DANGEROUS REVENANT PARTIES SWEEP HOLLYWOOD

HOLLYWOOD – The Los Angeles Sheriff’s office has issued a warning, instructing the general public to not indulge in parties inspired by the film The Revenant.

Sheriff Joel Mackey told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that ‘the Revenant parties’ (as they are called) have so far cost the lives of over two hundred revelers.

It’s a horrible thing. Organised via the internet crowds of thirty to forty people descend on some abandoned warehouse or waste ground out of the way somewheres where no one is likely to happen by. There will be some drinks and refreshments comprised of homemade alcohol and squirrel meat. On a prearranged signal a wild bear is then released and will indulge in sexual relations with one or more of the party goers. This often ends in wounding and has led to fatalities. As if that wasn’t enough, everyone is then packed into a portable freezer unit, like an ice truck or a meat locker or something where they spend the next three nights naked and begging to be killed.

Variations on this basic model include thrill seekers being dragged naked through the snow and thrown off cliffs and into pine trees. Animal rights groups have criticized the use of live animals for entertainment purposes and although the number of bears injured is actually very small in comparison to the number of party-goers killed they also object to the violence, including musket shots and stabbings that have been discovered on some of the animals. ‘There was also a horse that was… well, if I told you it would be a spoiler,’ said a spokesperson for the American Society from the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

However, the film’s director Alejandro G. Iñárritu believes the parties are actually a good thing:

Okay so some people get killed, but the important thing is that they feel they are part of an interactive experience with the movie. Anything that can bring them close to the  true nature of the wild is surely a good thing, don’t you think? When we were making the film we had a hell of a lot of fun with hypothermia, frost bite and a little light cannibalism. The fact that some fans of the film are going through the same thing is a testament to how the film is connecting with its audience.

Although officially not illegal, the Sheriff has declared that such parties are highly unsafe and people should avoid them at all costs.

Sheriff Mackey told the Studio Exec:

What we at the Sheriff’s office can’t understand is why can’t people base their theme parties on something more wholesome. What about a Peanuts party? Or a Hateful Eight shindig? The death toll is already high and only looks like going up if this continues. These people have very little understanding of what a savage bear can do when unleashed on a crowd of scantily clad ravers, all of whom are goading the animal.

Leonardo diCaprio and Tom Hardy, the stars of the film, are planning on releasing a charity single – a cover of Don McLean’s Vincent – the proceeds from which will go towards a bear refuge for damaged animals.

The Revenant is currently on release.

CHRISTOPHER NOLAN EXPLAINS THE ENDING OF INCEPTION

LONDON – Memento and Interstellar director Christopher Nolan, speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, just gave the definitive explanation fo the infamous ending of Inception.

Christopher Nolan has for years been a director who has fascinated audiences with his elaborate and layered puzzle boxes of film, but in an EXCLUSIVE interview he sat down with the Studio Exec and spoke about the ambiguous ending of Inception.

Leonardo DiCaprio’s character Cobb has managed successfully to plant the inception into the dream of his target and his team awake from their slumbers and pass unmolested through US customs. Here, it seems that his murder charges have been dropped, or erased, because Cobb is met by his father-in-law. Now here the first warning bells should sound that this isn’t exactly reality we’re dealing with. The last time we saw his father-in-law was in Paris and there’s no reason he should be at the airport. Plus another clue is that he is played by Michael Caine an actor who first came to fame in a film called Zulu. Although he made a name for himself with Zulu, the star of that film was actually Stanley Baker. A baker is someone who produces bread, pastries, cakes and pies. The most proverbially American food you can have is American Pie. American Pie was a comedy directed by the Weitz brothers but also a song by Don McLean released as a record in 1971. Fourteen years to the day, Dead or Alive released another ‘record’ (which is also another way of saying memory in Italian) which was called You Spin Me Round (Like a Record). When Cobb arrives at his home and meets his children who are the same age as they have always been, he places his totem on the table to check whether he is dreaming or not and he ‘spins’ it right round, ‘like a record’. Recall that the exit strategy for each dream was a music cue played by a record. This was considered a ‘Cure’ for the dream state. The Cure also released records throughout the eighties and nineties and none more interesting than the album The Top. And what does Leonardo DiCaprio have but a spinning ‘Top’. In the eponymous song from the 1984 album, Robert Smith who will be played by Sean Penn in This Must Be the Place, sings:

Every day I lie here,
And know that it’s true
All I really want is you
Please come back
Please come back
Like all the other ones do

So what we learn from this is that it is obvious that Cobb might be dreaming, but then again maybe he isn’t.

Christopher Nolan’s new film Jenga will be released in 2017.