DAVID SCHWIMMER ADMITS TO BEING THE ROBERT KARDASHIAN HOLOGRAM

HOLLYWOOD – David Schwimmer pleads for freedom after admitting to Robert Kardashian hologram role.

David Schwimmer announced today that he was the Robert Kardashian hologram. He told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Kanye West phoned me and asked me would I like to do a thing for Kim’s birthday. I said I’d love to expecting that we might be doing a Friends skit or something. I know Kim loves the show. But he wanted me to reprise my role as Robert Kardashian, which I had played to universal praise in the OJ Simpson movie. As soon as he said that I said no.

Why?

I don’t want to get typecast. Something I learned coming off of Friends. People will always see you as Ross if you don’t diversify and that’s what led me to do a whole slew of different roles.  Now people see my name and if someone mentions Friends, they’re like: oh yeah David was in Friends, I forgot.

david schwimmer robert kardashian hologram

So what happened next?

I was walking in the park and I fell over. A tranquiliser dart had hit me. They bundled me in a van and drove to a helipad. In an unknown location they shaved my body hair and scanned me from nut sack to toupe.  It was humiliating. Then they shoved me and a poor fitting suit and forced me to learn this script all about farting. It felt bizarre, but Kanye kept saying that when he’s President he’s gonna do this to me and that to me. He’s very intimidating in real life. Not the cuddly guy you see on TV.

And how did it end?

I did the most convincing performance of my career. Better even than Ross in Friends.

You were in Friends?

You see!?

David Schwimmer will be directing a musical version of The Serbian Film for Broadway in 2021.

5 THINGS WRONG WITH THE PEOPLE V OJ SIMPSON

HOLLYWOOD – American Crime Story: The People v OJ Simpson has been a surprise hit, with John Travolta and Cuba Gooding Jr starring in the true crime drama for FX.

I’ll say it right off the bat, I am enjoying American Crime Story: The People v OJ Simpson, but even its most ardent fans have to admit we are enjoying it sometimes for the wrong reasons. Here are five of them.

1. Everyone says exactly what the writers want the audience to know. Almost as if the writer has prepared a schematic of a screenplay and then forgot to write actual dialogue. So Robert Kardashian will tell his daughter Kim Kardashian that fame is a hollow thing and when he is having doubts about OJ’s innocence will say ‘I’m having doubts about OJ’s innocence’. Johnnie Cochran, a lawyer who only cares about winning, will say ‘I only care about winning’. And so it goes… No ambiguity, no layers, no subtlety.

2. Cuba Gooding Jr’s voice. It starts off whiny and by episode two I can still put up with it. After all, he has either just murdered his wife and the guy she was with or has just found out that his wife has been murdered, so he’s upset, but the whine goes on. And on. I’m not asking for strict verisimilitude, but OJ has a basso profondo and Cuba has a falsetto. Likewise, OJ was a noted football star and Cuba looks like the kid who got his butt smacked with wet towels by the big kids.

3. Marcia Clarke smokes lots of cigarettes and Sarah Paulson acts smoking lots of cigarettes. And it shows.

4. There has not yet been an opportunity for John Travolta to dance. Yes, I know John Travolta is a serious dramatic actor. Yes, I know he wants to get rid of the image of Staruday Night Fever and Grease. And yes I know John Travolta not dancing is huge mistake. Send the lawyers to a disco for crying out loud.

5. The People v OJ Simpson is really predictable. I don’t know what it is about the story line but I keep guessing it at every turn. It started right at the beginning when OJ tried to escape in the Bronco. I just knew he was going to get caught. And I knew that the gloves weren’t going to fit. I also am pretty sure that OJ did it but the defense will get him off. I’m not sure what it is. Perhaps it’s the writing, perhaps the story needed some M. Night Shyamalan love, but this has to be one of the most weirdly predictable whodunnits ever!

For more FACTS click HERE.

DAVID SCHWIMMER TO STAR IN AMERICAN CRIME STORY SPIN OFF

HOLLYWOOD – Following the ongoing success of American Crime Story: The People v OJ Simpson, former Friends star David Schwimmer looks set to star in a spin off series that he will write and produce.

It’s no secret that David Schwimmer has struggled to find his feet following his initial success as Ross from popular sit-com Friends. However, it looks like his career has taken an upspike with the popularity of his role in American Crime Story: The People v OJ Simpson and he is keen to capitalize on the success with a spin off series that would feature the further adventures of his character Robert Kardashian. David popped into the Studio Exec villa to lay down his plans:

It’s no secret that I’ve become very close to this character. I see Robert as essentially a very decent man in a terrible situation. All his decency is turned in the wrong direction. He is an amazing friend, incredibly loyal, but that loyalty blinds him to what is going on right in front of his face.

What will the new show be about?

I found that after I read the last script and we filmed the last episode that I wasn’t really sure we had told the whole of Robert’s story. I wanted to know more about him and about his family. This is a man who goes back to the law in the highest profile legal case this country has ever seen and then he really has this fame that he had no wish for. I want to explore how he continues to live in Los Angeles and his relationship to his family especially. There was a scene in a restaurant where he turns to his daughter, I think she’s called Kim but I’ll have to look it up, and he tells them that fame is a hollow thing. I wanted to see how Robert and the Kardashians deal with that and recover from it. How they learn to sink back into their former obscurity, chastened and wiser surely. Every week he will take on a different case but we’ll also see his home life. I see it as a mix of something like Perry Mason and The Waltons.

And you are writing and directing?

Yes I am. No, wait writing and producing. Direction will be someone else. I don’t want to direct myself. It’s too distracting.

I see. And the title?

There are a few floating about but my favorite is The Kardashians.

American Crime Story: The Kardashians will be broadcast in the Fall.

AMERICAN CRIME STORY 2: THE PEOPLE V ARIANA GRANDE

HOLLYWOOD – Following the success of American Crime Story: The People V O.J. Simpson, producers have already leaked their plans to film a second season of the anthology season this time focusing on another celebrity trial: The People v. Ariana Grande.

American Crime Story 2: The People v Ariane Grande is due to start filming early next month. Starring Lady Gaga as Ariana Grande, the story will recreate the famous donut incident that almost saw the diminutive diva’s career sent into a tailspin.

Show runners Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski dropped by the Studio Exec bungalow to talk about the show:

Everyone remembers where they were when they first saw the video footage of Ariana Grande that fateful day in the July of 2015 in Wolfee Donuts, Lake Elsinore in California. It was our 9/11. Or something similar. Vietnam or JFK getting shot. It was one of those. Or maybe it was all of them wrapped up into one huge media event.

Seriously, Scott? You think it’s that big a deal?960

Yeah. Sure we didn’t have the white bronco going down the freeway but this was TMZ and it was everywhere. There were issues of fairness, celebrity, entitlement, sexism and race. It was explosive. Dangerous.

How is this comparable to the murder of two people, as was the case in the OJ trial?

You have to remember how big Ariana Grande was in 2015. She was huge. And not only did she lick a few donuts she also said that she ‘hated America’ and hated ‘Americans’. Nobody was talking about anything else. The traffic stopped in the streets. Brothers who hadn’t spoken for years, phoned each other up to discuss what the hell was going on. At the MLB all star game Demi Lovato had to rush in and replace Grande when she failed to show. I mean this effected everything.

But there wasn’t actually a trial. There weren’t even charges pressed.

Not a legal one. No. But the donut shop was cited by the department of health and for Ariana, there was a trial in the court of public opinion. And the repercussions are still with us even all these weeks later.

Joining Gaga will be David Schwimmer who play Ariana’s boyfriend Ricky Alvarez and John Travolta who will play the owner of the Donut store.

American Crime Story 2: The People v Ariana Grande will be broadcast in 2017.

 

5 FILMS WHICH WOULD BE BETTER WITH A COMEDY GIRAFFE

HOLLYWOOD – How many times have you been watching a good film almost ruined by the absence of a comedy giraffe?

Hundreds? Thousands? Even millions! Well, the Studio Exec FACT squad has been out in force with pencils and pieces of paper and have created a list of five films which would have been improved somewhat by the simple addition of a comedy giraffe.

1. Interstellar: Sure the visuals were stunning. Yes the black holes in the plot were irritating. Of course Anne Hathaway could occasionally change expression. But what ultimately brought many viewers of Christopher Nolan’s IMAX spectacular down to earth with a bump was the complete absence of an African even toed ungulate mammal with a wise cracking sense of humor. Scenes of action and tension could have been leavened with the humor of seeing a giraffe floating around in zero gravity, perhaps repeating the catch phrase in a comedy Brooklyn accent, ‘How did I get here?’ That’d even make Matthew McConaughey smile.

2. Whiplash: Yes CK Simmons gives an Oscar worthy performance. Yes Miles Teller is fastly emerging as on of the most interesting acting talents of his generation. But why couldn’t this tale of an obsessive jazz musician student locked in a poisonous relationship with his sadistic perfectionist teacher have included a pet giraffe that the student would have to keep in his New York apartment, despite his landlord’s strict ‘No Pets’ policy? Don’t have an answer? Neither do we.

3. Lucy: Luc Besson’s stupid action film starring Scarlett Johansson as a drug’s courier who accidentally becomes God, would have been improved by almost anything else happening. Given that, why not a comedy giraffe, who in a piece of cunning meta-comedy mistakes ‘Lucy’ for Scarlett Johansson, the star of We Bought a Zoo?

4. Noah: This Russell Crowe vehicle had giraffes, but they were as glum as he was in this glum fantasy drivel derived from some book called ‘The Bible’. There was no joking about with them, no amusing slapstick with droppings and finally Darren Aronofsky really dropped the ball when he forget to make them speak!

5. Madagascar: Now, I know what you’re going to say. Surely there was a comedy giraffe in Madagascar, the DreamWorks animated movie that was a hit with all the family. It starred Ben Stiller and Chris Rock as Alex and Marty but Melman the ‘comedy giraffe’ was voiced by David Schwimmer, thus nullifying any of the comic potential. The whole venture will have to go down in the history books as a noble effort, ballsed up by the dull one from Friends.

For more MOVIE FACTS Click Here.

STAR WARS 7 WILL FEATURE ORIGINAL FRIENDS CAST

LONDON – The first photograph of the new Star Wars: Episode 7 cast had several surprises in store, but perhaps no surprise greater than the inclusion of the entire cast from Friends: Matt LeBlanc, Jennifer Aniston, Matthew Perry, Courtney Cox, David Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow.

The cast alongside writer Lawrence Kasdan and director J.J. Abrams met for the first time in an IKEA warehouse outside London. Abrams said:

When I was growing up Star Wars was my inspiration, my pole star if you like. But in the 90s when I came of age so to speak, then it was Friends and the doings at the Central Perk that really informed me culturally. So we got talking with Kathleen [Kennedy] and I said why don’t we combine the two? Star Wars – the original films not the prequels – always had that vibe anyway. That ‘I’ll be there for you’ feeling if you like.

The photograph features from J.J. Abrams and working clockwise: Matthew Perry, Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, Peter Mayhew, Matt LeBlanc, Lisa Kudrow, Ben Kingsley, Max Von Sydow, Anthony Daniels, Mark Hamill, Gollum, Llewyn Davis, John Boyega, David Schwimmer and Lawrence Kasdan. R2-D2 can also be seen in a restraining box.

For more Star Wars 7 News Click Here.

WALKING DEAD PREQUEL ANNOUNCED

HOLLYWOOD – AMC have confirmed that a prequel to their highly successful zombie series The Walking Dead will air on the channel in the Fall of 2016.

“We’re very excited to be opening a new chapter of The Walking Dead,” said AMC Spokesman Chip Woods.

We’ve got some of the best screenwriters in the business and Akiva Goldsman working on the scripts and judging by what they’ve already delivered. I can safely say this spin-off is going to blow peoples minds.

Tentatively titled The Walking Friends, Wood’s revealed the prequel will focus on a group of New Yorkers in their 40s who live in the same apartment building and congregate around a local coffee shop called the Perk Central.
It will be much more light-hearted and comical than the original series. Sure there is a vast audience that enjoys spending their evening watching old men getting decapitated and children being devoured but we aim to target the more squeamish market. We had a lot of options for a prequel because things were fairly normal before the virus struck but rather than take a risk, we decided on a tried and tested sitcom format.
Recent rumors have named Matt Le Blanc, Matthew Perry, Lisa Kudrow, Courtney Cox and David Schwimmer as potential cast members but Walking Dead fans have been expressing outrage on social media that the one obvious candidate doesn’t seem to be in the running.

I know a lot of the fans are disappointed that Norman Reedus won’t be part of the show but he’s committed to his role in the flagship series. However, I can exclusively reveal right now that Denise Richards will play one of our leading ladies, Raquel, which I’ll think you’ll agree more than compensates for Norman’s absence.

The Walking Friends is due for release later in 2016.   

FRIENDS MOVIE TO BEGIN FILMING THIS MONTH

NEW YORK – The long awaited motion picture of the popular nineties sit-com Friends looks like it is going to finally become a reality.

Tentatively titled Friends: Why Not? – the film will see the reuniting of Chandler, Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, Monica and David Schwimmer in their New York apartments and their beloved Central Perk coffee shop. David Simon of The Wire was brought in to do rewrites of the script.

‘It’s going to be a lot darker,’ he said. ‘The characters are all failures as they pass through middle age. And that’s funny because the actors’ own lives mirror that.’

What changes did you make?

I don’t think I wanted to make any because it has such a winning formula and who’s gonna mess with that, right? But the original cast have changed and so we have to write material which deals with the look of wretched disappointment etched into their faces. So do we have drug addiction? Yes, we do. 

Anal sex?

A bit.

The news comes as a relief to Matthew Perry who only last week was officially announced as being ‘no longer famous’ (for that story CLICK HERE). But other cast members have also expressed relief at being given another chance to be noticed as something other than a bit role in a gross out comedy. Jennifer Aniston said, ‘We’re all really excited about this opportunity. It’s going to be like old times. Next thing I’ll be going out with Brad Pitt again.’ She burst out laughing, which slowly became sobbing.

Friends: Why Not? will be released in 2016.