TERRENCE MALICK’S BOND SCRIPT LEAKS ONTO INTERNET

HOLLYWOOD – Everyone knew that Terrence Malick‘s new James Bond film provisionally entitled The Tree of Wonderful Glory Bangs would be different.

With Leonard Cohen and Arvo Part collaborating on the theme song and Daniel Craig boning up on his Heidegger, the chances were Terrence Malick was going to head in a totally new direction. However, now with the leaking onto the internet of a 600 page draft of Malick’s finished script it has become clear that his Bond is going to be like nothing you have ever seen before. Read after the jump some choice extracts from the script.

EXT. PARADISE – DAY
Paradisial expanse of lush grassland. Dinosaurs and unicorns frolic.

EXT. WATERFALL – DAY

Water falls from a water fall. 

EXT. BEACH -TWILIGHT

M. walks towards camera past camera. Looks back wistful. She is dead and has therefore gone to the beach.

BOND (v.o.)
M? Mother? Who are you that sends me on these missions?
 
INT. LONDON WHITEHALL OFFICE EVENING

Bond sits at his desk looking thoroughly miserable. Miss Moneypenny comes in. No words. She dances around the room and together they discover the beautiful fall of the failing sun reflected on the wood paneling of the windowsill. They cry. 

MONEYPENNY (V.O.)
Why? Who sent us hear? Who invented this love that we call love but other people don’t call love and don’t love it as much as us lovers of love do? Was it you?

 

 
INT. CHURCH – MAGIC HOUR
Javier Bardem dressed as a priest.
PRIEST
Jesus is great. Really top class. 
EXT. VENICE
Bond admires the church architecture and takes note of the glittering sunlight on the canal water.
BOND (whispering)
Where am I? Who am I?
Venice explodes.
 
EXT. BEACH TWILIGHT
Bond dances past M on the beach.
M.
What happened?
BOND
What happens? Happens?
 
EXT. DINOSAURS
More dinosaurs. 
 
FINIS

The Tree of Wonderful Glory Bangs will be released in 2015.
 
   

BOURNE V BOND GREEN LIT

HOLLYWOOD – Following the success of Jason Bourne and Spectre, the world’s most famous secret agents and to appear in a new film provisionally entitled Bourne v Bond.

Matt Damon and Daniel Craig today announced in a joint press conference that filming is to begin this month on Bourne v Bond, the first mash-up of the Robert Ludlum and Ian Fleming characters, James Bond and Jason Bourne, since Quantum of Solace.

Matt Damon speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec had this to say:

Anybody watching Jason Bourne had to see that we’ve run out of steam. I mean the first Bourne film was good and then the second and the third were great but basically the same film done over and so what more is there that we can do? I was talking to Paul Greengrass and he asked what would happen if Bourne met Bond and that was the point where the lights seemed to come on.

Daniel Craig nodded, smiling:

We were at the same point. We watched Spectre and we thought, Wow! That looks really tired. It’s like we put all the fun stuff in the first ten minutes and then everything else was just m’eh! So when Matt and Paul called Sam and I were just knocked out. We met in a hotel the four of us and had a real story conference and what we came up with I think will be very exciting.

What did you come up with?

MD: In the broadest possible terms, it goes like this. Bond is sent after Bourne because British intelligence believe he is a threat to their national security, But it turns out Bourne has been framed by Spectre and Treadstone and Bond and Bourne must join forces.

So they’ll fight.

DC: Yes, they will. There’ll be real animosity there, but they realize at the last minute that both their mothers were called Martha.

MD: Isn’t that just…?

Amazing!

DC: Yes.

Bourne v Bond will be released in 2017.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

QUENTIN TARANTINO TO DIRECT NEXT BOND

HOLLYWOOD – Quentin Tarantino today confirmed that he will be directing the next James Bond, although it is still unclear who the next Bond might be.

Following the news that Sam Mendes won’t be directing the next James Bond outing, speculation has been rife as to who will take over the job of helming the most successful and long running cinema franchise in the history of film.  It looks like today that question has been answered with an EXCLUSIVE interview with Quentin Tarantino.

So Quentin, it looks like you got the gig.

I did indeed. It’s no secret that I wanted to direct a James Bond film since the very beginning of the Daniel Craig years. I laid out my ideas very clearly: Casino Royale but done in period and very faithful to the novel. They took on half of that idea but since then I’ve not stopped talking to Barbara [Broccoli] and the 007 team and when it became clear that Sam Mendes wasn’t coming back then I thought I could step in once more.

So what will be the story and who will be Bond?

Let’s be clear about this. Barbara runs the show. I’m gonna throw in my suggestions and I’m gonna write the script but the direction of the story, the casting and all of that is out of my hands. I’m pitching a remake of Thunderball. It’s the film that was done a couple of times and for various copyright reasons it was never really resolved. And as for Bond I like the suggestion of Idris Elba and I love Michael Fassbender, but if I really had carte blanche I’d have Samuel L. Jackson. He’s so good. I mean suave and dangerous.

What are the chances that Daniel Craig might stay on?

I don’t know. We need to have that conversation and I know that he’s really all about the script so I’d be eager to sit down and talk him through my ideas. But I can also tell him right now that there’ll be a lot more swearing and a bit less violence. But the violence will mean more if you know what I mean. And I want to put in the humor again, like the old Roger Moore Bonds.

Thundermotherf*ckingBalls will be released in 2018.

SNEAK PEEK OF JAMIE BELL AS 007

HOLLYWOOD – Following the revelation that English actor Jamie Bell will replace Daniel Craig as James Bond 007, an image was released onto the internet which is supposedly the first poster for the new James Bond movie: Jimmy Bond.

Jamie Bell has been confirmed to play an earlier incarnation of Her Majesty’s most secret agent, James Bond 007.

The film begins long before Casino Royale when James Bond was simply Jimmy Bond, just another boy in the prep school, with dreams of espionage and ballet. But mainly espionage.

Jimmy Bond first apeared as a character int he Peter Sellers parody Casino Royale and was played by Woody Allen, but the new version of the Bond character is to be taken seriously according to writer Paul Haggis:

We’ve been playing for years with the idea of putting a younger Bond on screen. Charlie Higson wrote some really interesting Young Adult novels with the young Bond, but we’re going to do something different. This is going to be the first James Bond song and dance film and I think it’s about time. Bond won’t be dealing with Spectre and SMERSH but instead, a batey headmaster and a couple of bully wags in the cloister pantry.

Jimmy Bond will be released in 2018.

 Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

DANIEL CRAIG TO BE PART-TIME 007

HOLLYWOOD – In a ‘turn up for the books’, James bond 007 actor Daniel Craig has revealed that he is to go ‘part-time’ as the most famous British secret agent.

Daniel Craig spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about his decision to dial down his commitment to James Bond.

I’ve been a full time James Bond for eleven years more or less. The hours are killing me. So I talked to Michael Wilson and Barbara Brocoli and we decided that I could ease off a bit.

How does that work?

I’m going to do three days a week and that will leave me more time to write my Scandinavian crime novels, do a bit of gardening and start prepping Cowboys and Aliens and Pirates with Jon Favreau.

Sounds great.

The screenwriters are going to put in a new character called Timmy Mallet and he’ll take up the slack for me. He has a large mallet and hits people on the head with it to hilarious effect.

That explains the title.

Yeah. So I’m sorry Mr. Hiddleston and Mr. Elba. You’re going to have to wait a little while longer.

Bond Meets Mallet will be released in 2018.

ALAN ALDA RULES HIMSELF OUT OF JAMES BOND

HOLLYWOOD – The rumors have reached a peak intenstity but Alan Alda gave what seemed like the definitive answer today: he would not under any circumstances be playing James Bond, 007.

With Daniel Craig’s tenure as the most famous British secret agent comes to a close, his replacement is becoming a hot ticket of discussion, but one name that was until now leading the pack has seen fit to rule himself out. Alan Alda told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that he would not be playing the role even if it were offered him.

It is always very flattering to hear yourself considered for a role but I believe it is unfair to an actor who is still playing that role to talk about it. However, such has been the furore and speculation, I feel it’s only right for me to come out and say without any equivocation that I will not be playing 007, James Bond either now or any time in the future.

But why?

Several reasons. First of all I’m not British and I believe that being British, or Irish in the case of Pierce Brosnan is kind of important. An American won’t get it. Shouldn’t even try. Look at what happened when they went with George Lazenby the Australian. It was a disaster.

I see. 

And the other reason is I just think I’m too old for the role.

Oh come on.

No, I know. The role has always called for a more mature actor, but I’m 80 and the role is very physical. I’m pretty fit but essentially .

Alan Alda will be appearing as Jason Bourne in The Bourne Nap.

HARRISON FORD’S EARRING WRITES TELL ALL MEMOIR

HOLLYWOOD – Han Solo and Indiana Jones star Harrison Ford is facing potential scandal as it was revealed that his earring is writing a scandal crammed memoir about his life with the star.

Harrison Ford’s earring has written a memoir of his life with the star and the Studio Exec has got EXCLUSIVE permission to publish the extracts here.

From Chapter One.

It was an ordinary day in Claire’s Accessories on Lexington Avenue. I’d been poked by a couple of Japanese tourists and discarded by a teenager who – by the ordure from his digits – had just been eating a taco. The other rings and I were gossiping about Tavora, the assistant, when who should walk in but Han Solo and his wife Melissa Mathison. Tavora reads gossip magazines out loud so we recognized the hunk from Force Ten from Navarone immediately. ‘Are you sure about this?’ Melissa asked. ‘Sure,’ Harrison said and without even looking he pointed to me and said ‘That one.’ The piercing was over in a jiffy and Harrison didn’t cry or yelp even. He actually sounded disappointed when he said it didn’t hurt.

From Chapter Six.

The divorce was difficult for all of us. I liked Clarissa, I really did and I do. But you have to understand the position I was in. I mean Harrison never took me out. I heard all the sweet nothings, the moans, the passion and late at night in the bathroom the weeping, the pain and regrets. It was a hard time for all of us. And it was our about then that the fungus infection started. Was it related to stress? I’m no doctor. I’m an item of jewelry, to paraphrase DeForest Kelley.

From Chapter Nine.

Daniel Craig was there and Jon Favreau. The’d been talking for over an hour and I got the feeling Harrison was uncertain to say the least. As was customary, he called time and went to take a leak. In the bathroom, he rubbed me gently. ‘Well, what do you say old Pal?’ he asked. ‘Shall we do it?’ I had been a lucky charm for him and now Harrison was asking me career advice. I told him straight. ‘The title stinks, the plot is uncertain and the characters aren’t well defined,’ I told him. He was angry. I could tell he wanted to do it. He reached up and began to take me out. ‘Noooooooooooooo,’ I shouted, but no one could hear my tiny golden voice.

From Chapter Eleven.

Of course there was no way of knowing how Jimmy Fallon would react and Harrison was a little nervous of doing the whole bit. Live TV is a different ball game but I whispered in his ear: ‘Make sure it hurts!’ And I heard an appreciative chuckle from the pilot of the Millennium Falcon.

Lobe Runner: Tales from Harrison Ford’s Left Ear by G. Ring (as told to Chad Sternberger) is available from all good bookstores.

ANDREW SCOTT CAUGHT IN ATTIC WEARING T-SHIRT

LONDON – Andrew Scott is photographed wearing a faded pink shirt in a dirty warehouse.

You might know him as Moriarty from TV’s Sherlock, or as the villain in Spectre, or Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, but Andrew Scott was reeling today at the revelation that he was wearing a pink t-shirt in an attic.

The evidence was published in the British newspaper The Independent and clearly shows the 39 year old actor sitting on a disused radiator, leaning on the windowsill of what looks like some kind of grimy warehouse. The Irish actor says that he was rehearsing a play, but critics quickly pointed out that as Scott was famous from being on television and in big budget films it simply wasn’t credible that he would be in a ‘play’ which is something that takes place in the theater, according to experts. In the photograph, he can be seen smiling weakly and wearing a faded pink t-shirt and jeans. His arms are folded in an attempt at nonchalance, but in his eyes a deep sadness brims to the surface, seeming to say ‘Why am I sitting on the windowsill of a grimy warehouse wearing this t-shirt? I’m so cold. So cold.’

His Hollywood co-stars were quick to defend him. Tom Cruise said that ‘Andrew is one of the most talented actors I’ve ever worked with. And if he wants to wear a faded pink t-shirt I say let him. I’m sure he was doing it to prepare for a role or something.’ Taking a break from taking a break from Bond, Daniel Craig said that the photograph was ‘typical Scott.’

 What you have to understand is that Andrew is a joker. Chances are you’ll see another couple of pictures of him wearing a fake fur coat and standing on a beach near a power station or something similar.

Andrew Scott will be appearing in The Dazzle.

DANIEL CRAIG TO WRITE SCANDINAVIAN CRIME FICTION

HOLLYWOOD – Daniel Craig has told a British broadcaster that he would rather write Swedish crime fiction than appear as secret agent 007 in a fifth outing of the James Bond franchise.

The interview took place in the run up to the new James Bond film Spectre, which will feature Daniel Craig in his fourth outing as the Spy who we love. He told the British television station ‘Sky’ that he was fed up with playing James Bond and would prefer to write Scandinavian crime fiction.

Daniel Craig said:

I first got into Swedish crime fiction when I was acting in the wonderful Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, directed by David Fincher. As you know Kirsty, I’m a method actor. Which means that I think about the role I’m going to play and then prepare myself to the best of my ability. In this case it was obvious that there was only one way I could play a Swedish writer and that was to become a Swedish writer. Of course the character was a journalist but he was also very close to Stieg Larsson and so I decided that if I wanted to play someone similar to Stieg Larsson I should write a crime novel. A Scandinavian one. So I wrote one.

Oh my God! And did you let anyone read it?

Of course, I did. It was a lot of hard work. First of all I decided that I didn’t want to be Swedish as that would be too close to Stieg and I didn’t want to produce what would basically be a photocopy. So I learned Norwegian and published in Norway under a pen name.

Wow! Was it a success?

I’ll say. It even got translated back into English which I thought was a bit galling after all the work it took me to learn Norwegian. I got my pen name from my pet rabbit (now deceased) who was called Jo Nesbo.

I think I’ve read one of those. 

Thanks, I hope you liked it.

And so this means no more James Bond?

I really feel that the time has come for me to concentrate on my writing. I would like to branch out and write in other languages as well. Italian perhaps or Russian. Or better still Japanese.

Spectre will be released on November 6, 2015.

 

EVERYONE PREPARES TO LOOK SURPRISED WHEN CHRISTOPH WALTZ TURNS OUT TO BE BLOFELD

HOLLYWOOD – James Bond fans have been preparing their surprised faces when the inevitable revelation comes that Christoph Waltz is actually playing Blofeld in the new James Bond film Spectre.

Although the makers are being coy about the casting of Christoph Waltz, the chances are everybody already knows that Christoph Waltz is playing the famous recurring Bond villian Ernst Stavro Blofeld, the head of the criminal organisation Spectre, from which the new film derives its title. James Bond fan supreme C. told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We’re all very excited about Spectre following the success of Sam Mendes’ Skyfall and because it is introducing a key element to the Bond mythology. The name being Spectre there has to be Blofeld. Blofeld has been played in the past by Donald Pleasance and Telly Savalas, among others, and we think that Christoph… I mean whoever plays him in this version will add an illustrious name to the gallery of Bond villains. It is going to be a real shock.

Fans of James Bond and Star Trek will be able to use the face they wore to watch Benedict Cumberbatch reveal himself to be Khan in Star Trek Into Darkness.

Spectre will be released in October, 2015.

MILEY CYRUS SINGS BOND SONG FOR SPECTRE

HOLLYWOOD – Pop star, VMA host and general hard twerker Miley Cyrus is to perform the theme song for the 24th Bond film Spectre, starring Daniel Craig.

Entitled You Didn’t Ex-SPECTRE, the music is by Thomas Newman who is also scoring the picture and the lyrics are by Miley Cyrus herself. It is the first Bond song she has done though she has been covering Octopussy in her live shows, even though there was never actually a song called Octopussy.

James Bond expert Michael Stevens told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

This is a great choice. Miley is young and fresh and controversial. She will bring a whole new demographic to the James Bond universe and her iconoclastic gutsy attitude chimes perfectly with 007.

The video, which is currently being shot, is to be directed by Joseph Kahn and will feature the main members of the Spectre cast – Daniel Craig, Christoph Waltz, Léa Seydoux, Monica Belucci and Ralph Fiennes – twerking with the former Hannah Montana.

Spectre will be released in October and Don’t Ex-SPECTRE should be released in the coming weeks.

 

FIRST LOOK AT CHRISTOPH WALTZ AS JAMES BOND IN SPECTRE TRAILER

HOLLYWOOD – The first look at new 007 James Bond Christoph Waltz arrived today in the new Spectre trailer.

The 24th Bond outing features Christoph Waltz as James Bond, Léa Seydoux as beautiful but deadly Bond girl Goldie Hawn, Naomie Harris as Miss Moneyeuro and Ben Whishaw as Q.  Monica Bellucci plays Italian lady and Ralph Fiennes plays Judi Dench.

Although there was some controversy about casting an Austrian James Bond Christoph Waltz himself was relaxed about the challenge:

James Bond has been Scottish, Welsh and Irish. Even Australian! Why not Austrian? After all it’s just a shorter version of Australian, ha ha ha ha!

Studio Exec remains the only film site to EXCLUSIVELY reveal the news of Christoph Waltz’s casting (CLICK HERE), while others continue to speculate that the Inglourious Basterds star is actually playing Bond’s arch-enemy Blofeld. This makes absolutely no sense as Daniel Craig is obviously playing the villain with his cold eyes and weird ears.

Spectre will be released in October, 2015.

TERRENCE MALICK TO DIRECT BOND 25

HOLLYWOOD – Although Spectre hasn’t yet been released talk is already rife about the follow up Bond film, known simply as Bond 25.

Daniel Craig recently confirmed that he would be signing on for another two Bond films, which will make him the third most Bond of the Bond actors to have played Bond, after Roger Moore and Sean Connery.

A massive explosion of news on Bond 24 came with the confirmation that Terry ‘The Machine’ Malick will be taking on directorial duties for the latest installment of the most popular action franchises in cinema history. Malick first made his name with Badlands back in 1973 and then became notorious for the time between projects: there was a gap of some twenty years between Days of Heaven (1978) and The Thin Red Line (1998). 

Daniel Craig greeted the announcement with some confusion: ‘Are you sure?’ he asked. However, the producers have made a habit of taking directors from smaller independent films and giving them the reigns: Sam Mendes being the latest example of this.

Although Malick has not himself commented on this latest project, a spokesperson close to him said that ‘Terry is looking forward to exploring 007’s spiritual dimension. There will be guns, gadgets and girls, but there will also be whispered voice overs imploring an ineffable god for signs of grace as well as magic hour photography and perhaps even a dinosaur or two.’


Estonian composer Arvo Part has also been added to the team to provide a stirring minimalist soundtrack. The film is not due for release until at the earliest 2016 and so time enough for Terry (at his current rate) to make another 6 or 7 films.

THE QUEEN TO PLAY HELEN MIRREN IN BIOPIC

LONDON – Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom is to make her acting début starring as actress Helen Mirren in a new biopic of the actress’s life called Mirren.

Buckingham Palace released a press release earlier today that included a personal statement from the Queen herself. 

One reaches a moment in one’s live when one realizes that some things have passed one by and through no one’s fault but one’s own, one has got into something of a rut. Last summer one had the opportunity to appear in a short film directed by Mr. Danny Boyle and co-starring the scrumptious Daniel Craig as part of the Olympics opening ceremony. One was pleased to do one’s bit but then one realized that one had been bitten by the acting bug and so when Mr. Stephen Frears telephoned and asked one if one would appear as Dame Helen Mirren one leapt at the chance. Dame Helen has played one both on-stage and screen, most successfully in a film called The Queen. So it feels fitting that one’s début should be to return the favor.     

Dame Helen Mirren was unavailable for comment but friends close to the actress says that she was highly annoyed by the development, believing it to be disrespectful to her high status to be portrayed in a film.

Mirren will be released in 2016.