ALL MALE SHOWING OF DAS BOOT ORGANISED FOR THE WEEKEND

HOLLYWOOD – An all male viewing of the Wolfgang Petersen classic Das Boot will screen this weekend.

Internet furore of the all female screening of Wonder Woman finally brought about a reaction. A Los Angeles activist group Gamer Gaters For Justice have organised a screening of Das Boot, which will be open exclusively to men. With no women. Allowed. We spoke EXCLUSIVELY to MIcky ‘Quiche’ Lorraine the head organiser and asked him what the fuck?

It’s very simple. We decided two can play at that game. We don’t even want to go and see Wonder Woman because it’s about a powerful woman and that’s just bullshit. And a bit scary. But on principle, we as men should be allowed to go wherever we like and do whatever we want. Because we want to. So we decided on an All Male screening of Das Boot.

Why did you choose this particular film?

Well, first of all we wanted a film with either an exclusively male or mainly male cast. It turned out most films kinda fit that description. We thought of doing Man of Steel or Batman vs Superman but they’re both kind of shit. So we finally plumped for something that would align with our political principles.  We’re all Alt-Right-y. And so Das Boot was perfect.

But it’s about Nazis in a submarine.

Alt-floating boat is the preferred term.

Doesn’t this make you all look like a bunch of whiny snowflakes?

No, not at all. Girls are just getting too … you know pushy. Why can’t they just stop it with all the being feminists and shit. I mean my sister kicked my ass the other day. My sister. My twelve year old sister. Just cause I borrowed her Miley Cyrus DVD.

Das Boot will show at the Sausage Party Theatre on Friday.

FURY: REVIEW

FURY: REVIEW – Brad Pitt and his team of Inglourious Basterds are at it again in the Das Boot sequel, this time set in a tank!

The good war gets a bit of the Vietnam treatment, with blood and guts aplenty in this thrilling but predictable war movie.  It all starts nice and murky with a foggy and infernal battlefield and a man on a white horse (not Death, though that’ll come) trotting through the wreckage and the carcasses. Sgt. Wardaddy (Pitt) and his crew are the lone survivors of a battle. One of their number met his gruesome end and his replacement, an inevitably pasty faced youth called Norman (Logan Lerman), with ‘principles’, turns up to be roundly disabused of such notions of honour. He is the same charcters as we have seen in other war movies. Basically the cypher for the audience as he is taught the rigors of combat. He is Carter in ER, getting used to the sight of blood.

And there is plenty of bloody and gore in Fury, which seems to be consciously trying to surpass the viscera-fests Saving Private Ryan, Band of Brothers et al. However, those films, despite their gore and violence, insisted on the Second World War as the Good War. Fury harks back to The Big Red One, despairing of the idea of finding honor in any kind of warfare, but unlike Samuel Fuller’s nihilistic 1980 classic, Fury is compromised by a gee-whiz element, informed by Medal of Honor video game action.

As such the nihilism is not so much despairing as exhilarating. Whereas in previous films, Pitt’s behavior would have made him the charismatic bad sergeant like Tom Berenger in Oliver Stone’s Platoon, in this film his world view is repeatedly endorsed. As the story becomes increasingly predictable all we are left with is the action and the thrill of the last ditch heroics.

Despite the shocks, the biggest upset is seeing Shia La Beouf  being actually quite good.

For more Reviews CLICK HERE.

NEW DISNEY ATTRACTION: DAS BOOT

HOLLYWOOD – Today at Disneyland, California, the latest attraction to be based on a Hollywood movie was unveiled: Das Boot: The Ride.

In the past, Disneyland has produced rides based on popular films such as the Indiana Jones ride and some rides have subsequently become films, most famously The Pirates of the Caribbean. But now Wolfgang Petersen’s amoral claustrophobic study of men at war in the depths of the ocean comes to life as an attraction for all the family (height restrictions do apply). 

Game designer Ziggy Paluchio told Studio Exec that this was:

The game we always dreamed of doing but never could do because of – you know – the Nazi associations and Walt never employed a Jew (if he could help it) and all that, but now, we thought, Hey, let’s just plunge people down to depths of several hundred metres and have rivets fire out at them. They will also have the crab powder and the farting competition. 

Das Boot is the first in a long line of attractions which will hopefully attract what Ziggy calls ‘the Criterion crowd’:

We have a new Wes Anderson ride. It does exactly what every other ride does but just two inches to the left. You don’t really enjoy it, but you pretend you do or people we hire shout at you for being dumb.

Das Boot is open from today.

THE TOP 5 SWEATIEST FILMS

BEIRUT –  The Summer is here and hot and in the spirit of all things listy The Studio Exec has sweated over this amazing list for literally minutes: The Top 5 Sweatiest Films Ever Made.

1. Cool Hand Luke. Paul Newman sweats in a chain gang; sweats against injustice (taking them off here boss); eats 50 eggs; sweats eggy sweat; sweats some more; (I wish you’d quit being so good to me Captain); smiles and sweats.

2. Spartacus. Kirk Douglas sweats; his Thracian crew cut sweats; his dimple sweats; his thighs sweat and Woody Strode and Tony Curtis sweat with him; Charles Laughton sweats in a toga; Jean Simmons doesn’t sweat at all because she’s too prim.

3. Das Boot. The German crew of a U-Boat sweats under the water during the Second World War (one of the sweatiest wars in world history); they sweat; Jurgen Prochnow sweats; they are under attack and sweat; they are bored and sweat and fart.

4. Alien. ‘In space no one can smell you pong’ read the tag line as Harry Dean Stanton, Yaphet Koto and Sigourney Weaver sweat it up big time, when a sweaty Alien sweats all over the shop.

5. Apocalypse Now. In the sweaty Vietnam War, Martin ‘sweat pants’ Sheen is so sweaty even his cigarette sweats as he goes down a sweaty river of sweat that Marlon Brando has sweated out, having gone rogue sweating his huge buttery ass off: the horror, the horror!

Have we left any out? Do you disagree? Feel free to use the comments below to add your thoughts. They’ll be deleted before you can hit enter. 

For more FACTS click HERE.