DENNIS QUAID TO STAR IN BILL O’REILLY’S KILLING KITTENS

HOLLYWOOD – Inner Space star Dennis Quaid signs on for Bill O’Reilly’s Killing Kittens.

Star of A Dog’s Purpose, Dennis Quaid doubles down in a new film Killing Kittens, an adaptation of Bill O’Reilly’s bestselling novel. The Revevant director Alejandro González Iñárritu dropped by the Studio Exec bungalow to talk it through. dennis quaid

Endurance interests me. Suffering fascinates me. And animals too. In my first movie, Amores Perros, we used this dog and I became very attached to him. That relationship fascinated me. So I wondered what it would be like for a man who had to spend his whole day killing kittens. Then I read Bill O’Reilly’s amazing book. Dennis read it also and loved it and we’re making the movie.

What sort of job involves killing kittens?

They’re not going to be happy with me telling you this, but there’s a popular fast food hamburger which is made almost entirely from kitten meat.

Quaid himself has insisted that the new movie won’t feature the harming of any actual animals. 

That’s true. We talked about this a great deal. Dennis has this huge heart and he would be very upset if he knew how many kittens he will actually kill when we make the movie.

Wait. So you are killing kittens. 

Absolutely. To do otherwise would be fraudulent to cinema.

But Dennis thinks he isn’t killing animals. 

Actors are so stupid. I’ll tell him they’re just really realistic animatronics. I told Leo that the river would be really warm because we heated it up for him and he dove right in. This was in Alaska in December.

Killing Kittens will be released in 2018.

47 FILMS: 45. THE LONG RIDERS

In our continuing series of 47 films to see before you are murdered in your dreams we present Walter Hills The Long Riders.

Walter Hill has had a strange career as a director. He’s produced some stone cold classics – 48 Hours, Extreme Measures, Southern Comfort to name a few. He’s directed the first episodes of the TV show Deadwood and was a writer and producer on the Alien franchise. He made Brewster’s Millions for crying out loud. And yet he never seems to get the recognition he deserves. Perhaps this is because some of his best work feels like it’s been influenced by past masters. The Warriors is a New York Clockwork Orange. The Driver has Bullitt written all over it. And The Long Riders is the best Western Sam Peckinpah never made. It also doesn’t help that he’s made some dross like gender realignment thriller The Assignment.

The Long Riders is another telling of the Jesse gang which takes as its gimmick the casting of real life brothers Stacy Keach and James Keach in the leads. Along with Keith Carradine, David Carradine and Robert Carradine as the Younger brothers. Randy Quaid and Dennis Quaid are here. Christopher Guest and Nicholas Guest play the Ford brothers. The overwhelming impressions is people had a lot of brothers in those days.

The story is familiar enough, but Hill films the action brilliantly. A protracted shootout in a town produces a bloodbath worthy of Peckinpah. The sound of the bullets played backwards creates a nightmarish ambience. And unlike Peckinpah there actually seems to be pain in the violence. The performances are all top class though it’s fun to notice which brothers come off best. James Keach has a dead-woodenness that actually suits his role. Soundtrack by Ry Cooder is also fantastic.

For more of our 47 Films to see before you’re murdered in your dreams CLICK HERE.

REVIEW – HIDDEN FIGURES

REVIEW – HIDDEN FIGURES – Waiting to Exhale meets The Right Stuff.

We’ve all got used tot he images of NASA over the years. Buzz cut aw shucks heroes like Sam Shepherd, Tom Hanks and Dennis Quaid – blasting off into space and the only maths you hear is 5-4-3-2-1. And the only black faces you see are… well you don’t see any.

Octavia Spencer plays Dorothy Vaughan, the leader of a section of computers – this was when computers were actually people who did the math. Janelle Monáe is Mary Jackson, the sassy engineer. Taraji P Henson plays Katherine Johnson, promoted to a role in the Space Task Group. She is essential for sending John Glenn into orbit as part of the Mercury program. They have to deal with the hard sums, but also the institutional racism and the snidey snips of Kirsten Dunst, among others.

Taken from Margot Lee Shetterly’s book Hidden Figures is a great watch for Black History Month. A reminder of the contribution Afro-Americans have made and how that contribution has been systematically erased. The only problem with the movie is that to make the struggle against racism familiar, the actual history is twisted. Desegregation took place at NASA three years before the film even begins in 1961. And the various promotions and achievements also don’t tally with the chronology. This allows Kevin Costner to be a white knight and Dunst to have a learning curve. But there is uplift and not only from the launchpads. A timely reminder of how much we can do when we work together.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

THE HEMSWORTHS TO FIGHT THE BALDWINS

HOLLYWOOD – In what is being tipped as the biggest family-based Hollywood celebrity rumble since the Carradines took on the Quaids, the Hemsworth brothers and the Baldwin gang are to thrash it out down by the railway tracks at half past ten tonight (no knives).

In what is set to look like some weird generation mismatch from The Outsiders, Luke, Liam and Chris Hemswoth will take on Alec, Daniel, William and Stephen Baldwin. ‘We’re going to kick seven shades of sh*t out of those assholes,’ said the usually very polite Luke, who for some reason seemed to be upset about something. ‘Chris is bringing his hammer.’

Alec Baldwin spoke for his family:

What we are looking forward to

The Hemsworths have been riding us for months. “Move out the way old men! Hey d’ya drop ya teeth?” Well, I’m in the mood to dropkick them into next Thursday. Stephen’s given up Christianity especially so he can gouge eyes out and not feel bad. And are there going to be inappropriate and inexplicable racial epithets flying? You bet.

The match will be refereed by the Armie Hammer twins and is being televised on Netflix.


Tweet about it using the hash tag #ChrisLukeLiamHemsworthvsAlecWilliamDanielStephenBaldwinrumble2015.

INDEPENDENCE DAY SAVIOR ALIVE AND WELL AND LIVING IN CANADA

HOLLYWOOD – It was revealed today that the pilot who saved mankind by flying into the mother ship – featured in the lightly fictionalized documentary Independence Day – is actually not dead at all, but alive and well and living in Canada.

In the Independence Day Battle, the extraterrestrials were defeated by a combination of Jeff Goldblum’s brains, Will Smith’s Top Gun bravado and Randy Quaid’s mild insanity. It was the latter which finally paid off, allowing Quaid to pilot his plane on a suicidal trajectory into the mother ship where a computer virus destroyed the aliens and handed an eleventh hour victory to the beleaguered humans.  It seemed obvious that Quaid had heroically sacrificed his life so that the human race might live, but it has been revealed that he is actually living in a hotel room somewhere in Canada with his wife/Rupert Murdoch.

Ex-President Bill Pullman spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

I have heard reports before that Randy was alive, but I just don’t see how he could possibly have survived the explosion. I mean it was like something out of a Michael Bay movie. I know. I was there. I would put this sort of evidence right up there with the stuff about Elvis still being alive, or the Loch Ness Monster or something.

But wasn’t Randy actually a conspiracy theory nut himself? Couldn’t this be the case that he’d be exactly the sort of person to do this?

I’ll admit that the picture you have looks like Randy Quaid and I will also admit that he was a personality that was … let us say unique. But he was also a hero of enormous proportions and a great American. To say that he somehow slipped away from the wreckage and went to Canada! Canada of all places! No, that just won’t stand. That is besmirching the memory of a great American hero and the brother of a really fine actor.

And yet the photographic evidence seems compelling, as was admitted by Dr. Brundlefly. ‘It certainly looks like Randy would look after all these years have passed,’ said Goldblum. ‘And yet living in Canada… I mean he was probably so busy wondering if he could do it, he didn’t stop to ask himself if he should do it.’

What do you think? Fill the comment box below with your own insensate nonsense. 

INDEPENDENCE DAY DAY

HOLLYWOOD – Today is the annual celebration of the fourth of July, or Independence Day Day, as it has been known since the defeat of the alien invasion some years ago.

Under the presidency of Bill Pullman the Earth was subject to an unprecedented attack by extraterrestrial forces which were then defeated by a combination of Brundle Fly, the Fresh Prince of Bell Air and Dennis Quaid’s demented brother. All over the country, parties are being organized to celebrate the coming together of disparate parts of our nation in order to defeat the common foe. The White House has been rebuilt and New York repaired, but the psychological scars of that day remain fresh.

One witness spoke exclusively to the Studio Exec under strict request for anonymity:

We fled in thousands. In millions. There were many who left everything behind. Who lost everything. And worse than that, worse even than the grief for those who had died was the utter hopelessness. We had thrown everything we had at the aliens and they seemed impervious. Our navy, our army and our air force aside from some mavericks had all had their butts handed to them. We had stared up at the aliens hoping that they would relent, that some mercy would be forthcoming, but instead they rained down death on us. If it hadn’t been for President Bill Pullman and Dennis Quaid’s dingbat brother, the Earth would have been placed under the dominion of a foreign army, or more likely the Human race would simply have been exterminated.

Independence Day Day will be celebrated by the Studio Exec with a head hung in sorrow as well as joy.

THE MAKING OF PLAYING FOR KEEPS: PART 2

HOLLYWOOD – Studio Exec has got exclusive behind the scenes access to the MOTION PICTURE EVENT OF THE YEAR, Playing for Keeps.

Italian director of such visionary misspelt classics as The Pursuit of Happyness and Severn Pounds, Gabriele Muncino invited Studio Exec on set and behind the scenes, in this the second in our seventeen part series: The Making of a Modern Day Masterpiece: Playing for Keeps.

Muncino: The first day of filming is always very difficult, the actors are nervous, the crew don’t know each other necessarily and what I usually like to do is gather everyone together and make them all stand in a line. And then I run down the line and slap them in the faces. One after the other, tak, tak, tak, tak. Like that.

Jessica Biel: At first we were all quite shocked by the slaps and Dennis Quaid had tears in his eyes. But Gabriel explained that this was an old Calabrian tradition that was supposed to drive away the evil eye.  

Muncino: The slaps deter the devil, I told them.

Gerard Butler: I’m quite a masculine macho man. And so my first reaction was I wanted to punch him with my Scottish fists. But then he explained the tradition and everyone relaxed and we were laughing and ready to make the film. Without the evil influence of the evil eye.

Muncino: Oh the thing about the Calabrian tradition is bullshit, and anyway I’m not even from Calabria. No it’s just bullshit I tell them. Fact is I really enjoyed slapping their faces. It relaxes me and they are all my bitches now.

For more of The Making of CLICK HERE.

THE MAKING OF PLAYING FOR KEEPS. PART 1

HOLLYWOOD  – In the latest of our Making of series a film that was considered ‘much better than anything Stanley Kubrick did’: Gabriele Muncino Playing for Keeps.

Italian director of such visionary misspelt classics as The Pursuit of Happyness and Severn Pounds, Gabriele Muncino invited Studio Exec on set and behind the scenes, in this the first part of our seventeen part series: The Making of a Modern Day Masterpiece: Playing for Keeps.

The Idea.

Muncino: When I got involved was… let me see… about four years ago. Initially the script was called The MILF Man and we had Dennis Quaid involved, but everyone was saying Quaid’s such an asshole. And I was working with Will Smith and he told me I had to see this breakfast cereal called ‘porridge’. It was great and on the cover was this Scottish man. I said who’s that? And everyone was like, that is Gerard Butler.

Gerard Butler: They’d seen my porridge box work and I knew they all hated Quaid so I was quite confident about getting the role. But before we started filming I though I’d better get into character. Now Gabriele had said something to me about I should be a real beef cake. But he’s Italian and he has a really strong accent so I thought he said I should eat a real lot of cake. and so that’s what I did. And trifle.

Jessica Biel: Initially the script was quite offensive towards women. My understanding was that originally it was called MILF Men and had Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson as a pair of fun loving abortionist who have fallen on hard times and so set about ahem, creating some business.  I know. Then Wilson tried to kill himself and then Quaid came on board and everyone was like, fuck no. Not Quaid. I’ve never known anyone in Hollywood to inspire such passion.

Muncino: So we changed the title, got rid of the abortion angle, added a kid and then made it more with it, but we’re ready to go and someone at the studio calls. You have to have Quaid. I couldn’t believe it. After all we had said, after all we had been through.

Dennis Quaid: So Gabriele and Gerard come over and they are just the sweetest people ever. One of them’s Scottish, the other is Italian. Guess which is which. Gerard was unsure about his role and he was considering the sequel to 300, which was called 150, a prequel really. And he told me he’d only do the film if I would be on hand to ‘mentor’ (I believe the word is), mentor him. Of course, I agreed.

For more of The Making of CLICK HERE.

DENNIS QUAID SUED BY CHRISTIAN BALE

HOLLYWOOD- Dennis Quaid is being sued by Christian Bale for plagiarism, it emerged yesterday.

The legal action came after an online video leaked of Dennis Quaid ‘losing his shit’ while filming on set. The star is apparently irked by an interruption and starts yelling and roaring about the ‘dopey dick’ whispering in the ear of the director while Quaid is trying to ‘say his line’, which is technical actor’s jargon for saying something. Voices in the Christian Bale camp say that the Dark Knight actor was incensed when he saw the video. One report said that:

Bale was furious. He was watching the video on a laptop and he started screaming: ‘Are you f*cking kidding me? Oh yeah well, f*ck you! F*CK YOU! YOU ARE NOT YOUR F*CKING BROTHER! F*ck this bullshit. THAT’S ME, you’re doing exactly the same f*cking thing I did!’

News that there is a video of Christian Bale flipping out at Dennis Quaid flipping out looks like a definite possibility.

Bale’s legal team have lodged their complaint for intellectual copyright infringement claiming that:

Mr. Bale’s public persona is part of his brand and affects directly his commercial standing in the entertainment business. His famous temper is an original creation, as is his reputation for difficultness and moodiness. Mr. Quaid’s behavior is an obvious copy-catting which in the litigants opinion constitutes theft.

Jimmy Kimmel was not available for comment.

LAST COPY OF MOVIE 43 DESTROYED

UTAH – At 4:33 AM in a field in Utah, the last copy of Movie 43 was successfully destroyed.

The comedy sketch film masterminded by Peter Farrrelly and starring a host of Hollywood stars and Johnny Knoxville, has become notorious in the history of cinema as the only work of Hollywood cinema to have been issued with a warrant by the European Courts of Human Rights and to have been named in a UN resolution which called for its elimination and referred to the film explicitly as ‘a crime against humanity’.

The destruction of the move was also widely supported by the actors who appeared in the film and who indeed published a letter in the New York Times calling for ‘the swift erasure of the blot on the history of cinema and incidentally out own careers.’ Many stars such as Halle Berry and Kate Winslett actually took time off from their acting careers – in the case of Ms. Berry quite a lot of time – in order to hunt down individual copies of the film and destroy them personally.

Dennis Quaid – head of the task force whose job it was to see to the round up – had this to say:

The first part of our jobs was relatively easy. We got all the studio held negatives and the digital copies and deleted them. Then we rounded up DVDs and Blu-Rays that had been bought. For once we didn’t have a problem with piracy because very few people could be bothered to download the film and those that did, on seeing the film, believed their computer had a virus and wiped their own hard discs. It has taken more time to be certain that the film does not achieve some kind of ironic cult status, but luckily Movie 43 goes past the ‘so bad it’s good’  mark and lands once more in ‘terrible’. To see that last copy of Movie 43 being destroyed via a controlled explosion was a wonderful moment for me, both personally as an actor and more broadly as a human being who cares about the world we live in.

Movie 44 will be released in 2016.

 

 

DENNIS QUAID’S INNERSPACE THEMED RESTAURANT A BUST

ATLANTA – People said Dennis Quaid was crazy when he poured his entire fortune into six top of the line eating establishments based on the theme of Joe Dante’s 1987 hit movie Innerspace. And they were right.

Diners have largely stayed away from the restaurants – each of which is designed to look like the inside of a human body. Quaid explained at the opening of the flagship restaurant in Atlanta last March:

Guests will arrive and be shrunk in the foyer by the maître-de. Then they’ll be injected into the body via the tear duct. In all our establishments there will then be offered a choice of dining experiences. You can enjoy a kebab in the lung lounge – No Smoking allowed – or perhaps you’d prefer a salad in the pancreas, a cheese smorgasbord in the foot rooms, or red meat lovers can have a juicy steak in the colon. 

Famed restaurant critic Xavier Poulis wrote in his review published in French culinary magazine Flaneur

M. Quaid disgusts me and will disgust all who have the misfortune to frequent one of his establishments, whether it is with the insipidity of his curry served in the lower intestine, or the Great Balls of Fire meat loaf, which is only served in the balls. 

However, Dennis Quaid was unrepentant:

Everyone complains but my brother Randy is here every night. And Marty Short can’t get enough of the place. He comes here so often I joked with him the other night, it’s almost as if you haven’t got anywhere better to be. He laughed so hard he ended up crying.

Brave would-be customers can sample dishes in the Innerspace restaurants now open in Tampa, Atlanta, Manhattan, Los Angeles, Chicago, and Dallas.

CANNES DIARY DAY 7

CANNES – The good thing about the Cannes Film Festival is that it is an international film festival. This means that as well as films from Hollywood, there are also films from other countries, like New Jersey, or Chicago. I’ve been trying to expand my knowledge beyond the Hollywood fare and so I’ve made a real effort to go and see some ‘World Cinema’. I liked it but I have some suggestions.


  1. Do it in English. I mean I know that in other countries, there are other languages, but really if I wanted to read I’d go to the library. So just make your film in English. Look at Siegfried Conneritz, he used to act in his native German and no one knew who he was. He changed his name to Sean Connery, took a few English lessons and, aside from the heavy German accent in Highlander, things went really well.
  2. If your film is Canadian just pretend it’s the US. We use Toronto for Chicago all the time anyway so even if the film is set in Toronto we’ll just assume it’s Chicago and you’re being cheap.
  3. Enough of the long shots where nothing happens, slowly. I know it’s cheap, but people paid money and they want to see some money up on the screen. Ditto for depressing social topics. Sure you might be having a probably being an unmarried woman in the Sudan, but give her a robot buddy and you’ve got social issues and ENTERTAINMENT.
  4. Think seriously about getting Dennis Quaid. The man will do anything to keep his air miles topped up and people remember him from Great Balls of Fire. As my doctor calls it.

AT ANY PRICE: REVIEW

AT ANY PRICE: REVIEW – At Any Price might as well have been called Something Something Something. And yet despite titular blandness, the Zac Efron drama is an unusual but old fashioned melodrama.

The Efron continues his flight from High School Musical playing Dean Whipple, the young race car driver son of Henry Whipple (Dennis Quaid), a seeds salesman and farmer and hail fellow well met Lothario with a bad back.
Whipple is in the midst of a crisis, as the agri-corporation company he works for bears down on him for some dodgy deal he’s pulled and his extramarital seed distribution also looks to threaten his family. Ramin Bahrani’s film weirdly ditches its car racing sub plot halfway through – which looked to be giving the film its manly dynamism – to concentrate more on Quaid’s woes and their failing relationship. It makes the film as broken backed as poor Henry, but that’s better than it descending into the usual formulaic story of fast cars and success as an escape route. This gritty little drama is light years away from the justly pissed on The Paperboy (Click HERE for that review), and though it isn’t going to set off a lot of fireworks, there’s some quality and thoughtfulness here well worthy of attention.

OBAMA PROMISES METEOR HIT
















WASHINGTON – The 44th President of the United States Barack H. Obama promised during his second inauguration that more work would be done to place the Earth in the path of an asteroid.
‘I recognize many thought my first term timid in avoiding a collision with a space rock the size of Kansas,’ said President Obama. ‘But I promise  you, Robert Duvall and Bruce Willis are ready to join forces and NASA is currently rushing to identify an asteroid that would put us in danger and give us all a new sense of perspective about how petty our squabbles are when faced with immediate irrevocable extinction.’


The GOP were quick to respond, criticizing the President for playing what they called the ‘Morgan Freeman card.’ John Boehner said, ‘What we need is someone more like Stanley Anderson or perhaps Dennis Quaid. And instead of an asteroid, perhaps a giant blob or dinosaurs escaped from one of Spielberg’s camps.’

Others accused the President however of not being radical enough. ‘He says he wants to be on a collision course,’ said Sean Penn. ‘But then he is also willing to bring out the cowboys to save the day. They would then destroy the asteroid probably with nuclear weapons, causing great environmental damage to the asteroid.’