DAVID FINCHER TO FILM FINCH

HOLLYWOOD – David Fincher is set to film Finch.

David Fincher will film Finch next. The master, multi-take movie maker will film the autobiographical piece next.

OPUS

The Hollywood auteur stated in a press release, “I am keen to announce my next project, after the 100% approval rate from both movie fans and critics alike around the whole world for Mank. In partnership with Netflix, I will make my oeuvre, my opus, my story… Finch.

Please keep your applause and adulation to a minimum, I know it’s difficult. I am glad to say I will be played by various actors throughout the different stages of my life. Macaulay Culkin will play me as the bright eyed innocent 6 year old boy frolicking in the snow with his beloved sled. James Woods will play the CEO of Netflix, Lord Moneybags, who steals me away from loving family home.

Alien 3

Timothee Chamamamamalamet will play me as I traverse the halls of academia mastering the visual arts and ruling the world of pop videos. Sigourney Weaver will play me as I make Alien 3, widely known to be the best of all the Alien films, certainly better than any crap Rigley Spott could hack out.

Hung

Then onto my Brad Pitt era, where I will be played by Kevin Spacey, he’s such a fun, loveable guy. Who wouldn’t want to see that? Then Ben Affleck will play me during the filming of Gone Girl, because, wow we all remember THAT shower scene.  

Mo-Cap

Finally, in the autumn of my career, I will be played by Andy Serkis in a mocap suit where at the age of 75, I begin to grow young again. I’m just gonna keep getting young, then old, young then old, young then old. We’ll make it a 20 part, multi-season, never ending story that just goes on and on and on, until those bastards at Netflix run out of money.

Then I’ll make Needham: The Hal Needham Story. All about the making of Smokey and The Bandit.”

Finch starts shooting in the Spring of 2021.

DAVID FINCHER’S MANK SCREENPLAY LEAK

HOLLYWOOD – The screenplay for David Fincher’s Mank leaked on the internet yesterday.

Yesterday’s leak of David Fincher’s Mank screenplay sent shockwaves through the world. Everyone was like: ‘What the fuck is this?’ but only the Studio Exec has the cojones to actually publish any of it.

Here’s the opening:

EXT: ORSON WELLES’ BUNGALOW. LA. NIGHT

We go through the the gate then the window. Ominous music. 

INT: ORSON WELLES? BUNGALOW. LA. NIGHT

A man lies on the bed. It is Orson Welles. He is dying. CLOSE UP: Lips.

WELLES

(Whispering)

Se7en…. se7en. 

He knocks a snow globe to the floor and expires. CGI tracking shot into the snow globe. Title sequence. Music: DAFT PUNK.

CUT TO:

IN. SCREENING ROOM. DAY. 

Mank and Orson Welles are arguing. 

WELLES

I’ve read your screenplay Mank and I have to say it’s brilliant. 

MANK

Thank you.

WELLES

The serial killer who bases his murders on the seven deadly sins and the whole thing takes place in a week. Amazing work. 

MANK

That’s great Orson. When do we begin to shoot?

WELLES

We don’t.

MANK

We don’t? Why not?

WELLES

Because it is too good. How dare I make such a genre defining film? Me a mere a beginner. Someday a director will come along, a director who likes inserts and dour lighting and he will make this amazing film. 

MANK

Okay then, but Fight Club…

WELLES

Ditto on Fight Club I’m afraid. And The Game. 

MANK

There’s this F. Scott Fitzgerald story I’ve been to look at.

WELLES

No I need something that will fit my talents. Great, prodigious indeed, but not as great as  the director who will come and who knows? might even make a film of this our conversation. 

FADE TO BLACK:  

 

DAVID FINCHER: RENDEZVOUS WITH RAMA IS GO

HOLLYWOOD – Director David Fincher’s next film to be Arthur C. Clarke’s Rendezvous with Rama.

David Fincher has long wanted to make a film of Arthur C. Clarke’s novel Rendezvous with Rama. And now it looks like it’s finally coming true.

We spoke with the Fight Club director about Science Fiction, his new film and his rivalry with Stanley Kubrick.

David Fincher Speaks

David Fincher: Hey, Exec how are you today?

I’m good Davey. So Rendezvous with Rama… we all thought it was dead in the water.

We did too but you know Netflix. It’s Latin for too much money.

Right. So when are you filming it?

Secretly, we’ve been filming it for about six months but it will take another six months to do the post-production work. Special effects, ADR, CGI and QED.

That last one I don’t…

My motivation for going into this was simple. Fucking Stanley Kubrick. That fat fuck with the beard. Everyone always saying he’s the new Kubrick, I’m the new Kubrick. Look at the new Kubrick. So I thought to myself, I really want to do something that Kubrick has never done. And that way next time Kubrick comes out with something, it’ll be ‘He’s the new Fincher’ and then the tables will truly be turned.

But Kubrick died?

What? No. No he didn’t.  But when he sees Rendezvous with Rama he’ll wish he was dead. I can hear him now. He’ll be crying and shouting: ‘Why couldn’t I have made an Arthur C. Clarke novel into a film?’

But he did?

Barry Lyndon was by William Thackeray, you twot.

2001: a Space Odyssey was by Arthur C. Clarke. Actually, Arthur C. Clarke and Stanley Kubrick were both credited as the authors of the novel. 

That wasn’t Isaac Asimov?

No.

Oh, I wish I was dead.

That’s so Kubrick. 

What? This. Conversation. Is. Over.

Rendezvous with Rama will be released in 2021.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT DAVID FINCHER

HOLLYWOOD – Gone Girl director David Fincher is one of the few American film makers who seems able to work in the mainstream, make some fairly dreadful movies (Panic Room, Benjamin Button), some fairly good ones (Fight Club, Se7en), and still inspire respect in the critical community.

Our FACT squad descended on the Fight Club director likes a pack of starving rats and stripped his bones clean of all fact tissue, quite literally. 

1. Despite including a specific rule in the film, everyone talks about Fight Club, which infuriates David Fincher, who is a stickler for rules. 

2. David Fincher got his first job in the cinema as a special effect supervisor on Return of the Jedi. Anyone watching the film closely can spot his cameo as the Rancor Keeper, Malakili. His acting skills attracted so much attention that Lucas suggested he pursue acting as a possible career. Fincher lost weight especially but in the end no one wanted him, because Lucas was wrong and Fincher was actually a crap actor. 

3. When making Se7en, Fincher tried to murder someone in order ‘to get the feel’. However, he hurt his hand and was quickly overpowered. 

4. Although nominated for an Oscar for The Social Network, David Fincher prefers MySpace.  

5. The Game that Michael Douglas plays in The Game is actually based on a version of Cluedo, but with all the rules changed to avoid copyright issues.

For more FACTS click HERE.

5 FACTS YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT MINDHUNTER

HOLLYWOOD – David Fincher’s new project Mindhunter is on Netflix.

One of the most anticipated shows debuted on Netflix: Joe Penhall’s Mindhunter. But what do we really know about the serial killer show? We sent the FACT hunter to find out more:

1 The first episode came to David Fincher in a dream. That is to say he wrote the episode while he was asleep. And it tends to have the same effect on the viewer. Jesus Christ: we go to an exposition disco for crying out loud. You can tell it’s a period drama because the cars are all so clean.

2 The series is actually based on a book by famed FBI agent John Douglas. He was also the inspiration for Scott Glenn’s character in Silence of the Lambs. The book is great and well worth a read.

3 The problem with these real life dramas is the way Eureka moments are developed. Listen as the gang come up with the phrase serial killer after getting bored of the original term sequence killer. It’s like watching The Doors come up with the name The Doors in that film by Oliver Stone: Wall Street.

4 Despite this the actual Behavioral Science Group is well done.  Anna Torv and Holt MacCallany are particularly good. Jonathan Groff I could never work out if I didn’t like him or the character he was playing. He seemed too much of an innocent, given his area of expertise. But as with all these shows they are lumbered with backstories that are almost inevitably dull. Mad Men was brilliant when it was about advertising and high class soap when it was about adultery. Likewise here, the show is noticeably better the moment they actually spend time interviewing or investigating the murders.

5 This could get better. Joe Penhall obviously made it with a long run in mind. The serial killer who hasn’t even got off his starting blocks yet is based on a real murderer who wasn’t caught until into the 2000s. So maybe the show is hanging fire. I’ll certainly give the second season a go, but it isn’t quite the must see that I was hoping for.

 For more FACTS click here.  

 

DARREN ARONOFSKY AND DAVID FINCHER FOUND ALIVE AND WELL AFTER HAVING GOT LOST IN THE WOODS

HOLLYWOOD – Film directors Darren Aronofsky and David Fincher have been rescued alive and well from the Appalachian Trail which they had begun two years ago.

Black Swan director Darren Aronofsky and his best pal Seven director, David Fincher yesterday emerged from the woods in Georgia. They were dehydrated and hungry, but otherwise in good health.

Darren Aronofsky and David Fincher decided to embark on the Appalachian trail in 2014, following the release of Fincher’s Gone Girl, an adaptation of the best seller by Gillian Flynn. However, friends of the pair became concerned when the two film directors failed to contact anyone for six months. A friend of the pair told Studio Exec:

The boys had wanted to do this trail for years. But I was always worried, because neither one of them is particularly capable. I remember David telling Darren, ‘The first rule of the Appalachian Trail is you don’t take a map of the Appalachian Trail.’ I thought that was dumb. I was hoping that Darren would have more sense, but then again he did think Noah would be a hit, so what does he know, right?

 According to Aronofsky, problems began almost immediately:

We set off but whenever I asked David about a decision – putting up the tent, lighting a camp fire, orienteering – he just kept telling me that he’d fix it in post with CGI.

However, Fincher also criticized his companion:

Darren is a wonderful friend, but he isn’t very practical. He kept haring off into the woods looking for what he called ‘the cure for death’. I think it was something Natalie Portman had told him about.

A Walk in the Woods 2 will be released in 2018.

MARTIN SCORSESE SELLS DICAPRIO WHISTLE

NEW YORK – Martin Scorsese is to sell his special Leonardo diCaprio whistle at auction later this week.

Shutter Island and Wolf of Wall Street director Martin Scorsese is to sell the magical Leonardo diCaprio whistle at auction.ss57_specialty_whistle

Speaking to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY, earlier this week, the Color of Money director and wearer of the best eyebrows in New York had this to say:

The magic Leonardo diCaprio whistle was forged in the fires of a volcano and when blown can only be heard by Leo. Whatever he is doing he must drop and immediately come at the magical summons. I first used it to get him to come to the casting of Gangs of New York and then after that, whenever I wanted to put him in another film I’d just take the whistle out and blow as hard as I could. Admittedly it took him a while to respond when I wanted him to do the Aviator. But ultimately it doesn’t matter what he wants. The whistle commands.

So why give it up?

I’ve used it a good few times and the magic begins to wear off if you abuse it.

It is understood that the bidders will include Ridley Scott, Steven Soderbergh, Goldie Hawn and David Fincher as well as former New York mayor Michael Bloomberg.

The auction will take place at Christies New York.

ZODIAC 2 ‘WILL FEATURE TED CRUZ’ SAYS FINCHER

HOLLYWOOD – David Fincher has said that Zodiac 2, due to start filming in April, will feature Presidential candidate Ted Cruz.

David Fincher announced today that his long mooted sequel to his 2007 movie Zodiac will feature Ted Cruz ‘in some shape or form’. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Fincher outlined the approach of his new film about the mysterious serial killer who terrorized the San Franscico area in the late sixties and early seventies.

Everyone liked Zodiac I think and we had some very positive feedback from both critics and audiences, but the one thing that came up again and again was that the film didn’t really have an ending. It wasn’t exactly our fault. After all the police never found out definitively who the Zodiac killer once and although we tried our hardest to give the film a sense of closure it would have been too much to have actually invented an ending. But now with new information we feel that we can say with more or less certainty who the Zodiac killer might actually have been. Or be.

Wow. Tell us more.

Our film will go back to the original crimes and instead of seeing the investigation therough the eyes of Robert Greysmith, played by Jake Gyllenhaal in the movie and the detective Dave Toschi, played by Mark Ruffalo, we’re going to take the whole case from th epoint of view of the actual killer. We’ll also show why he stopped and how that coincided with the political rise of Ted Cruz.

So you’re saying that Ted Cruz is actually…

Hey, you’ll have to buy a ticket like everyone else, SE!

Zodiac will be released in 2017.

DANIEL CRAIG TO WRITE SCANDINAVIAN CRIME FICTION

HOLLYWOOD – Daniel Craig has told a British broadcaster that he would rather write Swedish crime fiction than appear as secret agent 007 in a fifth outing of the James Bond franchise.

The interview took place in the run up to the new James Bond film Spectre, which will feature Daniel Craig in his fourth outing as the Spy who we love. He told the British television station ‘Sky’ that he was fed up with playing James Bond and would prefer to write Scandinavian crime fiction.

Daniel Craig said:

I first got into Swedish crime fiction when I was acting in the wonderful Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, directed by David Fincher. As you know Kirsty, I’m a method actor. Which means that I think about the role I’m going to play and then prepare myself to the best of my ability. In this case it was obvious that there was only one way I could play a Swedish writer and that was to become a Swedish writer. Of course the character was a journalist but he was also very close to Stieg Larsson and so I decided that if I wanted to play someone similar to Stieg Larsson I should write a crime novel. A Scandinavian one. So I wrote one.

Oh my God! And did you let anyone read it?

Of course, I did. It was a lot of hard work. First of all I decided that I didn’t want to be Swedish as that would be too close to Stieg and I didn’t want to produce what would basically be a photocopy. So I learned Norwegian and published in Norway under a pen name.

Wow! Was it a success?

I’ll say. It even got translated back into English which I thought was a bit galling after all the work it took me to learn Norwegian. I got my pen name from my pet rabbit (now deceased) who was called Jo Nesbo.

I think I’ve read one of those. 

Thanks, I hope you liked it.

And so this means no more James Bond?

I really feel that the time has come for me to concentrate on my writing. I would like to branch out and write in other languages as well. Italian perhaps or Russian. Or better still Japanese.

Spectre will be released on November 6, 2015.

 

DAVID FINCHER PLANS EASTENDERS FOR HBO

 LONDON – David Fincher‘s relentless pursuit of good ideas, no matter where it takes him, continues with the announcement that his production company has bought the rights to British soap opera EastEnders which he will convert into a 13 part HBO series with a big name cast.

Following on from the success of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and House of Cards, Fincher has been channel surfing when not sending his winged monkeys to Scandinavia with their large sticky nets. Although originally in a bidding war with ABC for Coronation Street, Fincher finally succeeded in securing the rights to EastEnders and promised a top quality adult themed drama with top end star power and high production values.

‘It’ll be like Desperate Housewives,’ said Mr. Panic Room. ‘But the house wives will be British, have bad teeth and be really desperate. Like Desperately Sad Housewives. Hey you know Chico, write that down.’

Jude Law has already been cast as Dirty Den, and says he’s delighted and has perfected his German accent especially. Julianne Moore is in talks to play Angie and Tom Hiddleston will play carrot top Ian.

Five things to know about the BBC’s EastEnders.


  1. It’s set in London but not in the West End of London, nor the North, nor the South, but the East End.
  2. Traditionally EastEnders is thoroughly miserable, except at Christmas when it is traditionally extra super fucking miserable with at least one major cast member killing themselves. David Fincher praised the soap opera’s ‘unflinching stare into the abyss of British life’. 
  3. The theme music has been named by the Metropolitan Police as a major cause of Urban Crime. 
  4. Cast members have been known to run away to the army in order to avoid being in future episodes. One famous ‘actor’, Ross Kemp, even tried to get himself killed in Afghanistan.
  5. The new David Fincher series will be relocated to Hawaii. The East End of Hawaii.

 

DAVID FINCHER SIGNS ON FOR GAMER GATE: THE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – David Fincher will direct a new film based on the Gamer Gate ‘scandal’ set to star Stephen Baldwin and Rooney Mara from a screenplay by David Mamet.

The Social Network director said that the film would be ‘a kind of sequel’ to The Social Network:

In The Social Network we looked at the troubled lonely male who finds a way to power. Although he invents a social networking site, he himself is socially inept. In fact that’s basically why he does it. Roll on to the world of gaming and what you have is those same males, lonely and fearful of women and they see their world increasingly infringed on by girls and this leads to a virulent hatred and misogyny and bullying.

But what about the issue of journalistic ethics in the gaming community?

Oh that was complete nonsense from the get go. A guy had a hot girlfriend who was a programmer and they broke up and he blogged all their shit. It was low level revenge porn, without the porn. And most of it was inaccurate and has since been corrected. But what I’m interested in is the misogyny that then ensued with women being harassed and threatened with cyber bullying and actual violence. I’m casting Rooney because she is the girl who instigates The Social Network, and I got to thinking she doesn’t have much agency in that film. What if she became a hot shot game designer, and her male competitors couldn’t handle it.

Gamer Gate will be released in 2016.

GONE GIRL: REVIEW

HOLLYWOOD – Batman (Ben Affleck) might have killed (or not) his Bond girl wife (Rosamund Pike) in a film by David Fincher, THE airport novel director of choice.

One day gone: Ben Affleck puts on his acting face and gets to say all the lines that were cut from To the Wonder.

Two days gone: Rosamund Pike speaks in a convincing American accent.

Three days gone: David Fincher likes photographing America at night because he just likes those tungsten yellows and oranges.

Four days gone: [SPOILER ALERT] Tyler Perry is actually good!

Five days gone: f*cking men are all assholes, am I right?

Six days gone: but wait f*cking women, as well, right, can be real bitches, can’t they? Yeah. Post-feminism baitches.

Seven days gone: better than Panic Room and Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but not a patch on Seven, Fight Club, The Game or (my fave) Zodiac.

Where has my David Fincher gone? Can someone free him from Oprah’s book club?

Gone Girl is on release.

For more REVIEWS click HERE!

FINCHER SIGNS ON FOR GONE GIRL PREQUEL

HOLLYWOOD – David Fincher has finally signed on to direct the prequel to his smash hit Gone Girl, Going Girl, and has confirmed that Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike will be returning to play Nick and Amy.

Gillian Flynn who wrote both the original novel and the screenplay to the Fincher film is already understood to be hard at work on a draft of the screenplay. She spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

Everyone is interested in the original mystery of Gone Girl but what the book and the film are both really about is the nature of marriage and relationship between men and women. This is what Going Girl is going to be about. I’m going to show Nick as a young man getting his first job in the city and raring to go and Amy, trying to creep out from under the shadow of her parent’s success. It is going to be captivating and strange. Like a lemon meringue pie eaten on a roller coaster.

Going Girl is due out in 2016, shortly after The Girl with Another Dragon Tattoo.

MARK ZUCKERBERG ANNOUNCES DAVID FINCHER BIOPIC


SAN FRANSCICO – Mark Zuckerberg – the creator of Facebook and the billionaire subject of The Social Network – is to write, direct and produce a motion picture of his own based on the life of David Fincher entitled The Director of the Social Network.

We met Mark in a small café. He wore a casual set of PJs with a bathrobe thrown loosely around his shoulders and a pair of Louis Vuitton flip flops on his feet. He sits down unobtrusively, making room on a nearby seat for his pillow pet, Ralph.

So Mark, a film about the life of David Fincher. Tell us more.

Yeah, well. The fact of the matter is I saw The Social Network and I thought, yeah… You know. Like. But then as time went round I thought maybe unfriend. Maybe. And then I thought what if I did what he did but did it about him. So that’s how I thought of The Director of The Social Network.

Who is going to play Fincher?

I wanted to at first. Me. I thought Mark Zuckerberg: actor, director, producer, billionaire, big game hunter. But then I thought wait a minute. Phew. Wait. Wait. And I called Jesse Eisenberg and he said ‘yeah okay’ and that was it. I didn’t think it’d be so easy. So I had my Fincher.

What’s the story?

At first I was going to do a film about the whole of his career. The Madonna videos and Return of the Jedi and Alien 3, but then I thought, nah. He didn’t do the bit where I get my first bicycle. So I’m going to concentrate on him directing The Social Network. And he’s gonna be arguing with Brett Ratner (Armie Hammer) who claims that he directed The Social Network and David Fincher is gonna say ‘If you could’ve directed The Social Network, you would have directed The Social Network, Brett’. And Bret is just gonna eat shrimp and shut up.

Are you friends with David Fincher?

That’s the end of the film. Fincher asks for my friendship. He’s looking really sad and needy. Like a lonely nerd head and you know do I give him my friendship. Well, you’ll have to see the film.

The Director of the Social Network starts filming next month.