COOL HAND LUKE ‘THE SWEATIEST FILM EVER MADE’

HOLLYWOOD – Cool Hand Luke declared the ‘sweatiest film ever made’ by Lynx Underarm Deodorant.

Lynx Underarm Deodorant today announced that the sweatiest film ever made is Cool Hand Luke. The Paul Newman prison flick beat out tough competition from Das Boot and Apocalypse Now. A spokesperson from the underarm sweat busters, Martin Creamerton told the Studio Exec:

This was a tough one but in the end the combination of dust and heat and forced labour in the sweltering south made this a go to sweat fest. Perspiration pongs from the screen, whether they’re digging ditches, eating eggs, or watching that gal wash her car.

The choice was not without controversy, however. Many considered Spike Lee‘s Do the Right Thing a firm favorite and some harked back to the claustrophobic sweatiness of 12 Angry Men.

You are always going to have disagreements. But we here at Lynx like to think that this kind of award is about promoting discussion. Our word is by no means final. And yet we do use scientists who study things like droplets, stains and pores in order to come to a final verdict. In this way Stuart Rosenberg’s 1967 drama was a perfect score all along the line.

Asked for comment Spike Lee merely said: ‘Bullshit!’ and slammed the phone down.

Spike Lee’s new film Sweaty Ass MuthaFukkas is on Netflix in 2021.

THE STANFORD PRISON EXPERIMENT – REVIEW

THE STANFORD PRISON EXPERIMENT – REVIEW – As part of a sociology experiment, a group of volunteer students are placed in a mock prison and what happens next – in the words of Buzzfeed – will amaze you.

Billy Crudup plays Dr. Philip Zimbardo, a psychologist who wants to study the relationship of power and obedience. A group of volunteers are vetted and then paid $15 a day to participate in a two week experiment. Half are dressed as guards the rest are arrested on fictitious crimes and go through the process of institutionalisation, being stripped of their clothes, their individuality and their names. They have to submit to the authority of the guards, who – with no experience or training and with a general dislike of authority – quickly come to enjoy their roles. Although the choosing of guards and prisoners is decided on a coin toss, the guards are actually told that they have been selected on the basis of their performance in the interviews.

As the psychologists look on from the back room, the experiment quickly begins to run amuck. The good humor of the first prisoners sours as the guards insist on being taken seriously and when they are not reprimanded for overstepping some of the set rules – such as those restricting physical violence – they continue to push the boundaries of what they are allowed to do, depriving the prisoners of sleep, putting them in the ‘hole’ (essentially a cupboard) and forcing them to do exercises. The experiment itself seems out of control on a number of level. Not only are the participants apparently losing all control and potentially damaging themselves and each other, but the experimenters on the outside  begin to lose all perspective.

The brilliance of the film is this second observation. The actual experiment became hugely influential when the findings of Zimbardo were published and seemed to confirm a pessimistic view of humanity further enforced by the Milgram obedience study, during which volunteers were asked to increase the voltage while an actor screamed in the next room. The idea is that given a slight change in circumstances we will lose our refined social identities and revert back to barbaric and violent oppressors or submissive, mindless victims. However, this view is skewed by the corrupt version of the experiment itself. The prison regime is nothing like a real prison with improvised solutions standing in for the real thing: the prisoners wear dresses because Zimbardo believes that will represent emasculation. The guards themselves base their identities on the sadistic prison guards in movies – particularly Cool Hand Luke – a decision which ironically is founded in their own dislike of authority. They assume that prison guards are brutal fascists and so they play with that. And also the prisoners don’t all react the same. Although there is a quick submission, there are also sudden acts of insubordination. One of the late substitutes sees the whole thing as illegitimate from the very get go and refuses to play along.

This is director Kyle Patrick Alvarez’s third feature and shows a filmmaker at the height of his powers. He is sober and restrained and lets Tim Tabbott’s screenplay based on transcripts of the actual experiment play out. Whether the experiment actually has to say anything useful about power and submission is open to question, but the film putting the power of the experimenters into the equation certainly does.

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5 FILMS WITH EGGS IN THEM

HOLLYWOOD – I know what you are thinking. It’s Easter but what egg themed film am I going to watch?

Well, the Studio Exec FACT squad has been out on the prowl and has carefully selected five EGG themed films for your viewing pleasure. ENJOY.

1. Cool Hand Luke. During this prison drama Paul Newman’s eponymous inmate eats 50 eggs in one hour for a bet. However, because they needed to film from different angles and use different lenses and in addition because the light was failing, in actual fact Paul Newman had to eat 176 eggs in little over twenty minutes causing an explosive flatulence and lifelong bad breath. As a way of compensating for the bad breath, Newman invented salad dressing!

2. Alien. Possibly the film which gave eggs a bad name to such an extent that the International Egg Consortium called for a boycott of Ridley Scott’s film using the slogan, ‘In Space No one Can Hear You Defame a Genuinely Delicious Source of Protein.’ It was not a success. When asked about the famous egg sequence, actor John Hurt who played Kane, the unfortunate astronaut answered simply that he had never enjoyed Easter since.

3. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The word bad egg has a long history dating back to the Chinese emperor Boi Eg who was so tyrannical that the entire food stuff – eggs – were made illegal for three entire generations. But Veruca Salt in the original and only adaptation of Roald Dahl’s novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a bad egg and gets her comeuppance and is appropriately murdered off screen.

4. Sleeper. Perhaps the most erotic use of an egg ever committed to celluloid, Woody Allen’s 1973 futuristic comedy was the first film to use the egg as a substitute for scenes of oral sex, soon to be joined by Rocky and Ghostbusters. By the nineties it was such a common practice that the MPAA began to consider egg use as a rate-able offence.

5. Airplane. Nothing is funnier than an egg coming out of someone’s mouth and this 1980 comedy spoof delivered the classic egg/mouth joke first invented by Fatty Arbuckle with zany aplomb.

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THE TOP 5 SWEATIEST FILMS

BEIRUT –  The Summer is here and hot and in the spirit of all things listy The Studio Exec has sweated over this amazing list for literally minutes: The Top 5 Sweatiest Films Ever Made.

1. Cool Hand Luke. Paul Newman sweats in a chain gang; sweats against injustice (taking them off here boss); eats 50 eggs; sweats eggy sweat; sweats some more; (I wish you’d quit being so good to me Captain); smiles and sweats.

2. Spartacus. Kirk Douglas sweats; his Thracian crew cut sweats; his dimple sweats; his thighs sweat and Woody Strode and Tony Curtis sweat with him; Charles Laughton sweats in a toga; Jean Simmons doesn’t sweat at all because she’s too prim.

3. Das Boot. The German crew of a U-Boat sweats under the water during the Second World War (one of the sweatiest wars in world history); they sweat; Jurgen Prochnow sweats; they are under attack and sweat; they are bored and sweat and fart.

4. Alien. ‘In space no one can smell you pong’ read the tag line as Harry Dean Stanton, Yaphet Koto and Sigourney Weaver sweat it up big time, when a sweaty Alien sweats all over the shop.

5. Apocalypse Now. In the sweaty Vietnam War, Martin ‘sweat pants’ Sheen is so sweaty even his cigarette sweats as he goes down a sweaty river of sweat that Marlon Brando has sweated out, having gone rogue sweating his huge buttery ass off: the horror, the horror!

Have we left any out? Do you disagree? Feel free to use the comments below to add your thoughts. They’ll be deleted before you can hit enter. 

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