REGINALD PERRIN THE MOVIE BEGINS SHOOTING

HOLLYWOOD – The Exec can exclusively reveal everyone’s favorite ‘he who must not be named’ is to starring in Reginald Perrin The Movie. Ralph Fiennes has started shooting Reginald Perrin The Movie in London, with Charlie Kaufman directing. We spoke with Ralph Fiennes about the project.

Ralph, What Drew You To Reginald Perrin The Movie?

People say I look like Leonard Rossiter. That’s about it, really. Oh, and the money was good.

Was That It?

At first, yeah. But then they got Charlie on board to direct it. So it went from a low budget remake of a beloved 70s British sit-com to some kind of meta upon meta, upon meta version of Leonard Rossiter’s life. Honestly, I haven’t got Scooby Doo what’s going on now. But then Netflix came on board. So therefore the budget shot up, as did my fee. Happy fucking days innit!

Can You Tell Us Anything About The Changes From The 70s BBC Version We All Know?

I’ll try, but you know, it’s a Charlie Kaufman movie so who the fuck knows what’s going on. It’s pretty much the same up until the point Reggie fakes his own suicide. He then comes back as Leonard Rossiter and auditions for 2001: A Space Odyssey. The script then keeps changing between Reggie’s and Leonard’s lives. They both judge each other with a melancholic, self-referencing, self-loathing irony. You know, standard Charlie Kaufman stuff. Everyone drifts away until it’s just them, sat in a room staring at each other as they discuss the merits of the Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais so-called comedy, Water. That was Leonard’s last film. I think Michael Caine has agreed to play himself.

Jesus.

Hey, you said it man. Nobody f- oh wait. Hang on, that’s the Coens, not Kaufman. My apologies. Wrong meta gag. Can you tell me what’s real please? I’m getting tired of Charlie’s shit.

Reginald Perrin The Movie Is Due Out Next Year

47 FILMS: 48. MILLER’S CROSSING

In our continuing series of 47 films to see before you are murdered in your dreams we present the Coen Brothers’ Miller’s Crossing.

What’s the rumpus? The Coen Brothers gangster movie Miller’s Crossing stars Gabriel Byrne as a fixer, bad gambler and all round heel Tom Reagan. Albert Finney is one boss holding the town as Caspar, an insecure up and comer ‘Don’t come the high hat’, challenges his authority, specifically asking that he do something about his girlfriend’s dodgy bookie, John Turturro. It doesn’t help that Marcia Gay Harden is also hooked up with Tom. Yikes. Loosely based in what would no doubt now be called the Dashiell Hammett universe, the Coens create a brilliant period piece and a gangster epic as brown as a worn gun holster and occasionally as golden as those glasses of whiskey seen through firelight.

All the performances are pitch perfect with Byrne in particular showing what a charismatic screen presence he is. And how woefully underused through the years. But it’s hard put to find anything that isn’t right in this movie. The wit and snap of the script with lines that fire and hit like bullets from a Tommy gun. Barry Sonnenfeld’s autumnal  cinematography and Edward Hopper framing. The confident direction – this was only the Coens third outing. There’s a postmodern knowingness but at the same time the overall quality and obvious love of the genre elevates the movie way beyond pastiche.

For more of our 47 Films to see before you’re murdered in your dreams CLICK HERE.

FIVE FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT ALDEN EHRENREICH

HOLLYWOOD – Five Facts you never knew about the new Han Solo Alden Ehrenreich.

Everybody knows Alden Ehrenreich from… is going to be the new Han Solo, but what do we really know about him. We sent the Studio Exec FACT group to collect a bounty on his head from Jabba the FACT.

One. Alden Ehrenreich invented the typewriter.

Two. Although he brushes his teeth, Alden Ehrenreich refuses to floss, calling it ‘a con.’ The American Dental Association condemned the actor’s controversial flossing comments, saying he had gone ‘full-Carrey’.

Three. The young Ehrenreich has already impressed a series of hard-hitters in Hollywood, working for the Coen Brothers, as well as Woody Allen, Steven Spielberg and someone called Francis Ford Coppola.

Four. When Alden auditioned for the role of the young Han Solo  for directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller, he won their respect by turning up to the studio dressed in Lego.

Five. For his role in Hail Caesar, Alden learned Latin. Wrongly.

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

JOHN GOODMAN CONFIRMED AS HAN SOLO

HOLLYWOOD – Disney today confirmed that John Goodman would be taking on the iconic role of Han Solo in a stand alone Star Wars film to be directed by Chris Miller and Phil Lord of Lego Movie fame.

Roseanne Barr’s husband and Barton Fink’s next door neighbor John Goodman is to take over from Harrison Ford as everyone’s favorite smuggler, Han Solo, in a new stand alone Star Wars film. Despite rumors that Alden Ehrenreich of Hail Caesar! has been cast in the role, Disney today confirmed that they were going with Goodman. A source from within Disney spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We wanted to go in a different direction. We wanted people to say ‘John Goodman as Han Solo? huh!’ And I think we’ve already achieved that.

But isn’t John Goodman too old to play a young Han Solo?

We always saw Han as a mature character. Even when he’s young he has a certain gravitas and a certain heft. You watch John Goodman in 10 Cloverfield Lane or Matinee and you’ll know exactly why we hired him. He’s in practically ever decent Coen Brothers film that there is. There’s a reason for that.

John Goodman himself phoned later this evening to offer his thoughts on becoming the pilot of the Millennium Falcon.

To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t like Star Wars. I find it a childish fantasy and I particularly hate the way the young people are being sold this regurgitated nostalgia for a time that they never themselves experienced. It’s like your parents forcing you to listen to Pink Floyd under some misapprehension that it’s good.

So why are you doing it?

Well, I read the script and… money.

Han Solo: 12 Parsecs to Fame will be released in 2019.

FRANCES MCDORMAND MARRIES SECOND COEN BROTHER

LAS VEGAS – ‘I’ve got the set,’ shouted an inebriated Frances McDormand from the steps of the small Las Vegas wedding chapel where yesterday she married her second Coen Brother, probably Ethan or Joel.

The Oscar winning actress has already been married to one of the Coens, Joel or Ethan since 1984, but decided she would like to have both sometime in 2006.

Hollywood observer Yank Mayhew said:

Bigamy is becoming the new skateboarding in Hollywood circles. Already you have Goldie Hawn married to Kurt Russell, Russell Crowe and Russell Brand. But McDormand has gone for the jackpot, adding a tinge of incest to the brew. 

Sources close to the Coen Brothers camp reported that the siblings were in fact ‘relieved’ because for some time now they had been unable to remember who was married to the Fargo star:

Genuinely confused

 It would be quite funny as a matter of fact, as they squabbled about it once Frances had left the room. When she came back, they waited for her to say something or make a gesture and then would use that as a clue. I’m afraid to say Frances exploited their confusion to basically go home with the one she wanted. 

All of us at Studio Exec would like to wish the happy trio all the best for the future.

Hail Caesar is on general release.

STEVEN SODERBERGH DOESN’T EXIST

HOLLYWOOD – In a stunning revelation today, it was finally admitted that the director and film maker Steven Soderbergh doesn’t actually exist.

The name ‘Steven Soderbergh’ was created by the Director’s Guild of America so that directors who were for some reason dissatisfied with the final film could remove their own name from the credits.

DGA spokesperson Sean Hannity said:

We had been using Alan Smithee but that was becoming too well known and they even made a film called An Alan Smithee Film, so we retired Alan and welcomed Steve to the job. 

The first film to feature the Soderbergh Identity – as it became known in the business – was veteran director Woody Allen. His Sex, Lies and Videotape had been an attempt to attract the youth market but when watching it he commented, ‘I couldn’t believe it. It was just full of these fools jabbering on and it was crazy. No one’s going to go for this. So the DGA said we have this new name and I said be my guest. But then it won at Sundance! So the egg was on my face.’

Following the surprise success of what Allen had dubbed Footloose without the songs, actor Tonka Marshall was hired to play the director in order to pick up the award and do the interviews as Soderbergh.

Tonka told the Studio Exec:  

I’d been Ronald McDonald for like three years and I was sick of it so when this gig came up I thought sure why not. It was only supposed to be a one off thing because of Sundance, but then the films people were using the name for kept being surprise successes and they wouldn’t let me go. I even grew a beard but they found me and took me back to the compound. 

Tonka goes solo

The Quentin Tarantino directed Out of Sight was followed by the Coen Brothers hugely disappointing Oceans 11.

‘Terrence Malick was the guy who used the name the most,’ says Hannity. ‘He did the Che films, Erin Brokovich, Contagion and Magic Mike, which was originally called To the Enormous Wonder of Magic Mike’s Tree of Life. Paul Greengrass used the name for his piss poor Bourne spin-off Haywire.’ 

Tonka continues:

It all became a bit much and a few years ago I decided to retire, I would really like t o write a novel, but they decided that they would still use me, like when that awful Clive Owen show The Knick came out, but it is really only on a part time basis.

Tonka Marshall’s I was Steven Soderbergh is now available from all good book shops.

LARS VON TRIER INFILTRATES CANNES JURY

CANNES – It was revealed today that Lars Von Trier has infiltrated the Cannes jury but it is as yet unclear which jury member has the Danish controversialist hidden somewhere within them.

The Croisette was on red alert last night as it emerged that Lars Von Trier has somehow managed to infiltrate the Cannes Jury. Presidents of the Jury Joel and Ethan Coen released a joint statement in which they both said that the Nymphomaniac director had been detected via special irony machines set up for that very purpose by the Gendarmes.

We knew something like this might happen. What we didn’t know was how clsoe he would get. We know he is actually inside one of the members of the jury. How he did this is as yet unclear, though our money is on a Fantastic Voyage type of shrinking machine.

Where could Lars Von Trier be?

Rossy de Palma (Actress – Spain)
She would make the perfect host. Utterly charming and unsuspecting and plus Von Trier would be attracted to the dusky southern lady.

Sophie Marceau
(Actress, Director – France)
Unlikely. Sophie is a waifish figure unlikely to hide the gross presence of the Breaking the Waves director.

Sienna Miller (Actress – United Kingdom)
Lars Von Trier might try to infect the impressionable American born but UK based actress. Would she have the will to resist his MIND POWERS?

Rokia Traoré (Composer, Singer-songwriter – Mali)
Although not strictly speaking a racist, Von Trier is a Nazi and so his Aryan nature is unlikely to mix well with the Malian singer.

Guillermo del Toro (Director, Writer, Producer – Mexico)
Perhaps the obvious place to look. The Pacific Rim director has room enough for a whole Dogma movement.

Xavier Dolan (Director, Writer, Producer, Actor – Canada)

Canadian prodigy Xavier Dolan has had a string of critical successes. How could one so young be so artistically mature? Perhaps if there was a great Dane lurking within the state of Xavier.

Jake Gyllenhaal (Actor – United States)

We all know how much Lars Von Trier loves Hollywood movies and none more so than the Prince of Persia. In many ways Gylenhaal would be the perfect place to find one’s very own private Brokeback Mountain.

COEN BROTHERS ‘ARE OUT OF CONTROL’

CANNES – The Coen Brothers might be the Presidents of the Cannes Jury but we reveal that their past is a hot bucket of slimy Hollywood scandal.

The Coen Brothers‘ consistent misbehaviour has been kept from the headlines by an unholy cabal of powerful agents, celebrity friends and studio heads, but a recent acceleration in debauchery could see the Serious Men – as they like to be known – facing criminal charges.
You might know them as the writer/directors whose quirky, witty and intelligent films have brought a delightful sense of entertainment that works as an antidote to the usual brainless multiplex crud, whether we’re smiling gently at ‘comedies’ such as O Brother Where Art Thou? or being thrilled by the genre exercises like No Country for Old Men.  But now Studio Exec  finally has the courage to reveal that the soft spoken due are actual a pair of wanton rascals whose horrific assault on every social taboo led Charlie Sheen to ask for a restraining order against them.

‘It’s like the Hell Fire club has been re-invented,’ a shocked looking Tim Robbins squealed. ‘When I was making the Hudsucker Proxy I asked what the title meant. So they showed me. I’ve never been so disgusted in my life. I spent the next three hours retching until there was nothing left but stomach lining and an old licence plate.’
A wife cleans up at the end of a cocaine party


So what have the brothers been guilty of:

  • When David Fincher was making Panic Room they turned up on set and sniggered at him until he made the film craply.
  • They insisted that the fake snow for Fargo be 70% pure cocaine and then they wouldn’t share, not even with their wives.
  • They told George Clooney that he could do comedy and encouraged him to make Leatherheads and then laughed in his face (the only laughter the film provoked incidentally. 
  • They once ate a traffic policeman. 
Comedy? Are you sure?
 
  • Lady Killers was made for the sole purpose of making Tom Hanks feel ridiculous. 
  • They often walk around Hollywood naked with Steve Buscemi and John Goodman on leashes.
  • William H. Macy was told that to prepare for the role of Jerry Lundergaard he would have to be chemically castrated. He was horrified at the end of filming to find out the scene had been removed from the script and he had burned his own penis for no good reason.
We can only hope that these revelations will serve to make the brothers think about their callous behaviour and perhaps even bring about some activity from the otherwise sluggish LAPD.

FIRST LOOK AT COEN BROTHERS’ HAIL, CAESAR!

HOLLYWOOD – The Coen Brothers new film starring George Clooney is not out until 2016 but the Studio Exec got an EXCLUSIVE first look at the film.

In the picture George Clooney can be seen playing Mark Antony opposite Channing Tatum as Caesar. The official synopsis reads:

 Mark Antony (George Clooney) is sent to Egypt by his best friend Julius Caesar (Channing Tatum) where he must negotiate on his behalf with the Egyptian Queen and Caesar’s former lover Cleopatra (Scarlett Johansson). A musical sex-comedy for all the family, featuring songs by Elton John and Karen O.

The movie is currently in production but voices from the set confirm that it seems to be taking its inspiration from the most successful entry in the classic British comedy series Carry On Cleo. Although not billed as a remake, reports suggest that the Coens have been wanting to make a Carry On film for decades. Insider George Clooney told The Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY and on condition of anonymity:

Both Joel and Ethan are huge Carry On nuts. Almost all of their films begin from a Carry On film and then kind of change of they go. The working title of Fargo was Carry On Wood Chipping. The Big Lebowski was called Carry On Toking. And No Country for Old Men was originally entitled Carry On Stealing Money from Mexican Drug Cartels. Amazing. I’ve even seen the original posters when the film still had that title. Worth a pretty penny these days.

Hail, Caesar! will be released in February, 2016.

MARK RUFFALO TO PLAY COLUMBO

HOLLYWOOD – Following a sustained and prolonged 24 hour Twitter campaign, Mark Ruffalo ceded to the will of the people and declared he would be playing Columbo in an upcoming movie, possibly scripted and directed by the Coen Brothers.

Mr. Ruffalo initially was caught off guard by the suggestion made in a tweet by Gary Whitta, a screenwriter famous for Book of Eli. Ruffalo said he had to finish another remake of Woman Under the Influence, in which he will also take on the Peter Falk role. This will be part of Ruffalo’s extended preparation process which saw him play Edward Norton off Broadway before essaying the Hulk in The Avengers.

Ruffalo, who appeared in Foxcatcher as the Incredible Hulk, spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

I’ve always been a huge fan of the television series. I thought Peter Falk was magnificent in his crumpled genius. He is an Everyman often finding crime in places where he is despised. I really can’t wait to get on the rain coat, practice my squint and say the immortal line, ‘Oh I almost forgot, just one more question.’


Columbo will be released whenever Twitter wants.

FX LINES UP MORE COEN BROTHERS SHOWS

HOLLYWOOD – Following the critical success of FX’s hit show Fargo, more Coen Brothers spin offs are being lined up for the Fall season.

There are currently three Coen Brothers shows in pre-production:

  • Hudsucker will follow the fortunes of Norville Barnes (Zach Braff), a young inventor who’s placed in a position of power by the conniving executive of the Hudsucker company, Sidney J. Mussburger (John Lithgow). An insider says, ‘This will be a Mad Men style period drama but also keeping the screwball comedy of the original.’
  • The Dude sees the return of everyone’s favorite bowler Jeffrey (The Dude) Lebowksi, to be played by William Hurt. The Dude opens a PI office with old pal Walter Sobchak (Hugh Laurie) and each week will investigate crazy cases from a series of LA style off beats, while at the same time trying to progress into the regionals of the Bowling League. An insider tells us: ‘This will be Hart to Hart for the millennials.’
  • Raising Utah sees slacker couple John Krasinski and Ellen Page kidnap a baby and start an epic journey across America. Sam Mendes will direct. An FX executive promises ‘It won’t be very good.’

All shows are due to premier in the Fall.

BIG LEBOWSKI PREQUEL BAFFLINGLY POPULAR WITH CHRISTIANS

HOLLYWOOD – The Coen Brothers scripted Big Lebowski prequel The Son of God has proved remarkably popular with Christian group, it was revealed today.

Many groups had even prebooked theatres to watch the ultra-subtle satire on US representations of Christianity. Click over to seem some amazing stills from the film.

ROBERT REDFORD PROBABLY WON’T WIN BEST ACTOR OSCAR

HOLLYWOOD – News coming in that Robert Redford will probably not win the Best Actor Oscar for his role as ‘Our Man’ in All Is Lost. Redford joins Oscar Isaac and Idris Elba in the WTF? corner.

The news of Robert Redford’s disappointment came hard on the heels of the revelation that Inside Llewyn Davis wasn’t particularly well directed and that there were at least nine, if not more, better films released in 2013. 
The Coen Brothers issued a joint statement earlier today: 

Our reaction to the news, after some time of painful reflection and introspection, is to go on a massive cocaine binge and we suggest Mr. Redford do the same. We know he’s in Utah now at the Sundance Film festival, so he shouldn’t have any trouble finding some snow. If you know what we mean.  

Fortunately science has proven that the Oscars are ‘a bunch of bullshit’ according to a study by Colombia University, though that might come as scant consolation to those who have failed to win nominations and are thereby unworthy to lick the boots of those who have. 

The Oscars will be broadcast on television.