DANIEL DAY-LEWIS CONFIRMS SHIA: THE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Lincoln star, Daniel Day-Lewis is in the midst of intensive preparation for his next role, playing the actor Shia LaBeouf in David Lynch’s long-awaited epic bio-pic Shia.

The star of Last of the Mohicans, In the Name of the Father and My Left Foot, Daniel Day-Lewis spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about the project:

I have been entering the character backwards. Slowly I’ve been forgetting how to act, I’ve denuded myself of charisma, I am becoming a blank canvas.

On which to paint your character?

No just a blank canvas. That’ll probably be it.

The film began initially as a dream project of Martin Scorsese but he got cold feet around the time that Transformers 4: The Age of Extinction came out.

‘How can I compete with that?’ he was heard to shriek as he ran from the theatre.

Ron Howard then came aboard and that was when Day-Lewis also found himself interested in the role (for more on that story CLICK HERE).

Howard himself was to back out, awed by the enormity of the task and now the project’s current director David Lynch is ready to begin shooting. For Lynch – whose fame today resides mainly on the rumor he once ate a squirrel – Shia will be his final film.

David Lynch said:

At first I was very nervous. I’ve played great Americans before. Abraham Lincoln, Bill the Butcher, Daniel Plainview. But could I bring myself to play the greatest American currently alive, after Adam Sandler? I don’t know. But I’m going to try. What I say quite seriously in my quiet little voice is that after Shia what else will I have to say? What else will anyone have to say?

Shia LaBeouf is currently not acting in a Broadway play because it was ‘difficult’.

Shia will be released in 2016.

THE BEAST RABBAN APPREHENDED

HOLLYWOOD – The Beast Rabban has been taken into custody following a nationwide manhunt that lasted for almost five months.

As reported in January in the Studio Exec (Click Here to read), Glossu ‘The Beast’ Rabban escaped from the Pelican Bay Maximum Security Correctional Facility in California where he has been serving a life sentence for murder, war crimes and ‘interfering with the flow of the Spice’. An alert was issued and rumor had it that the Beast had left the country possibly to settle in Arrakis or Canada. However, it seems that the Beast had not traveled quite so far and was arrested yesterday afternoon in Hodad’s diner at Ocean Beach in San Diego, where he was completing a world record meal of consuming thirty hamburgers in one sitting.

A spokesperson for the San Diego police department told the Studio Exec:

We got the call that there was an individual fitting the Beat’s description in popular eating place Hodad’s. The man looked exactly as he did in the photographs we had issued. It is baffling that he made absolutely no attempt to disguise or change his appearance. Apparently he had been wandering around the state sampling the food and yet we had no sightings of him or reports until this one came in. It appears that people were simply too intimidated by him to risk calling the police.

Although the police feared a fire fight, the Beast decided to return to his cell peacefully, though he will now be facing further criminal proceedings for his escape. Close friend and musician Sting said that he was saddened to hear that the Beast was once more incarcerated. Speaking to us earlier today, Sting said:

Everyone sees the Beast Rabban as this terrible fiend who murders for pleasure and has the amazing ability of dismembering people with his bare hands, but in reality Glossu is a lovely and sensitive human being. Yes, he drinks a juice made from crushed rodents and yes, he does kill and maim many, many people, but can a man who states that his favorite song is An Englishman in New York be all bad? I put it to you he simply cannot.

The Beast Rabban will be out sometime in 2035.

FREE CUT OUT AND KEEP DAVID LYNCH-O-METER

HOLLYWOOD – Wild at Heart but a bit of an Eraserhead? You need our free giveaway cut out and keep David Lynch-O-Meter!

‘Yes, I am making Twin Peaks!’ – ‘No, I’m not making Twin Peaks!’ – ‘Then again maybe I am making Twin Peaks, or Dune Messiah!’ For months it has been almost impossible to get The Straight Story from arch weirdo David Lynch, but don’t get Blue (Velvet). Here at the Studio Exec (with the help of master craftsman @ThePixelFactor) we have produced an EXCLUSIVE David Lynch-O-Meter to help predict the actions of the Lost Highway himself before he (Mulholland) Drives us all crazy.

Spin the wheel and find out what David Lynch is going to do today. Whether it is directing or not directing season three of Tin Peaks for Showtime, or perhaps putting the dental in Transcendental Meditation, this helpful implement will be fun for all the family from toddlers to Grandpa!

And did I mention it was FREE!

For more Twin Peaks News CLICK HERE.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

BFI SEASON OF FILMS INSPIRED BY THE FALL

LONDON – This summer the BFI are programming a whole season of films inspired by the music and lyrics of British post-punk band The Fall, led by Mark E. Smith.

Seven films will be shown at the BFI on London’s South Bank from June the 19th to June the 29th, 2015, comprising some obscure works that took as their titles song lyrics from the musical opus of the Manchester based band. Programmer Nathanial Bisculo spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

Very few people know about these films because of a kind of collective curse. But throughout the 80s and 90s, it became chic for every film director of any kind of international reputation to make what became known as their ‘The Fall’ film.

The season kicks off with Roland Joffe’s Spoilt Victorian Child, a period drama starring Helena Bonham Carter as Adeline, the titular Nineteenth Century brat who comes of age in an era of covered table legs and incipient prostitution. A commercial and critical disaster the film is no longer available on DVD and so the rare print that the BFI acquired will offer the rarest of occasions to view this lost classic. Roman Polanski’s black comedy set in a deserted British seaside town – actually filmed in Stockport – British People in Hot Weather, features a wonderful performance by Donald Pleasance as the Punch and Judy man, who goes on a murderous rampage. Eat Y’Self Fitter was made my David Lynch between Blue Velvet and Wild at Heart but because it ran into trouble with censors, this Nicolas Cage starring tale of auto-cannibalism never saw the light of day. Martin Scorsese’s Hip Priest along with Sofia Coppola’s Code Selfish with be shown as a double bill, both films having been saved by annihilation by the personal intervention of the British Prime Minister David Cameron, who rates The Fall as almost as good as Chris Rhea.

This Nation’s Saving Grace: The Films and The Falll will take place at London’s Southbank from June the 19th to the 29th, 2015. Biscuits will be made available.

TWIN PEAKS AND X-FILES TO MERGE

HOLLYWOOD – In a sensational decision Showtime and Fox have decided to merge the reboots of X-Files and Twin Peaks into one super show called Twin-Files: X Peaks.

Both X-Files and Twin Peaks had been announced for new seasons following a protracted hiatus for each. The decision was made shortly after midnight, the traditional time to make bad decisions. A spokesperson for Showtime spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec:

We’ve been thinking for a while why can’t we merge two shows in such a way as to create double the impact and these shows have large and committed fan bases who I feel will welcome the move. Plus many of these fans like both shows so they will be able to get their enjoyment in half the normal time which will leave them free for Role Playing Games and angry comment sections.

But how will you reconcile the different stories and themes?

Are they different? Really? In both shows, you have maverick FBI agents, so we’ll get Mulder (David Duchovny) and Skully (Gillian Anderson) and Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan). I mean Duchovny was in both shows so there’s a way in right there. In both shows, you have a paranormal element, be it UFOs or psychic visions. And in both shows you have a kind of kooky sense of humor which the guys from The Big Bang Theory are going to help us replicate. Also both shows were cancelled after they lost ratings and to some extent they lost their way.

Does the decision to merge the shows having anything to do with David Lynch dropping out of the project?

Absolutely, categorically yes. He left us with the scripts and he’ll be involved in some way, but he won’t be directing and we just thought without Lynch who is going to be watching? We got drunk after that and we were in the same cocktail bar as a load of Fox execs and they were bitching and moaning about Chris Carter, so we kind of began to put two and two together. We worked out that when it comes down to it, this isn’t about quality television or wonderful shows, or raping your memories, or a lack of originality, or beating dead horses, or a lack of orignality. No. It’s more about money. These two shows will be cheap to make and lots of people are going to tune in no matter what. So it’s a win-win.

Twin-Files: X Peaks will be broadcast in 2016.

DAVID LYNCH’S NEXT FILM: DUNE MESSIAH

HOLLYWOOD – After bowing out of the Showtime 2016 resurrection of Twin Peaks, David Lynch has confirmed that his next film will be the long-awaited Dune sequel: Dune Messiah.

In 1984, David Lynch’s original Dune was considered a commercial and critical failure but The Elephant Man director had always said he wished to return to Arrakis and film Frank Herbert’s second novel in the saga Dune Messiah. Lynch spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec:

It’s just one of those things that has been grinding at me for years. I was so attached to the original material that I read all of the Frank Herbert novels, even those towards the end when things really got ridiculous. For years I’ve resisted the idea of  doing sequels although I’ve returned sometimes to Twin Peaks. But with Dune it was different. If someone had given me the budget I would have gone tomorrow.

So what took so long?

The budget, as I said, was always going to be a factor. Filming in Arrakis is really expensive. There’s not just the logistic of having to deal with the Guild, but paying of the Fremen costs a lot as well. But we’ve managed to raise the money and Kyle Maclachlan has agreed to come on board and repeat his role as Paul – Maud’Dib – Atreides. So I’m really excited.

I know David, you seem really excited.

But?

But when we spoke about Twin Peaks you seemed really excited as well.

That was different.

How?

With Dune Messiah we will be shooting on Arrakis which, as I’ve said is an expensive, difficult and might I say dangerous location, but with Twin Peaks we were going to have to shoot in Canada. And I’m just not prepared to do that.

Dune Messiah will be released in 2016. 

BRETT RATNER TO DIRECT TWIN PEAKS

HOLLYWOOD – No sooner had David Lynch tweeted he would not be directing the Showtime revival of Twin Peaks than his replacement, Rush Hour 2 director Brett Ratner, was immediately announced by the proud network.

The planning for the new Twin Peaks show is already in place with the scripts finished and casting almost complete, but protracted negotiations over budgeting saw an unhappy David Lynch leave the process, tweeting his farewell. Initial reaction was overwhelmingly negative with fans expressing widespread dismay, but that turned to joy when news leaked that Brett Ratner – director of Tower Heist and Hercules – would be stepping in.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec, Ratner stated:

I have always been a huge fan of Twin Peaks. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of the show. When I was a kid I would dream of the show and I’d write stories about my favorite characters, especially J.R. and Sue Ellen.

What do you think you will do differently from the original?

The important thing is to bring out a balance between respecting what made the original series great, mainly the adultery, and what modern audiences want to see now: Ben Stiller and Kung Fu based comedies with motor mouth black comedians. I’m committed to getting rid of the off-beat element of the show – I mean all that Bobby coming back in the shower bit for instance didn’t work for me – in order to get to the core emotions of the characters.

Will Agent Cooper still play a prominent role?

My agent’s name is Carl. Uhm and yeah.

What about the rumors that Miley Cyrus has been cast?

Come on. We want to leave some surprises intact.

Well at least we can be sure of some damned fine coffee.

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

For more Twin Peaks News CLICK HERE.

NICOLAS CAGE: ‘IS THIS THE REAL LIFE, OR JUST FANTASY?’

HOLLYWOOD Nicolas Cage revealed today he isn’t sure when he is taking part in a professional film production or having a genuine roller coaster adventure, with high octane action and high stakes.

Speaking exclusively to the Studio Exec, Cage expressed his genuine concern at not knowing the distinction.

Hey Nic, so what is this? Some kind of well earned breakdown?

Are we rolling?

No Nic, we’re just chatting.

Are you sure? Well, I’ll pull a crazy face just in case…hnnnn (pulls classic meme face)
image

When did this first become a problem for you?

National Treasure 2, or as I was calling it; ‘Thursday’. You see, I was just going along with the intrigue, suspense and derivative action plot when I realized that, hey, this is like that other time I had a quest for some kind of American historical treasure thing, which at the time I thought was just a mildly interesting Monday. David Lynch called me one evening during that adventure and asked me whether I thought I was wasting my time on this movie…and it clicked! ‘I’m in a movie this time!’ David used to film me as I slept as a child and would whisper truths to me. This is how I knew it was the truth this time.

What about the film crew? Didn’t that alert you to the inherent artifice of the scenario?

How would it? Francis Ford Coppola, or as I call him Pappy Faffoppola, filmed my entire childhood and would narrate my meals and chores and such, so I thought these ‘crews’ we’re just my silent companions on one of my many jolly japes.

Nic, I think you should talk to someone, professionally.

Isn’t that what this is? You’re Lorraine Bracco aren’t you?

Ah, shit.

Nicholas Cage is currently starring in Outcast, which he tells me is definitely not a movie because Hayden Chistensen was with him when it all happened.

KYLE MACLACHLAN STILL UNDECIDED ON TWIN PEAKS

HOLLYWOOD – Actor Kyle MacLachlan – made famous by his portrayal of Agent Dale Cooper in Twin Peaks – is still undecided on whether or not he will return to the show.

‘The  thing is I’m just not sure I can fit it in,’ the Blue Velvet actor told Studio Exec this morning.

I have Paul Verhoeven phoning every day asking me if I’ll reprise my role as Zack Carey in Showgirls 2. Oliver Stone has been harassing me to play Ray Manzarek in his follow up to The Doors, After Jim. And the Flintstones franchise looks like it’s still going  to happen and I’d love to play Clifford Vandercave once more. It’s a role that I didn’t really perfect and the opportunity to take another swing at it would be great.

But surely the opportunity to work once more with David Lynch…

Who?

David Lynch.

Oh yes. David and I worked together a few times in the past. Dune was my first break and Blue Velvet was a lot of fun. I’m never sure why we didn’t do a sequel to that. Or The Hidden. That was nasty in a good way.

But I think all your fans really want to see you as Dale Cooper?

Who?

Dale Cooper. They want you to say Damned Fine Coffee. And wax poetic about the pie. 

Really? They don’t want Clifford Vandercave or Zack Carey?

Well, now you mention it. It would be cool to see Zack Carey again.

You see? It’s a toughie!

Showgirls 2 will be released in 2016.

THE BEAST RABBAN ESCAPES

HOLLYWOOD – Police in California have issued an alert for members of the public to practice extreme cautious following the escape last night of Glossu ‘The Beast’ Rabban from the Pelican Bay Maximum Security Correctional Facility.

The Beast was serving a number of life sentences for murder, war crimes and drug (spice) trafficking, having been arrested in 1984 following the death of his Uncle, Baron Vladimir Harkonnen on the spice planet of Arrakis. He was made famous when David Lynch made a film about his life based on journalist Frank Herbert’s eyewitness account, Dune.

It is believed that the prisoner somehow managed to overpower his guards using brute strength, wrenching arms out of sockets and slapping faces with the wet ends of the torn limbs. Seizing a vehicle, Rabban was last seen on the road out of Crescent City. The vehicle was discovered abandoned a few miles to the South. The police issued a state-wide alert and federal authorities have already arrived on the scene.

The following statement was issued by the authorities:

Glossu ‘The Beast’ Rabban is a highly dangerous individual who is guilty of strangling his own father along with other murders that run easily into double digits. He is ferocious and mentally unstable, and, again, extremely dangerous. If spotted, report immediately to local law enforcement authorities and under no circumstances approach, or attempt to apprehend.

Count Glossu Rabban has always been a figure of some controversy following the murder of his own family. His governorship of the spice planet Arrakis was widely seen as one of Baron Harkonnen’s riskiest policy decisions. Human rights organisations highlighted abuses, torture and illegal killing on a widespread and systemic scale, but while in control of the spice the UN did very little, other than issue strongly worded statements. It was only with the rise to power of Paul ‘Maud’Dib’ Atreides that Rabban was brought to count for his crimes against humanity. In the fictionalized accounts of the events, Rabban was shown as being executed whereas in reality, following a long appeals process his death sentence was commuted to lifelong imprisonment.

More news as the situation develops.

LOST RIVER FREE WITH A HAPPY MEAL

HOLLYWOOD – Ryan Gosling’s Lost River is to be distributed via the McDonald’s fast food chain with the purchase of a Happy Meal.

The movie, which stars Christina Hendricks, Iain De Caestecker and Eva Mendes, debuted at Cannes to widespread critical disdain. The Studio Exec saw it there and has to say it wasn’t that bad. Just David Lynch for people who haven’t seen David Lynch and like music videos.

However, the studio Warner Bros have decided not to risk a critical and commercial shellacking and instead have collaborated with McDonald’s to create an alternative method of distribution. Anyone buying a Happy Meal will receive a DVD and free digital download of the film. A spokesperson for the company said:

We are delighted to offer Ryan Gosling a platform to realize his vision and bring it to a broader public. Everyone loves Ryan Gosling. He’s so adorable. I could just watch him all day. I don’t even care if the film is crap, like Gangster Squad.

But he isn’t in the film?

Isn’t he?

No, he’s the director. And to be honest it isn’t exactly suitable for kids.

It’s not? Are you sure?

No, it’s quite gruesome.

Oh. But then again so are our Happy Meals! Ha ha ha! No actually don’t print that. I’ll do it again. Perhaps we should have watched it. Jeez Louise, what have I gone and done now? Well, hey ho, as we say at McDonald’s.

Lost River is freely available from all participating outlets.

ROBERT DOWNEY JNR RUMORED FOR TWIN PEAKS

HOLLYWOOD – A studio insider has revealed that Robert Downey Jnr is in final negotiations to play one of the lead roles in the new series of Twin Peaks.

“He’s the first name on David Lynch’s list,” said the anonymous insider:

It’s a part ideally suited to Robert’s talent and experience. They’re currently working through some contract details but I’m pretty we’ll have an announcement before the end of the month.

Although the script remains a closely guarded secret, our source revealed that Downey Jnr will play the role of billionaire playboy Tony Stark AKA Iron Man:

In the original script Lynch wanted him to play a completely different character but he quickly realised that Downey Jnr can only do Tony Stark these days so he incorporated that into the story. Because  of the change Agent Cooper now works for SHIELD, the log lady is in possession of one of the infinity gems and Killer Bob is a half man/half Komodo dragon super villain.

Asked what else we can expect from the new series, our man dropped a bombshell:

I know I shouldn’t say this but Samuel L. Jackson will definitely be making an appearance as Nick Fury and possibly a guy who you wouldn’t like when he’s angry.

As for Stark’s wife Pepper Potts played by Gwyneth Paltrow:

Oh, David kills her off in the very first episode. I’m not telling you how she dies but it’s dark, it’s gruesome and vomit came out of my nose when I read it.

The new series of Twin Peaks is due in 2016

MILEY CYRUS JOINS TWIN PEAKS SEASON 3

HOLLYWOOD – Following on from the startling news that Showtime are to revive Twin Peaks in 2016, comes the weirdest news still: Miley Cyrus is set to feature in the new show as everyone’s favorite worst denim-clad nightmare Bob.

The Studio Exec can reveal EXCLUSIVELY that in an attempt to boost the show’s audience among the youth cohort, David Lynch and Mark Frost have opted for some radical casting decisions.

David Lynch spoke with the Studio Exec in the early hours of this morning, with the sound of a squalling baby and a rusty radio playing dance hits from the 1930s in the background:

Bob is an essential figure for Twin Peaks. In many ways he is the alter ego of Agent Cooper and so it was important that just as Cooper is due to return in the form of his son, so Bob – it is revealed – had a daughter: Bobette. We were thinking of going with a frightening actor like Michael Shannon, but when I saw Ms. Cyrus’ performance at the VMAs a year or so back, it was clear not so much that I had found my new Bob, as that new Bob had found me. I don’t think I’ve had a proper night’s sleep since. SHUT THAT GODDAMNED BABY UP!

The sound of David Lynch’s voice was replaced by a percussive industrial grinding.

For more on the new Season of Twin Peaks CLICK HERE.

Pic courtesy of .

KANYE WEST TO COMPOSE TWIN PEAKS SCORE

NEW YORK – Eccentric rapper Kanye West has revealed he is to write and compose the soundtrack for the new series of Twin Peaks.

“Lynch called me up and said, ‘Kanye, this is gonna be the biggest series of all time and I need the greatest rapper of all time,” said a humble West.

I said ‘D, I got irons in the fire ready to be forged into musical swords. I’m designing my own threads and looking out for my baby momma. I ain’t got time to bleed for you.’ but as I was turning him down these shapes and words started formin’:

♫Peak to the twin/Twin to the peak/

My lady’s got a log and she telling me it speaks./

Laura Palmer’s dead but don’t bother the state trooper/

Just pour a cup of coffee/ call that n*gger Agent Cooper ♫

Lynch was all over it, in fact he started crying down the phone and calling me a genius. I took it well.

West went on to say that after he’s completed Twin Peaks he’s keen to score more TV shows:

Kim was watching Orange is the New Black, she loves that shit and I was chilling next to her checking my twitter account when suddenly, these shapes and words started formin’:

♫ Black to the Orange/Orange to the black/

My woman is in prison cos she dealt a lot of crack./

Bitch is in her jumpsuit chasing round a chicken/

then playing house with Alex Vause and doing lady licking ♫

New episodes or Twin Peaks are due in 2016.