazy, useless shits, but the rest of them are jolly good chaps. 

Journalists are always quite easy to spot because when you’re at an interview or a press conference, they’re the ones who tend to ask an awful lot of questions. I met one once who had a job writing articles for the newspapers, and he was fascinating. Apparently everything they come up with is actually based on a true story, so it’s not that different to being in the movies really. I’ll tell you who didn’t like journalists though, and that was Clark Gable

If he saw one coming toward him in the street he’d hide in a doorway to avoid them. If that didn’t work he’d just punch them in the face and run off, but when he twisted his ankle teaching Edward G. Robinson the rhumba he had to get a bus instead. It wasn’t the same. 
Playing a journalist in a picture isn’t too difficult, you just need to wear your shirt sleeves rolled up and undo your tie a bit. Dustin Hoffman once told me that he played one in All The President’s Men, but I don’t remember them being that small. Not one of the Munchkins ever played a journalist, so maybe he was pulling my leg. I’m not saying all journalists are giants, in fact most of the ones I’ve stopped to have a drink with have been what I’d call an average height, but you never ever see a short one. Apart from Danny DeVito in LA Confidential. And Tintin. 
There was one occasion when a journalist treated me very shabbily indeed, and that’s when he misquoted me when I said Elizabeth Taylor was a witch. But that’s another story…

BARRY MARBLES ON THE MAKING OF STRAW DOGS








Barry Marbles worked for forty five years in the British film industry, working his way up from tea boy to gaffer, via key grip. And now he is prepared to let you in on the behind the scenes of what he personally has never called the Dream Factorium. This week he lifts the lid on one of the most controversial films of the seventies: Sam Peckinpah’s Straw Dogs.


When Mr. Peckinpah came over to England he was famous for two things: slow motion violence and hating women. It also turned out he didn’t like men none to much neither. 

I was preparing the lighting rig inside the cottage where much of the film was done and it was very complex. There were quite a few of us on the job and in comes Mr. Peckinpah wearing a bandanna and shouting and hollering all sorts of profanity. The air turned quite blue. And this in front of the apprentices. 

So I stood up and I said, ‘Mr. Peckinpah, I shall be needing you to lower your voice.’ 

Of course, that set him off even worse and he started effing and jeffing and calling me all the names under the sun. The air turned quite blue. So very gently I took his hand as if to shake but then quick as a light I slapped it on the kitchen table and drove the Philips head screwdriver right through the back of his hand effectively nailing it to the wood.  Oh, he did scream and rock about and beg and scream again, weeping and begging me to stop grinding at it the way I was doing. 

‘It happens quite quick in real life, doesn’t it sir?’ says I.


After that we had what I would call an understanding and the rest of the shoot went very smoothly.

TOOTSIE REMAKE GETS TITLE AND STAR

HOLLYWOOD – Cameron Diaz has confirmed she will play the lead role in a remake of the 1982 Sydney Pollack directed comedy Tootsie.

Ms. Diaz will take the role of Michael Dorsey, an out of work actor – played in the original by Dustin Hoffman – who assumes the identity of a woman Dorothy Michaels in order to get more work.

Director Spike Jonze says the original idea was to change the roles from male to female to accommodate Ms. Diaz’s having a vagina, but then they decided that ‘wasn’t quirky enough’ and so decided that the actress will play a man who pretends to be a woman. ‘It’ll be really freaky, and people will be going what? and I’ll be like, yeah. Exactly!’

Asked to comment on the re-imagining of a role that saw him nominated for an Oscar, Dustin Hoffman said: ‘Phnmamanna mmnenmn mmnnmenon, assholes.’

Filming is due to start in the Spring.

MEMOIR: PECKINPAH PICKED A PACK OF PUNCHING PEOPLE

HOLLYWOOD – I’ll never forget Sam Peckinpah. Oh that I could. He was a maverick, a trickster, fighter, a visionary and a genuine pain in the butt. We were shooting Pat Garret and Billy the Kid. Bob Dylan and Harry Dean Stanton had been raising hullabaloo and had spoiled the take. Peckinpah launched himself at them, punching Dylan in the face, kicking Harry Dean Stanton’s legs from under him and jumped up and down on his head with both feet. H.D. lost his perfect cut glass English accent (often compared to Gielgud) and began to speak the way he does now for the rest of his life.
However, Peckinpah had a soft side. He didn’t have much time for animals and he despised children, and loathed women, but he loved delicate hand made dolls houses, which he would buy for huge sums of money and arrange around his house before smashing them all with a mallet he kept expressly for that purpose
We were making Straw Dogs in England and I remember Sam leafing through the catalogs for hours searching for a perfect replica of Chequers.
Dustin Hoffman made some off hand remark regarding the machismo of dolls houses. Sam through himself at him, kneeing him in the groin and the pulling him off the floor by a clamp like grip he had on Dustin nose. What he did next was a major factor in Dustin’s success in the role Tootsie, but as my old friend Sir Edwin Fluffer often says, that’s another story.

The Studio Exec recounted this story to Chad.