STAR WARS: DEATH STAR JANITORS REALITY SHOW ON DISNEY+

BREAKING NEWS: Following up on the runaway success of the Obi Wan-Kenobi series, Disney+ have announced Star Wars: Death  Star Janitors will premiere on the streaming service this November. The reality show will follow a team of hopeful cleaners competing to earn a much coveted job on the genocidal space station. The Exec caught up with Kathleen Kennedy to talk about the high concept reality show.

Kathleen, Where Did You Get The Idea For Star Wars: Death Star Janitors?

Honestly? It was the only idea we hadn’t made from the Disney+ Canteen Suggestions Box. We’re getting kinda desperate now. Can you tell? I know I have more money than anyone else in the world that isn’t responsible for war crimes, but at what cost? I remember the good old days when I would hang out with George. We weren’t greedy; we only had a couple of billion dollars between us. It was a simpler time. We were happier back then.

Has This Work Left You Feeling Unfulfilled?

In a way, it has. I mean, yeah sure, I have my own island where I rule the population like a malignant, petulant god. But that’s only fun for some of the time. I wanted to make films that were important, that had something truly meaningful to say. Something like Taken or Taken 2.

What Do Those Films Have To Say That’s Important?

I dunno. Get off my kids? Foreigners are dangerous and frightening? Who do you think I am? I produce Star Wars shit, I aint no philosopher.

Tell Us About This New Reality Show.

There’s not much to tell. It takes place during the build up to and behind the scenes of Episode IV: A New Hope. That film is going on in the background and the contestant’s task is to clear up after all the mess the escaping rebels make. Think of it as Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead crossed with Big Brother.

You Really Have Given Up, Haven’t You?

Yep.

Star Wars: Death Star Janitors Premieres On Disney+ This Coming November

NO DARTH VADER IN ROGUE ONE TRAILER

HOLLYWOOD – The new Star Wars anthology film Rogue One released a trailer, but fans were shocked that there was no appearance of Darth Vader.

The release of Star Wars: Rogue One in December is possibly the most widely anticipated movie of the Winter. And the release of a new trailer was greeted at first with excitement and anticipation. The Studio Exec sat down in front of the computer to scrutinize the new trailer and was left aghast:

There’s no Darth Vader, no Death Star, no Stormtroopers, no one mentions the Force or talks about the rebellion. It’s a complete failure. It’s just the guy from Whiplash, boxing and pretending to be Hilary Swank from Million Dollar Baby. It’s a complete joke. Gareth Edwards has totally dropped the ball on this one. It’s bullshit.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story will be released in December.

NASA DISCOVER ‘ORIGINAL DEATH STAR’

 HOUSTON – The NASA satellite Intense 7 has discovered the original Death Star featured in Star Wars (AKA Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope) orbiting Phobos, the forest moon of Mars.


‘We were all watching the pictures coming in on a live feed,’ says NASA engineer, Edna Hoopla. ‘And someone said look it’s heading towards that small moon. And someone said … I swear to God someone said, “That’s no moon. That’s a space station.” And someone else said, “That’s way too big to be a space station” and, you know, we went on for quite a bit, because, you know, we’re nerds.’


The Death Star was constructed in 1976 for the filming of the original George Lucas blockbuster, but Studio Exec can now exclusively reveal that the destruction of the Death Star was accomplished via a ‘special effect’ using a ‘model’.

Building began in 1976

Concerns were almost immediately raised by Jimmy Carter among others, that the Death Star could easily fall into the wrong hands and if that were to happen the terrible consequences would be terrible. Lucas set minds to rest by claiming the Death Star would be destroyed at the conclusion of filming and indeed its destruction made up a vital plot point in the film, but

President Obama issued a statement responding to the news saying that on the one hand the administration was very angry with Mr Lucas and would be demanding the answers to some very tough questions, but when pushed about what measures the administration might take against Mr Lucas reminded the press that ‘when all was said and done George Lucas does have a Death Star.’

The discovery of the Death Star comes days after the scientific proof that the force really does exist as like an actual thing  (CLICK HERE for more on that story), but thus far Mr. Lucas has refused to comment although an evil snickering could be heard on a recording that played to anyone dialing the Skywalker Ranch.

Star Wars 7 will be released in 2015.