HOLLYWOOD – Reports claim novelist and author of The Da Vinci Code and Inferno Dan Brown does not actually exist.

Dan Brown is an invention of the Rosicrucians. The novelist, whose books have been turned into the increasingly unsuccessful film series with Tom Hanks, was created sometime in the Middle Ages.

Brown scholar, Abel Fisting told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I first studied Dan Brown at Brown University, which few people realize is actually named after Dan Brown. The Papacy had sunk into a series of scandals in the Middle Ages. There were even rival popes at one point and the general status of the church was at an all time low. The Rosicrucians needed someone to be interested in a church-wide conspiracy that didn’t involve pedophilia and so they invented Dan Brown. He has been around for over seven hundred years, give or take. First he was involved in the Mary Celeste, then the Jack the Ripper murders as well as accidentally sinking the Titanic as ‘a lark’.

And more recently?

He has been publishing these novels which talk about some sort of secret world behind the world. However, the fact is the real conspiracy is the idea that anyone really wants these movies to be made. It only makes sense if you realize that both Tom Hanks and Ron Howard are Rosicrucians.


I don’t know, they might be.

Inferno is out now.