HOLLYWOOD – fire Chris Miller and Phil Lord from the stand alone Star Wars movie Han Solo because ‘they wanted to go full lego’.
The Studio Exec received the shocking news that comedy directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller have been fired from the Han Solo movie only weeks before filming wraps. According to sources close to the production the firing came after tensions between Kathleen Kennedy and Lawrence Kasdan built up with the Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs duo. An insider told the Studio Exec:
At first everyone was on board with the direction that Phil and Chris were proposing. Kathleen hired them for their off the wall humor and their irreverence. But there was one major stumbling block that was never fully dealt with and that was what finally did for them. They wanted to do the whole film with lego.
You mean like an animated movie?
No, they were filming live action scenes. We went to Italy to film in the Dolomites. All over the place. But when the actors came on set they found these Lego versions of themselves. Chris told them to just voice the characters while Phil and Chris moved the Lego around.
I know. At first we assumed they were doing pre-viz. You know that’s the thing now. But when the cast complained then Phil told wardrobe to basically make these huge Lego costumes. The guys run a fun set so we assumed it was a practical joke. But it went on all day and then the next. Kathleen was just fuming. She kept talking to Ron Howard all the time and she always had him on speaker phone so the guys and the crew could hear. She’d say things like ‘I could drop a rock on their heads while they’re sleeping’ and ‘twenty dollars buys me a guy called Luciano and no questions asked’. They began to get scared but they were unerring in their artistic vision. I’ll give them that.
The film stars Alden Ehrenreich in the role of the space smuggler, made famous by Harrison Ford. Donald Glover plays Lando Calrissian.
Han Solo will be released in 2018.
NEW JERSEY – Yeah, you thought it was Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, didn’t you? Or Super Size Me, eh? I know how you think, you shmucks! Well, it ain’t.
It’s the Joel Schumacher 1993 drama Falling Down starring everyone’s favourite canyon yodeller, Michael Douglas. What an actor! What a guy! You know here’s the guy who has uncovered the threat that the Chinese pose in The China Syndrome, as well as the Japanese in Black Rain; how dangerous wives are in Battle of the Roses; lovers are in Fatal Attraction and lesbians in Basic Instinct. He ticks my boxes. I’ll tell you.
What do I like abut this film? What’s not to like! The film follows a day in the life of a defence contractor, who one day abandons his car in the middle of what can only be described as Fellini-esque traffic jam. Yeah Fellini-esque! Yeah, I know Fellini. You turn off the after the bridge and tell him Chris sent you. Get the spicy sausage with the stuffed crust. It’s Neo-Real! Ha ha!
Anyway as he makes his way through Los Angeles, Mr. Douglas basically comes across political correctness gone crazy, immigrants, crime gone mad, police helpless and he goes a bit Zimmerman on their asses. No, not Bob you assholes. George. This is so humiliating.
The best thing about the film – and everyone agrees – is the opening scene which is like this Dante vision of hell as a traffic jam. All those LA assholes broiling in this absolute Carmageddon! It makes you happy to live in the Garden State. Where such a thing could never happen.
My second favourite film is Weekend by Jean Luc Godard. It’s like Falling Down but with tons of garlic.
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HOLLYWOOD – He said he’d never do it, but Austrian film director Michael Haneke is considering taking the helm of The Lego Movie 2.
Phil Lord and Chris Miller spoke about the Funny Games and White Ribbon director’s involvement with The Lego Movie 2 and his involvement with their previous projects:
Michael likes to keep the worlds seperate, but in truth he has been a part of our creative team since the very beginning. He is fascinated by the duality of life. On one side you have the brutality of existence and on the other the hopelessness of existence. We first met him when we were young film students and he was making Funny Games (US). We had a script for Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and he very generously read it and gave us some notes.
What were the notes?
He said that the main character, Flint Lockwood, should die at the end. And Sam Sparks should die. And Flint’s dad should die. Everybody should die basically and food should take over the world. We obviously decided to go in another direction, but he encouraged us to work harder for the comedy.
How will he be involved in The Lego Movie 2?
Michael basically wrote the first two drafts of the first film. The whole subversion of capitalism thing was him. Very few people know this, but Michael also wrote the lyrics to Everything is Awesome, which when you think about it is awesome. Naturally we went to him for ideas on the sequel and jokingly asked if he would be interested in directing it. At first he was unsure because he is also scripting 23 Jump Street and he’s wrapping up production of the Amour sequel, but we are very hopeful he is going to say yes.
How will The Lego Movie 2 be different with Michael Haneke directing?
I’m not sure it’ll be darker. After all, Michael likes to defy expectations, but the script is in and we’re really looking forward to seeing what he can do.
The Lego Movie 2: Extinction will be filming in 2016.
HOUSTON – In what is becoming something of a nasty habit, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, popularly – and more succinctly – known as NASA have released a stinging criticism of the 2009 animation film Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, branding the film ‘unrealistic’ and ‘dumb’.
“The technology shown in the film which purports to create food out of weather events is just not there yet,” said NASA Chief Administrator Charles F Bolden Jr. “The image of the main scientist as nerdy loner is anachronistic. I mean look at Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg. The events shown are preposterous and the humor regarding peanut allergies is inappropriate and – if you’ll excuse what I certainly don’t mean as a pun – tasteless.”
Phil Lord, who directed the film along with Chris Miller, responded with unnecessary levity to the accusations: “Are they stoned?”
“That’s neither here nor there,” replied NASA Chief Administrator Charles F Bolden Jr. “And even if we were that’s no excuse for scientific inaccuracy.”
Asked if he would be going to see the brilliantly titled sequel Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, NASA Chief Administrator Charles F Bolden Jr. said he hadn’t decided, he might just download it.
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 is currently in theaters.