FAMILY FILMS FOR THANKSGIVING

HOLLYWOOD – First off and right off the bat, Happy Thanksgiving everybody! There I done and said it.

Now you ate the turkey? Good. You talked to your relatives? Great. You punched Uncle Dwayne in the throat and left him sitting on his ass in the yard, wheezing for breath? Check.

So perhaps it’s time you settled the whole family down around the flat screen television and put on a film for the whole family to enjoy, from little Timmy Jr to Grammy Elspeth and this is where the Studio Exec comes in to guide you to Happy Family Thanksgiving Viewing.

1. The Act of Killing: Joshua Oppenheimer’s documentary takes as its subject matter the mass murders that followed an unsuccessful coup attempt in 1965 Indonesia and eventually led to thirty years of Suharto and military dictatorship. The murderers themselves have never been brought to justice, but in a stroke of mad genius they are persuaded to re-enact their atrocities for the camera and in so doing come to recognize to some degree the dark evil they perpetrated. The kids are crying; everyone’s upset. You never knew there was such darkness in the world. No? Well, maybe…

2. Prisoners: Send the kids out to play down the street near that creepy looking RV while you watch this gripping drama, featuring Hugh Jackman and Jake BlinkingHaal. Jackman is a father who’s child goes missing during a Thanksgiving Dinner when… Wait, where are the kids? Jesus Christ, where’s the RV gone? Timmy! TIMMMMY!!

3. Planes, Trains and Automobiles: Now, we’re on safe ground. John Candy, that big guy always makes me laugh. And there’s Steve Martin and he came out of the womb with grey hair, crazy feet and probably playing the banjo, because he’s you know multi-talented. Fantastic. I guarantee by the end of the film you’ll be weeping, and if you want to weep a little be harder, thinking that the massive talent who made this then went out turd out Home Alone and Home Alone 2. Yeah, I know. Sniff. Get’s me every time. Why, John, why? WHY!??

4. The Human Centipede Trilogy: I know what you are going to say, surely this isn’t appropriate! But think a while. All that food, the pumpkin pie, the turkey with all the trimmings, the endless potatoes, it all has to go somewhere so why not give the family a few ideas about the digestive tract. Thanksgiving is a time for feasting but it also a time for a healthy slice of body disgust and what would be better than Tom Six’s grotesque classic.

5. The Crucible: Daniel Day Lewis and Winona Ryder have sex and we don’t get to see it. And that isn’t the only disappointment. All those cartoon versions of the Pilgrim fathers, the founders of this great nation are made cuddly with tradition and time so why not add a corrective in Arthur Miller’s wonderful play that shows what a bunch of bigoted assholes they really were. You could also watch Little Big Man or 1492 to see how the Thanksgiving we enjoy cost the indigenous peoples of this fair land … well, basically everything!

Happy Thanksgiving from all here at The Studio Exec.

ROBERT DE NIRO JOINS SHIA LABEOUF FOR #ALLMYMOVIES

NEW YORK – At the Angelika theatre in New York, Shia LaBeouf has been joined by Robert de Niro to watch the rest of Shia LaBeouf’s movies back to back in a marathon.

Robert de Niro showed up at the Angelika theater today in New York today to join Shia LaBeouf in his marathon of Shia LaBeouf movies the #AllMyMovies event.

Mr. De Niro spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about his participation in what is being billed as either the most interesting art project of the century or alternatively the moment the new millennium disappeared up its own asshole:

 Shia LaBeouf is the most interesting actor of his generation and I am not going to just be a part of the project, I also want to actually see his Transformers trilogy again.

What fascinates you about Shia?

In a word his range. He has such an incredible range. Look at Bobby and then look at what he does in Fury. Or look at Disturbia and compare it to his role Nymphomaniac. And it isn’t only me, I don’t know a serious actor who doesn’t greatly esteem Shia. The new film that Daniel Day Lewis is making about Shia…

That’s still happening?

Oh absolutely, but you know Daniel. He wants to be absolutely perfect. Especially because it’s Shia. He is more committed to this than he ever was to Lincoln. And he loved Lincoln.

Is there anything you’d help Shia with in terms of his acting?

Are you kidding? I’m the one asking him advice. I wished he’d been there when I was making Taxi Driver, or Raging Bull. I’m sure he would have given me some good notes. I asked him the other day if he could help me with my recent performances. He said he’d seen The Intern. And he emailed me his reaction.

What did he write?

Three words: ‘Do it again’.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

DID OLIVER STONE KILL ABRAHAM LINCOLN?

HOLLYWOOD – A new book by maverick director Oliver Stone claims that the Platoon director was directly involved in the successful plot to assassinate the 16th President of the United States of America, Abraham Lincoln.

The second most famous presidential assassination – after that of William McKinley – the murder of President Lincoln in 1865 sent shock waves through the USA, following his successful resolution of the Civil War. For years it was believed that his assassin was the actor and Southern rebel John Wilkes Booth, but a new book by Cornell Historian Anthony Guber Stoned to Death: Oliver Stone and the Death of Abraham Lincoln: including an Appendix on Pearl Harbor and the Illuminati posits the thesis that director Oliver Stone (born 99 years subsequent to the President’s demise) was the actual assassin.

The book reads:

Records show that Oliver Stone joined the army in 1967 and fought in Vietnam. What they don’t show is that after his first tour of duty he was recruited into a special covert group of the US Army specializing in Time War. As Lincoln had placed legal limits on the days (no fighting on Sundays and Wednesdays Law) on which the army could fight in 1866, severely hampering the effort to defeat Communism in South East Asia, this group decided on a radical plan to assassinate Lincoln before he signed the law. Stone was chosen because of his creativity and aim. His whole career has been something of an extended apology and covert confession of his crime. JFK in particular sees him project his guilt into a convoluted conspiracy against another president, but if you switch Kennedy for Lincoln, then you have what is essentially a mea culpa.

The author cites other evidence such as the fact that Daniel Day Lewis in preparing for the role of Lincoln in Spielberg’s film of the same name, received extensive coaching from Stone on ‘authenticity’. And an interview with French cultural magazine Chapeau in which Stone stated:

Of course I’m delighted that Obama is our President but people keep saying he’s our first black president. They forget that Frederick Douglas became President after Abraham Lincoln endorsed him. Oh wait… I killed Lincoln didn’t I?

Oliver Stone was unavailable for comment.

TOP 5 MOVIES WITH PEOPLE IN THEM

HOLLYWOOD – In our relentless mission to list every single aspect of cinema and film making the Studio Exec is proud to present a list of 5 movies that have people in them.

The Studio Exec FACT Squad was sent through the archives and watched every film ever made and here are the top five films with people in them:

  1. The Crowd. You want people, you’ve got them. There are loads of people here. In fact so many that the 1928 film is actually called The Crowd. The only problem is that you can’t hear them. It isn’t because they can’t speak; it’s because this film was made in a time period when they didn’t record sound with films, but this King Vidor silent classic is well worth the watch. And it is the only film to be directed by an actual monarch.
  2. Solyent Green. ‘Solyent Green?’ you say. ‘I see Charlton Heston but where are the people?’ Well, actually Solyent Green itself is… oops almost a SPOILER. Phew, just avoided. But aside from Solyent Green being people, the whole film is based on Harry Harrison’s novel of over-population Make Room Make Room!
  3. Cleopatra. There are so many people in the Roman epic that Italy had to stop doing everything on the day it was filmed, so that everyone could work as extras on the film. Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor starred as Marc Antony and Cleopatra, both of whom are also people.
  4. Lincoln. Directed by Steven Spielberg, this film starred Daniel Day Lewis as the 16th President of the United States of America. It really is a film for the people, about the people and by the people.
  5. Barry Lyndon. Considered by many to be Stanley Kubrick’s dullest film, other people argue it is one of his best. There’s a person in the actual title and other as he journeys from his home in Ireland, across Europe, his fortunes rising and falling along the way, he meets even more people, including a card sharp and his future wife! Ryan O’Neal plays the main person.

For more FACTS click HERE.

DANIEL DAY-LEWIS CONFIRMS SHIA: THE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Lincoln star, Daniel Day-Lewis is in the midst of intensive preparation for his next role, playing the actor Shia LaBeouf in David Lynch’s long-awaited epic bio-pic Shia.

The star of Last of the Mohicans, In the Name of the Father and My Left Foot, Daniel Day-Lewis spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about the project:

I have been entering the character backwards. Slowly I’ve been forgetting how to act, I’ve denuded myself of charisma, I am becoming a blank canvas.

On which to paint your character?

No just a blank canvas. That’ll probably be it.

The film began initially as a dream project of Martin Scorsese but he got cold feet around the time that Transformers 4: The Age of Extinction came out.

‘How can I compete with that?’ he was heard to shriek as he ran from the theatre.

Ron Howard then came aboard and that was when Day-Lewis also found himself interested in the role (for more on that story CLICK HERE).

Howard himself was to back out, awed by the enormity of the task and now the project’s current director David Lynch is ready to begin shooting. For Lynch – whose fame today resides mainly on the rumor he once ate a squirrel – Shia will be his final film.

David Lynch said:

At first I was very nervous. I’ve played great Americans before. Abraham Lincoln, Bill the Butcher, Daniel Plainview. But could I bring myself to play the greatest American currently alive, after Adam Sandler? I don’t know. But I’m going to try. What I say quite seriously in my quiet little voice is that after Shia what else will I have to say? What else will anyone have to say?

Shia LaBeouf is currently not acting in a Broadway play because it was ‘difficult’.

Shia will be released in 2016.

MERYL STREEP TO STAR IN THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 3

HOLLYWOOD – Infamous director Tom Six has confirmed that Oscar-winning actress Meryl Streep has signed on to play a key role in The Human Centipede 3.

“I’m excited that I have the opportunity to finally work with Tom,” said Meryl Streep.

I was close to signing up for the previous movie but due to scheduling issues it never worked out. Thankfully I will now get to realise my dream of playing the ass end of a human centipede.

 According to Six, Streep isn’t the only A-list star willing to be stitched up.

“I think I’ve had an e-mail from everyone in Hollywood,” said Six:

It’s flattering, but I have to say that some of the audition tapes I’ve received are pretty disturbing even for me. The Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and George Clooney tape was especially sickening but there were also some incredible efforts. Take Daniel Day-Lewis’, for example. He sent me a video diary of him living as part of a real human centipede for three months. I’m not sure if it was technically legal, but it sure was impressive.

The Human Centipede 3 is due for release in May 2015.

FIRST LOOK AT MICHAEL FASSBENDER AS STEVE JOBS

HOLLYWOOD – Many were bemused by the casting of Michael Fassbender as Steve Jobs in the new Danny Boyle directed biopic of the Apple ‘genius’, but doubters are eating their words.

The Studio Exec can reveal the first look at Michael Fassbender as Jobs in the classic pose that also graced the cover of the Walter Isaacson biography that was published shortly following Steve Jobs’ death.

Resident Jobs expert Xavier Poulis had this to say:

It’s uncanny. I mean Michael Fassbender doesn’t normally look anything like Steve Jobs, but here in this first picture he is almost like a creepy doppelganger, perfectly mimicking not only the IT genius’ pose but his eyes, his ears, his nose, his hair line and his turtle neck sweater. Move over Daniel Day Lewis, sit down Christian Bale, shut up Robert De Niro: there’s a new actor capable of extreme physical transformation on the block and his name is Michael Fassbender.

Author Isaacson was flabbergasted at the transformation of the Irish/German actor into the whiz kid of tech valley. A close friend of the writer said:

It almost looks as if you’ve just taken a picture of Steve Jobs and you’re just saying it’s Michael Fassbender, when actually it’s still a picture of Steve Jobs. Utterly amazing! What an actor!

Scripted by Aaron Sorkin and produced by Scott Rudin, the production went through a lengthy development process with many actors vying for the lead role, even as criticism was heaped on the film for even daring to challenge Ashton Kutcher’s magisterial performance in the made for TV movie Jobs.

Steve Jobs will be released in 2016.

 

GARY BUSEY’S MOUTH STOLEN

HOLLYWOOD – In the early hours of this morning, Hollywood legend Gary Busey woke to find his mouth had been stolen.

The thieves had managed to enter Mr. Gary Busey’s home in Malibu via a screen door at the back of the property, disable his security system and steal the Point Break actor’s mouth without waking him or his wife. Police detectives called to the scene said that this was a highly unusual crime but Mr. Busey’s mouth was an extremely valuable collectable with some collectors willing to pay up to $3ooo dollars for the item.

Detective Stokes of the LAPD said that such body thefts were becoming increasingly regular in the Hollywood Hills:

Essentially there is a roaring trade in black market body souvenirs and the thieves have become incredible  sophisticated. We have reason to believe that they might be recruiting plastic surgeons who ‘know their way around’ the target’s anatomy so to speak.

The theft comes only two weeks following the theft of John Travolta’s body hair. In the 1990s Daniel Day Lewis has his left foot surgically removed as he slept but the thief was apprehended and Day Lewis’ foot was sewn back on, an adventure which led to his New York Times Bestseller My Actual Left Foot.

Detective Stokes said that they were confident of retrieving Gary Busey’s mouth and making arrests in the following 24 hours:

If it’s still in the country then I believe we will be able to track it down and retake it. I mean this is Gary Busey’s mouth.  There’s no way they’re going to be able to keep it quiet.

Gary Busey was unavailable for comment, because his mouth had been stolen.

HILL STREET BLUES: THE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – The most popular Eighties cop show Steven Bochco’s Hill Street Blues is finally getting a film version, courtesy of Martin Scorsese.

The new film version will star Robert de Niro as Captain Frank Furillo, Daniel Day Lewis as Captain Belker and Catherine Zeta Jones as Joyce Davenport. Leonardo di Caprio will play Lt. Howard Hunter. Scorsese spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

For years I’ve been trying to make an epic of police vs. criminals film and I’ve done my best with Mean Streets, Goodfellas and Casino, but I’ve never really got there. I mean if you look at my career, you would have to say it is a complete and utter failure. The Hill Street Blues was always my inspiration. And now I have the chance to really do a proper thing and not that shitness which was Boardwalk Empire.

The story – set in West Chica-Brooklyn-go, LA – features a whole sequences of crime stories and private lives that will be intertwined and resolved in the space of 90 minutes.The story features an undercover operation that has gone wrong and will basically be The Departed but with a retro feel and a whole plethora of English actors will use their best generic American accents.

Hill Street Blues: Let’s Do it to Them Before They Do it to Us will be released in 2016.

POMPEII TIPPED FOR OSCAR GLORY

HOLLYWOOD – As the year comes to an end, the Oscar race is heating up and a clear frontrunner has begun to stretch away from the pack: Paul W.S. Anderon’s Pompeii.

The disaster movie starring Kit Harington as the gladiator Milo, who falls for rich merchant’s daughter Cassia, (Emily Browning). Their love most transcend social barriers, the jealous of Senator Corvus (Kiefer Sutherland) and the erupting volcano which threatens to bury everything under molten lava and choking ash.

Oscar watched Xavier Poulis told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Paul W.S. Anderson has already achieved some Oscar success with There Will Be Blood, picking a statuette up for Daniel Day Lewis and Kit Harington has definitely become the man to beat. Already in Game of Thrones, Kit has shown remarkable versatility as the know nothing, Jon Snow. In Pompeii he truly comes of age, but if he does win it is likely he will have company in his co-stars Kiefer Sutherland and Emily Browning who are likely to pick up a Best Supporting Actor and Actress nominations. This should also be the firs time Anderson himself receives a nomination. Many believe that if he does win the Oscar it will be a combination not only of this film but the accumulation of achievements which has seen him produce such a diverse body of work as Alien Vs. Predator and Magnolia. Truly a remarkable director.

As yet the nominations have not been published, but speculation is already rife that this will be a bumper year, though some commentators have also pointed to the possibility that The Interview might be nominated as a political gesture of solidarity with Sony.

The Oscars will take place on February 22, 2015 at the Dolby Theater, Hollywood. 

SONY GREEN LIGHT THREE NEW KIM JONG-UN BIOPICS

HOLLYWOOD – Sony are rushing three biopics about the life of our glorious leader Kim Jong Un, the Supreme Commander of North Korea, into production in the hope that this will appease the Guardians of Peace.

A spokesperson for Sony said that they had known nothing about The Interview and don’t even think it actually got made. She told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

You know Seth and James both toke the medical marijuana, so there’s a good chance they just smoked the budget and stayed in bed and then pretended to do the film. Those production stills look like Photoshop to me. Anyway that’s all bridge under the water now. What I want to talk about is how excited and thrilled we are to be making something that is finally going to give the world a more balanced view of Kim Jong-Un who, here at Sony, we revere kind of like a God.

So what films are in production?

We have Young Jong. This is going to be a co-production with Pixar and will feature the voice talent of Zac Efron as the Divine Leader when he was only a child. Here we’ll see how Jong was worshipped by his classmates and teachers and how he helped an old man fly a house with balloons.

That sounds like Up.

Yeah, we used some of the Up footage and out takes, but in this version the old man will largely be a passenger and it’s Jong-Un who does everything, as actually happened in real reality.

What else you got?

Next up we have Daniel Day Lewis in a new film directed by Steven Spielberg called Jong-Un. This is more a worthy historical biopic which will show Jong-Un in the crisis period of his life when his father was on the verge of death.

Will Daniel Day Lewis be employing his usual method technique to portray Jong-Un?

He already has been. You remember this year when no one had seen Jong-Un for a few months and then he came back but he was limping… well, I better not say anything else, but he was limping with his left foot, if you catch my drift.

Got it. And finally…?

And finally we have The Expendables 4. Kim Jong-Un has always been a big Sylvester Stallone fan and Stallone is making a new Expendables film but this time the ageing  mercenaries are called by a new charismatic leader to go to war with the evil empire of South Korea. Sylvester and Statham don’t have much to do in this film. They’re captured in the first act and it’s Kim Jong-Un who does all the fighting, killing literally millions and millions of people in an attempt to rescue them.

For more on  the Sony Hack READ HERE.

STEVE JOBS TO STAR IN AVENGERS AGE OF ULTRON

HOLLYWOOD – Former Apple chief and certified genius Steve Jobs will have role in Marvel’s Avengers Age of Ultron, Idris Elba revealed today.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Elba confided:

I can’t say too much because I’m already in hot water with Joss Whedon and Kevin Feige for shooting my mouth off. However, if you promise not to tell anyone I can tell you about the surprise star of the film, Steve Jobs.

Wow!

Yeah. Steve has been taken up by Ultron (James Spader) and his death faked and he’s been helping Ultron and his plans for world and indeed inter-galactic domination.

Who plays Jobs?

What do you mean who plays Jobs? Jobs. It’s Steve Jobs. The actual guy.

I don’t understand.

Just the same way Ultron faked Steve’s death, so Kevin Feige and the cats at Marvel did the exact same thing for the real Jobs and now he’s paying them back by appearing in the latest Avengers. This will be the best resurrection since Jesus or at least Bobby Ewing.

That’s whack!

I know. But Marvel is now an all powerful organisation.

So Jobs is like an evil henchman?

At the beginning yes. He’s like the brainy guy, but what he really does is take all of Ultron’s original ideas and spins them from a design point of view and then takes all the credit. Like in the trailer when Ultron says ‘No strings on me’, Steve gives him that line. He is a branding genius.

How does Steve feel about Christian Bale pulling out of the Aaron Sorkin scripted biopic?

That was all Steve’s doing. You see he has always wanted to play himself in the film, so he would appear at Christian’s bedside every night growling and cursing until Bale gave in. Now Steve will appear, but for the sake of secrecy they’ll say it’s Daniel Day Lewis or Michael Fassbender. Steve’s psyched about the movie because he loves Seth Rogen.

Avengers Age of Ultron will be released in 2015.

 

DAVID LYNCH TO DIRECT SHIA

HOLLYWOOD – Until recently it was Ron Howard’s dream project but a falling out with the studio about budgeting and disagreements on set with lead actor Daniel Day Lewis has led to Ron Howard being replaced by David Lynch as the director of Shia, the biopic based on the life of Shia LaBeouf.

With his interests in transcendental meditation and his new career as a recording artist, many inside Hollywood had given Lynch up as having gone into early retirement. His last film Inland Empire came out in 2006 and divided both critics and audiences. Since then the weirdness himself has been concentrating on promoting his meditation centre and making his hair approximate a question mark. So why the change of heart? Studio Exec asked when we caught up with David at the Chick-Fil-A at Venice Beach.

 

In Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac

‘For Shia,’ Lynch says, tucking into his homophobic bucket. ‘Shia LaBeouf isn’t just a man. Nor is he simply an actor. He’s the universe. He’s talking forwards, talking backwards, the Elephant Man, the dancing dwarf, the lady with the log, Dennis Hopper and Isabella Rosselini. He’s those big willy-looking worms from Dune. He is America. He is the Universe.’

But isn’t he quite young…?

‘He is youth, he is wisdom,’ says Lynch. ‘Shia is an actor who has galvanized a generation, mesmerized a nation, unified the universe. Did you see him in Lawless?’

But what about Daniel Day Lewis?

‘He’ll do,’ smirks Lynch.

For more on the early stages of Shia click here.

Shia will be released in 2015.

P.T. ANDERSON TO DIRECT MCDONALDS THE MOVIE










HOLLYWOOD – With filming complete on his upcoming crime thriller Inherent Vice, Paul Thomas Anderson confirmed this morning that his next project will be a picture based on the book The Golden Arches written by the heir to the McDonald’s fortune Reggie McDonald.
“It’s the ultimate American story,” said Anderson.

People moan about McDonald’s and claim they are this evil franchise responsible for creating obese children and paying slave wages but the way I see it nobody forces people to eat their products and nobody forces anybody to work there. They’re simply a business providing a service and if you decide to walk through the door of one of their outlets you are making a choice. Unfortunately we are cursed with a media run by middle class crybabies who blame the ills of society on corporations, banks and governments whilst they sit in their suburban houses eating sushi and occasionally going on protest marches if the weather is nice. They have no right to condemn a person or treat them as an inferior being because they purchase the odd Big Mac. I liked Reggie’s original title The Golden Arches but I didn’t think it was strong enough which is why my film will be called F*ck you, I want a Cheeseburger.

Anderson went on to say that he already has his cast in place.

Daniel Day-Lewis will play Ronald McDonald. He’s spent the last year working in a franchise in Oregonin full costume performing at children’s parties and entertaining the customers. He’s put on about twenty pounds as he was entitled to free lunches as an employee but he’ll work that off in no time. We also have Joaquin Phoenix on board as the Hamburlgar. He’s this crook whose sole aim in life is to steal burgers from kids and make them cry. He’s a real character but he’s also a metaphor for those whining liberals I was talking about.

Asked how his film will be funded Andersonwas honest and up front.

Well when I had the idea I was originally going to do a Kickstarter campaign but somebody at McDonald’s HQ got hold of the script and they loved it. They gave me 200 million dollars on the spot and a golden ticket which entitles me to free Happy Meals for life. I Xeroxed a copy, wrote ‘How do you like them Apples, asshole!’ and posted it to Morgan Spurlock.
 

F*ck you, I want a Cheeseburger is due to be released in 2015