HIDDEN GEMS: 27. GHOSTBUSTERS

Hidden Gems brings to light little known film gems which have somehow slipped through the collective cinematic consciousness. You’re welcome.

If there’s something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? Ghostbusters.

Everybody loves Ghostbusters.

Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones starred in the iconic 2016 supernatural comedy, packed with thrills and chills. But did you know that the movie is actually a ‘remake’?

No? Don’t sweat it nobody does.

Released in 1984, the original Ghostbusters starred Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis as three paranormal investigators. They enter the private sector as ‘ghostbusters’ and Sigourney Weaver is a client who finds herself possessed by an ancient deity.

Although the special effects are very dated and the acting doesn’t stand comparison, the film does has a certain 80s charm. This is mostly due to Rick Moranis, an actor who bestrode the decade like a comic colossus. And then mysteriously disappeared to dedicate his life to being Canadian full-time.

Nowadays, it is very difficult to watch without making comparisons with the later definitive version, but the caper has more than a curiosity value. It is worth rediscovering as a ‘hidden gem’.

For more Hidden Gems CLICK HERE.

STEVEN SPIELBERG USES AIR QUOTES WHEN TALKING ABOUT INDIANA JONES 5

HOLLYWOOD – Steven Spielberg uses air quotes whenever talking about Indiana Jones 5, it was revealed today.

Jaws and Lincoln director Steven Spielberg always uses air quotes whenever discussing Indiana Jones 5. The revelation came from Spielberg’s close friend Dan Aykroyd.

It’s the weirdest thing. Whenever he talks about the next Indiana Jones film, he uses this quote gesture with his fingers. He said to me the other day that Indiana Jones would be “released” in 2019. He was “working” on the “script” and Harrison Ford was very “excited” about the “idea”.

So he might not actually want to make the film?

I asked him about it and he told me that when Peter Jackson talks to him about Tintin Jackson does the same thing. So he just picked it up as a useful habit.

What does George Lucas think?

George Lucas “thinks” we’re going to make the “Movie”.

Indiana Jones 5 will be released in “2019”.

BLUES BROTHERS 3: JACK BLACK AND BEN STILLER HIT THE ROAD

HOLLYWOOD – Jack Black and Ben Stiller are putting on the suits, the hats and the sunglasses to play one of the most iconic pairings in movie comedy ever formed: The Blues Brothers 3.

Following a lackluster sequel in 1999 – Blues Brothers 2000 – starring Dan Aykroyd and John Goodman, this time around the comedy genius of a new generation is going to be applied to the story of Jake and Elwood Blues. Studio Exec’s recent columnist Jack Black spoke exclusively to the site:

It’s so exciting, because I don’t know if you know this, but I really dig my music – what with Tenacious D and all. So here I will be doing comedy and music together.

Are you at all nervous about following John Belushi’s lead?

Oh no. Listen, I’m not playing Jake. I’m playing Elwood. Ben Stiller is going to play Jake.

Oh, right.

Yeah. This is how we’re going to mix it up. You see everyone will think I’ll be playing Jake because I’m you know a little heavy. But when we appear on screen and the audience realize I’m actually playing Elwood… They’re going to have a heart attack they’ll be laughing so hard.  

What songs are you going to be singing?

Time has passed and Blues is no longer carrying the cultural cachet it once did. So we’re going to be more into Rn’B: Whitney Houston, Gloria Estafan, we’re hoping to get Rihanna and Beyoncé on board as well.

That sounds…

Keeping it real.

The Blues Brothers 3: Gettin’ Funky Witcha will be released in 2017.

MAN ANGRY AT GHOSTBUSTERS REMAKE STARTS CRYING

HOLLYWOOD – A bunch of men who are furious at the all female remake of beloved mediochre comedy Ghostbusters have started weeping, it was revealed today.

As the day draws close that will see the release of the Ghostbusters remake starring Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones, men very angry have started to go to the bathroom to have little cries.

Ted Nungent told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

It’s not fair. They ruin everything, with their dresses and periods. It’ll probably end up being like some kind of tea party.  I know that if I catch myself having a few sniffles it isn’t my fault. So sometimes I just go somewhere quiet all by myself and bawl my eyes out.

Stephen Baldwin was also furious, but frustrated as to where he put his anger his voice broke into a tremulous whisper and he blinked away the streaming tears:

Ghostbusters for most men of my generation was our Vietnam. And to remake it with ovaries and vulvas and useful nipples… it’s like you’re spitting on the memory of all those men who died making Ghostbusters and Ghsotbusters 2.

Dan Aykroyd, who starred in the original film, said that he sympathized with the reactions of some men.

I’ve seen the movie and I know it is really good, but I understand how meaningful Ghostbusters is to many men and anyway we all need to cry. I remember when we made Dragnet – I cried all year. I was dehydrated I cried so much.

Ghostbusters will be released in July.

5 EASTER EGGS IN THE GHOSTBUSTERS TRAILER

HOLLYWOOD – The new Ghostbusters movie got its first trailer this week and the internet did a back flip and two treble double nelsons in delight.

The Studio Exec watched the new Ghostbusters remake with some trepidation and was ready to find all the Easter eggs and other goodies hidden in Paul Feig’s take on the classic 80’s paranormal comedy starring Dan Aykroyd and Bill Murray. We discovered the secret Easter Eggs and here they are. All five of them.

  1. The Ghostbusters are WOMEN! This is unbelievable. I mean… women! Talk about crossing the Goddamned streams.  Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy’s particle physicists join with Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones, the latter is not well educated but brings sass because she is ‘black’.
  2. There are no men Ghostbusters, but just women. Thor is a nerdy janitor!
  3. The women Ghostbusters get puked on by the Slimer, just to show that women can do the same sort of brain dead comedy gunk as the men.
  4. They drive an extremely similar car; the black actor is still the only non-scientist and graffiti is used to consign some sort of ‘street’ legitimacy to the whole proceeding. And I know this is not strictly legitimate and we haven’t seen enough to properly judge, but good Christ it really does look like comedy by committee and as funny as a very small coffin. These are talented people who are very creative and I’m sure that the film is going to be wonderful, but I do wish they were making their own film, their own idea, which would then be rebooted twenty years from now.
  5. There are no Easter Eggs. Easter Eggs are made of chocolate and there is often a gift or something inside. I watched the trailer three times and I’ll be buggered with a rusty rod if I found even one.

For more FACTS click HERE.

CORMAC McCARTHY’S GHOSTBUSTERS 3 SCRIPT

EXCLUSIVE – Read an EXCLUSIVE extract from Cormac McCarthy’s failed Ghostbusters 3 script.

American novelist and Counselor screenwriter Cormac McCarthy new version of Ghostbusters 3 was ultimately rejected but the Studio Exec have got our hands on the first draft which (interestingly enough) was written in crayon.

 

INT. FIRE STATION. NIGHT.
A phone rings in the desolate waste of the night. A man. A man answers the phone.

VENKMAN

Hello.

HOTEL MANAGER

You know what there is?

VENKMAN

No. I don’t know.

HOTEL MANAGER

It’s a ghost. There’s a ghost. And I thought, I thought, who am I gonna call? Then it came to me. I’m gonna call Ghostbusters. 

VENKMAN

What did you do next?

HOTEL MANAGER

This is it. This is me. Now. Calling Ghostbusters. This is Ghostbusters, right?

VENKMAN

Only in a deeply painful way. But yes. I suppose it is.

EXT. NEW YORK STREET. NIGHT.
The famous Ghostbusters mobile drives with the siren wailing and the light flashing.

FADE TO BLACK


INT. FIRE STATION. NIGHT.

Venkman, Ray and Spengler sit. They are covered in slime and look exhausted and distressed by the moral efficacy, or otherwise, of their deliberations.

VENKMAN

The Ghost.

SPENGLER

Busted.

RAY

You got slimed Peter. Aren’t you cold?

VENKMAN

The truth has no temperature.

RAY

I don’t understand. Are you cold or not?

VENKMAN

In a word, ‘women’.

SPENGLER

No, I still don’t get it.

VENKMAN

Just get me a towel.

He pauses for the laughter he will never hear. Ray passes him a towel. He fails to use it.


FADE TO BLACK


FIN

Ghostbusters 3 will be released in 2017. 

NEW ENTRY INTO GHOSTBUSTERS UNIVERSE

HOLLYWOOD – Sony have announced they will be releasing three films into the ‘Ghostbusters Universe’: an all female one, a male prequel and one featuring an animated dragon, ‘you know, for kids’.

An insider (not Amy Pascal) told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We’re very excited about the possibility of genuinely exploring all the different aspects of the Ghostbusters Universe. Of course, we had the animated series already. We just thought that was like a spin off thing for the kids, but it turns out we were universe building even back then.

Can you tell us anything about the new film?

Of course, How to Train Your Ghost Dragon will see Venkman Jr. befriend a ghost dragon which his dad and his pals are trying to bust. Venkman Jr. learns to fly the ghost dragon and in the end there is a mutual understanding as the two outsider find a common bond, protecting New York from another ghost who really is a bastard.

How did you come up with the idea?

Well, we were in talks with Dreamworks about doing a co-production on something and they had this script for How to Train Your Dragon 3, but they weren’t 100 percent happy with it. They felt the quality was really falling off and it was going to be difficult to hook audiences for the third time around. Then someone – and to this day we don’t know who – said Ghostbusters, really quiet like. It was magical, we all actually heard a ca-ching! sound like God was blessing us. With money.

How to Train your Ghost-Dragon will be released in 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE IS ACTUALLY 46

NEW YORK – Following the much celebrated 40th anniversary of Saturday Night Live, it was revealed today that SNL like many in show business was lying about its age.

Although the official biography states that the popular Saturday evening sketch show from New York was first broadcast on October 11, 1975, the Studio Exec can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that the show had in fact been running six years prior to its official broadcast date. TV critic Harold Palstien spoke to Studio Exec:

Of course everyone remembers the 1975 show with John Belushi, Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd. What they don’t remember is that originally the show was produced with a different cast and Lorne Michaels was desperately trying to garner favor with an older demographic. In 1969 Saturday Night Live debuted with Trevor Howard, Gregory Peck, David Niven and Roger Moore. They were all fine comedians in their own way, but they just didn’t gel. Later Peck would make the hilarious Omen, but it was obvious he wasn’t read for the sketch show format and didn’t really understand it. Howard was drinking very hard at the time and it was affecting his performance. And David Niven had decided rashly to improvize and refused to learn any of the material.

The New York Times reviewing the show called it ‘By far the worse thing to happen to my eyes, since I was stabbed in one of them by a sharp pencil in 1954. And that at least had the positive side effect that it didn’t have to submit to the indignity of SNL.’ However, others believed that the vintage show was ‘much better than when Dana Carver or Eddie Murphy were in it’, as Mike Myers wrote

Saturday Night Live continues.

DAN AYKROYD’S VODKA IS ‘SALTY WATER’

NEWFOUNDLAND – Ghostbuster, Blues Brother and now spirits manufacturer Dan Aykroyd has been accused of bottling and selling salty water and labelling it as vodka.

The accusation came after years of trade as Dan Aykroyd secretly formulated a recipe for what he called the purest essence of vodka in 2007. Packaged in a crystal skull in honor of the one bad Indiana Jones film – Aykroyd appeared briefly in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom – the transparent liquid was labelled as being pure additive free vodka, which was also gluten free and certified kosher.

Vodka aficionado Mary Stopes said:

At first we of the vodka community were blown away that Ghostbuster and Blues Brother, Dan Aykroyd was deigning us with his presence. No one wanted to criticise him, despite the fact that his crystal skull vodka was really salty and no one seemed to get drunk when they drank it. You have to understand that vodka experts tend to me quite lonely people with really unhealthy lifestyles, so any shred of glamour we can get we pick up with both hands. We’ve been drinking his salt water for years now, but finally it’s time we joined together and said, Dan, this isn’t vodka. It’s possibly sea water, or it could be water you cooked your pasta in.

A close associate of Aykroyd anonymously stated that ‘Dan is a follower of homoeopathy and believes that the memory of vodka exists somewhere in the salty water. That means you can gain the same effects of vodka but without the sclerosis. And you can drive!’

Since this article was published everything it contains has been found to be untrue and potentially ruinously libellous. 

 

INTERSTELLAR: FIRST REACTIONS

HOLLYWOOD – Following the first screenings of Christopher Nolan’s new science fiction epic Interstellar the first reactions from the internet are in and we have collected them.

Generally speaking the reaction from the celebrities who have seen the film have been overwhelmingly positive. For example, Gordon Ramsey tweeted ‘F*cking great f*cking science f*cking fiction film, Chris!’ and Fox News’ Doctor Manny tweeted ‘Interstellar cures cancer AND herpes’.

Here are some other responses gathered EXCLUSIVELY by the Studio Exec:

Christopher Nolan’s new film Interstellar was so good it made me want to JUMP!

Dave Lee Roth

WTF! Casey Affleck is in  this? When did that happen?

Ben Affleck

One of the funniest films I have ever seen. Nolan is a master.

Adam Sandler

Interstellar is a deeply religious film. Truly spiritual and Christopher Nolan must be applauded for actually spending so much time in space to make this.

Sarah Palin

Interstellar sh*ts on Gravity. From a height!

NASA

Matthew McConaughey is awful. Embarrassing really.

Woody Harrelson

I should have used more tuba.

Hans Zimmer

Good to see it done well and not have to think about Ghostbusters 3. Which will be out in 2016.

Dan Aykroyd

Okay Chris. I give up. You’ve got the job.

God

SEAN PENN TO PLAY DAN AYKROYD IN BELUSHI

HOLLYWOOD – Following the announcement earlier today that Emile Hirsch will be playing the title role in the forthcoming John Belushi biopic, Beneath the Toga, directed by Steve Conrad, it was also revealed that Sean Penn would be stepping into the shoes of that other Blues Brother Dan Aykroyd.

The two actors have acted together before in Milk and Penn directed Hirsch in his true story film, Into the Wild. However, this time Penn says he will be glad to take second billing as the Canadian who stood next to John Belushi.

I’ve watched Emile from afar and from close up and I can tell you that he is multi-talented and will blow all the doubters out of the water. Many people have been saying: Emile Hirsch? John Belushi? Really? Well now they’re going to be saying: Sean Penn? Dan Aykroyd? Really? So things are changing.

As well as being in smash hit films like 1941 and Neighbors, Belushi was also quietly producing art house turns in such indy classics as Animal House and, with Aykroyd The Blues Brothers. “I have the accent perfect,” said Penn. “And now I need the look.”

Earlier, Emile Hirsch commented that he was attracted to the role of Belushi because of the number of pizza pies he will be allowed to eat as preparation. 

Beneath the Toga  will be released in 2014.

HOLLYWOOD LEGENDS: IS JAMIE LEE CURTIS AN HERMAPHRODITE?













The Legend

Jamie Lee Curtis was born with both male and female genitalia.

The Truth

It’s none of your business. Why do you even care?

So what if she’s got a 12 inch cock. Or a 12 inch vagina for that matter. Would photographic evidence make you reassess your sexuality because you got an erection during her topless scene in Trading Places? Does the thought of a penis dangling a few inches below the most perfect tits in the known universe somehow sully their natural beauty? The fact of the matter is Jamie Lee, chopper or not, gave a generation of boys and girls a gift that goes beyond biological quirks. A gift that has been paused, rewound and replayed in billions of homes the world over. 

Her breasts have influenced and continue to influence anyone who has been exposed to them and though many years have passed since that glorious day, sometimes I still find myself gazing wistfully at the moon, hoping against hope that she blesses us with another gratuitous boob shot. Sure she did it in the Tailor of Panama but the camera didn’t linger and the lighting wasn’t up to much and yes there’s a couple of blink-and-you’ll-miss-them moments in Blue Steel and Mother’s Boysbut compared to Trading, there is no comparison. In fact, I own a copy of a written confession which states that High Definition was invented just so the people behind the technology could see Jamie Lee disrobe in front of Dan Aykroyd in crystal clear vision.

It’s probably my favourite scene of all time and I’d stand on Lars Von Trier’stable with my boots on and say that.

GHOSTBUSTERS 4 GREEN LIT

HOLLYWOOD – Grab your Proton Packs because The Ghostbusters are back!

The Studio Exec can exclusively reveal that a brand new live-action Ghostbusters film will start shooting later this year and the long-awaited sequel will be released in December 2014. Ivan Reitman will once again be at the helm and the entire original cast WILL be returning, INCLUDING Bill Murray!

But, there’s a catch. The film will be Ghostbusters 4, NOT 3.

Confused? 

Dan Aykroyd explains:

We spent far too much time trying to come up with a good idea for a third film that everyone could get behind and commit to. But we just couldn’t agree on a story. Bill was in, then he was out, then he was in again, then he was out again. And frankly none of us wanted to go ahead unless everyone was fully on board. But then Ivan and I came up with a fantastic idea for a FOURTH instalment which everyone simply loved, so we’re going to go ahead and do that instead.


Ghostbusters 4 Ever will tell the story of the old team (Venkman, Stantz, Spengler and Zeddmore) planning for their retirement and taking on the challenge of training in their young, fresh-faced replacements. No official word on casting yet but Aykroyd hinted that Bradley Cooper, Liam Neeson, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson and Sharlto Copley are strong contenders for the roles. Jessica Biel is also rumoured to be playing the role of the Ghostbusters’ new young secretary and Patrick Wilson is the hot contender to play the villain.

When we pointed out to Aykroyd that this was the exact same cast as 2010’s The A-Team, he replied, “Aw, shit. Really?”

Ghostbusters 4 Ever will be in theatres December 2014.

BILL MURRAY IS DEAD: STILL A QUESTION MARK OVER GHOSTBUSTERS 3

HOLLYWOOD – Sad news out of Hollywood today, Bill Murray – famous for Stripes and Caddyshack – died at 5:04 PM on August 10th, 1992.

Director Harold Ramis, speaking on behalf of the Murray estate, made the announcement today outside of Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles. According to Ramis, Murray died shortly after shooting ended on Groundhog Day when – after a few drinks – Murray grabbed the visiting Punxsutawney Phil, the famed groundhog and the animal viciously attacked him.

“Bill just laid there bleeding,” said Ramis, choking up. “He says to me ‘it can’t end like this, don’t let anyone know I was killed by a cuddly little animal.’ So we kept it quiet.” To continue the late actor’s career, Ramis turned to psychic and author Milton Angland, famous for his “End of the World” guest spot on The World of Psychics. Angland was able to contact the deceased actor at Ramis’s home, mainly in his bathroom.
“He used to scream at me while I was on the toilet,” Harold said.

 Capturing the actor on film was a greater challenge. The search for film stock ended up in Germany, after a tip from Sylvester Stallone’s agent. Inventor Henry Assenfurter created a nitrate parachromatic film stock. The stock is very expensive, which explains why its so hard for producers to get Bill Murray in their films. Ramis told reporters he was breaking his silence now in order to put an end to “this Ghostbusters 3 nonsense.”

The delay on the third entry to the Ghostbusters franchise has now been explained. However, although Murray’s participation now seems to be out of the question, Dan Aykroyd insisted there still was hope. “Come on, people,” said an inebriated Aykyroyd. “He’s a ghost ghost buster. It’s perfect!”