UN RESOLUTION CALLS FOR JUMPER 2 TO BE MADE

NEW YORK – A UN resolution signed by over forty seven countries including the United Kingdom, Germany, Russia and China has called for Jumper 2 to be made at the earliest opportunity.

The debate over the resolution and voting was pushed to the top of the agenda, ousting once more any opportunity of a meaningful response to Russia’s intervention in the Ukraine and the pressing need to address climate change, in favor of ensuring the 2008 Hayden Christensen has a follow up. The Polish representative to the UN Bugoslaw Winding told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

The first film directed by Doug Liman had such possibilities. It was such an intriguing premise, but I don’t know what happened in the production, but something obviously went wrong. The world is owed a genuinely good teleportation fantasy adventure and Stephen Gould has already written the second novel, so it isn’t as if there’s nowhere we can go.

China’s mission however was adamant that it was motivated entirely by a burning desire to see Hayden Christensen once more.

In China, in all the critics’ polls and all the popular top tens, Star Wars Episode Two: Attack of the Clones is not only ranked as the best Star Wars, but ranked as the best film ever. That thing he says about sand getting everywhere, that is poetry, because it is true, sand does get everywhere.

Hilary Clinton used Bill’s Facebook page to issue the following statement:

Although we welcome the opportunity to follow the adventures of David Rice and his teleporting friends further, the US strongly feels that our priorities should first be concentrated on what is happening in the Middle East with the rise of ISIS and if there is a film which needs a sequel it has to be We Bought a Zoo, surely!?

Hollywood insiders have said that formally the UN resolution holds no legal weight and the difficulty of retrieving Hayden Christensen from his five year mission to Mars would be a logistic nightmare, however, the publicity created by the resolution and the debate could well see the studio reassess the franchise.

Jumper 2 will be released in 2016.

 

NOT MAKING FILMS: THE STEVEN SODERBERGH DIARIES 6

HOLLYWOOD – Being the sixth instalment of Not Making Films by Steven Soderbergh, we give an intimate window into the life of one of cinema’s most beguiling unemployed talents: Steven Soderbergh.

Continue reading “NOT MAKING FILMS: THE STEVEN SODERBERGH DIARIES 6”

EDGE OF TOMORROW 2: SCRIPT LEAK

HOLLYWOOD – Edge of Tomorrow 2 is one of the most eagerly awaited sequels of recent history and here the Studio Exec can EXCLUSIVELY reveal the leaked shooting script.


INT. BEDROOM – DAY
TOM CRUISE wakes up suddenly. Sonny and Cher play ‘I Got You Babe’ on the radio.

INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Tom Cruise eats breakfast.

EXT. STREET – DAY
Cruise walks across the street. BILL MURRAY calls to him from across the way.

MURRAY

I don’t believe it. Tom, Tom Cruise? Remember me?

CRUISE

I… uh…

MURRAY

Murray, Bill Murray! Hey I need to talk to you.

CRUISE

I can’t I’m gonna be late for my…

MURRAY

Train. I know. Okay catch you later.

Cruise steps off the kerb and into a puddle.

INT. TRAIN – DAY

Cruise is reading the newspaper. JAKE GYLLENHAAL sits opposite him.

JAKE

Did they send you?

CRUISE

Did who send me?

JAKE

There’s a bomb. On the train.

CRUISE

What?

PASSENGER

Is that Ryan Reynolds?

Explosion RIPS through the train carriage.

INT. BEDROOM – DAY
TOM CRUISE wakes up suddenly. Sonny and Cher play ‘I Got You Babe’ on the radio.

FIN