5 THINGS WRONG WITH THE JUSTICE LEAGUE

HOLLYWOOD – The Justice League hit theaters and was immediately hailed as a masterpiece of its genre.

The New York Times called it ‘The Casablanca of Superhero movies’ and Variety said ‘Eat your heart out Christopher Nolan.’

But – as rebellious as ever – The Studio Exec is not fully convinced.

So here are our five minor problems with Zach Snyder/ Joss Whedon’s new movie:

1. It’s shit.

2. Everyone looks tired and depressed. First, Ben Affleck looks like they CGIed Ryan Reynolds head onto Dave Bautista’s body. Second, Amy Adams looks like she’s performing under duress. As if someone is just off camera with a cattle prod, blocking the exit. She looks so bored and they used a crayon to color in her hair. Then Diane Lane is too obviously happy just to get work. Finally, Gal Gadot looks confused that she can be in such a bad film after having been in such a good one. Weirdly, Henry Cavill shines.

3. The film is as visually interesting as an infomercial. As much as I hated Batman V Superman and Man of Steel, those films had a certain visual pomposity that was compelling. Here, not only is the CGI like mid-90s Star Trek, but every shot, hero entrance, etc etc looks like a rush job for a poorly funded advertising agency. Take the iconic moment towards the end where Clark Kent becomes Superman. It looked like a TV advert featuring Superman. Nothing momentous happens.

In rushing to be the Avengers, they threw out the epic with the dourness.

4. Which leads us to: the humor wasn’t funny. It’s like sitting at a wedding reception with that guy who is really funny and then someone else tries to go toe to toe with them, but they don’t have the material. Unfunny humor isn’t just not funny, it is deeply depressing. They label every joke ‘JOKE’. The Flash (Ezra Miller) is annoying. Really annoying. It is like they took Zach Snyder’s sense of humor and mixed it with Joss Whedon’s visual flair. And that line is funnier than anything in the movie.

5. The Avengers. Anything DC does feels like catch up. And that’s a pity. Aquaman sounds like Thor, Superman like Captain America, Batman like Tony Stark, Flash like Peter Parker. The getting the team together to beat a CGI thing with the blue light from the sky and the cubes… whatever. Do we really want anymore universes? What was a neat idea ten years ago is beginning to look lazy bloated franchise think. Isn’t it time to finally give up?

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5 MISTAKES IN MAN OF STEEL



Zach Snyder’s Man of Steel has done huge business and earned itself an immediate sequel, but critical consensus has been divided with many arguing that it is dumber than Daffy Duck’s tail feathers. Although our review of the film was on the whole positive, below are 5 mistakes that bothered us.

  1. It was directed by Zach Snyder. How the studio couldn’t see this coming? His crapness isn’t a state secret. You don’t need Edward Snowden to blow no whistles. He has films out there you can watch. In the public domain. Watchmen for instance. Or Sucker Punch. But apparently the studio couldn’t be bothered and gave him the gig regardless. A man who thinks with his kneecaps.
  2. Russell Crowe didn’t sing. One of the most obvious missed opportunities. He dives like an Olympic swimmer, kicks warrior caste ass (even though he’s supposed to be a scientist in a society where each individual is bred for their specific purpose which would mean the warrior should be … oh, never mind), but no singing. Imagine the scene where they programme the spaceship to take his son to Earth: ‘27601 … million … light years … he must be travelling on’. From now on it is a LAW, Russell Crowe has to sing in every single film, even if he isn’t in it.
  3. Henry Cavill‘s tits. I like Cavill as Superman and I’m a huge fan of tits, but Cavill and tits together seem deeply wrong. Poor Diane Lane almost had an eye taken out by them in one scene. Some sort of brassiere might be necessary for the sequel. Or at the very least a restraining order.
  4. Superman, the hitch-hiking vagabond, the littlest Hobo. It didn’t help that Snyder knows so little about drama, character and tension that he shows us Superman in some interestingly normal situations (trawler, bar etc.) and within seconds has him doing something super-ish. Plus riddle me this, other DC hero: when showing Superman’s restraint at not beating up a guy in a bar and thereby also protecting his identity, how is it LESS suspicious to then go outside and turn his massive logging truck into a modern art sculpture in the parking lot? Isn’t it also a bit dickish to not fight someone and then mess with their ride? Albeit Super-dickish?
  5. ‘You know what would be sexier than 9/11, nine 9/11s!’ We all love seeing buildings destroyed and toppling and people screaming and running and one person getting trapped but other than that, there being an A-Team like attitude to human frailty and mortality. We’re not talking about Snyder’s tastelessness, but the bone-headed idiocy about a film in which the main character is repeatedly exhorted to save everyone and then saves no one and indeed causes the maximum damage, at one point taking a fight from an empty prairie to down town Smallville. Helpfully, Superman tells everyone to go inside, before destroying the buildings they’ve just sought shelter in.
  6. Oh and while I’m at (I know I’m not numerate, sue me!) the Christianity. Jesus Christ! in a red cape! Right behind you, Superman. There in the church. And you’re the same age as … and you float about with your arms outstretched … And you’ll be rejected by … You flied for our sins!  
  7. And there’s no humour, except for two ‘jokes’. Okay, I think I’m done.

MAN OF STEEL: REVIEW

The director of Sucker Punch and Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole.

The writer of Jumper and Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.


The executive producer of Who’s That Girl and The Bonfire of the Vanities.


The composer of Kung Fu Panda 2 and Thunderbirds.


The editor of What Dreams May Come and Wanted.


The cinematographer of Freejack and Coyote Ugly.


The visual effects wizards behind The Lovely Bones and King Kong.


And a virtually unknown English actor playing America’s most iconic superhero…


What could possibly go wrong???

Nothing, as it turns out.


It’s great. Go see it.