EVERYONE ELSE DIES

HOLLYWOOD – The world of entertainment was in shock today as everyone who hasn’t already died in 2016 has died.

The news broke on twitter when everyone’s agent released the following statement:

We are very sad to report that late last night everyone not already dead died. It happened peacefully. Our thoughts and prayers are with the family.

Tributes didn’t flow in from anywhere because those people were dead as well. The deaths come in what have been a bumper year for celebrity deaths, following the deaths of Prince, Leonard Cohen, Anton Yelchin, David Bowie, George Michael, Gary Shandling, Alan Rickman, Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds.

Everyone else has now died, except for Keith Richards.

47 FILMS: 24. THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH

47 FILMS: 25. THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH – Nicolas Roeg’s 1976 movie is a classic of science fiction and provided David Bowie with his most iconic role.

Everything about Nic Roeg’s mid-seventies classic is bold and fascinating. The editing, the performances, the camera work and the script. Everything. Bowie plays Thomas Newton, an alien who has come to Earth to take water back to his planet which is suffering from a terrible drought and where his family await his return. Patenting a series of inventions due to the advanced technology of his own planet, Newton becomes incredibly rich and a target for dark forces within the government as well as plagued by his own distractions. Having tasted various pleasures with his guide, the down on her luck Mary-Lou (Candy Clarke) Newton begins to acclimatize to the planet losing his way in the midst of alcoholism and, wouldn’t you guess it, alienation. His one friend, a womanizing academic Dr. Bryce (Rip Torn) betrays him to the authorities and as they test him, they also strip him of his identity. Testing his eyes will make it impossible for him to remove his contact lenses which serve as a disguise.

Based on a novel by Walter Tevis (who also wrote The Hustler!), the film is so suited to Bowie himself that it’s difficult at times not to assume it’s a documentary and that there’s something about Bowie that we always suspected but is only now revealed. Loving the alien has been a consistent theme of Bowie’s work and also to some extent Nicolas Roeg. Forty years on from its initial release, The Man who Fell to Earth still has the power to shock and amaze. It also has one of the best final lines and shots in the history of cinema.

For the rest of our 47 films to see before you’re murdered in your dreams, Click Here.

DAVID BOWIE – BON VOYAGE

HOLLYWOOD – David Bowie is dead. Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust.

David Bowie – 1946-2016 – is rated. Some people are over-rated; some are under-rated, but Bowie was always rated exactly right. He was the legendary re-inventor, the rock n’ roll crack’d actor, the thin white duke, the man who fell to earth, Ziggy, the man who sold the world, Major Tom. Shit he was even Jareth the Goblin King. When we needed an ax to break the ice, he was there. He saved us all from rock and roll suicides. He was the outsider, the alien, he put out fire with gasoline.

He was a hero, because he told us that we all could be. Just for one day.

FIRST LOOK AT JESSICA CHASTAIN AS DAVID BOWIE IN STARMAN

LONDON – He was Ziggy Stardust, Aladdin Sane and even David Robert Jones, but now David Bowie is the subject of a new biopic entitled Starman, to be directed by Robert Redford and starring Jessica Chastain as the Thin White Duke himself.

The news came just days after Chastain lost out to Scarlett Johansson to play the First Lady in the new Hillary Clinton biopic Rodham (for more on that story CLICK HERE). With a photograph released showing Chastain in the guise of the Ziggy Stardust crack’d actor himself, the fan world is delirious at the prospect of the film. 

Director Robert Redford spoke exclusively to Studio Exec about the project:

Starman has been in the works since the eighties, but the script was never quite right. I’ve always been fascinated by Bowie and especially his androgyny, his drug taking and his willingness to push the boundaries to often dangerous degrees. In those respects I think we’re very, very similar.    

Has Bowie collaborated on the project?

I know that he knows about it, because we obviously had to approach his people about rights and what have you, but I feel both camps have been respectfully wary. We don’t want to get too close and they are interested in seeing what we’ll come up with.

 And what about the rival Tilda Swinton project [entitled Moonlight Daydream Oh Yeah]?

I can’t really comment on that, except to say that Bowie is a big enough player for there to be many films about the man.

What is your own personal attachment to Bowie?

As I said earlier, I think our careers are very similar. When I did Butch people were saying ‘Woah! Gay cowboys?’ but then Brokeback Mountain comes along and well … Nowadays I listen to his music all the time, I often go to parties dressed as Bowie and people are like ‘When’s Redford coming?’ Ha ha! Ha ha, ha.

Starman is due to be released in 2017.

MICK JAGGER AND DAVID BOWIE TEAM UP FOR PILATES FOR PENSIONERS

HOLLYWOOD – The last time they teamed up they were Dancing in the Street for Live Aid, but now David Bowie and Mick Jagger are at it again, this time producing and starring in a keep fit program for Senior Citizens.

Well, a-wright,’ said Mick Jagger (70), explaining his decision to collaborate with long time enemy Bowie. ‘Getcha, getcha, getcha. Aw, c’mon!’ 

David Bowie (67) was equally enthusiastic:

You’ve got your quads and your core. You’ve got stretches, and the low burn exercises, gentle-like. Because this is for the oldies, isn’t it? For people in their Golden Years (wah wah wah). We still want be young and dance, don’t we? But the body goes through Ch-ch-changes!

Jagger added:

At our age you can’t always get what you want, so you try sometimes … to ask someone else to get it for you.

Bowie:

If it’s on a shelf that’s too high.

Why pilates?

Jagger:

Dunno.

Bowie:

Haven’t a clue. Money, probably. I played Pontius Pilates once in a film.

Jagger: 

Did ya?

Bowie: 

A Martin Scorsese film, Michael. 

Jagger: 

Oooh! Get her.


Mick Jagger and David Bowie Do Pilates will be available only for illegal download and sniggering.

DAVID BOWIE ADMITS LABYRINTH FURY

HOLLYWOOD – David Bowie is known for some lurid costumes in his time, but his film role as Jareth in Labyrinth has gone down in Fraggle Rock Actor history as a particularly weird moment and today for the first time ever the Thin White Duke reveals his feelings to the Studio Exec in this EXCLUSIVE interview.

How did you get involved with the project?

The late great Jim Henson phoned me and said I have a role for you and it’s a bit out there you know, but what do you think? Well, I read the script and I thought, why not? It’ll be nice for the toddlers. You know. But when it came to filming I began to feel like a bit of a tool.

What do you mean?

Initially, I had been written as quite a straight forward villain. I really wanted to go against type and wear a suit. But Kajagoogoo had just had a hit so Jim dressed me up as Limahl. I was spitting feathers. I felt I’d been made to look ridiculous. I mean you only have to look at the trousers I was forced to wear. You have to remember I was trying to be taken seriously as an actor in this period and yet the eye liner and the Muppets that surrounded me just made me look like a gallivanting mumpty. Add to that the film was a complete turkey.

But now the film has something of cult following.

No, it’s complete bobbins. 

But it must make you feel…

No, it’s bobbins.

The character of Jareth even is…

Bobbins.

This is ridic…

Bobbins.

Labyrinth 2: Jareth’s Bobbins will be released in 2016.