HOLLYWOOD – Steven Soderbergh to make sequel to celebrated disease movie Contagion.

The last few weeks Contagion director Steven Soderbergh has been very busy going from house to house telling Americans individually that he was right about a contagious disease coming from China. He phoned the Studio Exec at three o’clock Monday morning and just kept saying: ‘You see? Huh? You see?’ over and over again.

The recent news of the Coronavirus has inspired Soderbergh to make a sequel to the 2011 disaster movie, the events of which seem to mirror contemporary news. Gwyneth Paltrow watchers are on high alert to see if she shows any sign of coughing. She did once but that might have just been because of the candles that were lit close by. Potent candles. Overpowering.

Speaking of the new film Soderbergh said:

The last movie predicted everything so I’m right. Now with this movie I’m going to be right again. Call me Cassandra Soderbergh if you wish. I shan’t complain. In this new film, Matt Damon wins an Oscar for Contagion and I win all the academy awards as well, but a mysterious virus wipes out the entirety of Hollywood. And it’s just myself and Matt and everyone else is dead. And we just hand and watch movies and have a high old time. We watch Sex Lies and Videotape, which amazingly no one watches anymore. Why is that? Did I mention that Quentin Tarantino also dies. Really horribly. Liking coughing and spewing and crying his eyes out.

That sounds…

Yeah I know.


Well, I forgot the last act.

Okay what happens then?

The Studio Exec comes along and writes some stupid shit and then he dies.


Coughing and spewing and crying…

His eyes out. 

Oh you’ve already read the script?

Contagion 2: Coronavirus will never see the light of day.