MAN OF STEEL LAWSUIT ISSUED

HOLLYWOOD – A lawsuit has been issued against ‘director’ Zack Snyder and producer Christopher Nolan to immediately cease and desist promotion of the movie/film/cinematic product Man of Steel, a trailer for which has recently been released and which is due to hit screens on June the 14th, 2013.

The lawsuit was issued for copyright breach and plagiarism and was issued in the name of DC Comics by Mr. Arron Sucklenet.

‘I’ve been keeping my eye on this Man of Steel malarkey, the posters and all,’ said Sucklenet. ‘With everything I saw, my suspicions grew, but once I saw the trailer, the second one that is not the one Terrence Malick directed, the second one, I knew I had to act. Man of Steel is just a cheap rip off of Superman. There’s the badge, the costume – stuff with the school bus? fuck that, I don’t know what that’s about – but then there’s even the Fortress of Solitude.’

Mr Sucklenet has previously sued Christopher Nolan on behalf of the Bob Kane estate when he claimed The Dark Knight was actually a Batman film! The case was settled out of court and many were expecting Sucklenet to reappear when The Dark Knight Rises was released, but he said: ‘That was obviously not Batman. I mean, seriously.’


With Man of Steel, Sucklenet claims to have an unanswerable case: ‘They’ve tried to throw stuff in to cover their tracks. Noah turns up for instance which is not in the original comic book, but I think even a child could see Man of Steel is Superman.’


Zack Snyder and Christopher Nolan were both washing their hair and thus unable to comment.

MARVEL GIVE UP FILM PRODUCTION

HOLLYWOOD – In a shock move that has brought cries of almost physical pain from the geek-i-verse, Marvel Studios have said that once they’ve released Thor: the Dark World ‘that’s your lot’.  

The sequels to The Avengers, Hulk and Captain America have already halted pre-production, or production and the film that had already been shot has been deleted and/or burnt.

Kevin Feige explaining Marvel’s decision tried to put a positive spin on it:

The fact is we’re kind of grown up adult men and we were walking around the production offices looking at all these drawings of people in costumes and all these scripts of inflated power fantasies, and we just thought Jesus Christ, I think it’s time we all grew up.

News comes only seconds after Disney said that they were abandoning plans to release any Star Wars pictures ‘because – really? – does the world need another Star Wars product? Really? I mean, are you shitting me.’

A psychiatrist who works seven days a week in the film industry, Dr. Habberon Stykes has argued that a problem of ‘franchise fatigue’ is striking down executives and producers at the highest level of the production process:

What we have is these often very intelligent men and women – who am I kidding? – men. Anyway. They get to be in their forties and they look back and they just see all they’ve been doing for their adult lives is exactly what they were doing as children, but much more expensively.

So what are the plans for Marvel Studios now? Kevin Feige said, ‘We’re currently working on a series of documentaries that are going to go into the corrosion of worker’s rights in America. We want to bring this out at Christmas where we’ll be going head to head with Disney’s new film The Syrian Civil War: Why You Should Care?