NOAM CHOMSKY EXCITED ABOUT SAUSAGE PARTY

NEW YORK – Noam Chomsky has broken with tradition and spoken out about a new Hollywood movie that he is really excited about seeing: Sausage Party, starring Paul Rudd and Kristen Wiig.

Famous linguist and radical political thinker Noam Chomsky has broken his habitual silence on matters of cinema to talk about how excited he is about Sausage Party, the new animated comedy about a sausage having an identity crisis. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Chomsky explained his excitement:

I can’t wait for Sausage Party. It’s the only film for decades to really get me going. I think it’s going to be f*cking hilarious. I mean there’s this sausage and all these other sort of food stuffs and the sausage realizes they’re all going to be eaten. It’s like Orwell but for the new millennium and it’s written by Seth Rogen and he’s f*cking hilarious. What a guy. Him and James Franco. They’re amazing.

So it’s the sociopolitical subtext that you’re…

Oh shit no. It’s the shits and giggles that I go for. Jesus, I swear to God I spend my whole day talking about the war on terror, the Palestinian-Israeli conflict, Venezuela, when I go to the pictures I just want to see some really funny food animation and loads of off-color humor. Did you see Dirty Grandpa?

But from a linguistic point of view it must be…

Shut up. How about that for linguistic point of view. Shut your f*cking trap.

Professor Chomsky!

Professor Chomsky [in a high pitch ]. Jesus, I just want to laugh a Paul Rudd animated film, scripted by Seth Rogen, with a salacious title and I hope and pray a cameo from James Franco and you have to ruin everything. You ass biscuit!

Sausage Party is out soon.

DIRTY GRANDPA NOT AS GOOD AS RAGING BULL

HOLLYWOOD – The internet was shocked today to learn that Robert de Niro’s new film Dirty Grandpa is ‘not as good as Raging Bull.’

Film critics have almost unanimously asserted that the comedy starring Robert de Niro and Zac Efron – Dirty Grandpa – is not as good as Raging Bull.

Xavier Poulis of the World Film Critics Association was not alone in expressing his disappointment.

It’s really galling. Every time we go to a new Robert de Niro film we think this time it’s going to be great. This one is going to be the one that really knocks it out of the park, but it’s not even nearly as good as Raging Bull. It’s almost as if it’s terrible. I don’t know how this has happened.

Variety, The Hollywood Reporter, Deadline, The New Yorker, The New York Times, The LA Times, Slash Film and the UK Guardian all took the unprecedented step of issuing a joint statement.

Robert de Niro’s film Dirty Grandpa is not as good as Raging Bull, this much is clear. But what the public should know before they go and see this picture, is that it is not as good as The Deer Hunter either, nor The Godfather Part 2, nor Once Upon a Time in America, nor The King of Comedy, nor Goodfellas, nor Casino. It isn’t even as good as Cape Fear, We’re No Angels and Midnight Run. It’s not as good as Angel Heart or A Bronx Tale. So by all means go and see it, but don’t expect to see anything like what Mr. De Niro has provided in the past. Except perhaps Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers etc.

Strangely, DirtyGrandpa has been hailed in France as Robert De Niro’s best film ever because of ‘post-modernism’.

Bad Grandpa is out now.

ZAC EFRON TO STAR IN TAXI DRIVER REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – High School Musical star Zac Efron is set to star as Travis Bickle in a remake of Martin Scorsese’s classic film Taxi Driver.

The talented 26 year old Bad Neighbors star told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that he had been preparing for the role his whole career:

Robert de Niro in that film is the reason I became an actor. I’ve done my bes tover the years to try and breakout of the squeaky clean image and do something truly challenging. Now that I see de Niro isn’t really that interested in acting anymore, I’ve decided to go back through his career and remake his movies for a new younger audience.

Taxi Driver will mark Seth Rogen’s directorial debut.

‘If the film is a success and I truly believe it will be,’ said Rogen. ‘Then we’re also going to make Raging Bull and The Mission, all starring Zac who is mad keen on getting some respect.’

Robert de Niro, who is set to star opposite Zac Efron in new ‘comedy’ Dirty Grandpa, expressed his delight at the idea.

I look back on what me and Marty did in 1976 and I’m very proud, but it was 1976 and we didn’t have the CGI or the likes of Ben Stiller, so how good can it be, right? When Zac suggested he remake it today I was all for it. I’m sure he’ll knock me off the screen and maybe he can do a couple of songs as well. ‘Are you talking to me?’ would make a great solo number I believe.

Taxi Driver will be released in 2017.