SCOTT BAIO WORRIED HIS CAREER WILL TAKE A HIT FOLLOWING CONVENTION SPEECH

CLEVELAND – Scott Baio – star of Happy Days and Charles in Charge – expressed concern that his career might have been damaged by his endorsement of Donald Trump.

The star and former teenage heart-throb Scott Baio yesterday admitted that he worried that his career had been irrevocably damaged by his speech at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland. He told the Studio Exec:

It’s strange. My phone stopped ringing and the offers have all dried up. I blame it on the liberal bias in Hollywood that has been the bane of my career. I was riding high with my reality show on VH1 and the cameos, and then I spoke about Donald Trump and how I supported him and everything is in tatters. We’ll make America great again. But then I’ll need to make Scott Baio famous again as well.

Similar complaints were heard from the other guy who spoke from the soap opera and that fella from the reality show about duck shooting. Melania Trump was the only speaker who seems to have made a strong impression with her wit and originality. Such a refreshing breath of fresh and change from Michelle Obama.

The Republican National Convention continues.

FURY AS DUKES OF HAZZARD REMAKE TO BE HETEROSEXUAL

HOLLYWOOD – Following on from the news that NBC plan to make a gay centered version of “Hart to Hart”, it was revealed today that “Dukes of Hazzard” would also have its sexuality realigned this time making it into a heterosexual show!

The Dukes of Hazzard has long been praised as a pioneer in its portrayal of genteel Southern hospitality, gay sexuality and inter-cousin relationships.  In its original run from 1979 to 1985, the Bo (Tom Wopat) and Luke Duke (John Schnieder) were husband and husband, who with their cousin Daisy (Catherine Bach), good-naturedly fought the ingrained bigotry of the South as represented by Boss Hogg and his fascist police force, ironically re-appropriating the Confederate flag as an image of their rebellion. The Waylon Jennings theme song ‘Good Ol’ Boys’ was a heartfelt plea for tolerance: ‘Making their way, They only way they know how// Which is a little more, than the law will allow’.

In the new version, Bo and Luke will be brothers and they will concentrate less on loving each other and more on being racist. An insider working on the remake told the Studio Exec:

Everyone was very disappointed with the movie that was made. First of all there was the complete change of the homosexuality and then their was that ass-wipe Johnny Knoxville. I’ve not met one single person who likes that guy. Anyway, when we came to look at the idea of reviving the show we decided that we could perhaps continue with the heterosexuality and move into racism as well. What with the Duke Dynasty fellows and Paula Deen, not to mention our next president Donald Trump, there’s a buck in this racism lark!

However, many fans are furious at the proposed changes. One Dukes of Hazzard blogger, HazzardCountyPop23 wrote:

The sexual frisson was what made the show. Take that away and make them brothers and you might as well set it in Kentucky!

It should also be noted that this new version has nothing to do with the cancelled Bill Cosby show that was planned earlier this year (CLICK HERE for that story).

The Dukes of Hazzard Ride Again will be broadcast next year.

BILL COSBY DUKES OF HAZZARD CROSS-OVER IN DOUBT

HOLLYWOOD – The Dukes of Hazzard reboot starring Bill Cosby has been placed in serious doubt, and might be cancelled before a single episode has been broadcast.

The reboot of Eighties classic Dukes of Hazzard was to star Bill Cosby in the role of Luke Duke. A synopsis published earlier this year reads:

With nostalgia for the 80s at its height, The Dukes of Hazzard is to join forces with the star of The Cosby Show for a new version which will amuse and entertain young and old. Luke Duke (Bill Cosby) returns to the farm an old man but raring to get into high jinx with his brother Bo (John Schneider) and sister Daisy (Catherine Bach). However, Boss Hog (Michael Richards) and Sheriff Roscoe Coltrane (Charlie Sheen) are hell bent on trapping the Duke brothers and sending them to jail. With their hot rod car the General Lee and its trademark Dixieland flag, watch as the Dukes of Hazzard provide roaring fun for all the family.

So far both production company and the studio have been quiet about  exactly why the show has been seemingly shelved.

Veteran television watcher and author of ‘It’s only a Show!’ Marcus Plott told the Studio Exec:

I don’t get it. This show has the makings of a hit. Not only do we have Cosby in the General Lee, we also have the Different Strokes thing going on, what with him being a black fella! There was even going to be a cameo from the Duck Dynasty boys. I do hope that this doesn’t turn out to be a permanent delay.

Bill Cosby’s Dukes of Hazzard will be delayed indefinitely.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

DUCK DYNASTY STAR TO REPLACE LETTERMAN

NEW YORK – ZZ Top reject, Duck Dynasty patriarch and bigotry advocate Phil Robertson is set to replace David Letterman on the CBS Late Show.

A spokesperson for the network said: ‘We don’t know what you’re talking about. No that’s a terrible idea.’ Thus confirming the story.

Mr. Robertson himself said that he was ‘delighted’:

This is the first I’ve heard of it, but sure why the heck not? It’s about time that there New York had some old time religion and a man’s man telling them what for. And I’m quite the gabber too. So I’m really delighted.

 Did you expect to be in the running?

No. Not at all. To tell you the truth I thought after the old GQ interview I would be quietly phased out. No one watches the show any more except my cousins. Fortunately, being a loving family, they’re quite a brood, but not enough to push us into the upper percentiles. I was resigned to doing gun shows and Tea Party socials. So the opportunity to run The Late Show is beyond my wildest dreams. I’m so happy.  

The Late Show with Phil Robertson will broadcast some time in the next year.

DUCK DYNASTY: SERIOUSLY, WHO GIVES A F*CK?

HOLLYWOOD – Phil Robertson – former bass player for ZZ Top (I think) – made his money with a device that gets dumb animals to fly towards it so other dumb animals can blow them away with rifles.

And following a GQ profile in which Mr. Robertson stated that a woman’s vagina is roomier than a man’s asshole, A&E – the network responsible for the quality TV that is Duck Dynasty – suspended him, presumably so he could sit on the naughty step and think about what he’d done. As if responding to some giant Duck Commander, tens of thousands of committed Christians have honked into sight and – following the example of Jesus Christ – died for our sins signed an online petition: Sean Hannity has honked loudest and honk honk honk honk.

So it is left to Studio Exec to ask: 

  • seriously, who gives a f*ck? 
  • And more importantly, what is Dr. Phil’s opinion on women’s assholes? 
  • Do we really give a shit about sex advice from a man who seems to have grown his own contraception on the front of his face? 
  • Since when do we start calling families ‘clans’ and fathers ‘patriarchs’? 
  • Is Phil Robertson a member of the Russian Orthodox church? 
  • Will Vladimir Putin offer Phil asylum along with Edward Snowden but most certainly not Chelsea Manning?
  • Might Alec Baldwin and Phil Robertson star in a new stage version of The Birdcage?
  • Why do I feel sorry for ducks all of a sudden?
  • Is Sean Hannity really a man?

If anyone has the answers to these questions or anymore they’d like to suggest, please feel free to leave a comment.