DONALD TRUMP MAKES AMERICA GREAT AGAIN

NEW YORK – Donald Trump has already gone some way to fulfilling his promise to make America great again, having bought Gerry Beckley and Dewey Bunnell new guitars.

The front-runner for the Republican nomination and former reality star Donald Trump today announced that he had already begun to make 1970s rock group America great again, thus beginning to fulfill a central campaign promise. He came over to Exec Tower to tell us what was going on:

We’ve bought them new guitars. They’re beautiful guitars. I’ve talked to my good friend Billy Joel and he along with Huey Lewis and perhaps Cyndi Lauper if she’s not on the rag are all going to write some new songs for the boys. We want America out there performing new material. Not just rotting away on the nostalgia circuit churning out the old hits ‘A Horse with no Name’ and ‘Ventura Highway’.

But when you said you were going to make America great again, you were referring to the country?

What country? America’s a continent for a start so that doesn’t make sense. And it’s a continent that includes Mexico. You think it’s my job to make Mexico – the country where rape is a Saturday afternoon sport – better again? Is that what you’re saying?

I suppose not.

I was very clear. And Now people will see that even before I’m president I’m making changes. We’ve bought the boys new guitars, I have top stylists changing their look. They can do a single with Rihanna and Kanye West, if he’s not busy looking after his compass family. America will be great again and it will all be to my credit, because as well as being a businessman of intense and articulate intelligence, I am also a rock Svengali.

Donald Trump is due to be president in 2017.