DANIEL RADCLIFFE TO PLAY ELIJAH WOOD IN BECOMING FRODO

HOLLYWOOD – Daniel Radcliffe is to play Elijah Wood in a new biopic: Becoming Frodo.

Daniel Radcliffe has been cast to play fellow actor Elijah Wood in a new biopic of the Lord of the Rings star: Becoming Frodo. Radcliffe spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about the challenges of the role:

I’ve been watching Elijah all my life as an actor. Watching him grow and develop from the days of Flipper and The Ice Storm. As a fellow child actor, I’ve looked at Elijah as role model and inspiration. So it really makes sense to me to make this movie. In a way it’s an act of gratitude.

What will the film be about?

We will cover his career from the start to the filming and triumph of Fellowship of the Ring. We were worried about portraying him as a Hobbit because of the shortness thing. But luckily I’m really really short, naturally. So that won’t be a problem.

And how does this fit in with the film Elijah Wood is making about you: Becoming Harry?

This is where it gets interesting. If this film is a success, we’re thinking of making a sequel. This would include me playing Elijah making Becoming Harry. Charlie Kaufman is already writing a draft.

Becoming Frodo released in 2018.

ELIJAH WOOD TO STAR AS DANIEL RADCLIFFE IN BECOMING HARRY

HOLLYWOOD – Elijah Wood is to play Daniel Radcliffe in new movie.

A new movie documenting Daniel Radcliffe’s early career stars Elijah Wood. The Lord of the Rings star will write and direct the movie also. He spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec:

I’m majorly psyched about the role. Radcliffe is for all of us a pole star. He’s the actor by which all us other child actors take our bearings. Like the pole star. I’ve just said that, haven’t I?

What’s the movie about?

The film charts the rise of Radcliffe. The struggles he had to overcome in order to achieve greatness. The main difficulty will be making me into a small child again, but we’re using Hobbit technology, forced perspective and all that, so we’ll be okay. The hope is that the movie will come off and then we can follow his journey, finishing with the triumph of Imperium.

Becoming Harry will be released in August.

MARY POPPINS V NANNY MCPHEE GREEN LIT

HOLLYWOOD – Emma Thompson and Emily Blunt are both onboard for the new Disney mash up McPhee V Poppins.

The new super Nanny mash up is on with Emma Thompson and Emily Blunt going head to head in a childcare smack down McPhee V Poppins, which pits the two care providers against each other to save Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe.

Director Zach Snyder spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Basically Nanny McPhee and Mary Poppins exist in the same P.L. Travers universe and so it was only a matter of time before we got the two together. I thought of the idea when I was talking to Kevin Smith and we were on acid and watching Mary Poppins and a Nanny McPhee marathon, including the sequel that no one actually watched.

So what’s the story?

Well, essentially, Mary Poppins leaves the children – Dan and Emma – and Nanny McPhee turns up and tries to dance with penguins and chimney sweeps and the like. Basically stealing Mary Poppins ideas and Mary Poppins as you can imagine is none too pleased. But they have to join forces to defeat Elijah Wood.

Elijah Wood?

Shut up.

McPhee V Poppins will be released in 2017.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

DANIEL RADCLIFFE’S NEW HARRY POTTER FILM ‘VERY DIFFERENT’

SUNDANCE – The new Daniel Radcliffe film Harry Potter film Harry Potter and the Swiss Army Man has divided audience at the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah.

Daniel Radcliffe returns in the role that made him famous – Harry Potter – in his new film showing at Sundance Harry Potter and The Swiss Army Man, but critics have been divided by the franchises new direction.

Xavier Poulis writes:

It is great to have a new Harry Potter film and it is praiseworthy that Daniel Radcliffe has taken the character in a new direction but we might think that this is perhaps a bit too far.

In the new film directed by Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert sees Harry found dead on a shore. Paul Dano is the man who finds him and the two embark on a journey as Harry, a corpse magically is alive – he is after all a wizard – and farts and has an erect penis all the way through. Many walked out of the film’s premier at the Sundance Film Festival. Outside fans expressed their dismay.

Judy Bartholomew told the Studio Exec:

It was terrible. I mean there was no Ron, no Hermione. It was almost as if it had nothing to do with Harry Potter at all. I was very disappointed.

The Sundance Film Festival has been buried under an avalanche.

NEW FRANKENSTEIN MOVIE ABOUT FRANKENSTEIN NOT REALLY FRANKENSTEIN

HOLLYWOOD – The new Frankenstein movie Victor Frankenstein isn’t really Frankenstein.

Paul Muigan’s new take on the Mary Shelley classic Victor Frankenstein isn’t actually Frankenstein but purports to tell the story of the secret story behind Frankenstein. Victor Frankenstein is played by James McAvoy who is most famous for playing Mr. Tumnus in the Narnia films. He spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about the film:

You see the thing about Frankenstein by Mary Shelley is that there are a lot of words and these words are organised into sentences and they just go on and on for over two hundred pages, and we thought wouldn’t it be better if we just took the names and then added a few others and then went at it like that. I mean who wants Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. You’d have to be an idiot to want Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.

Kenneth Branagh did Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.

Yeah, but it wasn’t really Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, was it?

He actually called it Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. 

That I did not know. Okay. Well, there you go. It’s been done to death hasn’t it. And then James Whales did the classic version of Frankenstein and we can’t really compete with that. Then Mel Brooks did the best comedy Frankenstein in Young Frankenstein, so we don’t want to go that far. So we decided to do the shittest Frankenstein.

Well done. I think you’ve achieved your aim.

Thank you very much.

How was it working with Daniel Radcliffe?

Who?

Harry Potter.

Oh it was fantastic. You see he knows all about magic, he does card tricks, pulls handkerchiefs out of your ear, the whole thing. So as you know filming can be very dull, and Harry would always entertain the ‘muggles’ as he calls them.

Victor Frankenstein is in the cinema.

CUTE CHILD ACTORS WHO TURNED INTO CANS OF TUNA

HOLLYWOOD – Did you know that these Cute Child Actors became tins of tuna soon after they finished being children?

We all have a special place in our hearts for child actors – Macauley Culkin, Shia LaBeouf and that little girl from the Poltergeist movie who died.

However, do you know what happens to them after they finish being children?

No, of course you didn’t, you uncaring heartless bastards. Jesus Christ, you are the worst kind of person. You should be locked in a special cage for the unfeeling. I’m surprised you’re allowed to talk to people or use a computer. You should be on a special list.

Anyway, now you can find out. Most of them – 73% according to a recent study – are turned into cans of tuna. This gallery proves that fact to also be reality.

 

DANIEL RADCLIFFE CHANGES NAME TO HARRY POTTER

HOLLYWOOD – In a surprising move, actor Daniel Radcliffe has changed his name by deed poll to Harry Potter.

The diminutive ex-Hogwarts actor spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

For years, I’ve been fighting against typecasting and trying to escape the shadow of my most famous role. But now I’ve come to realize everyone just thinks of me as Harry Potter, whether I’m blinding horses in Equus or writing beat poetry and having gay sex in Kill Your Darlings, people just keep saying why is Harry Potter blinding horse, why is Harry Potter writing Beat poetry and having gay sex. I spoke to my therapist and she said why don’t you just run with it, so that’s what I’ve decided to do. From now on I will be Harry Potter.

Does this mean there might be a chance you will return to play Harry Potter?

No absolutely not. I’m totally done with that character.

But now you’re called Harry Potter…

Well, exactly. You see? Can you imagine Harry Potter is Harry Potter? It wouldn’t work. It’d be a nonsense. And so there we have it.

Ah, I see. Well thank you, Harry.

Mnnnnnn. Okay. Yes. Harry Potter. Yes.

 

HARRY POTTER TO PLAY 007

HOLLYWOOD – Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe today revealed his biggest ambition: to play British secret agent 007, otherwise known as James Bond.

The pint sized actor told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

If you think about it the perfect role for me would be James Bond. I mean I’m already established in the minds of the public as a British icon and so that’s half the battle. When we were doing the Deathly Hallows, I kept delivering this line ‘The name’s Potter, Harry Potter’ and we’d all laugh. But then I got to thinking. Why not? I’d be brilliant.

Radcliffe had further ideas about the direction the Bond franchise could take.

It wouldn’t necessarily be a problem that people think of me as Harry Potter. Why not incorporate that into the stories? Instead of going to Q division I could go to Diagon Alley. And I could use potions and spells, a Walther PKK wand and an Austin Martin Nimbus 2000. It would be fantastic.

The current Bond, Daniel Craig, believes that Radcliffe would be a good choice:

He’s got the presence, certainly and it would be interesting to make Bond younger. A sort of Jimmy Bond.

The producers Michael G Wilson and Barbara Broccoli were more circumspect about the possibility of a Radcliffe Bond anytime soon:

Ha ha ha, that’s funny. Yes, good one.

James Bond and the Mission of Danger  will be released in 2017.

IS DANIEL RADCLIFFE MAGIC?

HOLLYWOOD – The Harry Potter and Equus star Daniel Radcliffe is one of the most enigmatic and powerful actors of his generation, stripping his body and his soul bare in such successes as Kill Your Darlings and The Woman in Black.

However, a rumor has persistently plagued the 24 year old actor from Fulham: does he in actual fact have magical powers?

Emma Watson – his close friend and co-star – is in no doubt about the matter. 

Oh, Danny is magic all right. I mean while we were doing Harry Potter, we were all using special effects and green screen and stuff like that but Daniel would come in and he would just do the stuff. No CGI, no stuntmen, no trickery. He even had his own wand which he would carry around in a black briefcase that he called the Necronomicon. 

More recently Daniel amazed fans when he arrived to the London Premier of Kill Your Darlings, riding what can only be described as a broomstick. Co-star Dane DeHaan said that he was knocked out by Daniel’s professionalism and his definite ability to ‘do strange shit that defied rational, scientific explanation.’

However, others have reacted angrily, while not denying the possibility that Radcliffe is in fact a necromancer. Rupert Grint who starred as Ron Weasley in the Potter movies, splutted with undisguised spleen.

What irritates me about Dan is that he has these powers – telekinesis, telepathy, levitation, wand work, the lot – and he uses them for what: to get an acting gig! I mean he could be in the Sudan saving lives, stopping wars, feeding the hungry, brining justice to the world. But no, he just sits at home fiddling with his wand.

Daniel Radcliffe was unavailable for comment. 

JK ROWLING’S NEW HARRY POTTER TO ‘EXPLORE ADULT THEMES’

LONDON – News that J.K. Rowling was working on a new script set in the Harry Potter universe was greeted yesterday with skepticism and enthusiasm in equal measure, but today Studio Exec has learned that the film will actually be a continuation of the Harry Potter story. 

According to an insider close to the Rowling camp: ‘J. K. is a big Mike Leigh fan and I think Harry Potter and the Grinding Boredom of Domestic Life is going to reflect that.’
She continues:

The story begins a few years down the line from the end of the last one and Harry’s marriage to Ginny is on the rocks. He’s been having an on off affair with Hermione Granger and is racked with guilt. His best friend Ron knows that Hermione is cheating on him (but not with who) and has become an angry alcoholic prone to bouts of domestic violence. There are some moments of magic but few and far between.

It is yet to be seen whether Mike Leigh will agree to direct the film but our source believed that Sirius Black star, Gary Oldman would make a good second choice: ‘His Nil By Mouth is very close to the spirit of what J.K. is trying to achieve.’ 

 Harry Potter and the Grinding Boredom of Domestic Life will be released in 2015. 

VENICE DIARY: DAY 5


VENICE – Old pal Daniel Radcliffe‘s on the Lido to promote his new film, Kill Your Darlings, based on the early rambunctious goings on of famous howler and beat poet Allen Ginsberg.
There’s one thing you have to be very careful when you meet Dan as he’s very sensitive about it. In fact, his press agent gave me a set of instructions, which I’ve printed below for you just in case you happen upon the young actor face for his young performance as David Copperfield in the BBC adaptation of the famed Dickens book. 

  1. Don’t mention Harry Potter.
  2. Do not mention Harry Potter.
  3. Do not ask for an autograph because you have a child/nephew/niece who likes Harry Potter.
  4. Do not joke about wizards, wands, Quidditch, Hogwarts, Hermoine, Ron, Owls, Voldemort or Horcruxes.
  5. DO NOT MENTION HARRY POTTER.

So imagine how embarrassed I was when I heard the words coming out of my mouth as he shook my hand, ‘Hey Harry, you looked tired. Too much Quiddith last night?’ Fortunately he roared with laughter and had his assistant punch me in the throat twice.

Kill Your Darlings will be released in 2014.