David Cronenberg

MONTREAL – Hi! David Cronenberg here. He of The Fly fame and Videodrome and more recently A Dangerous Method. Yeah, I know. Sorry about that. 
People often ask me – aside from you – who are the really great directors? To which my answer is always the same: ‘Aside from me?’
Ha ha!
No but seriously … Here is my Guide to the Great Directors:

Frank Coraci: Now Frank’s a great guy, he wears good hats, his facial hair is neat and he knows how to shoot a genre film unlike that fat asshole Stanley Kubrick.  You want a good payback on your initial investment and not too much of the thinking stuff Frank’s your guy. For the uninitiated start with Around the World in 80 Days and then move up to the darker material Here Comes the Boom which was shamefully robbed of Oscar glory. 

Paul Thomas Anderson: Now I know what you’re thinking. The Master was complete nut sack! Yes, it was, but you’re actually making a mistake. That was Paul W.S. Anderson. PTA – as he’s known to his closest buddies – is the genius behind the Alien Vs Predator. A combo which proved better than the originals, both of which were rubbish. 

Brett Ratner: People say what was the best trilogy ever made? Perhaps Krystof Kielowski’s Three Colors Trilogy; perhaps The Godfather or even the original Star Wars. NO NO NO NO NO!!! The Rush Hour trilogy towers above all those films like Tower Heist. A Fellini-esque romp through the buddy genre starring Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. Now there’s talent and fun!

Dennis Dugan: If there is one director who can challenge the behemoth that is Frank Coraci for sheer talent, it has to be the master of comedy Dennis Dugan. Just to watch him working on the set of Happy Gilmore or Big Daddy was enough to convince me I was in the presence of genius.  The way he said ‘Yes, Adam whatever you say’ was masterful. Students of film should start with Grown Ups and only later move on to Grown Ups 2


Voting booths closed all over the internet today and the results are in showing clearly that YOU, the Studio Exec reading public prefer Stanley Kubrick as a director to Brett Ratner, who only garnered 3% of the vote.

Brett Ratner
  3 (8%)
Michael Bay
  4 (11%)
Stanley Kubrick
  24 (68%)
Dennis Dugan
  4 (11%)


thought he had won

Dennis Dugan and Michael Bay both held the middle ground. Unfortunately Mr Ratner thought he had won when the photograph (on the right) was taken. Film historians said that the result did not come as that much of a surprise and there would be ‘no need to rewrite the history books’ much to our disappointment.